The title of this chapter should be pronounced like on Dexter's Laboratory. That was a great show.
Olympia handed Calem his badge as the Gym returned to the single room. "The Psychic Badge will grant you still more respect from traded Pokémon," she told him. "As well as putting you one step closer to the Pokémon League."
"I can always use more respect from Serena's Mawile," Calem said, faking innocence as his friend glared at him. "Thanks for the match, Olympia."
And they left, out to the Pokémon Center to heal his team and celebrate, with Serena and her own team as guests.
Of course, as the Pokémon were enjoying their Pokepuffs and the trainers were making plans to meet every time Serena returned from a new region, every Holo Caster in the Pokémon Center went off at the same time. Without giving them time to answer, Lysandre's face appeared on all of them.
"Pokémon Trainers," he said, getting the attention of the freed Pokémon as well, Calem's and Serena's in particular. "I come to you by Holo Caster to bring you an important message. Unproductive fools are consuming our resources without giving anything back. Team Flare will put a stop to that by activating the Ultimate Weapon and eliminating everyone who is not in our group. So, I regret to say, this is adieu to you all." There was a pause. "And, Augustine and Diantha, if you still choose not to join me, I suggest you spend your last few hours together. Trying to stop me would take up so much valuable time that you could be using to do couple stuff."
"Stop shipping real people!" a voice snapped from offscreen, but Lysandre ignored it.
"That goes for everyone, really. Eat, drink and be merry. Tell your sweetheart you love them. Live the rest of your lives to the fullest…because you have less than twenty-four hours."
And he switched it off.
The entire Pokémon Center erupted into a panic, except for Calem and Serena, who were more annoyed than scared, and their Pokémon, who immediately formed a huddle.
"So what do we do?" Pumpkaboo asked. Being new to the team, she and Phantump were closer to being scared than the rest, but the reactions of their trainers and teammates kept them from panic.
"Calem and Serena stopped the rest of Team Flare," Pancham reassured her. "They can handle Lysandre."
"But where could their hideout be?" Juliet looked to Eddie for answers, but Eddie was still deep in thought. "We have the entire Kalos region to think about. They could be anywhere."
"No." Sylveon sounded more sure of herself than she ever had before, and her usually vacant eyes had a surprising amount of focus. "Lysandre has a café, right? Why spend all that time and money looking for a new secret la-bore-a-tory when you could just build a secret lair right into a café you already own? Besides, in Lumiose City, even Team Flare would be just a drop of suspicion in an ocean of bad decisions."
Every jaw dropped, including both of Mawile's.
"That," said Pyroar once he'd found his voice, "is actually a very good theory."
"Better than good." Even Scizor was impressed, and that was saying something. "That was…I don't want to say it…genius."
Mawile threw her hands up in the air. "And we have a hard time convincing her that Bruce Wayne is Batman!" She sounded more annoyed than surprised, though, which certainly surprised Eddie.
"So how do we tell them that idea?" Eddie gestured back at the trainers, who seemed to be struggling to find the solution themselves. Overthinking it like the rest of them, he was sure.
Sylveon moved under a table and stood on her back legs, eyes on the bottom of the table. "I found some gum," she said, back to her usual amount of focus. "Maybe I can chew them a map."
"You do that," Scizor said, pleased that everything was as he remembered. "We'll be thinking of a better plan."
"I can draw," Pancham said helpfully.
"I know how to write a few human words," Phantump added.
"I can scream to get their attention," said Pumpkaboo.
Phantump clapped in excitement. "Even better!"
"How about you don't and say you did," Eddie said, and Mawile nodded hard, eyes wide in terror.
There was a loud explosion from Sylveon's general area. She had somehow managed to put a Moonblast inside the table-gum, which had made not only the gum but the entire wooden table explode. Shards rained down, and Phantump seized the opportunity, grabbing several out of the air and arranging them on the floor. He had no idea how to spell Lysandre's name, but he knew enough to get the message across.
C-A-F-E.
Serena watched him work, and stared at the word as Calem scolded his Pokémon, and grabbed his sleeve to drag him over. "I think they figured it out."
Calem stopped mid-rant, and looked over at the proud Phantump and happy Sylveon. "Good job, guys," he said, pretty impressed himself. "Now get in your balls, all of you. We're the only ones who can take this guy down. We need to work together."
He and Serena collected their partners and ran out of the Pokémon Center. The nurse, who had looked up at the explosion, opened her mouth to tell them that they owed her a table.
But, she decided, it didn't really matter. Not now.
Diantha had gotten the message, and had long ago decided that since it was her friend, it was her duty to stop him whenever he got an idea.
Most ideas weren't anywhere close to 'mass murder,' though. Most ideas were closer to 'this guy cut me off in traffic, I'll put a voodoo curse on him.' Still a horrible idea, but not anywhere close to this.
She had nearly reached the door when Malva stepped out of hiding, her female Pyroar by her side. "Going somewhere, Diantha?"
"You heard the message," Diantha pointed out. Malva smirked, and realization hit Diantha hard. "You were in on it, weren't you?"
"Perceptive," Malva said sarcastically. "Honestly, Diantha, did I really fool you? I dressed in nothing but red and black from the day we met! Those are the most evil colors known to man! How did you not know that I was in on your friend's destructive plans?"
"Well, for one," Diantha said, her voice surprisingly strong despite the situation, "I didn't know he had destructive plans he actually wanted to go through with. And as for your outfit...I just thought that was a goth thing."
"I ranted about the state of the world! At length! All the time!"
"I thought that was a Malva thing."
Malva blinked, wondering how a woman who had been so highly praised by Lysandre could have missed this plot twist. "Then you truly don't deserve your position," she said coldly, and Diantha straightened up, determination in her eyes. "I should take it from you here. After all, once that weapon goes off, I'll be the strongest trainer in Kalos."
"Try me," Diantha said through her teeth, and sent out her first Pokémon just in time to avoid getting hit with a stream of Pyroar's fire herself.
It took longer than Diantha would have liked. But, once the battle ended, she shoved Malva aside as she made her way toward the door, her Gardevoir following to make sure that Malva stayed behind.
Once she was safely outside, Diantha sent out her Hawlucha. "Warn the others," she instructed. "Keep Malva on lockdown. And begin searching for her replacement immediately."
She hated leaving her Pokémon unattended like this, but she'd heard Lysandre's message loud and clear. Augustine wasn't a strong trainer, and preferred misdirection and sabotage to keep Lysandre in line. This was beyond his capabilities.
Unfortunately, she and her dear professor knew nothing about what Lysandre planned other than that it involved destruction, a weapon, and a very tall man...
"Where is the secret entrance to Lysandre's hideout?"
Calem had never felt more like a superhero before – demanding the location of a delusional mastermind, while holding one of the mastermind's minions by the front of the shirt, would do that to a person. And, just like in a superhero cartoon, the waiter to Lysandre's café just laughed.
"I know you think you can stop us just because you're a Pokedex carrier," he said, and Calem nearly slammed his head against the counter. "But did you ever think that Professor Sycamore gave you those devices to keep you out of things? He and Lysandre are friends, after all. Did you think he wasn't in on it?"
"He can't be," Calem stated, throwing the waiter to the ground. "This whole journey was too much like a video game. The one who sends the protagonist out on his or her quest – Doug Rattmann, Ignitus, Princess Zelda – they hardly ever turn out to be evil. Self-serving, maybe, but almost never evil."
"But some of them have," the waiter pointed out.
"Not Sycamore," Calem said. "He's not cool enough to be the evil mentor."
Serena suddenly groaned, and Calem looked over to where she was standing by the back wall with her Delphox. Juliet was holding her torch dangerously close to the waitress's face, but Serena herself was mid-facepalm.
"I think you two just helped me get over the professor," she said bitterly. "I imagined him in the Team Flare uniform."
Calem blinked, and for the brief moment that his eyes were closed, he saw it himself. "Thank you, Serena," he said sarcastically. "I will never unsee that now."
"The worst part is, he can almost pull it off."
"Leave the uniforms out of this!" the waitress snapped, suddenly ignoring the very angry Delphox with the very real fire. "The secret door only opens to a password! Only Team Flare can access it!"
"So it shouldn't be hard to guess," Calem decided. He cleared his throat, and prepared himself for the biggest lie of his life: "The Team Flare uniforms are stylish and not an eyesore at all."
Nothing happened. The two Flare operatives laughed.
"How much faith do you have in us?" the man asked.
Serena was unimpressed. "Open sesame," she said, voice flat, and was barely surprised when the secret door behind the tea shelf slid right open.
Calem was not surprised at all. "Yeah, that pretty much covers it." And he and Serena walked right through the hole in the wall. Juliet was right behind them, making an 'I'm watching you' gesture as she left. The two Flare agents didn't even try to follow.
Lysandre was waiting right on the other side.
"I thought you would come." He focused on Calem, clearly considering him better than Serena for no reason other than the Mega Ring. "The world is coming to an end. Only the chosen ones will obtain a ticket to tomorrow."
"Not if I stop you." Calem pulled out Eddie's ball, but Lysandre didn't move. "What are you waiting for? I challenge you to a battle!"
"I don't waste my time on newcomers. I am not the Champion."
"I have seven badges!"
"And I have years of experience, an ancient weapon, and an army. I think it would be much easier if I simply allowed you to die with your pride intact." Calem prepared to throw the ball anyway, but Lysandre turned away. "If you still believe you are capable of stopping me, you should explore the lab. But if you lose just one battle, you will be evicted."
"This isn't a game, Lysandre!"
There was no taunt at all in Lysandre's reply: "Didn't you just make a comparison to video games yourself? And declaring yourself and your friend the protagonists…don't you find that to be a bit arrogant?"
He didn't let Calem answer. Instead, he moved to leave.
"Your first step is to find the elevator key. One of my scientists has it. Take the elevator, and you will reach Level 2."
And with that, he left them alone, with no map or cheat codes to help navigate his lair.
A puzzle, two grunts and a rematch with Scientist Aliana later, Calem and Serena found a room filled with computer stuff…and two people in familiar masks and scarves.
"He's not here, either."
"Do you think they got to him?"
"You're talking about Lysandre, right?" Calem asked, and both heads turned.
"Close," Dexio finally said. "We're looking for a very tall man. Two or three times the height of you, in fact." He turned to Sina in confusion. "Can we use this boy as a unit of measurement?"
"I don't see why not," Sina said, but she didn't look away.
"He's about two Calems tall," Dexio finished. "Have you seen him?"
"Not since the desert." Serena was thinking hard. "Why didn't you get him there?"
"He must have escaped our notice," Sina said, without bothering to listen to herself.
Calem and Serena stopped thinking for a moment. "He escaped your notice?" Serena repeated. "A dirty hobo that is two Calems tall escaped your notice in the middle of a nearly-empty desert? How is that even possible?"
"It can be!" Sina shook her head and handed each of them a handful of Revives. "Well, if you're going to join us, you should at least take these. Our supplier gave us too many."
"There's really no such thing as too many," Calem tried to point out, but they were already gone.
Serena waited until they were out of earshot, and then gestured helplessly. "Sycamore sent them to stop Lysandre?"
"Maybe he is involved with this, after all." It felt wrong for Calem to say it. No matter how jealous he was of the professor's title and good looks, he knew Sycamore would have turned down Team Flare's invitation.
"Wrong," Serena said, quiet but determined. "Lysandre specifically said 'Augustine and Diantha.' How many people with those names would Lysandre know well enough to ship?"
Well, that settled any doubt in Calem's mind. He didn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed, but he was pointing more toward relief.
"Well, either way, they're useless. We've got a madman to stop. Let's get to work."
