Everything SOA related belongs to Kurt Sutter and FX. I only claim the ownership of Ashley and everything else that you haven't seen/ heard on TV.
There was no way she could have a child with him. Or a child in general. She was a killer… and so was he. They had already done too much to fuck up the child's future and that was all before he or she was even born. It all seemed so hopeless, she knew firsthand, what growing up among killers could do and there was no way she would do that to her own child. Yeah, she could try living a normal life, get a regular job, but it wouldn't change her past. Those demons would follow her one way or another.
"I can't," she whispered, wiping the tears away.
"Why not? Even if Happy wants nothing to do with it, we are all here to support you. You have a family," Tara promised giving her a look that came off as a mixture of pity and encouragement.
"It's not just him, I'm just as big of a problem," Ashley stood up, "I'm simply not meant to be a mother."
Tara started saying something, but Ashley was already half-way out the door. She stopped on the doorway and looked back. "Don't tell anyone… please."
With a reluctant nod from Tara, Ashley headed out, Tara's words still ringing in her head. 'If Happy wants nothing to do with', she wasn't even sure she was going to tell him about any of it. Not like he cared one way or the other.
"Hey baby-girl," Gemma waved at her to slow down, as she was just about to walk out the hospital's front door. "Everything okay? What'cha doing here?"
Gemma's interrogation was too much for her handle at the moment, so she simply smiled saying, "Oh, just visiting Tara, what about you?"
"I was actually looking for you," Gemma walked Ashley to her car, "Clay reached out, wants us to visit."
"Us? As in you and me?" Ashley stopped mid-step.
"Yeah, had his lawyer set up a visitation for his closest family… I guess that makes the two of us," Gemma was not hiding her resentment at the thought of them two being his closest family.
"When?"
"Right now actually, but you don't have to come, I just thought I'd let you know," Gemma rested her hand on Ash's shoulder.
"No, I wanna go," Ashley shook her head. She wanted to hear what that lying bastard had to say.
…
Clay looked older, nothing like the person who once was the man holding on to the gavel. He sat down in front of them, giving his visitors a small smile.
"What do you want?" Gemma snapped at him.
"I… I just wanted to see you for the last time. To apologize," he kept his eyes on his cuffed hands.
"No-one cares about your pathetic apologies, this is pointless," Ashley rose to leave the table.
"Please, Ashley. I'm sorry for all the lies, I never meant to hurt you. Please don't hate me forever," Clay said, causing Gemma to snort audibly.
"Oh it's not just me who's going to hate you forever, daddy," she almost screamed, "this one here will know exactly what kind of a lying monster you are," Ashley said holding on to her stomach, causing both of her parents mouths to drop. The words had simply slipped out, she had not planned on telling either one of them or really anyone about anything before she had made her decision. Gasping at the horror of the situation, she stormed to the guards without looking back and screamed at them to let her the hell out.
The air outside was calming her down, but was not doing anything about the problem at her hands. Those minutes out there by the car waiting for Gemma were nerve wrecking. When she finally did come out, her first instinct was to hug Ashley. "Is it true?" she couldn't keep herself from smiling.
"Don't," Ashley pushed her away, "I just found out, I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it."
"There's nothing to be unsure about," Gemma was not letting it go.
"I don't want to talk about this," Ashley was desperate for the moment to end, "let's just go… please."
They had just reached hospital's parking lot, where Ashley had left her car, when Gemma reached out to grab her hand. "Tell him before you decide on anything," Gemma gently squeezed her hand.
"What's the point?" Ashley rolled her eyes.
"The point is, that this is not only about you," Gemma looked at her with concern.
…
Even though she had been so against telling Happy anything, for some reason here she was. Sitting in front of his house five hours later. Just when Ashley had decided on driving away as if she had never been here, Happy's bike blocked her way, forcing her to come out of the car. He was looking as good as ever, those deep dark eyes fixated on her.
"What's wrong," he demanded coming up in front of her.
"Everything," Ashley sighed, "can we go inside for a second?"
She couldn't bring herself to simply blurt something in the lines of "Hey, so I'm preggers, what's up with you?" out on the street. This had been a bad idea from the start. Why was she even here, he had the face of a person who didn't give a flying fuck about knocking someone up.
Without answering, he signaled at her to move forward. His living room brought on all kinds of heated memories. The ones tied to the one that had put her in that situation in the first place. "So listen, I'll make this short.." Ashley started saying.
Her sentence was cut short by Happy pulling her to him. His mouth crashed on hers and there was no strength inside her to stop him. His hands travelling along her body, as he whispered "I'm sorry."
Sorry was the theme of the day apparently.
