WHEN BELIEF FADES AND THE HEART BREAKS

Xena looked up slightly from her position on the stone steps, she could see the moon which was now high in the sky it was late, very late. She breathed in deeply she just couldn't put her thoughts together. She should've said something she shouldn't have walked away, she had promised to be understanding and instead she had just lost her temper once again. She couldn't believe what Gabrielle had done and she'd found it so hard to fathom. Her lover had been looking for understanding and she'd reserved none she put her hands on her face. No wonder the younger woman had kept this back for so long she had probably feared that this would be the reaction that she would receive.

Xena looked at her hand she had killed people before it was so easy to kill people even easier when you had lost your way. She hadn't been there she couldn't even imagine what had gone through her lovers mind. The younger woman was in turmoil at this moment in time and she didn't know who she was anymore, she'd seen the pain and confusion her eyes so clearly. She knew that turmoil she'd been there so many times it had made her irrational and foolish as well as violent. She stood up slowly it shouldn't have taken her so long to realize this! She had no idea where her lover was! She had walked away from her and now she realized what that must have seemed like in the other woman's eyes, it looked like she was leaving her like she had done once before.

She wasn't going to walk away from her again! She wouldn't put her through all that pain again just because she was being stupid and vengeful. She didn't want her to take all the blame when she wasn't all to blame! She needed her, she didn't care that she didn't see herself as a good person. She was just lost and she couldn't see the light anymore. She found herself running down the stone steps which hurt as she jumped down them landing slightly too hard. Gabrielle didn't have her weapons and she already knew people didn't like her it was possible that they'd see her as an easy target. She ran faster ignoring the people as they turned watching her. She could be so stupid sometimes! She should have grown past this she wasn't that Xena any more! That Warrior Princess was gone…she had left her behind when she'd been brought back from the dead. She picked up the pace even more where was her lover? She could be anywhere this city it was a maze of streets, she could feel her heart burning as she looked around her in frustration.

8

Gabrielle slowly sat down on the stone fountain's edge which was in one of the squares. She could see the fresh clear water spilling from the statues mouth in to the pool bellow whose water was as clear as crystal. She leaned forward feeling her long hair fall in front of her face every part of her felt weak as if she wasn't breathing, all she could feel was emptiness. She'd been walking so aimlessly around these streets it almost felt like a dream, but she wasn't going to wake up. She'd lived this nightmare before and now she was about to live it a second time. The only difference was her lover was alive this time around and she had walked away from her once again as their lives went in different directions.

May be when all this was said and done there would be no point in returning to Greece. May be the truth was that no matter what ever she did to time and how she changed it, Xena would still leave her. You couldn't change some things no matter how hard you tried , she could probably change the world a thousand times and this would still happen, so what was the point? She knew her eyes were red from crying and that the pain was in her face. She slowly raised the leather skin full of Tepache which she'd taken from an empty stall. She found her hand stopping just as the water skin reached her lips. She narrowed her gaze she'd walked this road before she knew where it led.

She knew every cold passage and every broken dream along the way that was brought about by drinking. It only made you happy but it was a false illusion of happiness that was always replaced with sadness and sorrow in the mornings light. It was so easy to just walk that path again but it only led to more unhappiness it had before and it would do the same now. She didn't think as she slowly unturned the bottle watching as the golden liquid spilled out at her feet. She didn't want her sister or any one else to see that drunken warrior again. That warrior couldn't help any one in Mexica and if she was going to die here she wanted to be sober in her mind. She felt the empty water skin drop from her hand she ignored the sound as it hit the ground, as her eyes looked aimlessly at the floor.

"You're the Blood Jaguar aren't you?"

Gabrielle didn't move despite that she could see the Aztec axe as it appeared close to her feet. The female voice came again this time harder and colder. "I'm talking to you!" She felt someone's hand shove her hard on her shoulder. "Look at me you green eyed bitch!" Gabrielle kept her head low not caring that she was being addressed. "Leave me alone…." The next moments turned to pain as the weapon came up hard it hit her chin painfully forcing her head up to meet the gaze of young warrior who couldn't be more than eighteen seasons old. The young woman pulled her red Coyote warriors head dress off with her other hand as her brown eyes narrowed. "You killed my father!"

She threw her headdress down hard. "He was a priest at the temple of Tlachinolli which was ruled by Itzpapalotl…which you destroyed!" Gabrielle felt her gaze dart. "Do you have any idea what was happening at the fire temple?" The young woman forced her weapon up harder as she narrowed her gaze. "No but I have a feeling that your going to tell me!" Gabrielle kept perfectly still not wanting to let the memories of that temple fill her mind. "They were sacrificing young children to the goddess…." The young girl's eyes narrowed as she pulled her weapon out from under her chin harshly. "You're lying you killed those people, just like you killed the feathered serpents elite!"

Gabrielle felt her gaze narrow as her hand formed a fist. "I didn't kill those people! I only destroyed the temple…the place was empty." She felt the pain as she was back handed full force by the young girl, who snarled aloud. "You kill everyone! It's why they call you the Blood Jaguar! I find it insulting that your wearing these green and brown clothes everyone knows that your colour is that of blood!" Gabrielle felt the weapon press harshly against her shoulder as the young girl's cold voice hit the air. "You're a murder!" Gabrielle lowered her head. "Then kill me…." She watched as the girl stopped in mid motion surprise showing on her face. Gabrielle didn't look up. "That's right I said kill me! Find out where your revenge takes you…."

She lowered her head even more she could see the girl raising the weapon high above her head in a swift, violent motion out of the corner of her eye. She didn't look up. She didn't need to she could see the young girl was stalling by her posture and was unsure whether or not to strike. She closed her eyes feeling her sadness over take her again. The next moments turned to surprise as she heard the axe smash apart above her sending wood and razor sharp stone flying everywhere. She felt her eyes snap open in surprise as she heard the high pitched whizzing of the Chakram as his smashed of the stone walls. The terrified young warrior backed away as she watched a tall dark haired woman with piercing blue eyes walk out of the shadows close by.

Xena didn't think as she caught the Chakram, she'd heard enough! She wasn't going to let this irate foolish teenager bludgeon her lover to death. The worst part was in Gabrielle's state of mind she had no will to even fight back she'd seen it in her eyes. She didn't think as she grabbed the young warrior around the neck slamming her full force against the nearest wall ignoring her cry of pain. She felt her grip tighten as she looked in to the young girl's eyes. "Get away from my partner!" The young girl struggled painfully. "She killed my father!" Xena sneered slightly she had seen and heard the whole thing from the shadows, she knew that this was a vengeful child who wanted someone to blame. "Do you have any proof that she killed your father?"

She squeezed harder seeing the fear and terror in the girl's eyes. "Answer me!" The young girl choked slightly. "No!" Xena growled aloud. "Then you have no right to point fingers at anyone do you?" She let go watching as the young girl hit the floor on her knees choking painfully. "Do you think if she was the murder that you make her out to be that she'd let you hit her and threaten her with out even raising a finger to you?!" The young girl shook her head as she got to her feet backing away in fear, Xena raised her hand slowly as she put the Chakram back on it's hook. "Get out of here!" She watched as the girl grabbed her fallen head dress. "Now!" The young girl bolted in to a run disappearing down one of the dark streets. She sneered slightly people here were even worse than in Greece…when it came to the blame game.

Gabrielle, felt like her world had just slowed down to a crawl as if it was dream. She blinked swallowing as she felt her lips go dry and her body go completely still as her lover slowly turned to face her. Xena moved forward so she standing over the younger woman who was still seated on the fountain staring at her in shock. "Don't scare me like that…" Gabrielle blinked trying to focus her thoughts. "You're here?" Xena slowly met her gaze feeling herself breathe out sharply. "That girl was about to hit you and you weren't even going to stop her…." Gabrielle felt her gaze dart. "I was going to put your things in Argo's saddle bags…I thought…." Xena breathed in deeply. "You thought I was going to leave you, didn't you?"

Gabrielle lowered her gaze. "Yes." Xena shook her head seeing the sadness in the younger woman's eyes she slowly kneeled down in front of her. "No Gabrielle, I have no intention of ever doing that to you again." She breathed in deeply keeping her voice low and gentle. "I need you Gabrielle, I want to help you." Gabrielle pulled back feeling the confusion, which was replaced with a moment of panic. "I kill people!" Xena eased up her hands putting them on her lovers. "So do I, you know that I've done terrible things that I'm not proud of. I know what you're going through right now I know what you're feeling. I know that you're hurting inside."

Gabrielle could feel herself shaking as the tears began to steam down her face. "I'm evil." Xena didn't think as she put her hand on the younger woman's face. "You are not evil." She felt her gaze dart. "You just lost your way and you did terrible things." She breathed in deeply as she used her fingers to wipe away her lover's tears. She eased up the younger woman's face to meet hers, her lover's eyes didn't rise to meet her own she leaned closer. "Look at me." She watched as the green eyes slowly met her own. "Your right I do put you on a high pedestal, I do it because you're the only person in my life that gives it meaning and joy. When I never believed in myself you were the only person who did and you've always tried to show me a better way."

She moved her hand through her lover's long blonde hair. "Let me help you sweetheart…." Gabrielle nodded painfully only to feel her emotions shatter. Xena gently wrapped her arms around the younger woman feeling her body shake with tears. Gabrielle breathed in painfully trying to focus herself. "Help me…" Xena looked down sadly she'd never ever heard her lover plea so desperately she kissed her gently on the lips. She felt her lovers hand as it moved through her hair. It was little wonder the younger woman been so tense and unpredictable having this bottled up inside of her must have been tearing her apart, she closed her eyes tightening her hold.

Itzli turned slightly in the darkness he'd seen enough nether the Blood Jaguar or her partner had seen him. Despite that he didn't understand what they were saying because of the Greek language he had an idea. He'd only followed because he'd seen that the Blood Jaguar was with out her weapons and as her servant he didn't want her to get killed, she was the only one who could free him from service. He sneered slightly he shouldn't have bothered her lover followed her around like an Eagle frankly he was getting sick of their affection. Despite this he'd finally gotten to see that ring weapon being used and it was an amazing weapon. It bounced off walls and came back to its owner's hand it was obviously a godly weapon of some kind.

The Blood Jaguar had, had it when she'd been in Mexica before but she'd never used it for some reason. It had been in her small bag which had been lost for a time until Huitzilopochtli had returned it when he'd made his offer. The offer which she'd declined the moment it had left his gods lips, he had watched the whole exchange from afar because he was afraid that if his god saw him he'd kill him for his betrayal. He slowly backed away as moved through the dark streets towards the main keep. He now knew why he had been called up on from his prison in Greece it was because of the Blood Jaguar's sister capture. He carried on moving letting his thoughts go he was tired and the needed to rest. He could mull over all this later, he had no doubt that they'd follow in good time.

8

Ehecatl watched as the Star Coyote walked in to the main keep she put both hands behind her back slowly meeting Tezcatlipoca's gaze. "Did you find out what you needed to know? "Tezcatlipoca slowly eased up the skull close to the table he tossed it for a moment before dropping it. He watched as it rolled coming to a stop next to her feet. "Yes." The Star Coyote looked down slightly at the blood stained skull with its golden capped teeth which she recognised instantly as the captains. "I see." She leaned down picking up the skull looking at the empty eye sockets. "Did he die well?" Tezcatlipoca sneered slightly. "He died like a coward pleading for his miserable life before I finished him off."

The Star Coyote smiled slightly. "So now do you see the importance of the Blood Jaguar's lover?" Tezcatlipoca felt his teeth grind together. "If it weren't for your master I would tear to pieces, you condescending little bitch!" The Star Coyote smiled slightly. "I can say what ever I please and how I please…if you were to tear me apart my master would destroy you…such irony." Tezcatlipoca felt his hand form a fist. "I want the Blood Jaguar's lover brought to me alive!" The Star Coyote walked slowly across the room ignoring the underworlds goddess expression of disgust. "I see so you want me to capture her for you?" She turned slightly. "You also want me to face off against the killer who took down the feathered serpents twelve elite as well?"

Tezcatlipoca narrowed his gaze. "I've heard your talk of crushing the Blood Jaguar for reasons which you never give openly. I want to see if you can put your gold where your mouth is. I also want to see if you can live up to your reputation as the equal of the Blood Jaguar." The Star Coyote looked up sharply. "I assume you want me to damage her but not kill her…soften her up for you so to speak." Tezcatlipoca sat up slightly. "I want to see her face when I destroy what matters most to her." The Star Coyote put her hand on her swords hilt. "Of course you know that to take her lover will damage her far more emotionally than anything else you could do…it could also bring back her violence in its full form. She's been trying so desperately to contain it at present but her personal demons are starting to seep through the cracks."

Tezcatlipoca laughed slightly. "I would rather fight her violent form it will have more meaning when I end her life." He raised his clawed hand. "I want you to take Amimitl and Ehecatl with you." Amimitl turned sharply. "Aren't I needed here?" Tezcatlipoca smiled slightly eyeing his head warrior. "I feel that your getting rusty, I think it's time you proved to me again why your head warrior." He sneered slightly. "Unless that is you feel that Amimitl is better suited to your position?" Ehecatl raised his skeleton hand. "I am head warrior! I will prove my worth to you great Jaguar god!" Tezcatlipoca flicked his tail violently. "Lets hope you do…I don't like to be disappointed least of all by one of my oldest warriors…." The Star Coyote looked up slightly. "I'll bring you the Blood Jaguar's partner and then we'll talk about my payment." Tezcatlipoca looked up sharply. "You don't wish to talk about it now?" The Star Coyote turned slightly watching as Ehecatl followed her. "No I'd rather wait until you have what you want on a platter." She turned grinning coldly. "It's more fun that way."

8

Xena slowly opened her eyes she looked around her at the darkness of the goddess's keep even the torches were out now. She looked up slightly feeling the fur skin under her finger tips. Her gaze drifted to her lover who was on the fur skin with her, she could remember walking back with her and pulling out the fur skins so they could both lie down. She couldn't see Itzli but she had a feeling he was around somewhere he'd been asleep on the spare fur skin when they'd gotten back but now that fur skin was empty. She breathed feeling her gaze drift back to her lover her deep breathing said she was in deep her dreams. She leaned over gently eased up her long blonde hair letting it spill between her fingers.

She smiled slightly as she gently moved her hand through her hair, she felt herself breath in sharply. She could remember days on end doing this before they had become a couple and every time she had tried so hard not to be caught. She felt her breath come out slowly as she looked at her other hand for a long moment, like Gabrielle she was slightly younger but her soul felt so much older. She let her thoughts go as she moved her hands to her lovers face running her fingers down the side of her cheek. It was so odd that in her absence her lover had started to make the same mistakes that she had made in her younger days when she had become so lost and had started to go astray. These mistakes had only been only made worse by Ares pushing her in to her role as a Destroyer of Nations.

She moved her fingers again over her lover's face she should have realized this might happen when she left her all alone in Japan. She hadn't thought for one second that there might be consciences to her actions. She breathed in painfully she'd just been led on a false sense of justice once more, and her lover had completely lost her way becoming very violent and dangerous. She also knew what it was to want revenge on your enemies after the loss of her brother Lyceus she'd spent years wanting Cortese's head. She'd built up an army and had spent days getting drunk while plotting her revenge and how she'd cut him to pieces slowly and painfully. She'd wanted the same revenge on Julius Caesar after he'd betrayed her and broken her legs leaving her crippled and left for dead.

Her lover giving her back the Chakram in Potidaea now made even more sense, the younger woman had given it back saying that she was a disappointment. The fact was the guilt of her actions and those she'd killed had been playing on her mind. It seemed that now it was all coming out in very violent outbursts as she struggled with this guilt and her unresolved anger. She couldn't help but feel sad when she'd found her at the fountain. Even the way she'd poured the alcohol out at her feet had been as if she had just given up and died a death inside. It mirrored the same action she'd seen when the younger woman had been kneeling over Hope's dead body though at the time she'd been so full of rage and hate that she didn't care for her sadness and had ignored it.

Her expression and her posture were just the same, the difference was now she did care. In the forced vision she'd seen her lover at her lowest and now she'd just seen it again here and it was heartbreaking. Her thoughts were suddenly shattered as she watched her lovers eyes open slowly she moved her hand again gently stroking her face. "Did I wake you?" Gabrielle blinked trying to wake up fully. "No." She eased herself up in to a sitting position feeling her lovers hand move away. "I need some water my throats dry." Xena eased up the water skin gently passing it to her, she watched as she took a very long drink from it before capping it and passing it back. Xena eyed the now half full water skin. "You were thirsty."

She put it down meeting her lover's gaze, her body was shaking slightly. "Are you cold?" Gabrielle looked down slightly the cold wind which was blowing in to the keep was bone chilling. "Yes." Xena slowly took hold of her other fur skin. "Here wrap this around yourself." Gabrielle raised her hand. "No, please, don't bother with that…you need it more than I do." Xena raised an eyebrow her lover was still in a low mood. She paused for a moment feeling a smile creep across her lips she wrapped her arms around the younger woman. She eased her closer not caring for her yelp of surprise as she pulled her in to her lap so she was facing her. "Then I should warm you up." She grabbed the fur skin wrapping it around the younger woman's shoulders rubbing slightly. "There you are."

Gabrielle swallowed feeling the air suddenly get hotter and it had nothing to do with the blanket, she breathed in sharply. Xena slowly met her lovers gaze as she moved her hands in side the blanket rubbing her legs and lower waist trying to warm her up. She watched as the younger woman breathed in sharply she looked up slowly. "What's wrong Gabrielle? Tell me what you're feeling." Gabrielle breathed in deeply feeling the hands carry on there gentle movements she could feel herself getting even hotter as they moved to her lower thighs. "I want to kiss you…but I'm afraid." Xena kept her gaze fixed with her lovers. "Why are you afraid?" Gabrielle felt the hands move even lower she blinked trying to focus her self. "I'm afraid because I feel weak inside."

Xena didn't think as she slowly eased the younger woman on to back so she was on top of her she ignored the shock in the green eyes. "Then let me kiss you." Gabrielle didn't get a chance to think as the warrior lips met her own the rush of warm passion filled her senses. She couldn't stop the intense feeling as it burst through her system like fire. She couldn't stop her rebelling body ether which was craving the touch and feel of her lover so badly. She found herself giving in a single moment not caring that she wasn't the one in control. She didn't want to be in control she just wanted to give in, to surrender to her lover, she needed to feel her. She felt her lovers lips pull away she grabbed the warrior's face pulling her back down forcefully. "Don't stop."

Xena narrowed her gaze catching sight of the flaming desire in the younger woman's green eyes. She smiled slightly not caring that it was an order, not a request. "What Gabrielle wants, Gabrielle gets." She leaned down meeting her lips again only to feel the kiss intensify as the younger woman's hands started to move through her hair. She eased her hands down gently easing the light green halter tops thread free. She moved her hands to the halter tops shoulders easing them down slowly she pulled away slightly. She wanted to feel every inch of her lover's body wanted to hear every sound she made, which was pure ecstasy to her ears. She leaned over kissing her again only to feel the younger woman's hands move to her leather grabbing at the thread pulling it free forcefully. She smiled slightly at the younger woman knowing that she was feeling the same burning need. She breathed in as she moved her lover's neck kissing it, as her hands moved the lighter green shoulder shoulders down fully. She hadn't expected things to go in this direction but frankly she didn't care she wanted this as much as Gabrielle.

End of part 29

Silvermoonlight