Me: *Stroking an imaginary cat on her lap* Good evening, reviewers. *Glares at bread on counter* Good evening, Mr. Bread.
S: Errr…
Me: …Fucking bread! Let it be known, people, I HATE Mr. Bread!
S: Hollie, they have no idea what you're talking about!
Me: Explain, S. Explain while I go and tear his crust off.
S: Well, reviewers, we were making our soup for tonight and Hollie decided to bake some bread. After HOURS of waiting and preparing, we take it out the oven to find it's doughy as fuck and only the crust can be eaten. Hollie did not take it too well…
Me: *Throwing a Veruca Salt-like tantrum* GOD DAMN YOU, ! WHY DIDN'T YOU COOK PROPERLY! FUCKING FAILURE TO THINGS BREAD RELATED!
S: Not at all… Erm… The soup was nice… Yay?
Me: FUCK THE SOUP! IT WAS ALL ABOUT THE BREAD! *Grabs carving knife* S, I'M GOING TO GO AND HACK THE SHIT OUT OF THE LOAF! COME ON, ! COME TO MAMMA! *Demonic face*
S: …Well this is getting weird… O_o
Me: YOU CAN COME TO MAMMA TOO!
S: Hell no! I've seen the movie, you know!
Me: Partypooper!
S: …Fuck you!
Me: Okay, I suppose we should stop this craziness and get on with the chapter…
S: Starting with thanking our reviewers! The whole lot of you this time! ;)
Me: Angel of Love and Fluffy Stuff – Well, you know, I was just thinking the exact same thing about her myself! It's like the Disney Company has become too lazy to use their imaginations so they recycle their old plots. Why, they're as bad as Eastenders!
S: In case you don't know, Eastenders is a popular British soap that is famous for being INCREDIBLY depressing and unrealistic. It's really a guilty pleasure and Hollie and I used to watch it – USED – but let me put it this way: anything good that's happening WILL come crashing down!
Me: If you want to watch a British soap, my advice is to watch Hollyoaks! It might be wacky, but its storylines are a hell of a lot better! Anyway, thank you for your review, and here's Morgana!
S: SideshowJazz1 – Hello! We just love hearing from our faithful reviewers! No, you DID review! We were just a bunch of idiots and forgot to check the next page of reviews!
Me: S's fault. It's always S's fault!
S: GO BACK TO CRYING OVER YOUR BREAD, BITCH!
Me: Fine, I will! ¬¬ *Hugs Mr. Bread to her*
S: Creepy bitch… Back to SideshowJazz1! Yeah, don't I know it! Hollie and I are the exact same! We used to like names like Isabella and Edward and Rosalie and Esme, and now look! Because of that terrible series, anyone who hears those names immediately thinks of Twilight. Urgh! Sorry, but Morgana won in the end. :( But! Shere Khan will be next, so you can look forward to that!
Me: *Throws Mr. Bread and stamps on it* AngelOfDarkness1959 – Well, yes, I guess you can't help rooting for the realistic ones when the good guys are so wet and so wimpy and so SICKENLY SWEET! That and Frollo had an awesome song! Now, if you excuse me! *Tapes up Mr. Bread*
S: …What the fuck!? O_o Er, TheDisnerd – Ah, he's the villain from Home on the Range! I vaguely remember watching that once and finding it mind-numbingly boring AND awful! All I really remember is that the villain yodelled and that one of the cows had a thing about her hat. I don't think I could subject Hollie and I to watching it, but we'll certainly do a chapter on him!
Me: *Gets a sledgehammer and stands over like Annie Wilkes in that famous scene from Misery* DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
S: *Snatches and chucks him in the bin* Seriously, Hollie! This is getting too disturbing! *
Me: POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK! *Coughs* Oh hello, Solaria daughter of Apollo – Ah, yes! Your wish it our command! Well, to be honest, the only scene from The Aristocats that stands out for me is the one with that song. So, really, that's enough reason for me not to like it.
S: I love the song but do find the majority of the film quite boring, if I'm honest. OK, MykkLaw – Hey, good enough reason. And, as the one who writes them, let me just say how loved I feel right now. I SLAVE AWAY at those damn things every time! So, the fact that people come to read them. It gets me right here! *Points at her heart*
Me: *Mutters* I'm surprised you even have one…
S: WHAT DID YOU SAY!?
Me: You're like a reverse Tinman, S! You're human but you just didn't get the heart in the end! ;) KWP - Your wish is granted! Thank you for the review!
S: DarkDancer07 – Hello, Amy! Finally! We all agree on something! *Hollie drops dead with shock.* Oh dear… She's dead…
Me: *Sits up and yells* NO, I DON'T NEED YOUR CPR, AMY! *Drops dead again*
S: Oh Amy. Even if you WEREN'T tired, I doubt you could stop us. Bitching to us is as natural as water is! Hah!
Me: *Gets up again* Okay, DiscordantPrincess – Thank you for reviewing! Yeah, I'd like to see the film the whole way through one of these days. If only for Vincent Price and his marvellous voice!
S: Ratigan, a much underrated Disney villain! ^^ Right, and lastly, our mysterious Guest – Yes, yes I am a Hetalia fan. If you are too then it's nice to meet a fellow fan!
Morgana
Me: "S, we better be going!"
S: What are you doing!?
Me: FUCKING SING!
S: URGH! "Look at… *looks around* Look at this *points at screen* isn't it glowing?"
Me: I look divine and you look exquisite! But, look at the time!
S: "Couldn't-" I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
Me: That's the first song of the film – with improvising – and, readers, doesn't it just SUCK!
S:We did manage to pause the scene at a moment where it 1. Not only makes Prince Eric look like a white Aladdin, but 2. Makes it look like he's trying to cop a feel of Arie's boobs. So… I guess it was worth it…
Me: We just watched some clips of Morgana… It was pretty painful.
S: Urgh! Whoever came up with them needs serious shooting! Is it any wonder the kids of today are the way they are if THIS is the shit they had to see through their childhood?
Me: None of those films will make it into MY home, I promise you that! My kids are watching the GOOD OLD CLASSICS, and I DON'T CARE if they're a hundred years old by then! ANY complaints, BIG slaps.
S: Heh. Only way my kids are getting slapped is if I catch them reading 50 Shades of Grey. ¬¬
Me: Only 50 Shades of Grey, S? I was specially keeping Twilight for your kids.
S: I'm going to let them use that as a learning experience for how awful it is!
Me: Yeah, it should just be named 'Twilight: How NOT to write or read books!' :p
S: Anyway, onto Morgana and the Little Mermaid 2: Return to the Sea! Well… What can we say? She is a 'poor man's' Ursula, isn't she?
Me: Couldn't you say that for the whole film? Not that The Little Mermaid was anything special but the film is essentially a rehash only the daughter's the main character and she's a human who wants to become a mermaid, not the other way around.
S: Pretty much, but the Morgana-Ursula connection sticks out the most for me. They just weren't even trying, were they? Aladdin and Pocahontas 2 at least used the villains from the first film and, lucky for them, the villains were good ones. Whereas Little Mermaid 2 just used the same voice actress and same damn villain, only made her skinner, greener and a different name or relation!
Me: I mean, they couldn't have a rival kingdom this time, could they? Couldn't have done anything different!? They just HAD to do the same, damn, fucking thing OVER AGAIN!
S: Everything about the sequel feels so… mediocre. Pat Carroll was amazing as Ursula and her song, 'Poor Unfortunate Souls' in Little Mermaid I think is up there as one of the best Disney villains. And yet, as Morgana, everything about her sucks! Her voice is like nails down a chalk board and the less said about her deleted villain song, the better!
Me: There's a reason why it was deleted, trust us. ¬¬
S: Well, onto the gravestone!
Here lies Morgana
Born – Under the sea. Under the sea. Darling, it's better, down where it's wetter, take it from meeeeeee! OK, I'll stop now…
Died – Well, considering she was frozen alive, she probably froze to death… Yeah, we'll go with that one.
. Hate to break it to you, Morgana, but, when it came to Ursula, you WERE inferior. In every way possible!
. Both her mother and elder sister tried to overthrow Triton and died because of it. You'd think she'd learn from their mistakes and STAY THE FUCK AWAY!
. You dislike your mother and sister so much…yet you keep a PICTURE in which Ursula was winning a first prize?
. AND, if it wasn't bad enough, ripping off your sister, you THEN go and have to rip off the far more sinister and superior Maleficent? Dude, you JUST DON'T DO THAT! HAVE YOU NO SHAME?!
. You ended frozen alive at the bottom of the sea with a picture of Ursula RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. How fucking ironic!
. You know what else Ursula was better than you at? Getting something fucking done! She capitalized and got what she wanted from Ariel. You had a baby Melody in your grasp and still got beaten!
. So, Ursula used Ariel to get a Triton and Morgana used Melody…. Hmmm, did their mother use Ariel's mother? Well, she can't stay away from the fucking carbon copy generations, can she? Seriously, grow a fucking pair and if there's even a PEA SIZED BRAIN in that head of yours, USE IT!
. Also, might I add, just because she called Grimsby "Gramps" does not mean she has a fucking sense of humour! This bitch wasn't funny in the least! You know who's funny!? Gaston! Yzma! Jafar! Hades! Captain Hook! GOOD, ORIGINALVILLAINS!
. Since you're so thick, Morgana, let me put it in a language even YOU can't misunderstand! Ursula – GOLD. You – COAL!
S: Yep, pretty much sums it up. I mean, really, they could have at least tried. Then again, look at what they did with the prequel, 'The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning'. The premise was weak as hell, the villain, Marina Del Rey, was a poor villain with a weak, sympathetic motive and Ariel's mother was a carbon copy of her! I'm noticing a pattern here, Disney, and I'm not liking it!
Me: No… me neither. You know, S, there are times when I wish Disney had just used the original storylines for some of their films! For instance, The Little Mermaid! Why oh why could they just NOT have kept it the way it was in the Hans Christian Anderson book? THEN maybe, we wouldn't have to watch this sappy, sad, sequel shit!
S: Because the original The Little Mermaid is too dark and depressing and the kiddies wouldn't get the whole message of the story. All they'd hear would be, "Mermaid's have no souls and when they die, they're gone for good with only the foam left over" and would cry their little hearts out.
Me: But the moral of the fairytale is that you have to work and earn a soul! Much like you have to do in life! It's a hell of a lot better than disobey your parents and make a deal with a figurative devil for a man whose name you don't even know!
S: Doesn't matter! Still too dark for them to deal with!
Me: They didn't mind doing the Black Cauldron!
S: Yeah, and it BOMBED! Disney doesn't even acknowledge its existence! You ever seen Princess Eilonwy in anything other than that? I didn't think so! (For the record, I like the film! John Hurt, YAY!)
Me: Urgh, I'm SICK of hearing about the fucking kiddies! Jeez, why is it that parents think it's okay for their kids to get fantasy life lessons from a film, which they'll have to tell them one day that don't really exit, yet when it comes to actual morals they can USE, they throw a fit and moan! I mean, for fuck's sake, get your head out of cloud fucking cooku land! I know what version of The Little Mermaid I would like my kids to watch, and it ISN'T the fucking Disney one! Ariel is a SHIT role model!
S: There are a lot of girls out there who'll disagree with you there and are probably cursing your name to Hell right now, Hollie…
Me: Don't care. My opinion, bitches! :P *Mutters* You know I'm right…
S: Okay, enough of this! Time to do the poem! Since Morgana is basically Ursula going under a different name and appearance, I reckon I'll do "Poor Unfortunate Souls" again! ^^
You were subpar in every way to your sister.
Yes, everything about you was second rate.
Your voice made me want to scream,
And you had a crappy scheme!
To put it simply, you weren't all that great!
Fuck yes!
But, sadly you were the villain for the sequel.
You copied Ursula right to the very end.
And just like your fat ass sis
Your plans and dreams went amiss.
You ended up frozen alive without a friend.
Serves you right!
That shrill, whiny harpy!
Go get a life!
All I could think during the film
Was that you royally sucked.
I'd like to stab you!
With a knife!
Yes, you shrill, whiny harpy!
Go burn in hell!
Have fun being tortured with your sis,
And let's not forget your mom!
You find this fun?
No? Oh well!
Me: He, he, he, well that pretty much sums her up in a nutshell. Inferior to the Max. but then again, she's in a SEQUEL. She was doomed to failure!
S: Why can't they all be like Zira or Percival McLeach? They were good sequel villains who tried to be different from their predecessors!
Me: The 'Sack the Creators' petition starts here!
S: Here, here!
Me: Okay, it's Shere Khan next!
S: Thanks for reading and we'll see you in the next chaper! BYE! ^^
Me: So long!
