Chapter 29 - Eric's POV

The next morning I wake up after maybe an hour sleep. I made my way to the dining hall and no one is really up except for all the leaders. Tris would meet up with us later.

I grab a cup of coffee and pull out my tablet and sit at our normal table. Max is the first to join me.

"Morning Eric." He says gruffly as he sips from his own coffee.

I nod and sip from my own coffee. I chew on my lip and tilt my head looking at him. He finally looks up noticing me.

"Something on your mind?"

My jaw clenches "Were you planning on telling me that Jeanine Matthew's niece is our top initiate?"

His eyes got hard and he stared me down. "I had hoped you would be able to put aside any issues you might have with her or yourself and see that Raven is her own person. I didn't announce it because I wanted her to have a chance here of being known for her own actions. She already has lived under the shadow of her brother and father. She doesn't need other people's baggage too. Now I have a question for you Eric. Do I need to worry about you taking out any of that on a young woman I have known since she was 6 and who I see as a daughter?"

"I wasn't aware that you were that close to her. But no you don't have to worry about my behavior towards her. She is a wonderful initiate and she will fit in here. I trust her. I don't trust Jeanine." I say between gritted teeth.

He sips his coffee as he thinks then nods. "If this were about anyone other than her Raven, I could agree with you. Raven saved her from becoming something far worse than she could have become. Whether or not you know it, she saved you too, Eric. Raven volunteered herself for experiments so she could bring that about. Even before that though when she took Raven in it healed a part of her. Don't get me wrong Jeanine can still be a ball buster. But she loves that girl with every fiber of her being. The day that Raven disappeared from Erudite we were both frantic. We knew Marcus had done something but we didn't know what. They were gone for two weeks. Jeanine would have torn down the fence walls brick by brick with her own bare hands if she knew it would bring her back. You don't need to forgive Jeanine, Eric. Or yourself. Although I would hope by now that you would. But do not for one second think that I will hesitate to protect that little girl from even you. She saved me too Eric. I had lost Layla after Max Jr's death and in walks this 6 year old wide eyed little girl into the meeting I had with Jeanine. She crawled straight into my lap as if she had known me my whole life and looked into my eyes like I hung the moon. She conned me out of my leather jacket and knives and said she thought I was beautiful. She was born to be a dauntless and by damned she is going to do big things here."

I sighed and ran a hand over my face. "So you are letting Jeanine Matthews come to Dauntless?"

He nods with a pointed look. "I am letting an Aunt come see her niece. A very proud Aunt, by the way, who asked me to personally pick up something she knew her niece wanted more than anything. Who would have thought Jeanine Matthews would be gifting anyone with gauges willingly. She did and was beaming when she realized she would get to see them on her soon. I tell you what. Why don't you join the others and I to greet her and the others during visiting day? We plan on allowing tours of the training rooms and that would include the obstacle courses."

I nod in thought still full of turmoil inside. "I'll consider it."

He tilts his head. "Before you decide let me also say one other thing. We all have watched your growing fascination with her over the last few months. I haven't said anything because I see something in both of you when you don't know the other is looking. Don't close something off because you automatically assume someone is going to think the worst of you."

Andrea and Leo joined us soon and my eye was drawn to Raven walking in. I instantly could tell she was in her state of detachment and as her eyes slid past me. She tensed her shoulders and I knew I had probably already done damage that would never be able to be recovered from.

We followed closely behind Tris when she came. I could tell by the looks she was throwing me and the worry on her face she suspected something had happened.

We make it into the annex and already there are several pieces of broken up obstacle course and she frowns looking at it.

She looks to the huge obstacle course and I follow closely. "Raven?" She calls out. Her voice laden with worry, even more than before.

I see Raven standing on top of a tall tower that looks like the end the course. She steps off the side and lands on the mats then steps forward in fluid motion. Even before she gets over I can tell she is still in her damn void.

Tris frowns and her brows furrow looking over Raven. "Why didn't you respond to anyone? We looked everywhere for you." My heart plummets and my eyebrows raise when I hear that.

She shrugs and her voice comes out flat. "I got drunk, made my way here and started to try and get everything set up."

Tris' frown deepens. "I won't push it Raven, but I think we both know that isn't the truth. You don't get drunk easily."

She shrugs and her eyes move on past anyone. I know that she must be in pain to not even want to look at or talk to Tris about this. "It is the truth that Four needs to hear and the only thing I am willing to say." Tris nods and sighs but doesn't push it. She does however send me looks here and there.

We tour the course and it is amazing. Tris and the others that helped make it are talking primarily. Raven stays to the back and only answers when she needs to. She is there because she has to be and any love she has for this thing isn't touching her anymore either.

I hear Four call out to Zeke. "Zeke come give us a hand." Then Four, Raven and Zeke set up the first course.

When it is time for her to run the course she blurs by the first time. Then does it a second time showing us each stage in a slower manner. No enjoyment or pleasure evident. I walk out after watching Tris do her run on the first course.

Max had already anticipated we would like the course so I stand outside of the room and see Raven heading out of the obstacle room. I hadn't planned on talking to her. But I decide to once I see her.

"Raven do you have a moment?" I ask quietly.

She nods. "Of course Sir. How may I help you?"

I frown at the stark difference now that I have had her calling me Eric to being back at Sir. I sigh. "It really is best this way."

"I understand." She nods but makes no move to say anything else.

I don't know what I am searching for because there is nothing in her eyes.

"Excuse me Sir I will just be on my way. I am sure you have more important business. Thank you by the way." She says and the last catches me off guard.

"For what?" I tilt my head in confusion.

She meets my eyes and blandly. "A lesson learned." She nods one more time respectfully, steps around me and then walks away.

I am left scowling as I headed to my office and plunged myself into work. I didn't just hurt her. I destroyed her. Anything self hatred I had before is shit compared to what I am feeling right now.

I told myself I wouldn't go to Zeke's party but I do anyways. I had missed her singing apparently and I don't go near her. I just watch her across the room and listen to her laugh and talk to her friends. That same sparkle isn't quite there. Not as vibrant as it had been, but she isn't the same blank as from earlier either.