A/N: I know it has been awhile but it's the holidays and anyone who isn't having a crazy hectic life right now…I will gladly trade lives with you :D
Some random points…the story is hopefully wrapping up soon! If I can get out of this funk I am in and just finish the dang thing!
Secondly, if I don't post again before Christmas (which I clearly see that not happening) Merry Christmas and a happy new year :D
Thirdly, please remember the lovely CaraNo and her family. Her baby girl went on to be with the Lord in Heaven and I know that they would greatly appreciate the loving thoughts and prayers so please remember them.
I don't think I have much more to say, so I don't own it unfortunately because who wouldn't love to own Twilight and be filthy-stinking rich?! I know I wouldn't complain.
So happy holidays and enjoy :D
Chapter 29: Love and Other Confessions
EPOV
I had no idea that Bella felt that way…she had all those insecurities and worries and fears. I had no idea, but I was going to do everything in my power to convince her of my…affection.
I inwardly groaned at the word. Affection? Really? That wasn't the appropriate word at all. Love. Love was the fitting word. A word I wanted to repeat to her over and over and over again but after her little speech on the side of the free way I am afraid that if I tell her that word now she will think I am only saying it to keep her. I have to do this right, tell her that I love her the right way.
"Edward?" She said a little persistently.
"Sorry." I smiled brightly at her and pulled her closer to my side.
She smiled softly as she looked down at her menu. "What has got you so distracted?"
Hmm, that's a loaded question? Her dress…those shoes, what I know she is wearing under that dress. I got a little peek when she dropped her purse in the parking lot and bent to pick it up before I got the chance to reach for it. Purple lace. Ugh, I am a dead man.
"There you go again." She said laughingly as she took a sip of her wine and stared at me questioningly.
"Sorry babe, I am just so distracted right now." I shook my head and took a small sip of my wine as well before smiling at her. "What were you asking again?"
She snickered and asked again, "What are you so distracted about?"
I grinned widely and said the cheesiest truthful answer I could come up with. "You."
Her cheeks darkened as she arched an eyebrow. "And?"
I sighed, she was being a tough nut to crack tonight. First the random trip down the side of freeway and now her little inquisitions. Smiling, I leaned over and kissed her softly completely ignoring everyone else in the restaurant. Bella hummed as the kiss lingered for just another moment.
Well…there was no time like the present. "Bella…"
She arched that perfectly shaped eyebrow again, waiting for me to continue. Taking a deep breath I pressed our foreheads together and whispered. "I am so crazy about you Bella."
Ok…it's not the words that were really on my mind but that worked the same right? Right?
She sighed, almost as if in disappointment and I felt a little twinge in my stomach. Did she want me to say that I loved her? Because I do…I love her so fucking much it almost hurts.
She grinned at me sideways and said, "I know how you feel Edward." Her chocolate brown eyes boring into mine. "You just chased me down the side of the highway. I have no doubts about your feelings anymore."
"Then you know that I'm here. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. You know that right?" I sounded a little more intense than I intended to be but I think it helped get my point across.
"I know." She nodded and brought her hand to the side of my face, pulling me down until our lips met intimately. A little too intimately for a public setting. There would have been a time in my life that I would have been into the whole voyeurism thing but not now…not with Bella. She meant more than that to me.
Someone above us cleared their throat causing Bella and I to quickly separate.
"Sorry," The young waitress apologized as Bella stared a whole into her menu. "Are you ready to order?"
"Uh, yes. We will both have the stuffed lobster please. No asparagus on either one, please." I grinned and swiftly handed the girl our menus so that she would be on her merry little way.
"How did you know that I didn't like asparagus?" Bella questioned once the waitress was gone.
"You specifically asked for no asparagus the other night at the Italian place." I answered. I was a little observant. I paid close attention to Bella's likes and dislikes, especially with her food.
She nodded and smiled before clearing her throat and saying, "So um…what's on the agenda for this weekend?"
I grinned sideways at her, intentionally because I know her reaction to my little crooked grin. It didn't disappoint this time either. I saw her inhale sharply before I said, "Well…if you can still walk tomorrow morning we will talk about it then, huh?"
Her bottom lip went between her teeth as she quickly nodded, her eyes a little hazy. Smiling eagerly, I twisted one strand of hair behind her ear and kissed her gently.
We were all breathy moans and fumbling feet as we tripped and toppled our way through my dark house heading to the bedroom. Bella had only been here once but she was pulling on my tie, tugging me in the right direction so I let her tug away. Soon we were falling onto the bed and Bella was pushing me onto my back. Just as she threw one leg across my waist, I gripped her hips and pulled her tightly to me. Two things happened all at once, Bella grinded her center down on top of me and the distinct sound of something ripping echoed through the room.
Bella gasped loudly and quickly stood up, flipping the bedside lamp on, quickly scanning her dress. She was like a dog chasing her tail looking for the rip in that immaculate dress. I saw it before she did so I quickly stood to stop her twirling around on the floor. I sat at the foot of the bed and tugged at the bottom hem of her dress on her left leg, pointing out the damaged area.
"Oh shit!" She hissed and stamped her foot like a child. "Shit shit shit shitty shit!"
I tried not to laugh but just looked up at her. "Well…at least no other man will see you looking so incredible in this dress."
Tears came to her eyes and I immediately felt awful. Standing, I cupped her face in my hands and kissed her forehead. "I'm just kidding baby. It's ok. I know some great taylors."
"No." She whined and threw her head back in an aggravated gesture. "I just bought this fucking thing! Today and it cost me $235."
I felt my mouth pop open. She paid that much for this thing? I kissed her trying to get her to lighten up a little. "It's alright. We can take it back tomorrow, tell them it was ripped before you put it on."
"They won't believe me." She sighed and wiped annoyingly at her eyes as she sat on the foot of the bed. Groaning loudly she threw her top half down on the bed and huffed as her fingers pinched the bridge of her nose.
"Fuck!" She growled under her breath. "This is just my damn luck. I am bound and determined to ruin this night in one way or another."
No. I was definitely not going to let her feel that way.
"Come here." I said instantly in a no bull shit tone, as I grabbed her hands and pulled her up until she was standing in front of me. "Turn around."
She looked at me for just a moment before turning slowly and putting her back to me. Smiling softly I kissed the top of her head and swiped her hair to one side of her shoulder, draping it down her front. My hands massaged her shoulders for just a moment before I grabbed the zipper and slowly slipped it down her back very gently so that I didn't damage the dress anymore. When it was unzipped, I slipped the shoulders down her arms and slid the dress down her body ever so gently until it was pooled around her feet. Bella used my shoulders as a brace as she stepped out of the dress leaving her in nothing but her purple lace panties and those damn heels. No bra. Hmm…I could live with that.
Standing slowly, I admired her beautiful body, kissing up the backs of her legs, across her amazing ass in that tight lace and up her smooth back. When I was standing completely behind her, I leaned forward, pressing my lips to her shoulder and whispered. "I will be right back. Don't move."
She nodded and took a deep breath as I slowly slipped out of the room with the dress in my hands. Walking quickly into the living room, I draped the dress across the back of my chair and quickly slid off my tie and button up, resting it over top of her dress. Kicking off my shoes and socks, I walked back into the bedroom in just my slacks to see Bella staring at me over her shoulder with her bottom lip between her teeth again. I inwardly groaned and felt myself just harden at the sight in front of me. I wish I could just capture this moment, with a camera, with my mind…anything to remember how utterly beautiful she looks right now, standing there in my room in barely nothing just staring at me. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes darker than they normally are. Taking a deep breath, I realized that I really truly do love this woman. I don't think I could love her anymore than I do at this moment and feeling the way I do right now, it makes me wonder how I have lived my entire life without her, without loving her the way I do.
"Bella," I whispered, her name sounded like a pray coming out of my mouth. "You look so beautiful."
My hands fit perfectly onto her sides as I pulled back to me, kissing her shoulder again and whispering, "Nothing to worry about now…just you and just me."
Her right hand went above her head as her fingers twisted around and slipped into my hair. Turning her face up to look at me, she pressed her lips to mine softly and then said, "Edward?"
"Yes, love…anything. Tell me." I said fervently, my lips touching to hers still."
"Make love to me?"
I think a part of me just died.
I kissed her feverishly hoping that I could poor all of my heart into that kiss. "Always Bella. Always."
BPOV
I smiled softly as Edward's fingers traced lazy patterns onto my bare back. When I looked over to him he smiled right back at me, making my cheeks blush.
"I like when you blush." He whispered and kissed the tip of my nose.
"I like that you make me blush. I haven't blushed in so long." I said and rolled to my side so that I could face him.
His arm draped across my waist and he scooted a little closer, pressing his lips softly to mine. "I made you blush several times this evening Ms. Swan."
I felt my cheeks heat again as I widened my eyes. He was talking about earlier…what he did to me with his mouth down there and…oh geez. That was crazy intense.
"That's not what I meant." I said teasingly. "But I liked that too."
"I noticed." He smiled and started kissing me again. It wasn't a very deep kiss just a few passionate pecks. Is that even an actual type of kissing? Passionate pecks? I don't know but it was very fitting to what he had just done to my lips…the lips on my face. Yeah…
"Why haven't you blushed in so long?" Edward questioned, the palm of his hand pressing into the small of my back and rubbing smoothly.
"I don't know." I shrugged. "The last time I blushed was my first ultrasound with Rose. Pregnancy gets you to stomach embarrassment pretty quickly."
"How so?" He asked, his eyes sparkling and a huge smile on his face.
"Well," I chuckled and watched my fingers as they traced through the speckling of hair at the top of his chest. "When the entire OB staff is staring at your hoohah in a delivery room you don't really having anything to be embarrassed about after that."
Edward belly laughed. By belly laughed…I mean, he laughed so hard his stomach was actually shaking. I smacked his shoulder and scolded him. "It's not funny. It was painful."
"Was it worth it?" He asked when he finally settled down.
"Umm…do I want to go through mind searing pain again? No. Do I regret it? No." I laughed and looked up to him. "People say that you forget what labor feels like…I say people are full of shit. I was in labor for twenty nine and a half hours. All back labor. I thought I was dying…I was sure of it. Thought that Rose had ripped my spine out and was using it as a teething ring."
"That's a visual. Wouldn't it be more like a teething stick?" Edward asked, a flirty smile playing at his lips.
"Oh no…" I shook my head. "It was definitely a ring. She must have rolled it up as she was pulling it down my back."
Edward made a funny face and shook his head. "Even worse visual."
"It hurt a lot worse. Trust me." I said, laughing even though it wasn't really funny.
"I wish I could have been there." He said distantly as if he were in deep thought.
"Why on earth would you wish that?" I asked, thinking about how I had screamed at Charlie for rubbing my back wrong. I made my father cry. I couldn't imagine what I would have said to Edward…especially if we would have gotten pregnant the normal way. I would be like all the ladies you see on screwball comedy movies screaming at their husbands saying how much they hate them. When I delivered Rose, I realized those comedies weren't so screwball. I remember thinking at one point during those long ass twenty nine and a half hours that I wished I had someone to blame all of this pain on.
"Because…it would have been magical to see my daughter brought into the world."
I laughed into his face. Literally. "Because venom and fire breathing is magical."
"That bad?" He questioned me with wide yes.
I looked to him, raising one eyebrow. "I made Charlie cry."
He seemed to swallow his tongue for a moment before saying. "Then again…maybe not."
I snuggled close into his chest. "But thank God that's over with."
Edward laughed once and then rested his head on top of mine and held me close to him. We were silent for a few long minutes before Edward took a steadying breath to speak.
"I had just dropped out of college and was taking what was left of my student loan and going to Europe but I still needed at least an extra hundred bucks or so. One of my fraternity brothers was saying how his uncle donates all the time for extra cash. I didn't even think twice about it. I needed the money so I went right away. I never thought…"
He drifted off and I looked up to find him staring off again, thinking too hard. "You never thought someone would actually choose it?"
Edward shook his head and grinned down at me. "What made you choose me?"
I shrugged one shoulder and rested my head to the side, of my pillow. "I'm not really sure. It was just a random selection, I guess." I said giggling. "Made Charlie cry then too."
"I bet." He replied softly before pressing his lips to my shoulder and leaving his mouth there.
Did he want me to share my story, now? Why I chose to have an artificial insemination done instead of going out like every other normal person and found a boyfriend, husband. A family. Did I really want to relive those thoughts of loneliness? For Edward…yes I would tell him. He was kind of starting to mean a lot to me. I wanted him to hear this. He kind of deserved it. And he more than likely expected it.
"My mother," I said into the dark room and felt Edward twist his head around resting his cheek on my shoulder instead of his mouth. "She is a piece of work. Always travelling…wanting to live her life any other way. She left me and Charlie when I was barely old enough to walk but always sent pictures so I would remember her. Eiffel tower in the background. Visiting Machu Picchu. The Great Wall of China. Stupid shit. Shit she wanted to do without me. It really kind of hurt me that my mother would rather see the world than spend time with her daughter. The daughter she brought into the world against Charlie's better judgments. She pressured him into having me. He was just getting settled here in Port Angeles, just started working full time at the station and the last thing he wanted to worry about was a kid."
Edward shuffled away from me a little and I looked over to see him propping himself up on his elbow so he could stare down at me. I didn't mind it but I just looked up to the ceiling and shook my head.
"Charlie loved me then I know he did. More than Renee ever thought about loving me. When she left she would always send birthday presents and Christmas presents but when I got old enough to realize what she was doing, I stopped excepting them. I didn't need her presents. She didn't have to buy my love. There isn't enough money in the world to make me love that woman and it sure as hell wasn't going to come from sending me French jewelry and wooden dolls from China. I hated her for leaving us like she did, she was so selfish. It made it hard on Charlie to raise a daughter on his own while trying to work full time and make a decent living. When I was nine he started dating this woman, she had a really weird name, I don't remember it. He thought it was a win win situation because he was getting a companion and a babysitter so he could stop paying the high school kid down the street.
"Well he dumped her ass the first time he came home and saw bruises on my arm. He didn't date after that either, just focused on being everything he could for me and himself. It was hard on him, I know it was. When I was fifteen my mom showed up at the house one night while Charlie was working. She tried to get me to run away with her. I'm not sure but I think she may have been high. I know she smelt funny and she kept glancing to the corner and shaking her head before saying 'no' about twenty times. I told her that she needed to leave or I would call Charlie and have her arrested for breaking and entering. She bolted pretty quickly then, I'm sure it was because she was high. I think at that point she was just wanting someone to help her out but I be damned if I was going to help her. I didn't care if she would have walked outside and died on the street.
"Charlie put me into therapy for a couple of years after that because I kind of had a break down. So I started seeing Dr. Marcus Hunter." I laughed once and shook my head. "It was kind of helping until we got to the part of working on my self esteem issues and he offered to help build my self esteem."
"What?" Edward hissed out under his breath. I had almost forgotten I was talking to him, I had kind of gotten wrapped up in my story. "He wanted to fuck you."
"Yeah." I nodded and looked up to him. "So I told Charlie and the doctor lost his license and spent a few nights in jail. Dumbass had left the recorder on and there was even proof of his…offer on tape. Charlie burnt said tape."
"Good." Edward said through clenched teeth. "Wish Charlie would have burnt him."
If he didn't like that part he would definitely not like the part coming up. I sighed and continued. "So after that…I turned to sex as an outlet. Slept with more guys in that high school than I am willing to admit. Thankfully I didn't catch anything but needless to say I ruined my reputation, got kicked off the cheerleading squad because it was rumored that I had slept with the coach's husband. I didn't, by the way and I was kind of glad they kicked me off of the squad because I sucked at it anyway and they were all bitches. But after that, I met a guy. His name was James Victor and I thought he was absolutely mad about me. I fell in love with him quicker than I thought was humanly possible. We had our life mapped out. He was going to work at this place full time while I finished out college and then we were going to get married and start a family."
"What happened with him?" Edward sounded leery of where this was going. He wouldn't like it at all.
"We got into a really bad fight one night because I went out with one of my only friends here. She told me that he was cheating on me and when I confronted him about it we started arguing and he…" I took a deep breath and just went with it. "He beat me so bad, I didn't recognize myself and then he raped me while I was unconscious."
I felt Edward's entire body go rigid and before I knew what was happening he was out of the bed and pulling his pants on.
"Where are you going?" I sat up, pulling the sheet around my chest, staring at him curiously in the dark room.
"To find this dipshit. I am going to beat the fuck out of him and have someone sodomize him with the business end of a shovel while he is out." Edward spat harshly through his teeth.
"He's dead." I stated coldly.
"Did Charlie kill him?" Edward asked, stopping with the button on his slacks and staring at me with hands on his hips.
"Almost. But he overdosed a couple of years ago." I told him and then patted the spot next to me that was still warm from his body.
"Come back to bed so I can finish my story." I said softly and pulled the covers down.
After a long breath, Edward shucked the pants and crawled back into bed. I stared at him for a few minutes until he wrapped his arms around me, holding me closely and kissing my forehead. "Ok, continue."
"Thank you." I said, kissed him and went on. "So I woke up in the hospital with a furious Charlie in my room, asked him what had happened to James and saw his face nearly burst into flames. I have never heard my father use the words he said that day. He apparently beat the shit out of James before throwing him in jail. Turns out...he was dealing drugs and I had no idea so they shipped him off to the penitentiary. Never heard about him again until Charlie sent me his obituary in the mail with a big smiley face drawn on it with a red sharpie."
Edward laughed and I rolled my eyes. "So after that, I started therapy again, with a woman this time and she came highly recommended, we did a couple of background checks on her and her husband. They were really good people. They helped me out a lot. It was then at the young age of 20 I realized that I had mommy issues and that I needed to be excepted by someone. Loved unconditionally by someone. A person who cared only for me, as selfish as that seems. Someone who would love me no matter what, wouldn't do me wrong, would always be there."
"Sounds like you needed a dog." Edward laughed lightly next to my ear.
I playfully smacked his arm and shook my head at him. "Stop, this is the good part."
"Ok, I am stopping." He kissed me again and then I continued.
"I was over college, I didn't care about it anymore. It wasn't what I needed in life so I quit and started thinking about what I was going to do forever. One day I had gone to the park and was watching this family. A mother and her little two year old son. He was so adorable and every time he would do something exciting he would tell his mom. Every time she spoke to him, or tickled him, or even smiled at him he would light up like Christmas. It was then that I realized that was exactly what I needed. I needed a baby. Someone to rely completely on me, love me unconditionally. I wanted a baby. So…I thought for nearly two weeks on how the hell am I gonna get a kid and then I was surfing the internet one day and came upon Port Angeles Sperm Bank's website. I clicked on the browser and the rest as they say is history."
Edward was silent for several long minutes before finally speaking. "Wow. I would never have known that you went through all that shit. Normally people wear that crap on their shoulders for the rest of their life."
"Like I said, my last therapist helped me a lot!"
"What's her name?" Edward asked softly.
I laughed and looked at him. "Mari Brandon."
"No shit!" He gasped and laughed at me once. "Really?"
I laughed and nodded. "Yeah. I love that woman to death. If it weren't for her and Peter…I don't know where I would be. It started out as therapy and then turned into a friendship. She doesn't work anymore, not since Alice was born but she sure has helped me a lot over the years. I love her so much it's a borderline lesbian crush."
Edward belly laughed again before pulling me really close to him. So close I was afraid I would stop breathing.
"I am glad that she helped you and I am so sorry that you had to go through all of that shit." He whispered right next to my ear before kissing me.
"Thank you." I said softly and then smiled. "Rose really did the trick though. She turned me into a completely different person when she was born. She is my life saver."
"Does she know about the stuff you went through?" Edward asked curiously.
"Bits and pieces. But I don't really want her to know it all. She may think differently of me." I said and shook my head. I didn't want her knowing about all of my baggage.
"She is such a great kid. You did so good raising her." Edward mumbled before pressing his lips to mine again.
"You may or may not have said that before but still…I love compliments. So compliment away." I said before wrapping an arm around his back and kissing him again.
"Compliments, huh?" He asked, wrapping both arms around my back and pulling me closer.
I giggled and nodded against his mouth before kissing him again.
"Hmm…let's see." He muttered before rolling me over onto my back, effectively burying me between him and the mattress. "I love the way you have raised your daughter."
"Our daughter." I corrected but he went one.
"You are an amazing cook." He breathed against my neck, his warm breath sending shivers over my skin. "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever had the pleasure of meeting."
More shivers. Edward's knees bumped against mine as he settled more of his weight on top of me and kept complimenting.
"You smell amazing…all of the time." He whispered into my collar bone before kissing it and moving his mouth downwards.
"I love that you adore your father." He chuckled. "Even though he threatened to roast my chestnuts." He bucked into me, insinuating what he meant.
I couldn't help but to roll my head back and laugh at him. Edward looked up to me while tracing one hand around my hip and grabbing my backside. "You have a really…really nice ass."
I laughed once and wiggled it a little in his hands causing him to groan in his throat. It made me smile. "And legs…" He said, tracing his hand on my ass cheek down the backside of my thigh. "You have such soft legs…long and toned…beautiful."
"Thank you." I said simply and ran my fingers through his hair as he kissed the top of my chest. He started to open his mouth again to speak but I just put my hand over it and motioned with my finger for him to come closer.
"I had at least another hour of compliments." He said as he slid up my body.
"Save them for a rainy day." I whispered against his mouth before crashing our lips together, wrapping my legs and arms around him, and pulling him tightly against me.
A/N: So what do you think of Bella's story? Yes? No? Oh well tell me anyway :D
Can I please please pretty please get up to AT LEAST 530 reviews? I'd be very very happy! And throw me some ideas of what you would like to see in the end. A marriage between E and B? A baby somewhere? A trip to Europe? Let me know please. Maybe it will get the giant brick wall out of my head that is hiding what is going to happen after the next chapter.
**SPOILER ALERT** Rose and Jake do it in Chapter 30! Haha, BUT for the non supporters please still read through it. I'd hate for you to miss a HUGE piece of the plot line because you don't like Rose and Jakie-Poo. Yeah, you heard me…huge piece of the plot I DO have in my head. Hahaha
Alright, alright…I have rambled enough. Please review and start pimping if you'd like, I wouldn't complain :D
Adios muchachas!
*KRay*
