A/N: Holy crap, guys! This story is up to 200 REVIEWS! I just hit 100 back in the Fire Temple! XD Thanks so much for the support, everyone, I couldn't do it without you!

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Once Pichu and Togetic re-emerged from the well with the Silph Scope in hand, Togetic decided that there wasn't really anything else they could do in the past.

"Really? Awesome!" Pichu cheered. "Let's hurry up and go get the Light Ball so I can be a strong and ridiculously sexy Pikachu again!"

"Right. Because condemning Hyrule to tyranny and devastation is an acceptable loss compared to that."

"Exactly."

So they went back to the Temple of Time, and Pichu pulled out the Light Ball once again. When the light faded away, he was delighted to find he was a Pikachu again, and pranced gleefully out into the nightmarish dystopia that was Hyrule.

"You really are a callous bastard sometimes," Togetic remarked.

"Aww, thanks! You too!"

Remembering that they next had to travel to the Shadow Temple, Pikachu pulled out the Pokéflute of Time and eventually managed to play the Nocturne of Shadow, for the same reason that an infinite number of monkeys will eventually be able to reproduce the works of Shakespeare. They warped to a large hidden alcove at the back of the Graveyard, where there were a bunch of torches standing in a circle.

"Hmm… I bet I have to find some way to light all these torches at once in order to get in the temple," Pikachu decided.

"I think that's exactly right," said Togetic, who decided there was no possible way he could be stupid enough to mess this one up. So you can imagine the look on her face when Pikachu immediately sat down, pulled out two pieces of flint and started scraping them against each other.

"Come on! Light, damn you!"

Togetic stared for a moment, then smacked him. "JUST USE FLAME WHEEL, DAMMIT!"

"Huh? Oh, right," said Pikachu, doing just that. The dome of flames he generated spread out and lit all the torches, causing the door to open.

"Well, now we know for sure which is greater, your stupidity or your love of burning things," Togetic sighed as they walked on through.

As they traveled through the temple they were almost immediately greeted with a dead end, as an enormous bottomless pit stretched over to a locked door on the other side. Deciding Pikachu would probably take several hours to figure it out, Togetic saved them both the trouble and pulled out the Silph Scope herself.

"Well, we should probably go down that way. There's a hidden hallway in the wall over there," she announced, pointing.

"Woah! There's a hidden hallway?" said Pikachu. "Wow! And I figured that out without even using the Silph Scope! I must be a total genius!"

Knowing far better than to try to argue with him at this point, Togetic followed him as he ran down the hallway. They eventually found themselves walking through an extremely dark and eerie maze, lined with walls that seemed to be made of skulls and bones.

"Shadow Temple… here is gathered Hyrule's bloody history of greed and hatred…" echoed a mysterious voice.

"Do you really have to do that?" Togetic impatiently asked the Duskull who'd been following them around while holding a microphone.

"Sorry. I just like adding to the effect," it replied.

Finally they entered a somewhat familiar-looking room at the end of the maze, which had four somewhat familiar-looking arms sticking out of the ground and waving around.

"Oh, great. This again," Togetic sighed. "You remember what you have to do, Pikachu?"

"Not in the slightest," Pikachu replied, walking up to one of the arms and shrieking in total surprise as it clamped down over his face.

"MWA HA HA HA!" laughed the Drifblim as it rose up out of the floor. "I can't believe somebody actually fell for that! You must be a complete idiot!"

"Trust me, it's not nearly as funny after the first few times," Togetic muttered.

"Okay, that's it!" Pikachu snarled as he wrenched free of the Drifblim's grasp. "I've had my stupidity pointed out one time too many for my liking! You're going DOWN!" He shrieked a furious battle cry and charged at the Drifblim, who promptly began handing Pikachu's ass to him.

"I should probably be helping him out," Togetic said nonchalantly to herself as she watched the hopelessly one-sided fight, which consisted mainly of Pikachu flailing like an idiot as the Drifblim sucked his brains out. "Yeah, I really should be."

"Drifblim… here is an undead monstrosity that sucks the life from its victims…" the Duskull spoke into its microphone.

Togetic did a double take. "What the hell are you still doing here?" she snapped, grabbing the Duskull and hurling it directly at the Drifblim. Realizing that the ghost had a lot more brains than Pikachu did, the Drifblim immediately dropped the electric rodent and hurled itself at the shrieking Duskull, forgetting Pikachu entirely.

"Ha! And let that be a lesson to you!" Pikachu sneered triumphantly.

"Oh just shut up already," Togetic grumbled, opening the chest that had mysteriously appeared out of nowhere. "Hmm…"

"What's in there? A couple of magnets?" Pikachu said in confusion, peering in the chest.

"Aha! That's how you'll get across the gap!" Togetic realized. "You can wear those magnets on your feet and use Magnet Rise!"

"But wouldn't that only work if the floor itself was a magnet?" Pikachu asked, cocking his head.

Togetic glared at him. "Why is it that you only say smart and sensible things when it's annoying and hinders the plot?"

"I'm just special like that."

––

As they returned to the previous area, they realized they would still have to deal with the locked door on the other side of the gap.

"Oh, terrific. How do we open the door from over here?" Pikachu pouted.

"Hmm, I think I know," said Togetic, who was currently studying a large Honchkrow statue surrounded by pillars topped with skulls. "There's a sign here that says we have to figure out which one is the 'Skull of Truth', or else suffer descent into eternal darkness. Well, Pikachu, looks like you're going to have to use your brain to – "

"EEEEEEYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!" Pikachu shrieked as he lifted up the statue, hurling it across the gap like a javelin and smashing open the door.

Togetic blinked. "What the hell was that all about?"

"You'd be surprised at the lengths I go to avoid using my brain," Pikachu said simply.

Togetic shook her head and flew across the gap, and Pikachu used Magnet Rise to hover across. They continued plowing their way through the temple, eventually traveling down a narrow hallway that opened up to a huge cavernous area lined with guillotines slamming down on their path.

"Hmm… this might be a problem. You're definitely not smart enough or fast enough to get past all those things," said Togetic, eyeing the falling blades.

"Yeah, you're right. Good thing I have a meat shield."

"What the – ACK!" Togetic screamed as Pikachu grabbed her and lifted her over his head, charging straight down the path and through the guillotines. He was completely unharmed, but Togetic was repeatedly and painfully sliced and diced.

"I suppose I deserve that several times over," she grumbled as they reached the other side. Now they were on a big platform surrounded by a bottomless drop, and just to add to the fun times, a Marowak suddenly jumped down next to them.

"Moo hoo hahaha! I'm afraid that's as far as you'll be going, little man! The only way through this temple is through me! Prepare to battle!"

"Okay, I really don't have time for this," Pikachu said irritably, effortlessly pushing the Marowak off the ledge.

"SON OF A BIIIIIIIII – " it screamed as it plummeted to its doom.

"Lucky for you the enemies here seem to be as stupid as you are," said Togetic.

––

There were plenty of invisible moving platforms in the area, so Pikachu used the Silph Scope to see them all and navigated further through the temple. Eventually they arrived at a hallway with a bunch of enormous falling spike traps blocking their way through.

"Okay, this is just ridiculous. Screw the Shadow Temple, this is the Shadow Meat Processing Facility," Togetic grumbled.

"Well, you know what this means," Pikachu said brightly. "Ready for another round, meat shield?"

"What – YOU STUPID FREAKING – " Togetic shrieked as Pikachu hoisted her over his head and scrambled directly under the spike traps. Once again, he was completely unharmed while Togetic was repeatedly impaled and came out covered in bleeding puncture wounds.

"Hey, look, T-money! There's a big stone block over there!" Pikachu realized once they'd made it across. "I guess I could've just pushed that thing instead and you wouldn't have had to get hurt at all? Heh heh, funny huh?"

Togetic's eye twitched. "Yeah, hilarious. Now help me stop bleeding so I can strangle you."

––

After further exploration and doing fun things like getting his jugular sliced by invisible spinning blades and getting blown into a brick wall by an enormous fan, Pikachu finally arrived at a large open area with what appeared to be a gigantic boat sitting atop a misty river.

"Well, unless the blood loss and brain trauma have reduced my thinking capacity, I deduce we need to get on that boat to get to the boss," Pikachu decided.

"Well, I highly doubt your thinking capacity could be reduced any more than it already is. So, you're probably right."

So the two of them climbed up on the boat and found a golden Triforce painted on the floor. For some inexplicable reason Pikachu managed to play Eevee's Lullaby on the Pokéflute, and all of a sudden, the ship's bell began to ring and the massive boat began to move forward by itself, which made about as much sense as everything else in this dumb story.

"Dude! Check it out! This is awesome!" Pikachu cheered as the ship lurched through the dark hallway. "Y'know what would make this even cooler?"

"You not being here to ruin it?"

"No! Music!"

Togetic winced in horror as Pikachu inexplicably donned a pair of shutter shades and began to sing. "I'M ON A BOAT! I'M ON A BOAT! EVERYBODY LOOK AT ME 'CAUSE I'M SAILING ON A BOAT! I'M ON A BOAT! I'M ON A BOAT! TAKE A GOOD HARD LOOK AT THE MOTHERF – ACK!" he screamed as the authoress strategically cut him off by dropping a pair of Marowaks down on him.

"Your horrible singing offends us! Now you must die!" one of the Marowaks bellowed as they both rushed him.

"STOP BLAMING ME FOR YOUR BAD TASTE!" Pikachu shrieked as they started pummeling him with their Bone Clubs.

"Well, here we go again," Togetic sighed. She grabbed Pikachu by the tail and started swinging him around like a pair of nunchucks, bashing the Marowaks while shrieking something that sounded vaguely Japanese.

"Holy crap! This lady's batsh#t insane!" cried one of the freaked-out Marowaks.

"Now you tell me," Pikachu groaned painfully.

"ABANDON SHIP!" screamed the other Marowak, and both of them hurled themselves off the side of the boat and into the misty darkness below. Togetic started laughing evilly in triumph, but then blinked slowly as she realized the ship was sinking.

"EEEEEK! DO SOMETHING, T-MONEY!" Pikachu cried as they started plummeting into the darkness. Togetic immediately grabbed him and drop kicked him off the side of the boat, then flew up to safety just as the boat vanished forever.

"Phew… thanks for saving me, T-money," Pikachu sighed from where he was laying on a narrow stretch of ground.

Togetic looked shocked. "What? I didn't know there was somewhere for you to land there! Dammit!"

––

The two of them eventually found a door in the area and walked through, only to realize they were standing in a maze that was crawling with enormous Cradilys. One of them immediately noticed Pikachu and turned an eerie shade of green, preparing to lunge at him.

"Okay Togetic, there aren't any invisible holes in the floor in here, are there?" Pikachu quickly asked.

"No, there most certainly are not."

"All right then! You sin against nature, your day of reckoning has come! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" he screamed as he heroically charged directly at the Cradily, then heroically crashed into an invisible wall right in front of him.

"Oh, but there are a ton of invisible walls. I didn't mention that, did I?" said Togetic as the Cradily started pointing and laughing at him.

Pikachu was now extremely pissed off, if only because his broken and bleeding nose would be highly difficult to pick in the future. "All right, that's it! I'm bringing out the explosives! You made me do it!"

So instead of doing the smart thing and using the Silph Scope to see all the invisible walls, he just hurled a bunch of Egg Bombs and blew up the wall, then engaged the Cradily in a vicious battle and finally electrocuted it to death.

"HA HA! I finally did it!" he crowed in triumph. "That thing wasn't even hard at all! I'm unstoppable!"

He just then noticed that the Cradily had inexplicably split off into three little Lileeps that were now surrounding him.

"What the – AAAAAAHHHH!" he screamed as all three of them hurled themselves at him and started sucking his brains out. In the meantime, Togetic flew into an adjacent room, got the Boss Key, then returned to Pikachu and casually dragged him back outside to safety.

"Thanks for being a distraction," she said.

"Uh, yeah…" Pikachu groaned in pain, clutching his head. "So, sorry about the whole meat shield thing… are we even now?"

"Not in the slightest," Togetic assured him, dragging him through the final door as they set out to confront the boss.

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A/N: I actually hadn't started thinking about what the Hover Boots would be before Drake Clawfang suggested Magnet Rise, so… thanks for that. :P