Chapter 28: SHE WILL WIN
Joan's POV
I knock on Autumn's bedroom door around 22:00. We had put Mack to bed a few hours ago and we had discussed when Autumn was to move out. Tonight she'll start packing and tomorrow we'll go to Ikea to buy her household items. I didn't want her to leave but I knew I had to let her go.
I hear rustling on the other side of the door and a few seconds later the door swings open. Autumn steps aside to let me in and I enter the threshold. Her bedroom floor was covered in boxes labelled in big bold letters carefully written in Sharpie.
"Hey," She says with a smile. "What's up?"
"Just came to see how you were getting on," I say with a smile even though there were other reasons I had came up. "Seems to be going well."
"Yeah," She smiles, and then looks down at her feet. Something was wrong. "We need to talk."
"Okay," I say starting to get worried. "What's wrong?"
"I need you to stop worrying about me."
I was not expecting that.
"You keep looking at me as if you're going to lose me after what I told what had happened during training. Joan you need to stop. I know you are my mother but you need to realise that I'm an adult and that I have training. It's going to take a heck of a lot for me to let go. You're not going to lose me. I refuse to give up," She says maintaining eye contact. "Please just try not to worry."
In that moment I cross the room and pull her gently into a hug emotion coursing through me.
"Autumn, I will always worry about you. I'm your mother," I whisper.
"Then please, just don't worry as much."
I nod as we pull back and try to agree with her statement. I try desperately to ignore the briefing that she is going to receive on Monday morning.
"Okay," I say quietly.
It was going to be a long road but Autumn was going to be okay. I desperately hope she's going to be okay.
By the time Autumn and I finished talking it was around 23:00. We talked about her training and ways of coping in the agency. We talked about girly things and her future. But the entire time her first mission weighted heavily on me.
She was going to New Orleans and when she returned… I knew when she returned, Autumn would not be the same. That's if she returned.
NO! Don't think like that. She will return. She'll come home.
I walk into Arthur and I's bedroom and finding him sitting on our bed.
"You're worried she won't come back," He says as soon as the door as shut. McQuaid has been freelanced into the op as well. So a lot of liaising has been done with Arthur.
"Yeah," I say weakly, tears rolling down my cheeks.
"Come here," He says opening his arms to me.
I go into the embrace willingly and nuzzle my head into his chest. I let out a quiet sob and his grip tightens.
"Shhh," He says comfortingly. "She'll come back. We'll make sure of it."
I have no idea how long I stayed crying in his arms thinking about my memories of her. Her cello. Her singing. Everything.
But I keep forcing myself back to one thought.
She'll come back. She'll survive.
Autumn will survive New Orleans when others have died. She will succeed when others have failed. She will survive. She will win.
I cling to that thought like a life line.
She will succeed.
