A/N: Please, please, please don't hate me. I'm begging you. I know it has been..awhile…since my last update. It wasn't on purpose…I got distracted and this got pushed under the rug. But I'm back. And I promise I plan on continuing this story and finishing it.

Disclaimer: I don't own GG…duh.

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March 10, 1990

I hate hospitals Maddie. It's official. They are too white, too sterile, and just too stuffy. All the doctors and nurses that putter around, seemingly helpful, but are they really? I mean, I guess they are. To an extent. But it has been days and they still don't seem to have any news on William's condition. I guess I'm getting a little ahead of myself huh? Backing up and explaining might make this little rant a bit more coherent and understandable.

William is really sick. They are assuming it is somehow tied to the cancer, but they haven't been able to find anything definite that would be causing his quick decline in health. Luke is a nervous wreck. And frankly I don't blame him. He's trying to be strong, trying to make it seem as if nothing is bothering him, but I can see right through that.

He is as scared as Liz and I.

We are taking turns spending time with him here at the hospital. I'm on my shift right now and he's sleeping so I'm taking the first chance I've gotten in awhile to update. Everything has been so crazy around the store and the Inn. I feel as if I'm being pulled in a million different directions.

But I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. I love being a member of Stars Hollow and everything that comes with it. But most importantly, I'm happy being a part of the Danes' family.

But Maddie…oh god, I can't believe I'm going to be admitting this, even to you. Putting it down on paper makes it more real than I've ever allotted myself to believe, think, or even dream about. But…

I want to officially be a Danes.

I'm in love with him. Fully and completely in love with one Luke Danes. And though I've never thought I would actually get married, or even want to be married, I do. So badly. It is hard for me to be in the same room as him without completely falling over myself.

And he's my best friend. I can't avoid him either. I don't know what to do. Which, is a strange thing for me. I am usually self-confident and self-assured and a go-getter. But right now…

All I want his for him to show some sort of the same feelings for me. I just don't know if I ever will.

I hate being like this Maddie. Hate it. I hate being the girl that drools over a guy she doesn't think she'll ever be able to get. Lost in a dream world of weddings and families and growing old together. But I've turned into that.



I see him with Rory and Jess and know that he would make an amazing father. So attentive and loving. So completely supportive of their dreams and ambitions. He would have his little girl wrapped around his finger, just as Rory practically is. And a boy would be his 'lil slugger.'

I can picture it. I know I shouldn't, but I do.

I'm in for heartbreak, aren't I?

I'm an annoying little sister to him, aren't I? That is all he views me as. I should learn to live with it. But, I don't want to.

I don't want to live with just being his friend. I want more. God, how did this become so confusing and completely crazy? I mean…

I don't even know what I mean anymore. I really don't.

Oh, it seems as if William is waking up…I'll try and write more later tonight. No guarantees though Maddie. It all depends on if I can get away long enough.

Lorelai sat down her journal and turned her eyes and attention towards the rousing man on the hospital bed. She smiled slightly when his eyes opened and landed on her.

"Lorelai," he choked out, "what are you doing here?"

"Spending time with you," she answered flashing him a grin, "how are you feeling?"

"Like I got run over by a truck," he answered attempting to laugh. His face contorted in pain.

"Let me get the doctor," Lorelai said, and William grabbed her hand. "Will…"

"Don't," he asked, "please, I'm fine."

"No you aren't. You're really sick and in a lot of pain. Let me get the doctor, they'll be able to help."

"They will?" he asked, "it's been what, six days? And nothing. They just don't want to tell me I'm dying."

"Don't say that," Lorelai begged, tears threatening her eyes. "That isn't true."

"I wish it wasn't," William told her. "But I know my body. They can't do anything else; I can tell in their forced smiles and hushed tones. It's going to happen."

"But no time soon," Lorelai insisted and William shook his head. "William…"

"You'll be fine," William told him, "and so will Luke and Liz. You all will be fine. Just stick together."

"William…"

"He'll need someone strong to stand by him," William continued and Lorelai let the tears fall from her eyes. "I know you will be good for him and too him. You love him, I can see it in your eyes. The two of you together will be a forced to be reckoned with."



"William…"

"Liz will need guidance," he went on. "You've been a good friend to her and I hope you stay good friends. She may be flighty, but she means well. She has a good heart."

"I can't do this right now William," Lorelai grasped his hands. "I can't think about that happening."

"But it is," William told her, his eyes sad. "You do love him, don't you?"

Lorelai nodded, her eyes focused on their entwined hands.

"I thought so," William said, "I love you like a daughter Lorelai. Thank you for coming into our lives."

"Thank you for welcoming into your family William," Lorelai told him, kissing his cheek. "I love you."

"Don't let Luke's aloofness fool you," William told her, "he cares very deeply for you. He just…he just has some trust issues he might have to deal with. Don't give up though."

"William…"

"I think I need to rest some more," he said, his eyes drifting again under the spell of pain medicine. "Remember, don't give up."

Lorelai nodded, silently promising William that she would never give up on his son and his family as she watched him slip back off to sleep. Tears poured from her eyes as she left the room, in search for a place to gather her thoughts.

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March 10, 1990 (okay, technically March 11, 1990…but whatever.)

I haven't been able to sleep Maddie. I'm not sure if I will at all tonight. William's words really got to me. Him talking about dying and such. I can't stop thinking about it. No matter how hard I try. I don't want him to…

He can't. He just can't.

He could tell about my feelings for Luke. I'm not sure if I was surprised or not about that. I don't think so. It would make sense for him to be able to tell. It just would. I mean…

I'm glad he knows. And I will keep my promise to him. No matter what happens I'll never give up on Luke. I don't think I could even if I tried.

Does that sound too…stalkerish? Obsessive? I don't even care. It really doesn't matter. I love him and that is all that matters. William seems to think he feels the same way for me. I hope he's right.

Rory and Jess are having a hard time dealing with all of this. William being in the hospital. I don't want to have to explain to them he's died.

God. I can't get that word out of my mind. I can't stop seeing his face when he told me he knew…

He's wrong. He has to be wrong.



I pray he's…

The knock on her door stunned Lorelai mid-sentence and she hurried to open the door. A red-eyed Luke stood on her doorway and as soon as the door was open she was wrapped in his arms.

She responded wrapping her arms around him, kicking the door closed shutting out the cool night air. She felt his tears on her shoulders as they stood in the entry way silently. Time passed slowly before she finally felt him start to loosen his grasp on her body.

"Luke?" she asked tentatively, she wasn't sure she wanted him to answer. "Luke?"

"He's dying Lorelai," Luke gasped, his head resting against hers. "They aren't giving him much more time either. I don't want to lose him."

"Luke…"

"Please don't ever leave me Lorelai," he cried, "I don't think I could handle loosing you too."

Lorelai gripped him tighter before answering in barely a whisper, "Don't worry Luke. You won't ever loose me."

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A/N: Short? Yes. But it was pretty full too. Please tell me you don't hate me and leave a review. I'll be so thankful.