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A/N: It's been a while...
"Why did you do it?" Edward's words sprang at me before I had even had the chance to step out of the shadows and absorb the scenery of the cliff top.
He was still in his shirt and trousers, but they seemed crumpled. As if his turbulent mood had somehow altered the very fibre in the fabric.
"It was harmless, Edward. It was just a kiss between friends." I said with a weary sigh. I should have known this was coming. He had seemed far too intent on Alfie and I throughout the evening.
"It looked like more to me."
"Then you need your eyes testing." I snapped; frustration rife in my words. "I'm sharply becoming irritated by this Edward. "Your constant accusations and hissy fits!"
His eyebrows shot up in incredulity "Hissy fits?"
"Yes, hissy fits." I shrieked with exasperation. How could a man so smart be so dumb. "Pointless bouts of jealousy over nothing. Do you see me pacing and fuming over the way you and Bella are together? Do you not think it affects me just the same to see you everyday, touching at the lunch table or whispering away in the corridor?" I glared at him as he looked at me dumbstruck.
"You never show..."
"Because you're not mine, Edward, you're hers." I looked up at the stars, looking at how they met the dazzling lights of the city below but disappeared from view in our little bubble of darkness. This safe haven. "This is the only place you can ever be mine and mine alone. This little bubble where the outside world doesn't seem to exist. That's it." I drifted to the edge of the cliff, looking out over the bustling streets and buzz of life below us. The quiet hum of civilisation. "I'm a time traveller by nature but when I come here I feel like I can go back to that time in Belmore without ever having to use my gift. Those months when it was just us and we were happy."
His hand caught mine as he turned me towards him, leaving reality behind me. "I may not be able to travel through time, but I don't need to. I just have to look at you, Sarelle and I'm right there." His eyes softened as his gaze met mine."In the meadow on those summer days, feeling you beside me as we sat on the piano bench, or walking with you through Belmore. Dancing with you in Rochester. Walking through the park in Chicago." With each memory I could almost see them play out in his eyes. Watch as the emotions flickered across his irises. "The night I proposed on the balcony, and the moment you said goodbye to me in the hospital. Memories I thought would be lost forever but have come flooding back over the years. Just one look and it's just us. If just for a moment."
He pulled me towards him as his fingertips grazed my cheek. For a moment I let myself just feel his touch, just to try and remember how it had felt when I was human. How my heart would skip a beat the second he touched me, or how my blood would rush when I caught him looking.
"I know I don't deserve to be here with you…" He shook his head as his bottom lip slightly trembled, "I don't even deserve your smiles… Not anymore. Not after what I put you through. I can't forget the way you looked at the wedding."
"Edward, where is this all coming from?" I was worried now, because he was literally breaking into small pieces in front of me.
"I left you behind. It had only been fifty years, I should have waited," he whimpered as he gazed deeply into my eyes, "I hurt you. I don't deserve this kind of attention." I began feeling him move away, and I panicked. I panicked because I didn't want him thinking that I didn't need him in my life, or he didn't deserve to be in my life because that wasn't the case. I gripped onto him with all my might, causing him to stay in place as I shook my head.
"Listen to me…" I forcefully said, quickly grabbing his chin in my fingers, turning his face towards mine, "I want you in my life. I don't want you pulling away from me like that. And I definitely don't want you to think like that. Alright?" I said in a hard voice, "I lost you once. I won't lose you again."
Edward looked up to me with agonizing gold eyes, "I was so lost without you," He whispered through his hard lips. I could feel him trying to pull back, but I wouldn't have it. We had a whole life of immortality. Why not spend it with each other?
We stared at each other with deep and unbearable passion, because who the hell knows how we spent all those years without each other. I didn't want to relive it again.
"I need you." I gasped through my lips as I nodded my head, "and I promise no matter where this life takes me, I won't leave you again." I promised with the utmost assurance in my voice. I was here to stay. No matter whom I may be with in the future, or what may happen to Bella and him. I would always be here, "I promise I will stay with you forever." And I meant that in every sense that it possibly could mean.
His forehead leant against mine as he whispered, "forever and eternity."
My fingers played with the soft wisps of hair at the back of his neck and I listened to the contented hum as he sighed. His nose nuzzled my neck and I felt my stomach flutter at how close he was. Just one shift of movement and his lips would touch mine and I could through all care to the wind. Just a moment of recklessness.
He moved back, his emotions so open, laid bare. I can see it all, written on his face and it's like someone has taken the blinkers away from my vision. I feel like I'm seeing him clearly for the first time and what I see is an expression like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time. It's entrancing.
His phone rings, breaking the silence around us.
"Time to return to reality," I murmured.
"I should take this, it's Ren."
I mustered a weak smile at his use of my nickname for his daughter. She had always been Nessie before.
On hearing her name my body jolted. It was a sudden surge that felt as if it shot up from the earth, using me like a lightning rod. Except when my senses returned I wasn't standing beside Edward anymore. I was in Colter Bay and it was daytime. Midday if I had guessed correctly. I looked around me disorientated by the sudden shift in time.
What day is this? What year even?
I floundered as I tried to find a fact to hold on to. I vaguely recognised the area of town, and it didn't look any different from the last time I was there which I could only assume meant this point in time was relatively close to the present. Whether that was close in terms of future or past I didn't know. I didn't even know why I was here, but then the past few involuntary jumps hadn't been particularly logical or demonstrative.
As I scanned the area from my place in the darkened alley I spotted Ren across from me at a battered payphone.
Why would she use a payphone when she has the latest mobile?
I stretched my hearing out of curiosity.
"It has to be a surprise," She whispered in hushed tones, so quiet even I struggled to hear them. That discounted the idea that whomever she was talking to was human.
But what vampire would she be talking to? And what surprise was she planning?
I knew hers and Jacobs anniversary was approaching, was this that far in the future? It made sense that she would perhaps use a payphone to organise something without him finding out.
My suspicions shifted as I left the shade and made my way towards her. I just had to find out what the date was, just some indication of why I was here. How far I had jumped forward. I couldn't go on thinking these jumps were random.
As I crossed the small square towards her, her back stiffened and I saw the way her shoulders tensed as she hurriedly hung up the phone. She had smelt my scent and it had unnerved her.
I felt an itch creep across my skin as the hairs on my neck rose like the heckles on a wolf's back. Was she just worried about Jacob finding out, or was there something more to her unusual behaviour?
"Hi, Sarelle," Her voice was almost shrill as she turned to greet me. "I thought I was meeting you and Esme in the antique store?"
Her eyes drifted over my outfit as confusion clouded her doe-like features. "Have you changed?" she asked.
There was something about her demeanour and the tone of her voice that told me to lie. If my gift had taught me only one thing during my human life it was to read people and right now Ren was reading wrong.
"I hunted so I changed before dropping some things off in the library." I lied faultlessly, smiling conversationally as my eyes dared her to question me further.
"Oh fair enough. I've just got a couple errands to run but I'll meet you and Esme later, yeah?" she said lightly as I nodded. She clearly hadn't believed me but her own guilt stopped her from probing further. She turned to leave, heading into the centre of town where my future self would no doubt meet her and Esme later. In that instant I knew Ren was one to watch. I just wish I knew why.
I felt my stomach flutter and hastily made my way back to the secluded alleyway just in time before the tingle exploded across my skin. At least this time when I came to I was within staggering distance of my bed.
I lurched at it as my body swirled and senses ran riot. I couldn't be sure but it seemed the jumps were getting worse, or at least the effects of them were. I had never felt this way before, so helpless. So human. Not since changing. Something had shifted and I felt it in my bones.
"Sarelle?" Eleazar gasped as he burst through my door. His eyes scanned the room wildly before fixing on me as I tried to nonchalantly lounge against my bed.
"Yes?"
"Are you OK? What happened? Were you attacked? Why did you jump?"
I blinked as I registered the daylight outside, not at all the midnight sky I had left behind at the cliff with Edward. "I'm fine. I just jumped."
Suspicion clouded his topaz eyes, "you never just jump. You run. You always run, and you usually bring half the forest back with you."
"I…" A frantic ringing cut me off.
"Hello,"
"You're OK." The clipped voice sounded down the receiver. Edward's voice.
"Yes, I'm fine. What is with everyone asking me that?" I chuckled lightly as I tried to avoid Eleazar's penetrative stare. I was fooling no one but I continued to try.
"Stay there, I'm coming over."
"No-" He'd hung up before my objection even reached his ears.
"Sarelle, what's going on?" Eleazar asked as I sighed and threw my phone down on the lavender bed covers. I had hoped I could figure this out without everyone becoming involved but it was quickly becoming clear that wouldn't happen.
"It's complicated." I said wearily.
"Nothing is that complicated that you can't tell those close to you."
"It would be easier for me to tell you all at once, are the other's close by?"
"They're in the nature reserve close to here. They won't have signal but I can find them in no time."
"That might be best."
"Will you be OK by yourself?" He asked as we descended the stairs.
"She won't be by herself." Edward's clipped tone said as he entered through the back door. Passing Eleazar as he made his way towards me. He stopped short, his muscled seemingly tensed as if he were holding himself back.
"I'll be back soon," Eleazar said as he left the way Edward had come.
Not a second passed before Edward's arms wrapped around me, so tight I could feel my arms crush into my ribcage.
"Thank God you're safe," he breathed. His voice close to breaking.
"Not for long if you keep squeezing me like this."
He released me for a second before grasped my cheeks in his palms, his eyes frantically watching my own. "You vanished. One minute you were there and the next… It was like you exploded. I thought you'd died. And I couldn't contact you. It was like you didn't exist." He rushed.
"But I do, and I'm here, and I'm OK. Honestly, absolutely fine. It was just a jump." I explained as I tried to calm him down.
"That was not just a jump, Sarelle. I remember what it was like when you jumped and that was nothing like it. There was so much energy; it was like the air around you was electric. It wasn't like that when you jumped for Carlisle."
"Fine, you're right. It wasn't a normal jump, but I'm not in any danger from them."
"Them? Please don't tell me this has happened more than once, that you've been keeping this from us all."
It seemed foolish to concern you all with something that it probably just a glitch."
"A glitch?" He shouted, frustrated. "We're vampires, Sarelle, not some piece of hardware. We don't have glitches."
"Look I don't know what it is, but I'm handling it."
"How many times has this happened?"
"A few."
"Sarelle, specifics. Now."
"Three times."
"What happens?"
"I jump, usually unprovoked. I stay for a few moments and then I jump back again. Sometimes on purpose. Sometimes not."
The look of horror on his face racked up my guilt. The panic was rife in his eyes.
"I can still control it, Edward. It's not like how it used to be."
"Who else knows?"
"At the moment, just you, but Eleazar knows something is up so I'm telling the others when they get back."
"Why did you never tell me?"
"Why cause worry when there may be nothing ot worry about?"
"After our past, Sarelle, you can't honestly tell me that you thought I'd rather not know."
My eyes cast down ot my feet. I knew how protective he was, how scared of losing me our past had made him. Maybe I had been a fool to think it was better he didn't know, but I when I saw the turmoil bubbling below his stony exterior I knew deep down that it would have been easier on him to have stayed in oblivion.
I reached for his hand, grasping it tightly in my own. "I'm OK, Edward." He pulled me into his arms, his nose nuzzling into my neck. "We're OK."
"I can't stand the thought of losing you. Not again."
"You never truly lost me, even all those years we were a part. We were just hidden from each other." I kissed his cheek lightly, as I soothingly ran my hand up and down his spine. His sigh tickled the wisps of hair at my temple but I wasn't allowed to revel in the shivers they caused.
"Get out." Aslo's voice growled as he stormed through the solid oak front door, leaving Tanya's grasp as he strode towards us.
Edward stepped out of my arms faster than I had hoped possible but from the way he tensed I knew It wasn't me he was focussed on.
"Aslo, he's just visiting. Calm down."
My words fell on deaf ears as he glared over my shoulder at Edward.
"Why are you here and not with your family? Why do you come to her when you have a wife and child at home?" his growls rumbled through the room.
"Aslo, that is out of line," I hissed.
"No I'm the only one talking sense and you know it, Sarelle. I've known you for a century and never have I seen you be so obtuse," he retorted bitterly.
"Don't talk to her like that," Edward interjected as he stood at my side.
Tanya stepped towards Aslo, her face tentative as she placed her hands on his broad shoulders. "Aslo, maybe this isn't the right time to talk. You should all just cool off." Her ever-shrewd gaze cast over me and Edward, questions clear as day on her porcelain face. Whatever semblance of secrecy we'd had these recent months had all of a sudden came to an end.
"Don't act as if you're some knight in shining armour, boy. You're worse than sin for what you've turned her into. " Aslo snarled as he shrugged off Tanya's touch. He and Edward stood face to face, each tensed and taught in their rage.
My eye's flit to Tanya but I could see she was as much at a loss I was as to how to proceed. I had never thought two of the most important men in my life could grow to hate each other so much.
"Aslo, please." I mumbled as the shame of the situation truly settled in.
His expression softened as he turned to face me, eyes so dark with rage but I could see the sadness and disappointment below the sparks. "It's like I hardly know you."
"Perhaps you never did. " Edward murmured and in that moment I knew I had never truly seen Aslo enraged. To see the speed he went for him,. The raw energy powering his body as he swung his fist back in preparation. In panic I did the only thing I could. I stepped in front of Edward and hope to whatever force there was above us that Aslo would calm down.
"Edward, I need you to leave." I hissed over my shoulder. I saw the hurt flash across his face but the way he had taunted Aslo stopped me from showing any remorse.
He was at the door in an instant but for a brief moment he paused and his eyes locked on Aslo "I came because she jumped. Against her will. I was worried. You might never have had to lose her, Aslo, but I have. And if she doesn't get this under control then we might all lose her." His words seemed to linger after he left, like they were so heavy that they left a trace in the air.
The three of us stood frozen, as if each trying to figure out what had just happened and how we were to react. Tanya was the first to decide as she gave me a glance and left the room. It was obvious Aslo and I needed time to sift through whatever was left of the relationship we'd once had.
He seemed to sag as soon as Tanya left the room. Like the air had been taken from him and he was just deflating before me. I watched as he slumped onto the sofa and leant forward to rest his head in his hands. His mahogany hair gleamed as the sun pierced into the room. Highlighting the red hues so often hidden in the cloudy weather we often lived in.
I knelt slowly before him, lightly resting my hands on his knees.
His eyes opened wearily, a murky haze of black and bronze.
"Is he right? Is this the girl you've always been? Has it all just been a mask?"
My heart broke then and there. "No, of course not. But I can't deny that after I changed I became a girl different to the mortal version I had once been."
"So this is what you were like in the years before your change, when you were with him. You disregarded others, followed a false future, betrayed your self-respect. All for him?" His voice strained and with each word I felt myself grow smaller under his gaze.
"You're right, I know you are." I turned to sit back on the sofa as the shame crept in. "I don't know how I got here. I shouldn't be here."
"We could leave, it could be like it used to be."
"But don't you see, I don't want to go back. This may not be the person I want to be, but I don't want to be that other girl either. Everything was wonderful when I was happy, but those times when I wasn't were the very worst."
"Those unhappy times only ever came when he was involved."
"And you would ask me to go back to being that way? Going through life until something reminded me of them, of him, and then suffering through the loss of them."
"You were just starting to move on Sarelle. The last ghost of their presence in your life had finally been and gone. You'd had forty years without them on your mind. If he hadn't turned up here...we could have been happy."
"Maybe you're right, maybe I would have moved on and maybe if I'd seen him again two hundred years from now I wouldn't have felt a thing. But maybe is no definite, there would still have been that possibility that this would have played out exactly the same way."
His hands raked through his hair, uncoiling the curls then letting them spring back into place. "I hate what this is doing to us."
"So do I. I wish I didn't feel this way but I can't stop it. I tried but there's this connection between us, inevitability. Maybe I'm misreading a complicated history as destiny but I can't shake the feeling that we're meant to be in each other's lives. Somehow. I need you to accept that. I need you to understand why I can't turn away from him, why he makes me happy, why I can live with the fact he has a wife and still comes to me."
"If this is how it must be then I would rather bite that bullet than risk losing you."
"If I could change the past, this future would be a very different place. Trust me. If I could do it, I would."
"I know." He sighed and reached for my hand, placing a kiss lightly upon it.
"Do you hate me?" I asked as I wrapped my arms around him and felt his mimic my actions.
"I could never hate you. It would be like hating a part of myself." He murmured into my neck.
"I feel the same."
"I hope you don't expect me to like him."
I laughed weakly with relief at his mocking tone. "No. I don't expect you to like him. Just don't try to kill him."
"I'll try."
We slowly parted but before I could get up to leave he held me still. "Is it true about the jumps? Are you losing control of them?"
"Not all the time, but yes."
"Can Carlisle help?"
"I don't know. I thought it was just a glitch but now... I think it's something bigger."
"What do you mean?" Aslo asked, and for the first time when discussing my gift, I saw genuine panic in his eyes.
"I mean there has to be a reason and I think it's something big. Something is coming and I think, somehow, I'm getting a warning." My mind thought back to my human life and the way I would get a clues to an oncoming jump. The way the tingle built or the vivid sunsets that seemed to burn all the brighter. It was as if there was a guiding force my entire life. Things never seemed to be random. I couldn't discount the idea that such a thing still existed.
It wasn't until hours later, once the Denalis and the Cullens had all gathered to discuss it that my notion now seemed to be more than that. It had been hours of going over facts and piecing together elements of my jumps but we were still no further forward. All I could do was sit and wait in my room as Carlisle analysed my early tests and called me with the results.
"Were you ever going to tell me?" Tanya asked as she entered my room, snapping me out of my reverie.
"About the jumping, or Edward?"
"Both but mainly about Edward."
"One day, probably when I had no other choice,." I said bashfully. She perched on the end of the bed, her eyes beseeching.
"I see you as my sister, Sarelle, how could you keep this from me?"
"How long have you known Bella, Tanya?"
"What does that—?"
"Just tell me, please."
"Since their wedding. But I knew of her since Edward came running after meeting her."
"So forty three years." I said into silence. "You've known he was married to Bella for forty three years, the vampire who saved you all from the Volturi if I've heard correctly. The wife of a man you've known for a century. The newest of Carlisle's beloved daughters. So ask me again why I didn't tell you."
"I understand, you know. She might be Bella and all those things might be true but your history is just as important as hers and it's you who I call a sister. Not just a friend." I cringed against the guilt I felt. Aslo had been right earlier. So right it hurt to even remember his words. I had completely disregarded the feeling of those around me, and for what? What was worth hurting my family over?
"I'm no stranger to adultery, Sarelle," Tanya continued, "and I know all too well that you can fall for someone against your better judgement. Sometimes you just can't help it."
"I'm sorry I never told you."
"Yes well, so am I. I can't believe I've missed so much delicious gossip."
I quirked my eyebrow. It was typical she would try to put a humorous spin on it.
"Oh, I'm kidding." She said as she opened her arms. "Come here." I crawled across the bed to hug her and felt the light squeeze she always did. "Just don't get yourself hurt."
She got up to leave but turned, "You know he isn't going to leave Bella, she's in too deep."
"I know," I sighed. "It's just something I have to live with."
A/N: Thanks for reading!
