When I received the transmission from EDI about John, I did not know what to say at first. I may have been on the ship when the first Normandy blew up, and John was lost, presumed dead. And then I saw him on Freedom's Progress. With Cerberus, but the same as ever.
EDI replayed the transmission for me, and I could feel my heart skip a beat. The Normandy was a marvel of engineering, and Cerberus did a good job, I could say that. But...to revive a completely brain-dead man?
Dead or no, he was Commander John Shepard. There was no one else he could be. Engineer Adams could take care of the ship, I needed to do this.
When I went up the elevator to John's cabin, where EDI said he was, I saw Kaidan standing outside. He didn't notice me at first, just stood in front of the wall next to the door, mumbling something to himself. He heard the elevator door open, and turned around to face me.
"Tali. You...you came up here too?"
"What are you doing here, Kaidan."
"Same reason you did, probably. Trying to make sure I can say what I want to say right. Probably should have practiced in the bathroom, but, you know, no privacy." Not much privacy in the hall, either, but I didn't feel like teasing him at the moment. I didn't know what I'd say either, I just hoped I'd sit down with John and he'd talk and I'd respond. What would I say, that he didn't feel different from before and after the Normandy's destruction? He wouldn't believe that.
"Why don't we go together, Tali? I still don't think I have this right, maybe you can help fill in the blanks." It was better than my plan, at least, so I accepted.
"EDI, could you open the door for us?" Get in without knocking: Kaidan could be very decisive when he needed to be. EDI complied, and we stepped inside.
John didn't see us at first, he was seated on one of the sofas opposite his bed. He had a flashlight in one hand and mirror in his other, and was trying to shine it into his eye while looking in the mirror.
"Don't know why I thought that would work." He ranted to himself as he stood. He was barely dressed, only wearing underwear like in the vids. First time I'd ever seen his body like this, and I didn't have time to enjoy the view.
"What are you two doing here?"
"It's the Captain Cabin, John. Tali and I came to see you."
"John..." He made a 'tsk' sound as he echoed his own name. "That's probably not right, Kaidan."
"Yes, it is. You are Commander John Shepard, Alliance Military, the first..."
"Yeah, yeah, I know all the stories, Kaidan. No matter how amazing John Shepard can be, even he can't come back from the dead." He wasn't angry, instead he was...sad. Like when Chief Williams died, his voice was quieter, he didn't stop moving.
"Obviously there's more to it." Kaidan lightly grabbed John by the arm. "Because he's standing in front of me, ranting like a crazy in his underwear. First time for everything."
"Who is standing in front of you? Is this John Shepard." He pinched the skin of his arm. "Or just a sack of cloned organs and synthetic blood with a VI stuck in it's head like some third-rate horror vid come to life?"
"You're you, John! Some cloned nothing could never do the things you do."
"Bullshit, Kaidan. You could have done it too, you just don't believe it. So could Garrus, or Miranda. Tali could have made peace with the geth. Anyone can make their way through anything: Even a fake Commander Shepard." I wasn't sure if that was meant to be an insult or not.
"John, you know things no one else would know about yourself. You've told me details about Akuze, about Mindoir..."
"Kaidan, everyone died there, I could have said I rode a dinosaur through Akuze and no one could tell me for a fact I was wrong. Anyone could just make shit up. You said it yourself, Kaidan, you didn't know who the hell I was since Cerberus sank their claws in me. Maybe it is just like those husk soldiers, and the Illusive Man didn't have all the kinks ironed out. Congratulations, you were the only one who was right, Kaidan."
"No, I wasn't." Kaidan looked down at the ground, still ashamed of himself.
"You are real, John." I stepped forward. I wasn't thinking at this point, I was just blurting out whatever I could think of.
"I know I'm real, Tali. There's just no way I'm who I thought I was."
"You are John."
"How do you know?" He dared.
"There's no one else I'd do this for." Without even thinking, I pulled off my mask, grabbed John's face with my hands, and kissed him. Hard. I stepped forward and toppled on top of him onto the bed.
This was stupid: I hadn't taken antibiotics or anything, and John wasn't sterilized either. If it didn't kill me, I'd be sick through the whole battle to retake Earth. But I kept going. I grabbed his arms with my own, preventing him from moving. I could feel his heart pounding as I kept going, the only sound was his heart pounding.
When I ran out of breath was when I stopped. I was gasping, and I looked at John, on the bed. He had the largest look of surprise on his face.
"Errr..." I heard a sound behind me, and that's when I realized Kaidan was still in the room. I put my mask back on.
"Tali...that...that's..." John was stuttering.
"Reckless?" Yes. I should probably get the infirmary. We would only link our suits for someone we trusted, like Raan and my mother, and there was still a risk with that. But to remove our suits completely, in an environment, even like this, there can only be one thing to make someone that crazy. And I'd only be that crazy for the man who, from the day I met him, I cared for him. He treated me with respect, believed in me, and had me by his side when we went to the most dangerous places in the galaxy. I loved him, unlike any other.
John Shepard. No substitutes. I stood up from the bed. Neither John nor Kaidan said a word.
"John, the Normandy will be at the Sol Relay in a few hours. I suggest you take the time to rest and prepare yourself. As well as anyone else in your room." EDI's voice sounded over the comms.
"EDI." John replied in a disapproving tone as I started to feel feverish. I leaned against his display case of model ships for balance. He didn't one of a liveship, I should get him one after the Reapers were killed.
"Tali, are you..."
"I'm going to head down to Doctor Chakwas." I made my way slowly to the elevator. I heard Kaidan sit down on the sofa.
"John...You've done everything you can for your crew, look to them now. There isn't a soul on this ship who doesn't know your Commander Shepard. I know it in my head, I know it in my gut. The galaxy's best soldier, peacemaker. Friend. The guy whose going to beat the Reapers back to the hell they crawled from and slam the door behind him. Anderson back on Earth, Hackett, everyone that knows you. We know it can only be you. Trust us. Just like we trust you. You know I've never been with Cerberus: Ask me anything only I'd know, and I know you'll get it right."
"It's not that simple, Kaidan. But thanks." John sat back up in bed. He still sounded sad, but not as sad. A work in progress. I made my way outside the door and saw Liara was peeking inside, making no effort to interrupt.
"You can just go in."
"I was going to offer to meld John's mind with mine together, just as we did to discover Ilos. I'd be able to tell if something was off. But...I'll wait. This is probably better. Here, I'll help you to the infirmary." Liara supported my arm as we made our way to the med bay.
