Review replies (You know who you are, I have too many guests now...):
- Thanks! That really means a lot to me!
- Well, it's... Interesting... That you think that way. And slightly disturbing, if you don't mind me saying. Then again, I'm asexual and don't feel anything towards either gender of any species, so I'm not one to talk about that kind of thing (yes, Everything I'm writing with regards to that is from observation not experience. And yes, that is actually a medical state, so deal with it). I suggest you Google rule 34 if you really want that kind of thing :) I've made this one more... tense though, that seems your kind of thing?
- An7 - Well, people are mysterious things. Some people are petrified by flying 37000 ft from the ground in a compressed metal tube that's 50 meters long and only 0.2 mm thick and travelling at 300 miles an hour, others are scared by an arachnid that's about the size of a 1 pence coin. Given that I think it's fair to doubt what most people think.

In response to your requests, guys, I've spiced things up a bit - emphasis on the 'a bit' - towards the end of this one. *Please don't sack me Andy*.


"Where's Tony?" Cubone looks up and asks Bianca, not that she understands what he's saying. Which is proven when her response doesn't answer the question.

"No, there's another one of my friends, plus a few of Lorenzo's friends, to arrive"

Cubone just stays silent. Repeating it isn't going to help Bianca understand it any more, and besides, we're going to the cake. Odds are Bianca will explain while they're all looking at it.

She joins the group with Cubone in hand, but there isn't enough room for me on this side of the table, so I fly around to the other side where Latias is. I'm now facing the girls and can see the look of awe in their faces as they gaze at the cake.

"Did you make this?" asks the girl that I think Latias called 'Grace' at one point.

"Nah, this is way better than what I could do. We know a person who makes cakes, he's called Tony... "

"Tony the one who also does ice creams?" A girl called Katy interrupts.

"Yeah, that Tony. He's actually here, he just went into the kitchen to make potato salad"

Quizzical looks from everyone.

"He said that 'No party buffet is complete without potato salad' ".

There's one of those awkward silences, until Latias eventually breaks it by squealing really loudly and flying right above Emily, ducking her head down and grabbing her beret - they seem to be the fashion, everyone is wearing them - in her mouth and flying around so she's facing her off, about 3 meters away and at head height, the beret dangling from her mouth.

Bianca makes a rather obvious observation.

"Looks like Latias wants to play with you!"

Emily responds in a determined voice.

"Well she better get used to loosing then". Brave words, and I'd be inclined to believe them, except I've seen Latias play this game before. No one ever wins but her if it's against a human. Or even a group of humans.

She starts well though, and I fly up for a better, arial view.

Emily is slowly going in a wide circle around Latias, keeping the distance between them the same and making Latias rotate round to keep her in her sights. They're both looking each other dead in the eye, but I notice, when Latias has turned the entire way round so her tail fins are to the crowd, that at Emily's side, at her hip level, she's got her palm outstretched and moving her fingers together, backwards and forwards.

What does that mean? It's kind of like what Bianca does when she wants us to come to her. But if Emily is taunting Latias, like that movement suggests, why isn't it at eye level, where Latias is looking?

Emily has stopped turning around Latias now. So she can't see when Bianca turns to the rest of the girls and puts her finger to her lips. They were silent anyway, but they all nod as Bianca starts to silently creep towards Latias, Cubone still in her arms.

Emily starts talking in a gradual, measured voice to stop Latias from being startled.

"Come on then. Get a little closer. What are you, scary bird?"

Latias, in comparison, doesn't bother with the cool and measured voice thing and goes straight to loud cooing. "I AM NOT A BIRD! Anyway, it's YOUR hat. YOU come and get it"

"Oh but I am..." Emily retorts in a voice that sounds quite dangerous. Like she knows something Latias doesn't. Which she does, because Bianca has started to creep under Latias' underside, our blind spot, due to our eyes being on the top of our heads.

"I know!". Latias screeches with delight and flies backwards about a meter so she can see Bianca, crouched on the floor, reaching for a hat that's no longer there.

"Bianca, you smell to much. And you make too much noise"

Latias has a point. Bianca's smell is quite strong, and grass isn't the quietest surface to walk on.

"Oh you clever little... " Bianca grunts as she lunges for the hat, putting Cubone on the ground in the process. It's not very effective though and Latias just floats a few centimeters higher, and she misses it by a tantalising amount.

Emily runs to joins in, runs up to Latias, and does an unnaturally high jump, but it doesn't matter how high it is, Latias can still dodge. Which she does, diving down and swooping past an on-the-floor Bianca.

Emily lands with a roll, which gets her a round of applause from the girls, before whirring round and going after Latias again.

All the while, Cubone is chasing Latias around but not really getting any closer to the hat, as even he can't jump to the height that Latias swoops to.

Whereas Bianca is just going for 'try to get the hat', Emily is working with some kind of strategy, slowly pushing Latias back and reducing the size of her jumps, giving Latias the illusion that she's getting tired. But I bet she's doing that to lul her into a false sene of security. Either way, the hat battle is slowly moving further down the clearing, and I see an opportunity for some food.

I fly around so I'm on the other side of the table, facing the girls. I select Katy to nag, she's the most normal one there. I have a feeling that if I tried nagging Amy, she'd end up trying to mate me or something.

"Oh hello Latios!" Katy exclaims as I fly so my head is just inches from her own. I keep my wings in a V shape so the rest of the girls can watch Latias try and keep the hat.

"Hi Katy!" I say back as I go and rub my head against hers, buttering her up before I ask for some food. I do some cooing noises too, and she starts laughing.

"Oh thank you Latios!" she giggles and I fly back and lower, before wedging my head inbetween her body and her arm, which normally makes them move their arms from their sides and pet me, which she does.

She strokes my neck from my head to about half way down, all the time commenting on on how smooth and shiny its gotten. I'm flattered, but I'm here for food.

After a bit of that, I fly up and hover over the pink fish that we had yesterday, unwrapped on the table, about a third of it left.

I could just take it, it's not wrapped so there's nothing stopping me. But past experience has taught me that if I do that then Bianca will find some way of disciplining me, whereas if I persuade a friend to do it then Bianca doesn't do much, really. She doesn't want to tell off her friend, but she can't have a go at me because I'm just eating the food being thrown at me.

"Katy! Katy! Food? Fish? Please?"

Katy had already turned when I'd flown around, but she's looking at the fish now.

"You want to be fed?"

"Please?" I nod too, trying to look as innocent as possible to persuade her.

"Well... Okay. The fish?" She points to the unwrapped pink fish below me and I do another nod. She picks up the plate and I fly forwards to rub the side of my face against hers again, letting her know how thankful I am, again.

She just giggles. "Okay okay, I get it. Come over here then!"

I fly back round to the front of the girls, arriving before Katy has even finished turning around. The others see what she's doing and decide to watch me being fed instead of the now repetitive spectacle of Latias with the beret. In the background I can still hear her coos.

I hover down to waist height and focus on the plate that Katy is holding, the smell of the fish radiating from it.

Katie slowly peels off a bit of the fish with two fingers before dangling it from her outstretched arm. There's a pause.

"THROW IT ALREADY!" I shout once I receive a list she's teasing me.

"Patience!" she cautions, and, with a flick of the wrist, throws the chunk of fish over my head, alarmingly fast. I didn't see it, it was that quick a throw.

I turn around to look for where it is, or where it landed. But she's either thrown it really high, or really far, because I can't see it anywhere in front of me.

There's a giggling behind me, which develops into an all out laugh as I float lower to try and catch the individual chunk's scent over the smell of the original fish, girly perfume, Latias and that other smell I couldn't identify.

After searching for about ten seconds, Katie speaks up.

"Looking for something? Latios?"

It's funny she should ask that, because when I turn around to tell her, in her palm she's got a slice of fish in her hand that looks exactly like the one she threw and that I'm looking for right... Now...

If my paws could reach my head, I'd face palm. But instead, I make do with flattening out my ears and closing my eyes slightly, which I've decided makes up my 'You've got to be kidding me' face.

"Hahaha! You should have seen your face! You were all, 'I'm going to catch the food!' and then fly off when I hadn't even thrown it!" Katie gloats, before going down on her haunches with the fish in her palm, facing upwards.

This is the best way to feed us since its virtually impossible for us to bite any of the hand by accident since its below the food and our heads would get in the way.

"That's not fair" I note as I fly over to get the fish. Her impression of me wasn't exactly accurate either, my voice isn't THAT high pitched. Either way, I'm being fed now and aren't exactly in a position to complain.

I lower my head over the slice of fish, before biting it lightly enough to pick it up but not so much it comes apart. Then I rotate round and away a bit, so I'm parallel to the girls, and about a meter and a half away. Its not that I think that they'd steal my food. But Katy has already pretended to throw it, so it wouldn't suprise me if she withdrew it after I'd had one nibble.

All the girls make an 'aww' noise at the sight of me eating, which is nice. Not that I'd consider myself eating a 'cute' thing, they'd probably throw up if they saw the scyther I had for lunch.

The fish tastes the same as yesterday, which is to say 'Very, Very tasty'. I take small bites from the slice as it rests on the grass, the individual bites making the taste last much longer than if I just swallowed it whole.

"Kate, pass us a piece! I wanna feed him too!", a voice that sounds like Jade shouts up. Which means more food for me!

I quickly chew down the remaining food, before flying back round and over to the smell of the new piece of fish, which is in Jade's hand, the same way as Katie was holding hers - hand out, fish in palm, fingers flat and together.

I'm wary about taking food from 'Jade'. I can see the facial resemblance, but her hair doesn't look like Jade's and I can't smell her properly from this distance over all the perfumes.

I approach her slowly then. She could be a threat, after all. I know all my friends, so if I don't know something, it's either an enemy or pray. And she's too skinny to be any nutritional value as pray.

She senses this and speaks in a calm voice, I can tell she's not trying to startle me. Which is good, because in this state I'd be inclined to attack.

"It's okay, look. Don't be scared. Your hungry? I've got food?"

Yeah, stupid. I know. It's only one of the three most irresistible smells ever. But I need to know that this is the real Jade.

Eventually, I'm close enough to smell her wrist, which is not only where humans like to sample perfumes but also one of the places where they smell the most, after perhaps the underarms and feet, neither of which are at a tactical advantage to smell right now.

I sniff around her wrist, getting ahold of her scent. It's masked by some perfumy stuff, but once I smell it I know right away that this is the real Jade. The color of her hair made a lot of difference to how she looked though.

I start eating the food out of her hand, taking small bites one at a time from the fish cube.

"How come he eats out of your hand and not mine?" Katy quietly asks.

"He likes me better, clearly."

That's not the case. It's just at the moment, Katie has pretended to throw me food but Jade hasn't. So she's less likely to try and take it away in mid bite. I nibble down the cube while the girls make 'Aww' noises, until eventually I reach the last bit, which I very delicately lick off Jade's hand. She is laughs the entire time

"That... That tickles!"

I finish eating and fly up to her neck, before gently headbutting that, cooing a 'thank you' while I do. I don't know why, but the headbutting thing seems natural, like I should do it to everyone I like. Bianca says I do it to mark territory, by rubbing my scent on them, but that isn't true. Humans aren't territory, they're family. But I guess it would make any pokemon going to attack them think twice if they knew I knew them.

The real reason I do it is because it makes the person - Jade - laugh, smile and be happy, which in turn makes me feel good. Jade leans her head back over mine and I can feel her face muscles smile wider.

"Your welcome" she says in a nice, pleasent tone.

Just as I'm about to break it off, Amy shouts up. I fly back a bit, ready to tackle the loud noise. But it's just Amy, looking quite jealous for some reason.

Her friends tell her to 'be quieter' when they see my reaction.

"Sorry... Can I feed him now?"

In response, Katy passes the dish of food over to Amy, who takes a sizable chunk out to feed me, going down on her haunches to hand the fish to me.

I fly down to her and take the fish off her hand, before taking it over to the grass and eating it in a similar way to when Katy fed me.

"Hey!" Amy calls out, clearly annoyed that I've just taken the fish out of her hand, instead of me eat it from her palm.

No offense to her, but I feel she's getting too attached. She's reminding me an awful lot like Green before I let her down. I think the word she's trying to be is seductive, although 'manic' is a lot closer to what she's actually being.

I see, though, out of the corner of my eye, that she stands up and starts walking towards me.

I growl to let her know to stop, and the remaining girl - who's so far said very little - gives Amy some good advice.

"Remeber what Bianca says? She says, don't go near them when they're eating on their own. Even if they like you"

Good words, and I'd like to think that Amy would follow them, but she's not. She carries on walking closer to me, getting near my wing, nattering back to the girls.

"Don't be silly Pedro!" - What kind of a name is Pedro for a girl? I thourght her name was Grace anyway? - "He wouldn't hurt me. He adores me, isn't that right?"

Enough is enough, now. I NEED to get this notion that she - or any other human female - is somehow attractive to me, out of her head. And make her listen to Bianca's advice on approaching pokemon that still hold wild values and instincts. And I know the perfect way to do it.

I fly up to her head height, cooing playfully like I'm playing Latias' game. I swoop past her and nab her beret off her head, before flying towards the woods. I can still hear her though, and she falls for my trick like a slowbro with a street performer.

I stop at the edge of the woods, turn around and hover vertically, paws still folded in and beret dangling from my mouth. I'll admit, this is fun.

"See. I TOLD you he likes me. Look, I don't see him playing with any of you guys. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to get my hat"

She starts running towards me. "I'm coming for ya!"

Excellent. I fly back round to face the woods again, plunging in quick enough to make it look like a challenge, but slow enough so she'll catch up.

Even then, I have to turn around and float vertically a few times while she looks around for me, sees me, and then runs after me, at which point I turn back around and fly closer into the forest. Eventually though, I make it to where I wanted to be.

It's the small area where me, Cubone and Latias ate. The scyther corpse is still there, complete (Well, incomplete) with detached scyther head. A guaranteed put-off for human females. They hate dead things. Especially suprise dead things.

I hover down to the ground and - dropping the beret at my side - start nibbling on the tiny bits of meat that remain. If this doesn't make her stop being attracted to me, I don't know what will.

"There you are! I was wonde..." She interrupts her sentence, and I know that she's been suprised by the corpse that I'm eating from. Although I've noticed that in between leaving the party and her arriving here, she's undone the two top buttons of her shirt. Perhaps she's just too warm.

Here's my plan. See, even in the event that the sight of me eating fresh raw meat doesn't disgust her enough (which Bianca has said many times it does), it should at least show her that the two of us don't share common interests: I. E. I'm an animal and eat raw meat, she's a human and they have to cook their food, and the two are not compatible.

There's a pause as she looks at me, with a somewhat... Flirty expression?

"Did you kill that yourself?" She asks in an amazed voice. I'll be honest, I was expecting her to scream or something, or at least be surprised. But the fact that she's amazed at least leaves room for the whole animal-human incompatible thing.

"Yeah. So back off"

She is getting close, and it is my kill, after all.

"That is so... Savage!" she says it in a tone like this is a good thing. Which she shouldn't think it is. She's supposed to think it's disgusting, or at very least a symbol of our differences.

And she's STILL getting closer.

"BACK. OFF!" I shout louder, but it does nothing. She gets even closer, leaning over like she's planning on touching it.

I growl and fly directly over the body, shielding it from her. The message is clear. If she wants any of this, it'll be through me. Which equates to not getting it, since I'm effectively invincible against her.

"Oooooh... Feisty devil aren't you!" she squeals, though not in terror. I don't know what the word feisty means, but it can't be good.

Either way, her hand is STILL getting closer, but it's go to the point where I can see what she's getting closer to. It's not my kill she's after. She's holding out her hand to try and... Pat me on the head? That's what it looks like.

Well any contact with her is bad right now, but there's still one more thing I can do to get her to realize our differences.

As fast as I can, I turn around and grab a bone from the scyther, wrenching it from the body with a jerk of my head and a snapping noise. Bianca hates that noise, so so should Amy. It's a rib I've snapped off, and it's completely inanimate, but for the sake of intimidating Amy, I shake it and growl like it's a fresh kill. After that performance, I turn to face her, and she's still crouched down, arms on knees like she's been waiting for me.

I fly in front of her, raising my head slightly so the bone is visible.

The bone is not like in the films. It's not in the remotest sense 'white'. It's covered in blood, minuscule ligament entrails, gooey liquids and general stuff that humans find vile. Oh, and it's got a crack down the side where my teeth have split it.

"A present? For me? Really?" She says in a kind voice, like I'm doing something nice.

Right. I stopped giving out bits of a kill to humans as presents about 30 years ago. I kind of get the point that they don't like raw meat. If I WAS to give her a gift, I'd be something humans like, like apples or shiny things. So WHY does this mad girl think it's some kind of gift? It's not even a gift that I'd give to Latias. It's half chewed and not very meaty. Barely even a gift. It's the kind of gift I'd give to a starving pokemon that comes to beg for food. If said pokemon isn't particularly tasty, in which case it becomes food.

Amy takes her right hand and pinches the bone from my mouth with two fingers, clearly not happy with full on grabbing it with her hand.

"Well, if that's your gift, I think I better give you mine..." She says, suddenly standing up.

YES! She's leaving! That IS the perfect gift.

Oh wait, she not. Wait... What? She's unbuttoning the rest of her blouse. Which is unusual, because female humans regard that... Area... With some reserve, and keep it covered in public. Well, the girls with 'self respect', Bianca says. Either way, that ISN'T normal behavior.

I start to fly slowly backwards - no mean feat in itself - to get away from this quite clearly insane human being. She smells like she's almost in heat, but all the same, even Latias isn't even this bizarre in heat, and she only has one heat a year, whilst human females have 12.

Amy starts walking after me though, unbuttoning the last few buttons of her blouse. I don't want to flee or do any sudden movements though, because she might go completely rabid and try eating my kill or something. Right now she's being so irrational it wouldn't surprise me.

As I feel my tail feathers bump against the wall of the garden, she finishes with the shirt and opens it so her torso is fully visible.

"What do you think?" She asks, pushing out her now almost fully exposed chest, clearly the subject matter at hand. Only one item of clothing actually stops it from being completely exposed, which is a black lacy thing which I think Bianca calls a 'bra'. Only the females wear them because only they have breasts because it's their job to feed the young. From what I can gather.

Latias doesn't have a chest or breasts as such, since we're not mammals and we don't feed the young with self produced milk. Otherwise we'd definitely have died after hatching (what with having no mother). But I know that's the purpose of human female breasts, because I see infant humans feeding from their mothers in the cafes when I'm doing a fly around.

According to Amy's behaviour now though, I'm expected to find her breasts attractive too, which would make sense since human females generally save the privilege of seeing them to their mates or offspring, and it's to the males advantage since they're a measure of how good a mate the female will be. I can't say that I find them particularly enticing though, I've no reason to. It's the human anatomy. Why should I - a completely different species - find it attractive?

I'm too busy mulling over her motives and don't give a response quick enough, so Amy takes this as a cue to step her courting up a notch.

She reaches her arms behind her shoulders and - in some wierd kind of dance way - starts walking even closer to me, her hands moving behind her back and exaggerating the amount by which she extends her hips.

"Well then.. I guess I need to be a bit more..." - she pauses for effect - "... Persuasive...". She licks her lips, but I've no idea why. Another thing human males find attractive?

I can't fly any further away, and she's getting so close that her chest is barely a foot from the tip of my snout. I realise too late what she's actually got in mind for me. I think what she's trying to do right now is some kind of intimate performance, the same type most female of most species perform before mating, in order to impress or arouse the male. A mating dance. Although I don't think she's aware that's what she's doing in my opinion.

Every thing I've tried so far has failed to get rid of her, and giving her the scyther bone with the intention of disgusting her even made it worse! And I can't think of anything else to do other than to run away, or call Bianca and get her to sort her friend out. I don't want Latias coming though, because that WOULD be difficult to explain.

"Bianca? BIANCA! BIANCA? HELP!? AMY'S TRYING TO MATE ME!". Nothing happens, Amy doesn't even flinch.

I growl really deeply at her and bar my teeth, one last time, in the hope that she'll get scared. But if anything, she just walks towards me faster.

"We're finally alone now... That means we can do anything...". She says anything in a tone that makes me think that actually she's got one particular thing on her mind. And it's exactly what I feared.

She's made her intentions to mate with me clear, and even though I've rejected her three times now, she's still trying, even though I don't want to. I'd flee, but she's walked me all the way back against the wall of the garden, and I'm blocked in.

Just as she starts pulling the 'bra' from behind her back, I spot an opportunity for escape. The wall is behind me, there's a tree to my left, with a branch blocking the path above me, but to my right I can kind-of turn and fly off.

I start, rotating around and accelerating as fast as I can.

But she's already in the way, hand extended out and flat over my eyes, so I can't see where I'm flying and have to stop to avoid injuring her or myself. She pushes me back to were I was and I've got no option but to let her as I can't see where I'm going.

"Playing hard to get, big boy?" She teases. I at least understand THIS innuendo, and I guess she's right in that aspect. She's a too small for me to physically be able to mate, not that this is going to stop her trying by the looks of it.

She keeps her hands over my eyes and I can hear shuffling about. But this at least gives me time to plan my next escape.

I could escape in milliseconds, but that'd involve at the very least knocking her over and she'd land in the scyther body. It'd put her off me, yeah. But Bianca would probably not feed me human food for a month if I covered her friend in intestine remains.

Eventually, I decide on a plan, and put it into action the moment she lifts her hand from my eyes. When she does, I notice she's not wearing any clothes on her top half at all, which is a state I've only ever seen Bianca and Bianca's mother in when it comes to females.

I flip my feathers over so the invisible coat is facing outwards, and I disappear from Amy's sight. She can't mate me if she can't see me. I hope.

I jet away as fast as I can, my head clearing Amy's shoulder with millimeters to spare before she make so much as a lewd comment.

The same can not be said for the rest of my body though. I never unfolded my arms, and it's a good thing too, because if I hadn't my claws would have raked across her face. As it is, the bump of the shielding on my arm catches her neck.

This wouldn't be an issue if I wasn't going so fast. But I was, and the momentum is sufficient to make her spin a full circle before toppling over.

As I knock her over, she screams out. "I knew you couldn't resist! Now c-" she yells, too crazy to realized I knocked her over in my escape, not the passion she thinks it is. Either way, the moment she hits the ground, she stops talking in mid-sentence.

She's chest-up, knocked out on the ground when I fly over her, thankfully still invisible.

I turn around to fly back to the party, and I see possibly the worst person to see in this situation.

Bianca. Stood next to a tree, not 3 meters from where the whole incident just happened. Jaw open so wide in shock you could fit a basketball in it, if you didn't pop it with your claws.

She puts two and two together and immediately starts shouting.

"LATIOS. GET HERE. VISIBLE. NOW!"


DUN DUN DUNNNN! Well that's certainly made things... Awkward. Bet you'd like to know what happens next... I'll give you a hint, it involves pain. And a quarter liter of mayonnaise. For Reals.

You get this longer and more... Risqué... chapter because I've not only got a pay rise, but because I've finally exceeded 60 reviews! Yeee ha! *Victory Dance*

Don't forget, you can always check out my deviantart for scenes from the story, free wallpapers and hints as to what's coming up next. Just search '~TheModerator' On Google. If the amount of faves I'm getting is right, it's worth checking out.