A/N: Bwahahahaha. I'm evil. Anyways.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Fiyero looked shocked for a second. Then he burst into laughter.
"Well. That was one response I wasn't prepared for," I said.
"Very…funny," Fiyero gasped. "You're getting me back for scaring you back in the City, aren't you?"
"That was two months ago, you mental case," I informed him. "I only plan that far ahead when said plans involve blowing things up or writing term papers." He stopped laughing.
"You're serious?"
"No, I argue with your sister for kicks."
"You do argue with my sister for kicks."
"About politics, not about what is or is not in my uterus!"
"I did not need to know that."
"Know that! You put it there!"
"Do you know something?"
"What?"
"This is a ridiculous conversation."
I calmed down.
"Yes, it is," I said, laughing. "Sweet Lurline, we're dysfunctional."
"Yes, we are." Fiyero paused and regarded me with intent blue eyes. "Get up."
"Why would I do that?"
"Just do it, please."
"Fine," I sighed, and stood. He picked me up and whirled me around. "Fiyero!" I yelled.
"What?"
"We've talked about this!"
"Well." He was at a loss for words for a moment. "You never listen to me. I'm entitled."
"That train of thought leads to a dangerous place, my dear."
"I like getting on trains you tell me not to. It generally leads to good things."
"Ugh," I sighed, "No more metaphors for you."
Above us, Addie stuck her head out the window.
"Kiss, already," she yelled. "This snappy banter thing you've got going is getting boring!"
"Shall you do the honors or shall I?" Fiyero murmured in a low voice.
"Let's both," I answered, equally inaudibly. Simultaneously, the two of us reached up and flipped her off.
"Now, shall we oblige my dear sister?" asked Fiyero. "We don't want to make her too angry, she probably will be delivering our baby."
"Yes, and maybe if we're good little boys and girls she'll send us to bed early," I whispered back, and we kissed for a long moment. A very long moment.
…
The next morning when I came downstairs for coffee, Addie was sitting in the kitchen reading a broadside from the City.
"Elphaba, have you blown anything up lately?"
"Unless you count your brother, no."
"Ew, sweet Lurline, shut up!"
I laughed. "Sorry. Why?"
"Someone has, and they're blaming you."
"Don't tell me who 'they' means…"
She nodded. "The Wizard and Madame what's-her-face."
"Horrible Morrible." I turned back to the cupboard. "Damnit, the damn cream was right there, where is it!" Fiyero came into the room and whistled at my cursing.
"Good morning, sunshine."
"Piss off. Where'd you hide the cream?"
"You can't have coffee."
"I'll drink it fucking black if you don't give me the cream. That's less diluted; I'm sure it's worse."
He deftly grabbed the mug and dumped it down the sink.
"Fine, then I'm going to the wine cellar and turning myself into my fucking mother!"
"Elphaba," he said, grabbing me and pulling me back into the room, "you don't mean that. What's wrong?"
"It's six o' clock in the morning, I apparently blew something up from a thousand miles away, and I want my coffee!" I yelled.
"You did what?" asked Fiyero.
"The propaganda machine never sleeps," said Addie, handing him the broadside. Fiyero scanned it.
"Shit."
I started up the stairs. "Elphaba, what are you doing?" yelled Fiyero from behind me.
"I'm giving the people what they want!" I responded. I heard Fiyero's running footsteps come after me. He caught up with me just as I reached the top of the stairs.
"Elphaba. Fae. What are you doing? Specifically?"
"Specifically? I am going in that room, putting on my black dress and cape and hat, peeing, and then grabbing my broom, finding a balcony, and flying to the Emerald City to give the Wizard of Oz a piece of my mind," I answered. "He wants the Wicked Witch of the West, that's what he'll get."
"Is that what they're calling you?" Fiyero asked. "Do they know where we are?"
"No, but they know who you are."
"Good thing my father's dead; he'd kill me and then die of embarrassment if he weren't," remarked Fiyero.
"But you can't rule if you're a wanted criminal, can you?" I asked. Fiyero smiled.
"My people aren't so fond of the Wizard as one might think. They're loyal to their king and his descendants, first and foremost. It's an ancient loyalty that goes back further even than the Ozma line," said Fiyero. "Addie will rule in name and in Emerald City record books, and we'll rule with her in reality," he explained. "The Ozmas were invaders here, the Wizard is twice as much of one. No one here's going to throw me over." I kissed him.
"I love you," I said.
"And I, you," he answered. "Be careful."
"I will," I told him, hand on my stomach. "I'll be back within two days."
And ten minutes later, he watched me soar over the battlements and eastward into the sky.
