A/N: Yayy more updates! And thank you guys for your super response - I'm very excited about the turn the story has taken in the last few chapters too. I hope you'll enjoy this one too.


Chapter Twenty-Nine: Frolicking fanged puffskeins – the speech!

I sat there in that waiting room for what felt like days. It had been months since Sirius had left. Everything was different now. Everything was weird. Remus didn't – he couldn't like me. We had never been more than friends. I ran my hands through my hair for the millionth time and hunched over, squeezing my head until it felt like my brain would start functioning again. With my fingers still pushing into my temples, I thought back to the so-called 'moments' that Sirius mentioned, that Lily and Dorcas had touched on briefly back when I was annoyed that Sirius was having moments with Lizzy. They weren't really right, were they? Sure, Remus and I spent plenty of time alone and maybe we sometimes said things that you didn't expect a boy and girl who weren't dating to say to each other, but that was just because we were friends, wasn't it? We didn't have to act standoffish or keep our distance because our friendship was more mature than others. But was there ever anything romantic between us? I'd never felt it – not really. But even as I remembered the odd way I'd once been transfixed by the view of his chest from between the buttons of his shirt, I felt myself blush.

But, he liked Emmeline – didn't he? Hadn't he called off Project Remus after he'd ended things with her because 'the person he liked would never like him'? I thought over that conversation a little more carefully. He'd also said that 'the girls he liked always liked Sirius more' – was that just referring to Emmeline or was I included in that too? And did that mean that he still liked me or was just remembering back to when he did? Merlin, this was too confusing. What was true and what wasn't? Hang on, when we were playing that drinking game at Sirius' birthday – he hadn't taken a sip when someone had said 'I've never fancied anyone in this circle'. And when someone had pressed him, he'd said resolutely that he wasn't drinking. It's not like you could lie in that game… Oh Godric, here I was trying to appease my obliviousness by using a drinking game as evidence. Someone floo the Healers.

But truly…was this real? Of all of Sirius' friends, I'd never thought Remus was the one who might see me as anything but a friend. Not that there was anything on the cards with the others, but even James and I flirted sometimes. And Peter – well he hated me, but he did let his stare linger a little longer than normal when he walked in on Sirius and I snogging. But Remus…he had always just been a friend. The best friend. The best friend who had secret feelings for me. It even sounded wrong. I tried to imagine the whispered rumours.

Remus has a crush on Kate.

You know that poorly bloke Lupin in 6th year? He fancies that obnoxious Hopkirk girl.

Remus Lupin likes Kate Hopkirk.

"Kate Hopkirk!"

Ugh, my imagination was getting too real.

"Er…Kate?"

Go away, voice in my head – I had more important things to think about.

"Um, will Katherine Hopkirk please report to The Great Hall?"

Eh?

"Okay hang on, I'll get her."

The loud voice stopped pounding in my head and I closed my eyes thinking again of Remus. All those times I'd said he was a good friend, all the times I'd complained about my relationship with Sirius…had he liked me during all of that? Or was I giving myself too much credit by reevaluating all of our time spent together in the past year?

"Kate!"

I opened my eyes in shock and saw Professor Prewett standing in the doorway looking at me in exasperation.

"Kate? What are you doing? Couldn't you hear me introducing you?"

Oh leaping, bloody, frolicking fanged puffskeins – the speech!

"Oh, sorry. Coming," I muttered, smoothing out my skirt and uncrinkling my speech, which had somehow ended up in a ball in my hands.

"Are you all right?" Prewett asked as we headed into the Hall. "You look pale."

"Nervous," I said with a shrug.

"You'll do brilliantly," he promised, and I almost believed him. When we entered the Hall, everyone did that crazy, in unison head movement to look at the door and I waved feebly. The nerves that had disappeared in the wake of Sirius' revelations returned in full force and I found myself looking uncomfortably at some snickering Slytherins and the more curious Ravenclaws. The Fifth Years were positioned right at the front, in rows rather than at the House Tables like the rest of the students and my eyes immediately went to both Lizzy and Emmeline – both girls had reason to laugh at me given the content of my speech and the incident earlier this year. Why did I write about bloody Boggarts again?

Meanwhile, Prewett hurried in front of me to get back on the stage and touched his wand to his throat. I followed him up reluctantly. The stage was warm and there were bright lights shining in my face. I put my hand over my eyes and squinted out into the audience, irritated that even the blinding beams couldn't mask their looks of anticipation. Everyone appreciated a good train wreck. I swallowed and wiped my hands off on my skirt.

"Sorry about that everyone. The next speaker was just very busy perfecting the finer moments of the speech you are about to hear, and was so absorbed that she didn't hear me calling."

The audience twittered and I cringed. Wonderful, Gideon. Like being chosen to speak at an academic event wasn't enough proof of my swottery, tell everyone how absorbed I was in memorizing my speech too! As I passed, Lily gave me the thumbs up and Sirius gave me a little nod, like he'd somehow managed to help me by telling me everything he had told me five minutes ago. Remus was the only person I could see who wasn't watching me. He had his head down over a copy of WME on the table and hadn't even looked up when Lily had called, "Good luck!" as I passed.

"So, without further ado – this is Kate Hopkirk for Defence Against the Dark Arts!" Prewett announced moving aside and waving me up to the podium with a flourish. There was some disjointed clapping as I stood at the stand and anxiously adjusted my parchment so that it was lying smooth. I took a deep breath and looked out at the faces around the room. Merlin, that was a lot of people. No one looked welcoming either. There were a few distinct yawns and some checking of watches as I fiddled with the parchment and smoothed back more of my slightly damp hair. Where the hell was all this moisture coming from? I wasn't generally very sweaty. Was this what Dumbledore felt like at the start of every term? No, it couldn't be. He was a gazillion years old and had probably given thousands of speeches. He was also a genius, not a girl who habitually talked too loud and drew too much attention to herself even without the added spotlight and podium. Dumbledore also didn't have to stare at his own intimidating face alongside several unimpressed students. He wasn't even the scariest one. McGongall was beside him with her lips in a thin line and Kettleburn was examining one of his stumps behind the Headmaster. Thank Godric Binns didn't come down to the Great Hall – two disgruntled teachers were enough to face.

Prewett gave my shoulder a squeeze and after waiting for a nod of acknowledgment, tapped his wand to my throat and said 'Sonorous'.

And then I was meant to speak.

I blinked a few times at the crowd, trying to find a familiar face to focus on so that I wouldn't feel so jittery. My eyes fixed on Lily and Dorcas who were both grinning excitedly and as I felt myself relax a little, my gaze flickered to Remus. Across from him I saw that James and Peter were playing thumb wars under the table, though at least they seemed to be half listening, looking up occasionally waiting for me to begin. Meanwhile, Remus was still looking at the magazine with an utterly bored expression. I mean, he was giving Sirius a run for his money – at least he was looking my way, even though he had the usual look of indifference on his face. Then he yawned and I closed my eyes trying to block the four idiotic boys out and remember that, at the very least, Lily, Dorcas, Mafalda and Prewett cared about how I did.

"Good afternoon. Wow, that's loud! " I exclaimed, jumping at the intense volume of my magically enhanced voice. The Hall laughed appreciatively and I felt a slight break in my nerves as I chuckled along. This was okay – I was used to people laughing with me. It's when I felt most confident.

"Um, right, good afternoon students, professors and my fellow speaker – my lovely and intelligent sister who has already put me to shame before I could even start," I laughed apprehensively.

"Uh, I'm here to talk to you about Defence Against the Dark Arts from a Sixth Year's point of view. In particular, I'm going to explain the effects of facing a Boggart, and how best to defeat one. Although, I'm not exactly sure why Professor Prewett thought that I was best qualified for this job, considering several of the Fifth Years saw me go to pieces facing one earlier this year. So, the best I can really hope for is to make you laugh."

Several people, thankfully, did laugh and although Prewett shook his head at me, he was smiling too. Meanwhile, Remus stared at his magazine without moving.

I chuckled again and cleared my throat, glancing down at the wrinkled parchment on the podium in front of me for a refresher. Agh, half an hour ago I could get through the first paragraph without even thinking and now I was so distracted. What a knob – if it were anyone else giving the speech he'd have been insisting that all of his friends listen intently, but for me, the roles had been reversed.

"Boggarts," I said with a practiced smile. "Quentin Trimble, the author of The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection defines them as an amortal, shape-shifting non-being that takes on the form of the viewer's worst fear. But most of us know them as that pesky rattling sound in the cupboard annoying our mums. Or if you've faced one – the antithesis of everything you've ever hoped to run into when you're having a good day. So…they're sort of like ex-boyfriends. You expect one thing from them and every time you run into them, they find a new way to define infuriating. Like one week you think you've got them figured out and are ready to face them, and the next week, they do something that annoys you all over again."

Sirius rolled his eyes as several students let out loud chuckles, and even though this was exactly what I'd expected to happen – even though I'd planned for it in my speech – seeing Remus finally look up and glance at Sirius made me subtly crumple up the page in front of me. I knew he was listening.

"But facing Boggarts is more like…fighting with your friends," I improvised, biting my lip and tucking the hair behind my ears.

Finally, he looked up at the stage as if by impulse, and I could see the wrinkle between his brows all the way from my place at the podium. He was confused. But he was paying attention.

"Not because your friends are evil or anything," I said hurriedly, staring right at him. "Okay, well all right – it's sort of like this. Um, you walk into this room and it's your favourite room in the world. It's got this really brilliant, squishy armchair and it's right next to the fire so your toes are warm, and The Ghouls are playing," I chuckled a little and a few people joined in. I even heard Jack Barnes yell, 'Charming!' – which brought on more laughter.

"Right, so you're in this amazing room feeling totally content and happy – like you know this room will never change or let you down, or hide anything from you. And it's brilliant. It's perfect. It gives you…little encouraging nods when you're stressed," I said with a small smile and though the crease remained between his eyebrows, Remus gave me a barely-there, familiar smile in return, that momentarily eclipsed all the confusion in his expression.

"I mean, well, like if a room could give you a nod. In the…personified sense," I amended, running a hand over the back of my warm neck. My gaze had finally moved from Remus and I could see Prewett looking dumbfounded. Yeah, he hadn't exactly read this part of the speech. Well, no one had considering I was just making it up as I went. I really had better get back to the point.

"And then one day, you walk into this room and you sit in your favourite armchair and suddenly it's not so squishy anymore – it's hard and uncomfortable and the fire is so hot that, you know, it's burning your toes off – like you're almost literally on fire and then suddenly you're on the ceiling hanging downwards, and The Ghouls turn into Celestina Warbeck and everything you thought you knew…and thought you understood – has gone away. And you don't know what to do because your whole world has just been flipped upside down."

The Hall was quiet – too quiet, not even a mocking chuckle. Just a lot of very uncomfortable looks from the students and baffled ones from the teachers.

Focus, Kate.

"So, yeah," I continued, flipping my hair over my shoulder and peeking at Remus again. He still looked perplexed, but he hadn't looked away from my face. It helped me go on.

"Facing a Boggart…is like that. Like facing something you never expected. And it's not that the Boggart is the problem, it's not that it's a Boggart – I mean, yeah of course, it is that it's a Boggart – Oh Godric. Okay, so you don't really mind that it's a Boggart. It's not the Boggart itself that you're afraid of. It's more what the Boggart will do; how the Boggart thinks you will react. That's what's so terrifying. That's why you freeze up and don't know what to do. But the thing is – you shouldn't feel afraid of the Boggart and you shouldn't take their behaviour personally because they're just protecting themselves and it's not the Boggart's fault – everyone makes mistakes and maybe you ought to remember that it's not all about you. Even if what it did was awful, you've got to forgive the Boggart because he's just reacting out of fear too. You know?"

Numerous people blinked up at me blankly, but finally the crease had subsided from Remus' eyebrows and he was smiling like he understood what I meant by this nonsense. I let out the breath I had been holding and felt a little better. Sirius clapped him on the back and when I glanced at Lily, she was smiling too, but raised her eyebrows forcefully. Right – making up with Remus was one thing, but I still had fifteen minutes left to salvage this academic mess.

"Go on," she mouthed.

Oh Godric – Prewett would kill me if this was how I ended the speech.

Carefully, I unbundled my parchment and laughed, pointing at the crowd in a "Gotcha!" gesture.

"Right! So that was the joke part. Put yourself in the enemy's shoes and what not, you know? Now, let's get to the boring, albeit relevant theory shall we? Essentially, facing a Boggart is more than just being presented with your worst fear. It plays on your insecurities and renders you completely useless. You're not yourself when you face them – you're a shadow of yourself, just a reflection of your worst fears. So the only way to defeat them is to remember that you're more than your fears and find a way to get past them. Preferably by laughing. So, next time you face one, I suggest remembering this train wreck of a speech."

Thankfully, the silence in the Hall broke and even McGonagall and Prewett were chuckling. With Remus' encouraging smile at the center of my gaze, I carried on through the rest of the planned content without restraint.

"The most efficient way to defeat a Boggart…"


I got through the remainder of the speech as intended with strategic jokes and information scattered throughout and remarkably people actually clapped when I was finished. The Gryffindors even got to their feet and chanted my name when I had taken the volume spell off my throat. Any excuse to make it seem like we'd won at something. I curtsied and chuckled, my eyes still fixed on Remus. He was clapping the hardest and had this exasperated/amused expression on his face that made my stomach flip a little.

In a friendly way.

I got down from the stage as everyone started getting up to go to their next lessons. Remus was there, at the end of the table waiting for me, but before I could take two steps, I bumped into Prewett. He didn't look thrilled with me, but he also didn't look angry. Just sort of resigned. He sighed heavily and shook his head.

"It sounded, for a minute, like you were about to tell us that we should all love and cherish Boggarts," he said with a smile. "I thought you'd lost it in the first five minutes, but thankfully you brought it home. I'm going to have to dock you for the amount of nonsense you put in though. So, unfortunately it looks like the internship at the Ministry is going to go to someone else."

"Internship?" I asked distractedly, looking over his shoulder. Remus was still waiting – thank Godric.

"Yeah, it's the reward for the best speech," Prewett said.

I shrugged. "Well, I never really wanted to be an Auror anyway."

He laughed and patted my shoulder. "You do want to be something though, don't you? Not just someone's girlfriend?"

I gave him a look and patted his own shoulder. "Of course, Sir."

"Any ideas?"
"Er, a professional speech-giver, of course!" I said with a grin making him laugh.

"No Sir, seriously I'm not sure what I want to be yet. But no, I don't want to be just someone's girlfriend."

"Well, that's good to hear," he said.

"But," I replied, looking over his shoulder again. "I'm not going to not be someone's girlfriend either."

He turned to look over his own shoulder and smiled.

"Ah, now I get the references," he chuckled before walking off to rearrange the stage so the teacher's table was back on the platform.

When I got to Remus, he had stopped grinning, but the smile was still playing on his lips as he shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked on the balls of his feet.

"Hi," I said, feeling shy.

"Hey," he replied.

"Er…"

"Want to walk?" he asked.

I nodded and without saying much to our friends, we made our way in silence out into the grounds to properly reconcile. Even though I knew we were just friends, I felt a little uncomfortable. The knowledge Sirius had given me about Remus' feelings had me feeling wary and nervous. It wasn't as if I was expecting him to confess his feelings or anything – I wasn't even certain he had any feelings to confess. But I started to pay attention to things I'd never focused on before. Like the way he tugged his hand away when our fingertips brushed, but didn't move it so far away that it wouldn't happen again. Or the way he glanced down at me several times, even though the rest of his body seemed relaxed. Were these signs of 'more than friendly feelings' or was I reading into things just because Sirius had shattered the glass? Ugh, would it be completely absurd if I just asked him?

We stopped near the Quidditch Pitch and I wondered if he'd brought me here for significance. To put to rest that day when they'd wiped my memory – to put our argument behind us and move on with our lives. The only question was, which way were we going?

"Hey," he repeated and I chuckled.

"Hello."

"I'm going to hug you now," he said with a smile, before he wrapped his arms around my torso and tugged me to his chest. As I breathed in the woodsy scent, I wondered if it was because he was a werewolf or if it was just his cologne. And then I wondered why on earth I was wondering about the way he smelled anyway. I should have been thinking about how odd it was that he was giving me this incredible, comforting bear hug when he'd always shied away from hugging me before. Was that another sign that what Sirius had said was true?

And then I couldn't obsess about it in my head anymore, because he was whispering into my ear, making the stray hairs flutter.

"I am so sorry. So, so, so sorry. I've been the worst friend in the world. I knew – I know that you don't care about what I am. And I don't think you make everything about you – you had every right to. I had no right to hide this from you. As soon as you found out last year, I should have come clean. There's no excuse," he said in a hushed and hurried voice before releasing me and stepping back.

I felt colder without him beside me.

"There's no excuse for my behaviour at all. But I was scared and stupid and couldn't handle the possibility of losing your friendship. I was so terrified you'd want nothing to do with me that I thought it would be easier if I wanted nothing to do with you too. But I don't want nothing to do with you, Kate. I know I don't say it and I know you think I care about the lads more than you, but that's not true. You're my best friend too. Please forgive me for not trusting you."

I wanted to pat his cheek in an affectionate, condescending way to lighten the mood, but suddenly it felt like it would be too weird to touch him like that. It would feel different.

"Was that very embarrassing and completely irrelevant Boggart metaphor lost on you?" I asked, tucking my hair behind my ears. The stray strands still felt like they were fluttering.

He laughed with relief and his face lit up in the way I liked it best. And even though he still looked tired from the full moon and he seemed to have grown even more grey hairs around his temples – he looked more full of life than I'd seen him.

"Yeah, I'm actually annoyed with you about that," he smiled. "How dare you apologize to me in front of the whole school? You should have been demanding that I apologize in front of the whole school!"

I punched his shoulder lightly and smirked at him. "Technically, I didn't apologize."

"Good," he said. "Then you should make me grovel a little more."

"Go on then," I laughed, looping my arm through his. "But can you do it in History? I'm thinking Binns could use some tips. He still hasn't apologized for putting me in detention for absolutely no reason at all!"

"Didn't he catch you throwing a paper airplane through his mouth?"

"Like I said," I said. "No reason at all!"


A/N: Chapter was a little shorter than normal, but I couldn't bear to write another scene after this particular moment - it felt too good to mess with. Also, did you know that this story is now technically longer than Bottle-Specs by word count even though it's 21 chapters less? Nuts. Thanks for reading!