Chapter 27: Lucas

I woke up at five thirty and change into a pair of black yoga pants, a white racer back tank-top, my cheerleading hoodie, and a pair of black running sneakers. I pull my hair up into a high bun and put my hood up. I put Zero on a leash and take him for a walk. After I get him to do his business, I take him back to the house and give him a treat and feed him and give him some water. Than I grab my iPod and head outside.

I put my earbuds in and hit play on my jogging playlist. I take of running down the sidewalk. It's been two days since I lost the baby and I haven't said a word to anyone since then. This is my first time out of bed in a month and I'm so out of shape. I'm not really supposed to be out of bed yet, but my chest is getting better. It still hurts, but it's not as bad as before.

Adam Lambert's For Your Entertainment blares through my ears and inspiring me to keep running. I run into the woods that are about half an hour away from my house by car. I go into the woods and just walk. My chest hurts a little from the exercise but I ignore it. I change the song I'm listening to something more depressing. The song that comes on is You Found Me by The Fray. I reach the lake and sit on the shore watching the water I feel at peace and think of the last time I was here.

I had so much fun. My friends and I camped out under the stars and made a fire and everything. That's why I come here when I feel down. I have happy memories here. I tried kayaking on this lake and then Zacky flipped me over because he thought he was funny. We made s'mores and roasted hot dogs over the fire. It was a great weekend.

I smile at the memory. I then reach in my pocket and pull out the pack of cigarettes Zacky had given me to help me de-stress. He had shown me how to do it too a couple of weeks before I was kidnapped. I coughed so bad the first time I almost stopped. Now it's gotten better. I had never smoked regularly, because I was afraid Randy would catch me and tell my dad. I didn't want to disappoint either one of them, so I never really let myself get hooked on it. Well, until now. I don't care about disappointing anyone. Hell; I don't even care about living right now. I light one and smoke letting all my stress sort of melt away.

RANDY'S POV:

I stop out my cigarette on the patio of the balcony and go back inside my hotel room. I know I made a promise to Faith, but, I can't deal with being away from her. I started again when she was taken and then I secretly did it when I stayed with her making sure to only do it when she was asleep and when I was sure I could take a shower and not smell like an ash tray when she woke up. I hate lying to her. I'm going to try to quit again. I just smoked my last one and refuse to buy another one.

I'm alone on the road. John's home with Faith, not to mention he just had surgery to remove bone chips in his arm. Cody is around and I'll hang out with him, but he's sick, so he's staying in. Ted's only back part time so he's a no. I could go hang out with Stephen, or Sheamus as he's known as in the ring, but I personally don't feel like leaving my room tonight.

I miss my girl. I miss her even if she isn't really herself right now. I miss her cuddling up next to me when we're watching a movie, falling asleep in her bed only to find her head on my chest and her snoring softly, but in general I just miss her. I should be home with her, not working. She's hurting. She just lost her baby, and even though it wasn't mine, I feel awful. I want to be there to hold Faith and tell her everything will be ok.

I pick up my phone and smile at my wallpaper of Faith in the helmet and black leather jacket. I scroll through my contacts and find Faith's number. It rings four times and the answering machine picks up.

"Hi this is Faith Cena, I can't get to the phone right now, but leave a number and I'll get back to you. Bye," Faith's voice pulls the invisible sting on my heart.

"Hey baby," I begin my message. "I miss you a lot and would love to hear your voice. I love you."

Faith's POV:

It's 7:30 pm and I lay in my bed with my dog Zero laying next to me. I heard my phone signaling me that Randy was calling me, but I don't want to talk to anyone right now. I laid in bed all day just crying.

I honestly don't want to live anymore. I feel like a burden to my friends and family. I still feel awful for losing my baby. He or she was depending on me to take care of myself for just nine months so they could have a chance at life and I couldn't even do that. I feel awful and I wish I could go back and tell myself to just suck it up for the baby's sake.

I sob thinking of the fact that I killed someone. I grab my lighter and go into mu bathroom. I sit on the toilet and ignite the lighter I hold the flame to the skin of my thighs that my shorts don't cover. I leave a couple burn marks on my legs. It hurts like hell but it's what I deserve and it gives me something to cry about. I also leave small burn marks on my arms. I finally put the lighter down and hide it in my sock drawer.

I pull my favorite baggy sweat pants on along with my favorite hoodie and get back into bed and cuddle with Zero. The burns hurt, but I don't care.

"Faith," Maria knocks on my door. When I don't answer, I never do anymore, she just comes in. She knows if I didn't want anyone in here, I'd just lock the door. In her hands she has a bowl of soup. "I brought you something to eat."

I shake my head. I'm not hungry.

"Fay, you have to eat something," she insists.

I shake my head again. I don't have to do anything.

"Alright, would you at least drink an instant breakfast," she asks.

I nod. That I can do.

"I'll be back," she gives me a reassuring mom smile. The kind mothers give their kids when they're sick. The kind I never got from my own mother.

Maria comes in a few minutes later with a chocolate instant breakfast, which is my favorite, "here you go sweetheart."

I nod my thank-you.

She places a kiss on my forehead and leaves. She really cares about me. But why? I've been nothing but a burden to her. The minute I take a sip of the drink, I realize that it is thicker than usual. She put ice cream in it to make it more filling. She's trying to take care of me like her own child. She shouldn't be, I'm not her child and don't deserve her kindness. I finish the drink, take off my hoodie, and go to sleep, where I can't bother anyone.

John's POV:

I walk into my parent's house after being dropped off by my brother Dan. I just got surgery on my arm to remove bone chips in my elbow and my brother picked me up from the airport and drove me home. I find my fiancé sleeping on the couch in the living room. I hear my younger brother playing video games in the basement. That leaves one person to check on. I climb the steps and open her bedroom door.

She's sleeping soundly, my little girl. Curled up at the top of her head is her new dog Zero. From the dim light in the room cast by the hallway light, I can see a dark marks on her arm. I get closer and see light burns all over her arms. What the hell?

"Faith, wake up," I say sternly. I try to keep the anger out of my voice.

Her eyes open and she sits up.

"Faith, what is this," I point to her arms.

She doesn't answer.

"Answer me Faith," I reply raising my voice.

She shakes her head.

"Faith," I almost yell.

I can see her cower. Zero wakes up and barks.

I take a few deep breaths, "I'm sorry. I was scared Faith."

She calms down a little bit.

"Can you tell me what those are," I ask.

"Burns," is all she says. It's the first word she's said in two days.

"Did you do them to yourself," I ask.

She nods and then starts crying.

I wraps my good arm around her shoulders and sit on the edge of the bed, "princess, you can always talk to me. You know this right?"

She nods.

I hold her for until she's asleep. I exit her room and shut the door. I take out my cell phone and call Randy.

"Hello," he answers quickly.

"Ran, it's John," I greet him. "We got a problem."

Immediately Randy replies, "what's wrong with Faith?"

"She's burning herself."

Randy is speechless, "what do we do now?"

"I don't know man," I reply. "I just don't know."

"Do you want me to come back," he asks.

"No, it's ok," I sigh. "I just wanted to know if you had any advice?"

Randy goes silent for a minute, "I got nothing. Sorry man."

"It's not your fault," I reassure him.

After promising to call him if anything changes, I hang up with him and wake Maria up and we go to bed.

Faith's POV:

I woke up this morning, walk Zero, go for my jog, smoke a cigarette, jog home, take a shower, than lie in bed and watch the Nightmare On Elm Street movie marathon to pass the time. I'm not a big horror movie fan, but these movies are really good. Somewhere after the third one, I fall asleep.

I wake up laying in the grass. I get off the ground and look around and see a playground not far away from me. Something pulls me to it, so I walk over. The whole park is empty, except for me and a little boy of about six. The little boy is sitting in a sandbox and appears to be crying. I look around again and don't see his parents, so I approach the sand box and sit in the wet sand next to the boy.

"Hi. I'm Faith," I introduce myself. "What's your name?"

The little boy sobs into his hands and doesn't look up, "Lu-Lucas."

"What's the matter Lucas," I ask. I have always loved that name. I probably have named my baby that if my selfish ways, whatever they were, hadn't killed him.

"My mommy doesn't want me," he says after he's calmed down a little.

"What makes you say that," I ask. My heart breaks for this little boy.

"She killed me," he replies. Then he looks at me and I see it. He has my naturally light brown hair, my blue eyes, and a little of my bone structure. "Why mommy? Why didn't you protect me? Did I do something wrong?"

My eyes open. It was only a dream. No, not a dream. It was a message from my baby. My little boy that I killed. That I didn't protect. And he knows that. I don't blame him for hating me. I hate myself too. My heart aches again for the little boy that I'll never be able to hold.

I get up and go downstairs and into the kitchen. Zero who has been in the kitchen all day, looks at me with his head cocked like he's trying to figure out what I'm doing. I grab my pain medicine the doctor gave me for my chest and head back upstairs with a glass of water too. My dad and Maria are at the doctor's office to check on their baby and will be back at any minute, so I have to be quick. I scribble a quick note for whoever is going to find it.

Dear Family,

I love you guys. Which is why I'm doing this. I just can't hurt you or disappoint you anymore. I know this causes you more pain, but I hope in time you forgive me and can move on. If not, I don't blame you for hating me. By the way, I would like all my organs donated so that someone who is less selfish than me can have a second chance at life.

Love,

Faith.

I send Randy a quick text telling him I love him and to all my friends a thank you for being there for me. I set my phone down and unscrew the lid of the pills and swallow ten of those. I reach in my bedside table's drawer and find my razor blade. I do the one thing I always told myself to never do. I go 'through the woods' with my cut from my wrist to the middle of my arm on both my arms. The vertical lines quickly start to bleed. The last thing I do is grab my lighter from my sock drawer and burn my legs. I'm in pain but, I deserve it. My baby was in pain when he died.

I begin to feel woozy so I lay down on my bed and look at the ceiling I see my little boy's face.

"Mommy's coming Lucas," I smile at him. "She loves you."

I begin to fall asleep for the last time. I hear something crash, but I don't care. I'm going to go see my baby.

Sean's POV:

I came up into the kitchen to get a drink when I hear something crash in Faith's room, I run upstairs and knock on the door.

"Faith, are you ok?" I ask. I get no reply. I open the door and I see Faith and it breaks my heart but I move quickly to pick her up and start to carry her to my car. She's pale and covered in blood. I quickly and carefully get downstairs, out the door and into my car. I hop in the front seat thankful that I forgot my keys in the car again. I start the engine and drive to the hospital as fast as I can without getting pulled over or into an accident.

I pull into the emergency room and stop in front of the doors. I hop out and grab my little niece. I get her on the stretcher and call John after answering some questions.

"Hey Sean, what's up. Maria and I are on our way home," my older brother answers the phone.

"John. Get to the hospital. It's Faith," is all I can say.

It finally hits me. My sixteen year old niece, who is like my best friend tried to kill herself and she may still succeed. She can't die. She's the most perfect kid you could ever meet. I love her like a sister. She is so sweet and would never hurt anyone. She would help you no matter who you are. That's just who she is. Faith is so smart too. She has spent countless hours teaching me math and making sure that if at least I didn't graduate with my original class, that I would graduate with her.

"I'll be right there," my brother says and than hangs up.

Randy's POV:

I just got out of a match and hear my phone ringing. I find it in my bag and pick it to see John calling me.

"Hello," I answer quickly still out of breath from my match.

"Randy, where are you," Maria's frantic voice asks.

"I'm in Oklahoma," I reply. I start to get worried. "Why, what's wrong?"

"It's Faith," she replies and she starts to cry. "She tried to kill herself."

No, no, no, no! This can't be! Not Faith! I mean I know she's been hurting. I know she's been quiet. I know she's been burning herself. But, this can't be. No, not my Faith. Not the girl I saw not a month ago who held onto me. I pull a shirt on and pull sweat pants on over my trunks and grab my bag.

"I'm on my way," I say into the mouth piece and hang up.

I jump in my rental car and return it to the dealer. I call Vince while I'm in line waiting for a ticket and I get the week off. I buy a ticket and wait for the plane. Adrenaline keeps me from crashing or needing a smoke. I board the plane and wait impatiently for the other passengers.

Soon the plane takes off and I feel easier knowing that I'm closer to Faith. I think of everything she's been through. At any of those points she could've offed herself but she didn't. She fought through. She could only take so much. I feel so guilty for not noticing the signs. Faith tells me all the time that I know her better than anyone. I feel awful. I've been an awful boyfriend. I should've stayed with her. But I didn't. I'm so stupid. I really should've saw the signs. Especially because I've been exactly where she's at.

A/N: So, how was that? Will Faith be ok? Or, will she meet the son she feels that she killed. Is this the end of Faith? Tune in to find out :D