So this chapter was a long time in coming and I'm so sorry for the wait. I just got back form visiting friends out of state again so I've been busy with that, and this chapter was... critical for me to get right, so I had to be careful about how I wrote it. Once you read it, I think you'll all understand why. Happy reading and thank you all so much for the reviews!
oOo
Chapter 28:
"It's not my fault if - in God's plan - he made the devil so much stronger than a man."
- "Hellfire" from The Hunchback of Notre Dame, cover by AnnaPantsu
"Daniel."
"Audrey." The word sounded odd in the tiny room, as if it were simply not a place that the name belonged. He had slowly gotten to his feet and placed Luke on the floor, where the young boy immediately plopped onto the ground to play with the dog wagging its tail near his feet. "It's good to see you," Daniel added after a moment of awkward silence, shoving his hands in his pockets. "You look good, especially considering that I thought you've been dead for the last eight months."
It couldn't have been possible that he was here, standing in front of me when he should have been going over case files in an office in Washington D.C. I had to have been hallucinating. Yes. That had to be it. I was imagining this whole scenario because there was no possible way that Daniel fucking Callaghan could be standing in my living room at that moment unless…
Unless…
Unless something really bad had happened. Unless our location had been compromised and something terrible had happened in D.C. that we didn't know about. Could this have simply been what I had been dreading all along – my worst nightmare becoming a reality?
"What –" I swallowed against the lump in my throat, fingers restlessly twitching at my sides. "What the hell are you doing here? How did you find us?"
He and Isaac exchanged a meaningful glance before Isaac looked down at his hands. "Why don't you come and sit down, Audrey, so we can talk?" Daniel said pointedly, gesturing to the empty spot on the couch next to Isaac. "There are a few things that we need to talk about before –"
"No," I turned up my nose at him, fists clenched and shaking at my sides. "No! God damn it – just tell me what's going on! You – you aren't supposed to be here!"
"Monique gave me a push in the right direction on how to find you," he immediately tried to explain, eyes flashing. "Slipped me a piece of paper with your name and the name of this…" he grimaced, " town. It took me a while, but I did a little research and managed to find you about a week ago. Granted, I didn't exactly know for sure that it was you, but I had hoped…" He reached up and took off his cap to reveal a head of slightly curly blond hair, running his hands through his locks anxiously. "I don't know what I was expecting when I came here. I had hoped it would be you, but now I don't know whether I'm relieved or frustrated."
Something within the back of my brain clicked, and I immediately pushed past him to head to the window where the curtains were halfway open. I quickly shoved them together to hide what was going on inside from anyone – anything – that happened to be listening from outside, and hissed, "You're an idiot! You should have known better than to have come here. You put us all in danger and you know it! How could you be so foolish? What if someone had followed you?"
"I wasn't followed," he finally snapped, annoyance evident on his face. "Have a little faith in me, won't you? And even if I had been followed, it wouldn't matter. As far as I know, your location is already compromised, so you're lucky that I arrived when I did – and that it was me and not someone else."
I stared, slightly uncomprehending. Isaac coughed, reaching down to pull Luke and Oliver onto the couch with him in a gesture that was almost protective. "The only way our location would be discovered is if –" And from the looks on both Luke and Daniel's faces, realization dawned on me. "You wouldn't have come here if she was still alive. That's why she told you – she wouldn't have said anything otherwise if she hadn't known that…" I grit my teeth. "When?"
"Two days ago, I believe," he replied, shifting awkwardly in his spot. "I found out about it early this morning after I walked into the office. I knew that I couldn't wait any longer. I doubt Monique would reveal your location even if she was being – well, enticed, but… she told me that she didn't really trust anyone in her office to keep the information safe. I don't know who else knows about where you all are, but I figured that you would rather be safe than sorry."
I was torn between thanking him and throttling him, taking a deep breath before I asked, "What are our options, then? Do we leave and go somewhere that's safer? If so, where do we go?"
"What? You can't possibly be serious," Isaac interjected immediately, getting to his feet with Luke still in his arms. Oliver whined from his position on the couch, gently swatting at the leg of Isaac's pants. "Leaving La Push? You know why that can't happen, Audrey. Paul would go absolutely nuts if we left and so would you."
"Who's Paul?" asked Daniel.
"Paul is a friend," I said, right at the moment that Isaac smugly stated, "Paul is Audrey's boyfriend."
"He's nice," Luke chimed in helpfully, cheerfully kicking his feet. "He got us a puppy for Christmas and mommy talks about him a lot."
"Paul is a friend of mine," I corrected swiftly, though I felt my cheeks heat at Daniel's raised eyebrows. "He's helped us out a lot over the last few months. He's – it's complicated. The point is that we've all made some pretty fantastic friends here and it'll be difficult to just leave." I paused and quickly added, "But not impossible, if that's what it takes."
Isaac's eyes went wide. "Audrey, we can't –"
"Isaac, now is seriously not the time," I warned him, giving him a look that could have melted ice.
"So that's it, then?" he asked harshly, eyes blazing with a fury that I didn't expect. "After everything we've gained here – the lives we've built and the friends we've made – you're ready to give all of that up without a second thought? What is wrong with you?"
"Isaac, go up to your room and stay there!" I snapped, pointing angrily toward the staircase. "Now!"
Oliver jumped off of the couch and hid under the coffee table as Isaac kicked at the couch and stormed away, grumbling curses under his breath while a concerned Luke looked confusedly over his shoulder. When the two boys had disappeared up the stairs, I plopped down on the couch with the dog wagging its tail at my feet, burying my face in my hands. "This can't be happening," I murmured aloud.
I felt the couch sink in beside me as Daniel sat down, sighing. "I'm sorry. I know that this is probably the worst news you could possibly hear, but… I don't know. I guess a part of me thought that you would be happy to leave town, since this isn't exactly the type of place that you used to spend your time. I didn't think you all would have assimilated. It's unlike you."
"It's hard not to assimilate here," I responded quietly. "These people have a way of getting under your skin and forcing themselves into your life. They're all wonderful, though, don't get me wrong, but they make things complicated now."
There was a pause. "And this Paul guy –"
"Is irrelevant right now, considering the circumstances," I finished. At Daniel's stern look, I shook my head. "He makes me happy. The first guy to do that in a very long time."
"Ouch."
"You're different," I mumbled. "You always have been different to me, and you know it." I finally glanced over and shoved his shoulder with my own, "I know this might not be the best time, but I think you should know: I missed you."
He gave me a strange look, as if he was suddenly seeing me in a brand new light, but eventually nudged me back. "I missed you, too."
oOo
The beginning of the reveal of Audrey's secrets to the rest of the pack did not actually start with Audrey. As a matter of fact, the little cocoon of contentment did not start with any of her family members, though some would argue that Isaac was at fault despite his great intentions. No, the beginning of the drama did not start with the Perdue family – or the Montgomery's, for that matter. Instead, it began in another wooden house on the La Push reservation, where another loving family of three had been residing: the Clearwater's.
And later, everyone would find it quite odd to realize that none of the pack would have ever discovered the secret had Sue Clearwater not lost the number to the local pizza restaurant.
"I know for a fact that I wrote it down," the older woman ranted to her daughter in frustration, tossing her hands into the air in exasperation. "I know I did because I specifically remember that I couldn't find a pen, then after I wrote it down, I put it on the fridge under one of the magnets because I knew I would forget it the next time we decided to order out."
"Maybe it happened to fall off and slip under the fridge or something," Leah suggested lazily, chin in her hand and pointedly not making a move to get up and help her mother. "Or maybe Seth was sleep-walking, thought it was food, and ate it while looking for a snack."
"Could you lose the attitude and be serious for five seconds, please?" Sue scowled, though a flicker of a smile appeared on her lips. Then she sighed in resignation, hands on her hips. "We'll just have to look the number up on the computer, I suppose. Would you mind…?"
Leah rolled her eyes and dragged herself out of her chair. "I guess I could look it up. It might take a while for the computer to load, though, so you'll have to be patient."
"Aren't I the one that's usually telling that to you?"
"I'm not the one who had a sudden craving for pepperoni and sausage and decided to go and lose the number to the restaurant," Leah teased, trotting her way to the computer room and flopping herself down in the old chair. Then she called out, "And I'm ordering an extra pack of breadsticks because Seth ate them all last time!"
Sue called out a confirming response, but Leah had barely heard it as the computer began to loudly whizz to life before her. Her eyes slightly glazed over as she waited, absently tapping a steady rhythm on the arm of her chair as she waited. Then it was more waiting for the Internet icon to load and the browser to actually open up, until she was finally staring at the Yahoo! home page.
Then she was struck with a brilliant idea – it hadn't been that long since they had ordered pizza. Maybe the website was still in the search history. It would be easier to just go straight to the source than to have to wait for the search engine to load, then to scroll through the links and look through the website, wouldn't it? Of course. So, praising her own brilliance and mentally giving herself a pat on the back, Leah clicked on the little icon on the browser that led to the search history. She quickly scrolled through the links: yahoo mail, a billing website that was probably her mother's half-assed attempt to pay the bills online, and… ah, yes – the pizza place.
But then, something right under the link that would lead them to sweet and cheesy pizza-goodness caught her eye – a New York Times news article that was titled, 'Tragedy in Coldwell Condominiums.'
Leah made a face, frowning intently at the screen. "What the hell?" she murmured curiously, giving the link a click. The only person in their household that had ever read anything news related was her father, and when he was alive he had only ever read the newspaper. If it hadn't been so out of place, she might have skipped over the link without a second thought, but as it was, the unfamiliar nature of the link struck her curiosity.
The more she read, the deeper her frown became. Her confusion grew with each word that her eyes traced over, and when she saw the picture located on the bottom of the article, her heart nearly stopped. Without a word, she calmly printed out the page in their ancient printer, pushed back from the desk, and walked past her mother's confused and questioning words to her brother's bedroom. She knocked a rhythm on the wood with her knuckles, sweetly calling out, "Seth? Can I talk to you for a second?"
There was a mumbled response from the other side of the door that told her that Seth had probably been asleep. She heard the rustling of blankets being shoved aside, a slight thump that she assumed was Seth falling out of his bed, and then the door was pulled open by her baby brother with a yawn and half-lidded eyes. "What?"
The printed out pieces of paper were clutched in a tight, shaking fist behind her back, but Leah kept herself calm as she asked, "Is there something that you want to tell me, baby brother?"
His blank and tired stare made her believe that he might actually have no idea what she was talking about, but she wasn't quite ready to back down. "Huh?"
"Hm." She pursed her lips. "Let's try this again, shall we?" And with a fury that surprised both of them, she grabbed her brother by the collar of his shirt and slammed him against the wall next to his bedroom door. He let out a shout of surprise as she moved her enraged face directly in front of his as their mother appeared at the top of the stairs and stared at her children in shock. "Is there something that you want to tell me?"
"Leah!" Sue shouted in shock, taking a step forward but not quite brave enough to pull Leah away from Seth. "What on earth are you doing? Let him go this instant!"
"I don't know what you're talking about, I swear!" Seth exclaimed, struggling to press himself into the wall in order to get away from Leah's rage. When he failed, he immediately began thinking of everything he could have possibly done to get on his sister's nerves. "I – I mean, I ate the last of your Frosted Flakes two days ago, but I was going to put it on the shopping list so that mom could get more – I just forgot!"
"I – wait, what?" Leah quickly shook her head, jostling her brother slightly. "No, you idiot! That isn't what I'm talking about!" She whipped her other hand from behind her back and shoved the papers in his face. "This! This is what I'm talking about!" Releasing him and waving the papers franticly, she pointed at the picture at the bottom of the article. "What the fuck is this?"
Seth went cross-eyed trying to read the paper since it was so close to his face, but when he managed to get the gist of what was written on the pages, his entire face drained of color. "Where did you find –"
"You didn't delete your search history on the computer, idiot." Leah scowled, shoving the papers in her mother's direction so that Sue could see an explanation of Leah's outrageous behavior. "But stop trying to change the subject. Is. It. Real?"
"I'm not supposed to say anything!" he finally exclaimed, almost desperate and pleading in his tone. "You weren't even supposed to find out. Aiden – I mean, Isaac – well, Aiden, now, I guess – he told me about it all because he was tired of keeping it from everyone. He just needed someone to talk to and – oh, God, he's going to kill me! He asked me to keep it a secret and –"
"Seth!" Sue's sudden interruption caught the attention of both Seth and Leah. "How long have you known about this? And Leah, for God's sake, would you stand down and stop acting like you're going to attack your brother at any moment?"
Leah frowned but did as her mother ordered, stepping back from her brother with her arms crossed tightly over her chest.
"I've known about it for a while – not that long, though," he admitted, fidgeting and fixing his collar from where Leah had nearly ripped it. "I found out on Christmas Day. He passed me a note with their names when he left Emily's to go home, and I looked it up online later. Then I went over to his place and he confirmed it all for me. He was kind of vague about it – I figured that it was a sensitive subject, so I didn't press for details – but I could tell that it was really bothering him. Kind of understandable since they're on the run from a criminal."
Leah was fuming and both Sue and Seth could see it. "That -" Her face turned a dark red and she struggled to hold in her anger. "That bitch! I can't believe that she kept this a secret for this long! Why wouldn't she have told us anything? I thought that we were all supposed to be friends!"
"None of them were supposed to say anything," Seth rushed to answer. "Didn't you read the article? They're supposed to be dead. They came here because they're in witness protection, Leah – they can't just go blurting out their whole life stories to everyone! It completely defeats the purpose!"
"Who else knows about this, Seth?" Sue questioned gently.
He thought about it for several moments. "Just me," he eventually admitted. "And now both of you. I think Sam suspects that she's hiding something but he obviously doesn't have any idea what it is. Audrey – Katherine, whatever – didn't even tell Paul about it. I know they were having a date tonight but I doubt she told him anything. Aiden said she was determined to keep it a secret to protect us. She was afraid that we would get hurt if something was to happen, or that she would lose Paul. Lose all of us."
"Fucking imprints," Leah snarled, tossing her hands up in exasperation. "This whole damn time she was hiding everything from us. What was she expecting? That she would spend the rest of her life lying about who she is? That she would – what, get married and fuck Paul and have him not even know her real name? I mean, what kind of person does something like that?"
"Leah!" Sue snapped, scolding. "She is someone who is obviously worried about the safety of her family. If they're all in witness protection then they wouldn't have been able to tell anyone anything. Not even Paul. Or you. Aiden -" she glanced down at the paper, "or Isaac, I guess, shouldn't have even said anything to Seth. But I understand why he did. I can't imagine what that poor boy must be going through, having to hide who he is. All of them, really, being uprooted from their homes…"
"That's irrelevant!" Leah exclaimed. "If she was any other person, it would be different, but she's not. She's an imprint. She's pack. As if we couldn't kick the ass of this fucking guy she's running from a thousand times over, but no. She has to be a fucking martyr and hide everything from everyone and cause all sorts of bullshit drama! She should have just told us from the beginning so we could have protected her, but now –"
Leah cut herself off when she realized that her hands were shaking so harshly that they were starting to blur. Her whole body let out a giant shiver and she suddenly pushed past her mother – making sure to snatch the papers out of her hands as she did – and all but dove down the stairs. A burst of cold air entered the house when she shoved open the front door, barely making it off of the front porch before she exploded into fur. Her clothes exploded into strips of fabric and the papers fluttered to the ground from the air. She quickly grabbed the crumpled remains of the pages with her teeth and took off through the trees, vaguely aware that her brother was chasing after her and that there were suddenly two other voices conversing in her head.
Embry and Jacob had been patrolling the outer portions of the reservation when she had phased. All had been quiet on their land for a long time until now, both of the men wondering what she was doing and why she was so furious. She was unable to keep her racing thoughts to herself, images and snippets of the last few minutes splattering across her brain and into theirs.
And suddenly they knew, too.
"What the hell is going on over there, Leah?" asked Jacob. "Are you guys okay? Wait, where are you going?"
"Who's Audrey?" questioned Embry. "Wait, is that – is that Katherine? What in the world –"
But she wasn't okay and she couldn't explain to them how she felt – not in the slightest, and her thoughts were much too scattered for anyone to make any sense of them. She didn't try to make sense of them, either. She simply ignored the fact that her brother was chasing after her, ignored the "Leah, stop!" that was shouted at her through their conjoined thoughts, and ignored the aching feeling of betrayal and anticipation that was surging through her chest.
Paul's house was unlit when she arrived, the building covered in darkness. She all but skidded to a stop in the snow near the front porch, dropping the papers from her jaws and into the snow and letting out several loud barks to let Paul know that she was there -
Right as she was tackled by Seth. A yelp escaped her jaws and she automatically snapped at him. A series of growls and snarls burst through the air, and out of the corner of her eye as she dove to the side to avoid a sideswiped paw to the face, Leah saw the upstairs light to Paul's bedroom flicker on. "Leah, please stop!" her brother begged, narrowly escaping a snap at his neck. "This isn't right and you know it! It isn't your secret to tell!"
"She lost her chance!" she snapped back, surprising Seth at the amount of pain and betrayal that were surging through her thoughts. "This is the second time in my life that I've had someone I love betray me, and damn it, I refuse to stand back and not doing anything about it this time!"
"Betrayal?" asked Embry suddenly, but Seth and Leah ignored him.
The front door swung open to reveal a sleepy-looking Paul, and both wolves turned to face his exasperated expression. Seth whined nervously as Paul asked, "What the fuck are you two doing out here?"
"Yeah," said Jacob wryly in their thoughts, "I'd like to know the same thing."
"Do you need clothes?" Paul suddenly asked, glancing down to see that Leah's weren't attached to her leg. When she nodded and Seth whined sharply again, he rolled his eyes and entered the house once more.
"Seth, what's going on?" Jacob asked again. "What are the two of you freaking out about? And what – who's Audrey? What does she have to do with Katherine?"
A wad of extra large clothes was thrown into her face, and Leah immediately went to the side of the house to phase and dress. "Katherine and Audrey are the same person, idiot!" she roughly barked, before she was alone with her thoughts once again.
Leah was practically drowning in the large clothes that Paul had tossed her, but she didn't care how ridiculous she looked. She stormed around the house and snatched up the papers off of the ground, waving them wildly in the air as Seth phased and quickly pulled on his pants somewhere behind her. "Leah, wait –"
"Where is she?" Leah immediately demanded, storming past Paul and into his living room like she would catch her target hiding behind the sofa. "I know she was here today so you two could have your stupid date. Is that lying, infuriating psychopath still here or did she already go home?"
"What the hell are you even talking about, Leah?" Paul asked incredulously, grabbing her by the forearm in order to get her to stop and focus on what she was saying. When she violently ripped her arm out of his grasp, Paul took a step back and raised his arms in defense. "Calm down, okay? Tell me what's going on. Are you talking about Katherine?"
Leah gave a loud snort as Seth uncomfortably shifted back and forth on his feet, nervously wringing his hands together. "Katherine," Leah spat out, waving the papers clutched in her hands wildly. "Tell me something, Lahote – did you know about all of this? About how your wonderful little imprint has been playing us all for fools since the first moment she stepped onto this fucking reservation?"
Paul's eyes narrowed in blatant suspicion, and Leah suddenly realized that Paul had obviously been in the dark just like the rest of them. "What are you trying to tell me, Leah? Do you know something that I don't?"
"A lot, apparently, but I only found out a few minutes ago." She shoved the papers toward his chest with only a fractional amount of guilt swimming in the pit of her stomach. It was almost immediately shoved down almost as soon as it had appeared. "Seth, on the other hand," she added with a glare at her brother, who visibly deflated as he accepted his fate, "has known about it since Christmas. Go on. Read it. See what she's been hiding from us this whole time."
Seth mumbled something unintelligible behind them, but neither Leah nor Paul paid him any mind.
Leah waited as Paul simply stared down at the paper, reading over what he saw but not comprehending it. "I – what, exactly, am I looking at?" he asked quietly, flipping through the pages a second and third time. He let out a deep breath of air that Leah didn't think was as calming as he wanted it to be, but she didn't say a word until he finally looked up and questioned, "Where did you find this?"
"Seth doesn't know how to delete his Internet history," she stated snootily. "I found it while I was looking for the phone number to the pizza place. Imagine my surprise when I see this stupid article saying that the person we've been letting ourselves hang around for the last few months isn't exactly who she says that she is."
"They're under witness protection," Seth weakly, though helpfully, tried to add, though his words fell on half-deaf ears. "They weren't supposed to tell anyone –"
"Then how did you find out?" Paul asked swiftly, and Seth could see the beginnings of a rage in his friend's eyes that he hadn't seen the likes of in months.
It was that look in Paul's eyes and a sense of self-preservation that made Seth answer honestly. "Her brother told me. Like Leah said, he hinted at it on Christmas and I did some research."
"That's what you went over to the house for that night," Paul said in realization, nodding absently. "What you and Aiden were talking about when he turned on his music, and why you were so panicked… You're sure that this is real?"
"I'm positive," Seth confirmed, ignoring his sister's icy gaze. "She wanted to tell you," he added swiftly. "She couldn't, though, because she thought it would put everyone in danger. You shouldn't blame her for hiding it or keeping secrets –"
"Oh, don't be stupid, Seth," Paul interrupted in frustration, though his eyes shown a weariness that neither Seth nor Leah had ever seen on Paul's face. "You're starting to sound like Sam. Do you both honestly think that I was so oblivious that I didn't realize that she was still hiding something from me this whole time? Of course I knew. I just..." He frowned, glancing down at the papers once again before crumpling them in his fists. "I never imagined that it would be something as crazy as this."
Leah frowned at the look on Paul's face and she had a moment of regret at even thinking about showing him those papers. She couldn't imagine how he must have been feeling - to know that your imprint had been lying to you from the very beginning... But like the guilt, the regret that she felt was gone almost immediately. Besides, she wouldn't have been able to do anything about it anyway because the damage was already done. Katherine - no, Audrey - had dug her own grave; now she had to lie in it. "What are we going to do?"
"We?" Paul shook his head. "Leah -"
"You aren't the only one who's been wronged here, Paul," Leah said, tightly crossing her arms over her chest and feeling particularly vulnerable for a reason she simply couldn't fathom. In a way of explanation, she stated, "She was my friend."
Paul must have seen something on her expression that told him whatever he needed to know, because he gave a single, determined nod and said, "I guess we'll just have to go and find our answers straight at the source."
oOo
The pungent smell of expensive whiskey permeated the air of the kitchen, swishing around in the bottom of the two cups. The glass clinked against the wooden table as I spun it around with my fingertips, staring down at the amber liquid with derision.
"I'm so sorry."
I looked up to where Daniel was sitting across from me at the table, nursing his own glass of spirits. I shook my head in his direction, pushing several strands of stray hair out of my eyes. "Don't start apologizing for something that wasn't your fault. You know how much I hate that."
There was a lazy, slightly inebriated chuckle as he raised the glass to his lips to take a long sip. "I had a feeling that something was wrong the moment Monique stepped into my office. I could tell that she wasn't feeling like herself." He tiredly rubbed his eyes. "I should have done something to stop her but she was gone before I could even organize my thoughts and realize that –"
"If Monique wanted something then nothing would have stopped her from doing exactly what she wanted," I replied thoughtfully, chuckling. "You know, I thought it was strange that I hadn't heard from her in so long. At least now I know why she hasn't been in contact. In some ways, that's a lot better than not knowing." I paused. "Also a lot worse, too."
There was a moment of silence where Daniel shifted awkwardly in his seat, rubbing his chin where the shadow of a beard was slowly beginning to emerge. I still found it strange to see him like this – so messy, unshaven, and unkempt. Exhausted. Resigned. "You realize what has to be done, don't you?"
"I know," I murmured, swallowing a substantial gulp of my drink before reaching forward to grab the bottle and top off both of our glasses. "It isn't going to be easy. Luke will – I think he'll be okay. A little confused at why we're leaving so suddenly and maybe upset to leave everyone, but he'll get over it. Isaac is a different story. He'll fight it tooth and nail, I know he will. As for me, I –" I refused to meet his eyes as I shook my head, "We made a good, safe life here, Daniel – one where we didn't need to look over our shoulders all the time. Now it's all gone to waste."
"Is it because of that guy?" he asked suddenly, fingers tightening automatically around his glass. "What was his name – Pete, something? Hm. Not like you to befriend the opposite sex at all, so imagine my surprise when I knocked at the front door and Isaac told me that you were on a date with some guy."
"I'm not completely inept when it comes to guys," I muttered half-heartedly. "If I was then you probably wouldn't be here. You're a male, right? Unless you've been lying to me this whole time or something…" At the blank though slightly disappointed look he gave me, I chose my words carefully and continued, "His name is Paul. Honestly, if you met him you would probably think that I was crazy because he's the kind that I usually avoid - so intimidating and he's angry all the time and he's absolutely awful and drives me insane, but… he's different."
"So Isaac wasn't lying, then. A boyfriend." His laugh was slightly breathless, traced with incredulous disbelief. "Well, I'll be damned. Never thought I would see the day that the Ice Queen would settle down with a boyfriend. I guess hell really has frozen over. If I look out the window, will I see some flying pigs?"
"He's not my boyfriend, technically," I corrected softly, ignoring the gibe. "Not officially. He was an almost boyfriend. An almost something."
Daniel nodded. "I'm happy for you."
Despite myself, I snorted. A burst of laughter left my lips as I rolled my eyes, presumably a result of the lowered inhibitions given to me by my short sips of alcohol. "No, you're not. Don't lie."
He went quiet and I glanced up to see that his cheeks were tinted a slight red. Slightly ashamed at my sudden implied accusations, I glanced down at my glass, but eventually he admitted, "No, you're right. I'm not happy, but I can pretend for your sake, at least." He tapped his fingers anxiously against the table before asking, "How long have you known?"
"I suspected for a long time," I answered slowly. "Didn't actually get confirmed until today. You wouldn't have come here if you didn't –" I swallowed, cutting off my own words. "I care about you, you know. I really do, even if I've never actually shown it. Besides Luke and Isaac, you were one of the only guys I could actually stand to be around. You took a chance on me and I can't ever repay you for that, so I do care… even if I don't -"
"It's irrelevant," he said airily, waving my words away. He took another sip of his drink and cleared his throat. "I was never expecting anything and I was never foolish enough to think that anything could come out of it. I may not like it, but I'm content with knowing that you're happy. You… are happy, right?"
After a brief moment of thought, I slowly nodded. "Yeah. He makes me happy. So fucking happy – more than I've ever been in my life. I honestly wouldn't even know how to explain it if I tried."
Daniel frowned thoughtfully, leaning back in his seat. "Hm. What are you going to do, then?"
I pushed my glass aside and rubbed my temples. "I have no fucking idea. Paul is – he's a lot more complicated than some silly fling. He knows about… about everything. About me, about Luke and our parents…" I trailed off, burying my head in my hands. "For God's sake, I was going to tell him my real name tonight. What could I have possibly been thinking?" There was a pause and I bitterly added, "Well I guess it doesn't really matter now anyway."
"You were going to tell him?" At my nod, he sighed and scolded, "Audrey, you know you can't do that. What if –"
"What if, what if, all of these stupid what ifs." I scowled deeply, pushing away from the table and rising to my feet to cork the bottle of whiskey and put it back into its spot in the cabinet. "Don't treat me like I'm a child who doesn't have any idea what's at stake here. These were… extenuating circumstances. He was – he's Paul. I couldn't keep it from him any longer because I… lying to him was practically tearing me apart."
"Oh, my God," he sounded slightly incredulous, rising to his feet when I did but not bothering to follow the rest of my movements. It was like he was too in shock of whatever he had suddenly realized to even move. I ignored him, frowning, and leaned forward to fix the blinds over the kitchen window right as he stated, "You love him."
I had spent so many days lying to myself that I didn't find the strength to deny Daniel's words. Instead I simply nodded, unable to meet his eyes. "Yeah," I murmured. "I do. I don't want to leave this place, Daniel. This is my home now. I've made friends here, I've… I – these are people that I love."
His light footsteps trotted across the wooden floors until I could see him lean against the counter next to me, both of us staring at nothing in particular. "You've really gotten yourself into a mess, haven't you?"
It wasn't exactly a secret anymore. We both knew that I was probably royally screwed with whatever I chose. Either I could leave without warning and lose everything we've gained in La Push, or I could stay and risk the lives of everyone on the entire reservation. I was stuck between two different loves, and I couldn't quite see a solution that wouldn't lead to pain. "What should I do?"
"That's not up for me to decide," he replied gently, hesitating for only a moment before reaching out to place a comforting hand on my shoulder from which I didn't flinch away. "If you really want my opinion, though, I feel as if you really have three options: first and probably the worst choice out of all, you could stay here, I could leave, and we could all hope for the best."
I shook my head. "If I did that, I might as well just hand myself over right now. What are my other options?"
"If you truly think he's…" Daniel grimaced, "the one, you could always follow through with what you were going to do and tell him the truth. Then he could go with you wherever you ended up."
"No," I said immediately, reaching up to rub my eyes in my frustration. "That's not an option either. He wouldn't leave the reservation even if I begged him. He can't. Not so permanently, at least. He wouldn't even consider it. And that's even if he didn't completely hate me after I told him the truth. What else?"
"We leave," he said simply. "I take you and the boys someplace safe – someplace that no one knows except the two of us. I have a few contacts in the area that I trust that could make the three of you brand new identities. We'd take a road trip to wherever you wanted to go and find you a home there."
I frowned. That wasn't exactly the most appealing option, either, but I knew that we had to do something. Doing nothing, like I had said before, could be practically equated to just handing myself over. Then again, it could be that De Palma had absolutely no idea where I was and we were just overreacting, but did I really want to take that chance and put my family at risk? Of course not. "I don't know what to do."
"Of course you don't," he said kindly. "How could you? I guess you just have to ask yourself whether or not you love this guy enough to let him go."
I knew my answer and so did Daniel. How could I not know? I had already admitted how I felt about Paul and, imprint or no imprint, it didn't take a genius to figure out that my feelings were strong. In fact, I was sure that my answer was written across my face, unable to be hidden away any longer.
But before I could say anything and give him my answer, there was a knock at the door. Not just any knock, either. It was a trio of pointed, ominous knocks that made a tense stillness permeate the already uneasy atmosphere. Both Daniel and I stiffened at the sound and after a moment of hesitation, I slowly peeked through the curtain above the sink and spied… nothing. No vehicles or people lingering anywhere in the vicinity that I could see, but that didn't really mean anything in this town.
"Were you expecting someone?" Daniel questioned lowly, intently staring in the direction of the door as if he could see straight through the wall and burn a whole through whoever happened to be standing on the other side.
"No," I murmured back, fingers anxiously twitching at my sides. "But it isn't uncommon for some of the people here to show up without notice. Besides, I highly doubt that – well, You-Know-Who would be so polite as to knock at the front door."
"Yes, well, when Voldemort shows up," he hissed almost sarcastically, pushing himself off of the counter and quickly heading in the direction of the living room, "be sure to let me know."
With pursed lips, I watched him reach down to the couch where his duffel bag full of clothes was thrown, and before I could even ask him what he was doing – right as another, more urgent knock came at the door – he emerged from the bag with a small metal device that was much too familiar – I would know, of course, considering the fact that I had one in my bedside table.
"Oh, for Christ's sake," I sighed in exasperation, shoving him aside to head to the front door. "Can you cool your jets for about five seconds, Clint Eastwood? Just -" I gently positioned him behind the door and gestured for him to stay there on the off chance that things went sour. "Stay there and don't come out all half-cocked unless I say so."
Before he could say anything, I gently reached forward and pulled back the curtain hanging over the window next to the door as carefully as I could, peeking out to try and catch a glimpse of whoever was standing on my porch. When I saw who it was, I wasn't quite sure if I felt relief or exasperation. I gave him a thumbs up and quickly shoved open the door, mustering up the most weary expression I could find within me – not exactly the hardest thing that I've ever had to do.
Paul, Leah, and Seth were standing on my front porch with varying expressions that, frankly, confused me. Seth looked panicked and slightly fearful, Leah's eyes blazed, as if she wanted to strangle me from the moment that I opened the door, and Paul… well, for some reason, he was a cross between disappointed and furious.
"This is certainly a surprise," I mumbled quietly, stepping out to stand in the cold with them and pulling the door shut behind me. "Look: it's not as if I'm not happy to see any of you, but now really isn't the best time for a neighborly visit. We're in the middle of a family crisis right now and I –"
"A crisis," Paul repeated blankly. "Is that what we're calling it now?" There was something behind his eyes that I couldn't identify, but it seemed much too close to betrayal. My heart ached for a reason I couldn't comprehend, and I found myself furrowing my brow as he continued, "Does your little crisis have anything to do with this?"
Several wrinkled sheets of paper were shoved in front of my face and when I took them out of his hand, an ache of foreboding thrust itself through my heart that was so harsh it made my knees weak. My eyes fell onto the title of the article and my lungs seemed to lose all of the oxygen inside of them, as if I had been suddenly slammed in the chest with a bat, and I had to lean on the doorframe for support so that I wouldn't topple over. "Where did you find this?" I demanded quickly, though my voice was so low that I barely heard myself speak.
"Tell me that it isn't true," Paul responded, though from the look on his face, I could tell that he had already made his choice and wouldn't believe whatever type of denial that I could create. "Tell me that it's just some weird misunderstanding and that there's some other explanation for all of this."
I looked down at the papers again before glancing up at Paul, opening my mouth to say… something. But there were no words that came to mind that could effectively defuse the situation. Paul's body language told me that he had all but completely shut down, stand-offish as his shoulders automatically leaned farther and farther away from me every second that I didn't give him a response. I saw it as plain as the picture on the pages in my hands – he had already given up on me. Trust gone. So quickly. So easily. Just. Like. That. "You shouldn't believe everything you read online," I eventually responded, tone clipped and guarded. Without a moment of hesitation, I pointedly folded the papers over and shoved them in my back pocket. "Obviously I'm not dead and neither are the boys."
Leah was the one to speak next, and I was in my right mind enough to raise an eyebrow at the baggy and slightly ragged clothes that she was wearing, but she didn't notice. She was too rough and determined to get her words out and scold me for keeping secrets for so long to notice anything else around her. "But the rest of it? It's all true, isn't it?"
The nervous part of my mind immediately urged me to lie, but any lie I could have told would have been so farfetched that I knew that none of them would believe it. The other, more sensible part of me was resigned. The cat was out of the bag now and it happened at what was the worst possible time. I grimaced, knowing that there was only one action for me to take. Sighing, I shoved open the door. "Why don't you all come inside? We need to talk."
oOo
Next Time: Final confessions, no regrets, and imprints.
