Author: Taisia Kuno
Title: We Can Be Heroes: Part Three: Just For One Day
Fandom: JP3
Pairing: Alan/Billy
Rating: R for now
Warnings: Slash of course, m/m fun stuff
Spoilers: Of course
Series: Yes, this is 3:3
Summary: A novel written from boredom about the relationship Alan and Billy have before, during and after JP3. I have beta tested this myself and have had friends read this so this is as accurate as possible. Basically, it's just my thoughts and my ideas with a bit of creativity towards the last part. Also, thank you for all who have commented! I don't update unless I get some comments! So if you wanna see where this goes, drop me some love! 3
Disclaimer: Don't own a lick of the characters and please don't sue me for that. But also, if this pairing isn't for you or hell, homosexual stuff isn't for you either, please don't e-mail me or leave me comments else wise. Just skip it and go on. Isn't that the polite thing to do?
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Part Three: Just For One Day
Chapter 3
"You know I'm sorry," said the youth trying to talk but his voice cracked, revealing his feelings and making Alan fully aware of how upset his lover was. But Alan didn't know what to say because in spite of how angry he was, he couldn't think of any way to say that he forgave him. Sitting at the bedside, Alan watched Billy roll toward the opposite side, attempting to shield himself from anything Alan had to say. Anything was possible now and honestly it could go either way, rejection or forgiveness.
"I know you are. And I just-"
"I'm so tired. I want to go home and just forget all this shit. My body hurts so fucking much and-" Billy's voice strained to finish but was silenced, quickly and gently, by Alan's lips taking over Billy's dry mouth and not letting go. The cast on Billy's arm made it hard to hold Alan but he hardly needed to with how Alan held him in turn, gently touching his sore back and keeping him in place.
Alan broke the kiss briefly only to watch Billy sob with his head downcast and ashamed of how he acted then and now. The soft sound of the upset Billy held on his shoulders brought Alan to realize that nothing at all mattered from the island and that now, right now, everything that meant anything was sitting up in pain with morphine pumping through his veins believing that the world was going to crash down at any moment, leaving him alone to suffer through it all.
"Everything that happened... it's alright. I forgive you and please forgive me, I never wanted this to happen. I want to go home too baby, we can go home now," said Alan softly so that Billy would no longer cry. He sniffled and tried to wipe his eyes but both arms were limited so Alan's thumbs wiped away all that remained. The bags under Billy's eyes were dark enough to make him look injured and the redness hardly disappeared even when he had regained himself. Though it would be days before they could even consider returning to Montana, Alan knew it would be for the best anyway because then at least Billy could take that time to recover a bit more. Just a few more days and then the states would be calling them home.
"They cut my hair off, didn't they?" said Billy, bringing a tethered arm up to his bandaged head and almost knocking over his IV bag if it weren't for Alan catching it and wheeling the stand closer to Billy's side. At least vanity wasn't lost but sad as it was that indeed, Billy's hair was gone, there were other aesthetic things to worry about over hair. The scarring on his back and body, the fact he was thinning out from exertion of just under a week of the event, or the fact that all these things combined would ruin his self esteem. Alan touched Billy's hand and saw that the bandage had no padding to it at all so Billy was most likely fuzz or completely shaven under those white bandages.
"I think so."
"Fuck."
"It won't look that bad," Alan said with his hand resting on Billy's cheek.
"Yes it will. I have an odd-shaped head. I'll have to wear a hat for a month." Alan wanted to laugh over such stupid vanity he had but it was probably the only thing keeping Billy with it at the moment was thinking of something that didn't involve him and Alan or the pain he was in. Having to jump over those hurdles could wait at least a little longer.
"I'll get you a hat like mine," said Alan while thinking that the whole reason Billy may have had the strength and courage to stay alive was because of his stupid hat. Alan doubted Billy would even want to wear a hat let alone let himself be seen for several months. Billy laid back down against the setup of pillows to support him, staring blankly at his covered legs. Alan's hand was haphazardly laid on the youth's thigh and to Billy's surprise, he hardly felt it.
A knock was heard on the door and the room filled again with every individual wishing to see the awakened men. Sarah and Ian stood hooked together toward the back, taunting each other since both looked sleep lacked.
"Yeah, keep staring at his morphine bag there Ian."
"Don't you have some ass-slapping baboons to film or something, Sarah?"
Having Billy awake caused a commotion in the small hospital, enough to make people forget that the youth in the room at the end of the hall was close to death just seventy two hours previous. Orderlies came and went, telling them to separate into their respectable rooms which happened after long goodnights and Alan refusing to leave. Samantha stayed longest, sending her husband and son off to their own room but lingering brief with Alan and Billy.
"Heh, you know, there was this one time when I was like, sixteen years old and that band Hanson was popular so I'm begging Mom and Dad to get me tickets-"
"Which he got." Samantha interjected.
"Which I got and after getting these two tickets, I didn't have the balls to ask anyone to come with me. So my last resort-"
"Was asking me to drive him to Seattle and sit through three hours of sixteen year olds. I was eighteen I think, or somewhere close to that. Oh lord it was crazy. I came home that night and listened to the Cure for six hours just to get the songs out of my head."
"I didn't know that. I'm sorry I ruined your fragile psyche sis." Billy hadn't really moved from his bed but his energy had returned after having such a lengthy sleep. Alan was droopy, sitting in the bedside chair leaning against a propped arm while the other held Billy's hand. Alan wanted to sleep but he forced his eyes open until, after several minutes, he failed and slept sitting upward.
"I guess our stories bored him."
"Oh do you blame him? You spent an hour talking about concerts you went to," said Samantha, listening to the rain beginning to hit outside the window of Billy's room. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Samantha situated herself so that she could lay down next to her brother who took her head onto his lap. Alan began breathing gentle snores making their conversation safe and sacred.
"He... he was so worried about you," Samantha whispered. Billy had his light off and could only watch the shadows of the lights outside flicker on Alan's face.
"Does it work that easily? He got really pissed off at me."
"Yeah. You gotta forgive him for that."
"I have," Billy began but softened when Alan moved a little to lay against Billy's well arm, "but I don't know if he's forgiven me fully."
"How can you have any doubts about that?" Billy took a moment to watch Alan's face burry into his hospital gown and how he seemed so relaxed and grateful to have the youth by his side again that he wouldn't let go of his arm, even when Billy tried to move. It was amazing how happy the idea made the youth, knowing that just ab out everything was back to normal save for his pain he suffered in his back and body.
"I want us to go home so bad."
"The doctors told me you start being a bit more physical tomorrow and if you're doing better than we think, we can all head home soon. You still have a lot of healing wounds to care for, not to mention at least two more surgeries."
"That's all I want. I'll run a fucking mile if it means we can go sleep in our own bed soon."
Samantha soon left them, saying she needed to be with Burke before he woke up as he often did in new places but from the looks of Alan and Billy, she was leaving the two in decent hands of one another and, at this time, no one would be bothering either of them. It would be their first time together without interruption, without conflict and without medication clouding their minds. This was probably the time they needed and, of course, Alan was asleep.
"Alan, hey Alan?" said Billy, pushing on the man's shoulder enough to cause a reaction out of him. Alan stirred after a moment, giving Billy the chance to move over on his small hospital bed and to pull Alan up with him. The position was uncomfortable and cramped but was ignored since they could feel each other in such close proximity to one another.
"What's wrong? Where did Samantha go?"
"She went to bed after you fell asleep. You feeling ok?"
"I want to go back to our bed. I hate hospital beds."
"Me too. My legs hurt a lot in this one. I feel so cramped."
"Yeah you like to take a lot of room. You always sleep with your legs on mine." Billy laughed a little, thinking that it was a good thing Alan was saying things like this because it showed something aside from anger toward him. Yeah, this was a good start.
"Sorry. I won't do that anymore."
Some silence ripped through the dark, leaving Billy wondering if Alan was asleep again but the older man's eyelids blinking once in awhile said otherwise. They exchanged awkward glances, partially opened mouths to make words and soft sounds that would have been words but turned into sighs or throats being cleared. Billy took a chance, took the world by the short hairs and pulled Alan close to him so that there faces were close enough for a kiss if either dared. Both looked downward to their shaking hands and saw how foolish this all must have been. Hadn't they said their peace and hadn't things been fixed?
"Is it going to be so hard to go back to normal?" said Alan, surprisingly, while taking Billy into his arms and breathing in deeply.
"I guess so." Billy had to be realistic. No matter how wonderful things might seem, there would always be that underlay of hostility and upset about the events on the island so Billy decided to end it, then and there.
"Alan, would you hit me?" Alan looked at Billy's sincerity behind his words and scoffed because certainly Billy had to be joking. The boy was broken already, busted beyond expectation so why on Earth...
"What? Why would I hit you?"
"I don't know. I would rather you hit me and get out any anger than us being weird like this. I want us to go back to being... well... in love ya know? So, ok I'm giving you one free shot. Go ahead. Let's get it over with ok?" Billy said this while baring his chin, tightening his eyes and waiting for the blow. They stayed like that briefly, Alan looking with disbelief at Billy while the youth maintained his determined stance against his lover. One hit should be enough right? Wouldn't that be enough for the lies, the deceit, and the heartache?
"I can't."
"Please Alan I don't want you to be like this toward me. I don't want us to be like this. I've been awake for less than a day and I already feel that everything is-"
"There is nothing wrong between us."
"But there is! C'mon Alan don't be like this right now. Just be honest with me."
"I'm mad that we ended up there. I'm furious that I was lied to and I'm sore and exhausted from this entire thing. But, dammit Billy, I'm not going to stay mad at the one person I want to be happy and who has suffered the most out of this. You've made your own repentance and who am I to make what you had to suffer through worse? Like I said... I just want us to go home... I want to take you home."
Billy took this in and was both happy that Alan was over it all and that he didn't have to add to the hurt by having a bruised jaw. Something had to happen, something had to seal this so that it would never come up again. Something happened only in the form of Billy realize how much hurt was within him, none of it being emotional. Such a surge of adrenaline for being awake, being surrounded by energetic individuals and simply being the person he was took its toll on the youth. There was a wound on his chest screaming from being ripped open, his head ached from the cut somewhere hidden under gauze, his arm itched something awful and his back was far from peachy either. The activity of simply having Alan hold him and talking as much as he did rendered Billy a little light headed.
"You have no idea what I want to do right now."
"Sleep?"
"That's probably what I'll end up doing. I feel like I got ran over by a car. What the hell did they do to my insides?" Billy felt the bandage on his chest for the first time and felt the tender skin that had be torn. Honestly, he didn't want to know what had happened to him exactly.
"You had a collapsed lung. That's why your chest hurts."
"Shit. They cracked me open?"
"Yeah." Billy flung his head to the side, annoyed over everything and how nothing made any sense. He felt fine, save for some minor pain that kept constant but how could he possibly have had a collapsed lung? Sure, the island did a number on him but he had been through worse. So many scars, so much to heal. Alan's hand rested on Billy's stubbled face, needing to be shaved, and rubbed his thumb against a strong cheekbone. It had been several hours since he last felt the need but it came out easier now, the flow of tears just wouldn't go this time. Everything was being pushed back: their vacation would have to wait, his graduation would suffer, and anything he and Alan could fix might not even happen now because who would ever want to sleep next to someone going through recovery, let alone have anything romantic between them as well?
Was this what it felt like to be dying but not knowing? Is this what his mother felt like when she couldn't leave her bed? He felt his age, his youth, and his body reminded him how hard he could cry and how wracking his sobs could be on the soul. Nothing would help him but going home, back to the states where he could recuperate in the peace of his home and where Alan would no longer feel any distaste toward him. He strived for the normality of Montana and dreamed of the dig again and as he slept on his hopes and tears, Alan held him close.
A month moved slowly onward into the summer, or what would have been summer vacation if they were still in the states. Samantha and the family could stay only long enough to see Billy stand again and begin his therapy, and Ian and Sarah needed to return when their renter threatened to evict them both. Ellie was kind enough to stay for three weeks out of the four but also had to return when Charlie got chicken pox and all he wanted was his mommy home. With a fond farewell, Ellie promised that she would call as soon as she got back home.
Alan had not been as kind as normal to his departing friends; most of the days before their leave he had been fighting the university over why he had taken the leave of absence over Billy's injury. According to the dean, if he were healthy enough to travel, he should do so and leave Billy to his recovery until he too were capable of travel. Alan honestly couldn't think of any excuse to keep him there that wouldn't reveal too much about their hidden lifestyle. No matter the fight he put up, the bottom line became this: Come back or be fired. There was simply no way he could be fired right now.
Billy looked up from his cereal to see Alan standing in the doorway, looking away in order to avoid the young eyes. And though Billy had recovered well, one more surgery was required on his back and he still couldn't move as fluidly as normal, meaning at least another week in Costa Rica was required. After that, home was inevitable and just on the horizon. So of course Billy was cheerful and smiling, sitting up in bed with a bowl of generic Cheerios and some strange imagery on the television to keep him company until Alan returned.
"So I think it's official that all my years in Spanish in high school and college failed. I don't have a clue of what's going on in this show." Billy flipped through the 30 channels quickly then shut the tv off when Alan got closer. When Alan sat, Billy put an arm around him and kissed his jaw. The month had granted them the time to overcome the awkward emotional trauma and to be like they were before the island and its injuries. Strange now how Alan was acting, silent and distant with no expression toward Billy whatsoever.
"Something wrong?" Billy inquired, thinking that maybe Alan was just down about Ellie leaving since most of the time Billy was away being tested or in his physical therapy and Alan often was left alone. Ellie or Ian or Samantha kept him company enough until Billy returned exhausted and ready to lay next to his lover. But this felt different; sadness wasn't the factor at all but anger and wrath consumed his emotions.
"Are you going to be alright?"
"Of course. I feel fine." Billy didn't like where this line of questioning could possibly go so he held Alan's hand tightly.
"Then... you'll be fine for the next two weeks... alone?" Alan gave a sideways glance at Billy, unbelieving of what he was hearing, but knowing Alan was nowhere close to joking.
"Why would I be alone?" Playing dumb sometimes had its benefits. Alan laid back against the bed and covered his eyes with his palms, sighing with aggravation.
"I had to call the university about my absence. They basically said that if I don't return within the next 48 hours, I'll be fired. I need to file the incident: why you were with me, why you were injured and why I did not come back sooner. If I refused, they would know something was going on and I would be out of a job. I can't afford to have that happen right now Billy." He lifted his hands off his eyes and watched Billy rub the back of his head, the hair beginning to grow back in full save for the area that was scarred, and his cheeks redden with upset. His chest was quivering quite obviously and Alan hated himself and how big of a coward he was.
"No... no I understand. Really. You gotta go back home. You gotta deal with this."
"Billy..."
"I'll be ok. It's just two weeks. Maybe I'll go to the beach. It'll be like a vacation!" said Billy through a bright smile but louder tears, "When will you be leaving?"
"Tonight. At six. The flight-" Alan didn't want to say anymore. Billy didn't give him a chance.
"You'd better go then. Go and pack. I've got to go to therapy in twenty anyway and... and..." he couldn't finish either. Sitting together, Alan broke their space and pulled Billy against him, feeling his trembles and tense muscles. They didn't say anything between the other, Alan just sat there with Billy's back to his chest and his hand smoothing out the softest curls he had ever felt on his lover's head. Yeah the fact that they had been cut might have been annoying at the time but hair always grows back so much softer and silkier than it had been.
Two weeks was hardly any time at all but the fact that Billy was still hospitalized and in a foreign country made it scary and Alan understood that. And Billy did, in his own way, understand how important it was for Alan to return now. But that didn't make saying goodbye any easier which is why they didn't and the extent of their farewells came as a kiss before Alan went to pack. Billy didn't want to see him go and Alan didn't want to leave him behind. The cab came, took him away, and placed him on another vehicle meant to separate the two. By the next day, Alan was standing on Montana soils wondering what had happened and why it was so easy to sit on that plane for all those hours and think only of Billy sitting in the hospital. It wasn't easy at all; it was the hardest fucking thing he ever had to do.
"I don't understand this at all. This is all ludicrous! Do you honestly expect me to believe that you and William Brennan went on some mysterious trip that would supposedly help fund the dig only to leave you both in the hospital?! Why on Earth would you even take him along? And what, pray tell, actually happened?! Grant, you have had better have the best story-" Dean Masterson had been repeating himself for the past thirty minutes because Alan hadn't responded to his screams at all. Normally, the palaeontologist was easy to get information out of if he was threatened enough especially as of late but now, for some reason, he was empty and incapable of a scare. To Masterson, this only fueled the flame.
"I'm not allowed to share anything regarding the incidents that happened. I signed a disclosure agreement. I can't say anything further than an incident happened and Mr. Brennan is staying in the hospital for another two weeks." Alan's head was hung down and he was talking into his chest but Masterson could still hear and disliked everything he heard.
"Well... what of the funding? You were saying that-"
"It was a fraud. The check was worthless."
"So all this time you were basically on a month long vacation? How convenient." If Alan hadn't had such good control, he would have throat punched Masterson and gave him his resignation right there. "Alan, I hate to say this but I cannot tolerate this type of behavior. You're suspended for the summer semester and, come September, you no longer will be in charge of the archaeological dig until further notice. As for Mr. Brennan, his current semester was failed and he will be lucky to graduate next year since most of his classes are only offered during the spring-summer semester. The actions you both took affect both of you equally hard. But, look on the bright side: You're not fired and you can have your 'favorite' student in classes again. You're dismissed." Alan felt surprisingly calm when he got up from the chair, out of the dean's office, and out of the building. The moment his foot hit the concrete stairs leading down to his truck parked at the front of the building, he screamed as loud as he possibly could and smashed the window of his truck, passenger's side. The glass cut into his hand and he was fine with that too, and he also didn't care that the campus police came shortly after to politely ask him to leave the premises before an incident needed to occur. No, all of this was perfectly acceptable.
The fifty minute drive back to his home made him calmer than anything he could have physically done to any object within his radius but it made him think heavier than he wanted to. The cost of the window, the fact he would have three months of no income, and how he would ever begin to tell Billy that he failed that semester and would not be allowed to graduate for another year. All of this was so much to contemplate that Alan hardly noticed the rotten smell coming from his kitchen from all the spoiled food in his fridge, nor did he care that his lights had been shut off and a mailbox full of bills had been stuffed from wall to wall outside. Of all the things he cared about right then was his bed which remained as perfect as it had from when he had left.
Laying on it brought him down from his fake acceptance, grabbing a pillow and covering his face so that he wouldn't scream and certainly so he wouldn't cry. He failed at both, just like he was failing at everything else. How could he bring Billy home to this and how was he going to fix it all? His body began to answer for him by dozing off into the cold covers and the soaked pillow. Tomorrow, everything would be taken care of then and for now, he would sleep and let nothing bother him. There was no phone to listen to, no noise coming from the electrical to interfere so this may be the best night sleep he would ever have. The simplicity of his home now without the clutter of food and lights and other useless things made it so peaceful. Yes, he would sleep and it would be the best sleep...
Except it wouldn't be. It wouldn't be because all he wanted beside the simplicity was Billy and remembering this brought him back to the circle of anger and remorse; so much that sleep wouldn't come until the bottle of Bailey's laid open and empty on the floor beside him. Tomorrow would still come even if he needed some help.
AUTHORS NOTE:
It's as I promised; an update in April! I'm on my spring break right now and I just had to do at least one more chapter before school starts back up in May. Man this is a LONG chapter. I think this very well could be the longest. I know I've said that before but I really think this one is it. Wow.
I do have lots of news though! So here it is!
I'm moving to a new apartment with my fiancé, a studio, so I won't have any extra stresses of room mates and everything like that! I'll be moving in late May so I'll be very happy come that time!
Staying in school even though I said I wouldn't. Lots of things changed and got drastically improved since we last spoke. I'll be able to afford it now and nothing should be too bad!
With the aide of my bestest friend in the whole wide world, together we have come to make a livejournal community for this story! It will include the entire story, from start to finish, as well as art I do AND, most importantly, a comic based on the three books! Please show your support there by commenting or just hanging out and leaving me some love! The link is wcbh./ Please keep in mind that the site is still a baby and we're still working on it! But with time, it'll be awesome!
if you didn't see it above, yes, I am starting a We Can Be Heroes comic based on ALL 3 books. I haven't gotten the details of it completely worked out as of yet but I do know it will be posted on the livejournal site and you will be free to look at it when it starts.
As for reviews, I am now officially #4 in the rank of Jurassic Park stories by terms of review amount. SWEET! Thank you all SO much for everything! It wouldn't have gotten that way if not for you and I cannot, CANNOT thank you enough for how great you've made this story because I certainly wouldn't have tried so hard if not for the wonderful people reading.
Now I must bid you all farewell for at least another week or two. I will try to write another chapter come the end of spring break but I can't give any promises. I have a gigantic list of things I want to do before break is over and I did complete one by giving this chapter. If I don't do another chapter, I would sadly say give me till June before the next one is due. By then, I will have moved and be in school so things will be less crazy by then.
Thank you all again and let's see those reviews! I THRIVE ON THEM! :D
