Chapter 29: Extreme Gideon

G-G-Gideoooooooooooooon!

Riding on a skateboard through the town of Gravity Falls, the 90s-styled Gideon rode with this catchy theme.

'Yo Yo, Listen up. Rollin down the sidewalk, who's the boy with a slick new choice of talk?'

Gideooooooooooooooooooooon!

'From all up in Gravity Falls, he'll take it all to the walls.'

Gideoooooooooooooooooooooon!

'He once had a honey named Mabel, but now he's looking for some maple.'

"Gideoooooo-

"O.K., just stop!"

Gideon tumbled over and dragged cross the hard cement in front of Wendy. The overly stressed teen was pinching between her eyes in agony. "Why don't they just ban rap forever? And give me back my moisturizer!" The red head swiped the moisturizer off the boy and stormed off with her friends who were all standing in front of the museum.

Gideon stood up and brushed himself off. "When I was my widdle ol' self, at least I had RESPECT FROM THIS BACKWORDS TOWN!" Gideon shook off that though. "Remember now, you're a regular kid now. No henchmen to some all-powerful dream demon."

Gideon shivered from the flashback of his punishment.

"But besides Stanford, I mean Stanley Pines, there was one other person who didn't love me like the rest of the townfolks."

"Righteous?"

"Years ago, when I was just a widdle ol' babe."

(Flashback ten years, huh, thought he was 8 years old)

"Well aren't you just the most adorable baby in the whole wide world!" Mr. Gleeful and his wife were strolling along with the town with their newborn son lying in a stroller. "I bet that one day, everyone is going to love your widdle face like that red head girl being teased for liking a boy."

He pointed over a 5 year old Wendy being teased by a 5 year old Tambry, until Toby came by and the two started teasing him instead.

"That girl in the window was right."

The Gleeful family joyfully laughed. "And with my new sale in celebration of your birth, you'll get to meet all the …. What in tarnation!?"

The family stopped to see that someone had vandalized Mr. Gleeful new board, depicting the newborn as a demon, and a note saying 'RV Waz here'

"Who could have done this!? WHOOOOOO!?" Mr. Gleeful shouted up into the heavens.

"Me, Young Robbie!"

(Back to the Present … I don't think I ever watched the first 'Back to the Future' movie. Let's see, they tested out the car, the Doc mentioned something about being followed … I'm doing too much references, am I?)

Gideon growled in anger as he kicked a can, only to hit a pole and ricochet right to his face. "Ow!"

"Bro?"

Gideon's face turned red with rage and he stomped on the can. "HOW CAN I BE A REGULAR KID WHEN THE WORLD HATES ME!?"

"Chill sesh.

"AND WHO THE HECK ARE …. ARE …." Gideon's jaw just dropped when he looked at the most ridiculous think in his life. Bigfoot, dressed in a white shirt with khacki shorts with a turned cap with sunglasses. On his arm that showed a tribal band tattoo, the yeti gulped down a can of Pitt and threw it into a garbage can, which somehow caused a bell to go off and someone to shout 'Point'!"

"Righteous! Chill sesh! Bro!"

Gideon glanced around, and unfortunately the beast was talking to him. "Y-Y-Yes?"

"Bro!"

"… My name's Gideon."

"Chill sesh."

"…. I'm having a rough time being a Regular Kid."

"Righteous."

"Can't you say anything else?!"

"Bro!"

Gideon growled as he turned and slapped his face. "O.K., what does this day have in store with widdle ol' me?" He turned back and pointed at the bigfoot. "Are you going to be some guide to me?"

"Righteous!" the monster nodded his head yes.

Gideon brightened up to this idea. "Well you are well suited as the kind of person I want to be." Gideon turned and rubbed his hands evilly. "Yeesssssss. I will gain this beast's skills and soon everyone will love me again. And this time, it will not be anything evil related. Bwa ha ha ha ha ha!"

(Moments later)

"Or he just wants to eat my adorable face and take my stuff!" Gideon shouted while he was tied upside down in a cave belonging to the beast known as the Abominable Bro-Man.

The Bro-Man was standing close by as he stirs a steaming pot of stew. He turned a few pages in a cook book and counted some ingredients.

"Bro. Righteous. Chill sesh. Chill sesh. Bro. Bro. Bro. Bro."

"Your language makes no sense!"

The Abominable Bro-Man noticed that he's missing some Righteous. So he told Gideon to 'Bro', put a jacket on and walked out of his cave.

Seeing that this was his chance, Gideon dug threw his hair and took out a pocket knife. "I still haven't lost my touch." Gideon cut the rob holding his ankles and landed feet first on the floor, O.K. face first. He stood right up and rubbed his nose.

Acting quickly, the boy rolled over behind a sofa and into a pile of empty soda cans. "Eeeeyuk! Bottom feeder!" Gideon poked his head out from the pile and noticed the cave entrance close by. Looking at a lamp with a tilted shade and a table with magazines, he dashed right out of the cave and into the daylight.

"Free, free!" Gideon cheered, until he'd noticed that he was in the forest of Gravity Falls.

The boy leaped into a shrub and scanned his surroundings. "The woods. Filled with the world's most strange looking creatures on Earth." He ducked down and pondered to himself. "If I had Journal 2 with me, and the others, I could easily overcome these monsters."

Gideon thought back about Journal 2. "The book that opened my eyes ….. but now is not the time to think of the failed past." He leaped out of the shrub with determination. "I may not have learned any 'Regular Kid' skills yet, but with my knowledge of the paranormal, I will find my way home!"

(Much later)

"Now if only I went on a camping trip at least once in my life!"

Gideon was sitting in a puddle with his clothes turn a bit, dirt on this face, and his hair starting to get slightly messy. He dug through his hair and sigh harshly after finding no hairspray.

"Grrrrrrr! What did I do to deserve this treatment!? Answer me, you octopus eagle thing … waaaaaaaaaaaah?" Gideon just stared at some eagle/octopus hybrid flying away. "… What is wrong with this place?"

Gideon walked ahead, pondering about his home. "This here place holds the oddest thing beyond imagination, literally." Gideon noticed a platypus with flannel fur. "But why, why are there so many weird freaks?!"

Gideon pondered that thought for a long time. "Stanford Pines must have some ideas. Also Dipper who had Journal 3 this entire time, and Journal 1. I know he had it somewhere!" Gideon took a deep breath. "But alas, those journals are out of my reach. If only I had documents of my own … yessss ….. that's it!"

Gideon giggled fiendishly. "I'll write my own journal. I will learn about this land and perhaps exceed the old man! Yes, and my oh my! Won't my darling Mabel be impressed? I could even buy her better internet service!"

(Day dream)

The buffy and smart Gideon was flexing his unnatural muscles to a coveted Mabel.

"Oh Gideon. Your hair is quite amazing, but not as amazing as your hair. Marry me and destroy your enemies!"

"Oh yes, I will marry you my darling. Now come here!"

"Why don't mind if I do." said a male voice.

(End Day dream)

Gideon's dream cloud evaporated when he sees Jeff the Gnome using some mouth spray.

"No, not you. Get!" Gideon threw the Gnome over some shrubs, but quickly realized something. "Wait, let me study you!" Gideon chased after the gnome, but stumbled onto something extraordinary. "Oh my word!"

With a beam from the sun enlightening it, there sticking out of the ground stood several large crystals. Gideon watched in aww as a bird flew up into one of the sunlight the crystal was reflecting and it grew humongous.

"So this is where Dipper got that gem from." Gideon rubbed his hands with excitement. "Already I'm discovering new things, and no one will stand in my way to become an average kid! Then, finally then, Mabel will go out with widdle ol' me again!"

"Ahem!"

Two loud thumps shook the ground as a giant Jeff stepped from behind the crystals. "You're no girl! You're just some boy that dress and act like a girl."

"Hay, my clothes are the latest fashion!"

Another thud came from Jeff's foot. "But now that I'm huge, I can storm through town and have a better chance at finding a Gnome Queen!" Jeff chuckled as he walked away.

"The town?" Gideon quickly stood up. "He'll wreck that place with his army of Gnomes … hm, is this what caring about other people feel like?" Gideon looked at his hands in deep thought. "Huh … I think it's overrated. But that's beside the point!" Gideon put his foot on a rock to look heroically as he stares at the giant short man knocking down trees. "If that low level town is demolished, then Mabel won't come next summer!"

Gideon dashed after the behemoth man, but stopped himself and made an interesting calculation. "What am I doing, he'll just step on my like a tinny widdle bug …. Unless he was the bug." Gideon devilishly smiled when he turned his attention towards the size-changing crystal. "Yes!" Gideon ran into a beam. "Make me giant!"

And the magical properties changed Gideon's size! Into that of an ant.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Gideon ran around, unleashing his rage on some innocent plants, pebbles, and dirt.

After calming down, he saw the ray he was looking for that just turned a fly huge. And so he dashed his way towards the light, which by his size will take about several days. "I'm gonna die out here, am I?"

The ground started to rumble again and Gideon was having a difficult time standing up. "What in tarn nation!?" Gideon looked up to see that Jeff had returned, with his Gnome followers gnawing at his face.

"Guys, it's me! Your leader!"

"Shmebulock!"

"I know I'm a giant, but look at me! Would anyone else would care as little about your lives like me?"

The Gnomes ignored him and climbed towards his eyes, which caused Jeff to push a crystal down and the beam from it reached Gideon and returned him to his normal size.

"Yes, I'm back to-" Then another beam touched him and he turned to the size of his robotic self. "Normal ….. Drats! Now if I go into town, I'll just step on everyone and ….. step on them all."

Temptation was dragging Gideon back to the life he laid down some time ago. "They'll treat me with the respect I deserve ….. or be destroyed!" He grinned widely as he clenched his hands. "They'll just be vermin under my thumbs. And Mabel would-"

Then a beam shrank him back to normal.

"….Woah. Almost lost myself back there. Feyew. For a second there, I thought I …. I… I'm just floatin in thin air, aren't I?"

Gideon looked down to at the ground several feet away and instantly fell down. "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

But right in the nick of time, someone saved him from becoming a splat on the ground that dogs would lick up and throw right back up.

"Oh my gosh, you saved me you …. Oh not you again." Gideon folded his arm in annoyance when he saw the Abominable Bro-Man holding him.

"Bro."

"Oh just eat me already so I don't have to listen to you!"

The Bro-Man just shrugged and stuck his tongue out.

"Ew Ew! Kill me first at least! Boy does that sound dark."

The Bro-Man's tongue touched the boy's head, however by the shrunken look if his eyes, the Bro-Man found him disgusting and dropped him.

Surprised by this, Gideon stood up and saw the Bro-Man walking away as he rubbed his tongue. "Ha, looks like stolen moisturizer saved the day. You hear that paranormal, Gideon shall study and rule you all!"

Several haunting roars followed soon after and Gideon quietly walked away in a pace.

Some hours later, Gideon managed to crawl himself back to civilization. "Yes …. I did it!" Gideon raised his fists into the air. "I liiiiiiiiiiiiiive!"

Gideon jumped for joy as he ran up to several random people. "I made it back! I made it back! I made it back to this Rat town!"

Gideon noticed Wendy slowly walking by with her head lowered and her hair covering her face. "Wendy. I have conquered that Outdated Yeti, the Octopus bird, and the Giant Gnome! I am now-"

"Would you just ….. SHUT UP!" Wendy's harsh voice was followed by her horrified glare she gave the boy. Gideon fell back and noticed the pain-driven look in her eyes as she rubbed your temples.

"Just LEAVE! LEAVE ME ALONE NOW!"

Hearing her blood-curdling cry, Gideon crawled away in a panic and hid behind a trash pin to watch Wendy slowly walk ahead as her teenaged friends reach up to her.

"What the devil…." Gideon paid close attention as Nate and Lee both held her up by her arms and they walked her home. Never in his life did he witness something as terrifying as her. Weirdmageddon was still on the top if his list thou; but just the very look in that redhead's eyes, it was something else.

"What happened to that girl today?"

That time during Weirdmageddon, where both Dipper and Wendy entered his turf; that was truly the first time they were properly introduced. Never in his life had he ever spoken with the cashier girl. The only thing he knew was that she was the daughter of Manly Dan, the toughest man in town. Even he made Gideon shiver a bit especially when he was still the town's favorite.

From what he heard, Wendy didn't fall far from the tree. She was a tough lumberjack girl and survived Weirdmageddon like a pro. But now there she was, needing help from two people just to walk her home.

"I …. I should stay out of that one." Gideon nervously walked away. "Probably nothing, nothing serious. Heh…. Heh … please don't let it be something Bill-related. Please let it be something else!"

End of Chapter

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