Going back to Hogwarts after the Holidays was usually very sad for Harry, but this year it was different. Besides his triumphant entrance into Quidditch, the plans Sirius and he had made about Quirrell's turban focused and excited them, and Harry could hardly wait to try them out. Neither of them doubted the need for the conquest of Quirrell's turban, though Sirius did think a little bit about the consequences. He knew that hexing a teacher would be considered a serious infraction, though he doubted Dumbledore would expel them. They would just have to work in some plausible deniability. But he flinched at the probability of their respective fathers handling the discipline, even though he tried not to let it change what he wanted to do.
"Have you talked to Draco and Hermione about their roles?" Sirius asked Harry at breakfast the day of the planned turban attack.
"They've agreed," Harry told him. "I think we're all set for dinner."
"Have you thought about how this is likely to end for us?" Sirius asked quietly. "Are you sure this is what we want to do?"
"I'm sure," Harry answered. "But if you've changed your mind, I understand."
"You know I'm always up for getting in trouble," Sirius smirked. "I don't think they're going to expel the great Harry Potter, and they have to punish us both the same, so it's not too bad."
"Extra lines? Detention?" Harry pressed, smirking.
"Handwriting practice and something to do. Not so bad."
"Spanking?"
"Well, not my favorite, I must admit," Sirius smirked. "But it's not like it hurts like a cane. I mean, ol' Remus just doesn't have it in him to be like, well, mean about it."
"Well, I'm glad you see that he means well, anyway," Harry smirked. "I talked to Ron too, we're all set."
"Operation turban, all the way," Sirius clapped his hands together. "Here comes Ron now. Merlin, does he know his hair's sticking up like that?"
"Mornin'," a sleepy Ron greeted them. "Back to work."
"Ready for tonight?" Sirius asked him.
"Hmm?" Ron asked, scratching his head absently.
"Tonight," Harry repeated patiently. "Remember, the thing?"
"Oh, the turban thing?" Ron asked.
"SHHH!" Harry shushed him.
"Cool, I've got it," Ron replied, waking up a little in anticipation. "But I was thinking how you guys have it set up - aren't we going to get caught?"
"Plausible deniability," Harry answered with a smirk. "The only link they'll have to us is the fact that we did it to our dads over Christmas."
"You changed Snape's hair into antlers?" Ron asked, incredulously. "Merlin's balls!"
"And lived to tell the tale," Sirius smirked back.
"You two are turning into my brothers!" Ron said, admiringly.
"Don't worry, even if we're found out your part shouldn't be a problem," Harry told him. "It should just be me 'n' Sirius getting in trouble."
"You can be pretty casual about getting in trouble," Ron commented, sitting down at the table and dishing up his food. "Snape scares most people."
"Most people don't know how warm and fuzzy he really is," Harry laughed at them. "Seriously, though, it will be fine. If I get caught and if Snape thinks it's bad enough to warrant a trip over his knee, I doubt he'd even use the ruler."
"It still smarts," Ron protested, not believing.
"This is something you probably don't really understand," Harry answered, suddenly serious. "This isn't just a prank, this is something I feel, well, compelled to do. I'm not sure why, but we have to get the turban off him."
"Antlers, huh?" Ron asked, his mouth full of scrambled eggs. "What's the plan if this one fails?"
"We have a few more ideas," Sirius told him. "But first one first. It got the best results with the adults we tested it on."
"Thanks for letting us participate but remain neutral," Hermione commented as she dished herself up some fruit. "And it's good to have Draco involved again too."
"You guys are Switzerland," Harry joked. "On the surface you're innocent, but really you've been helping Nazi's hide plunder."
"What?" Ron asked, confused.
"World War II," Hermione replied, sitting down with the boys. "Oh come on, I know we don't study muggle history here, but surely you know something of World War II?"
"Germany was bad, right?" Ron asked, wracking his brain.
"Pathetic," Hermione shook her head and dishing up some of the fruit salad. "You think wizards would want to know something of the history of the muggle world they live in . . ."
"I know something!" Ron insisted. "They make chocolate in Switzerland! And . . . cheese. And . . . cows . . ."
"Oh, come on!" Harry laughed. "Okay, let's pipe down before someone gets suspicious. Now, everyone remember your part."
. . .
Remus walked into the dining hall that evening, and his senses prickled. He wasn't sure if it was the furtive glances his ward sent to him or if it was the overly-casual way that Harry was sitting, but something was going on. He tried to act casual himself as he took his place sitting next to Snape, who also seemed to be carefully observing the boys. Perhaps they were just on high alert after the quidditch plot.
"What do you think it is?" he asked Snape, knowing the man sensed it too.
"I'm sure we'll find out soon enough," Snape answered grimly. "There's others involved, but our two are the principles."
"Prank?" Remus asked suspiciously.
"We can only hope it's not a bad one," Snape nodded. "Oh here we go, it looks like Draco is involved too. Why would he be approaching the table?"
"Professor Snape," he respectfully inclined his head. "I am having a small problem that I was hoping you could help me with."
"Oh?" Snape asked curiously.
"I need to fire-call my father at once on a . . . private matter," he managed to sound slightly nervous, but not shakey. "You said that I could use the floo in your office if I needed to call my father."
"Of course," Snape nodded, wiping his mouth. "I am done with my breakfast, now would be a convenient time before class."
"Thank you," Draco nodded.
Snape left as requested, thinking that Harry would probably not start what he was doing unless he was gone. Remus then saw Ron and Fred horsing around, and Ron threw a ball to Fred that rose erratically, flying towards Remus. Suspicious, he glanced up and saw Hermione with her wand out directing the ball right at his tea!
The tea splattered all over him, drenching his robe. He looked sharply at Ron and Fred, who were the picture of contrition.
"Merlin, I'm sorry professor!" Ron exclaimed. "I'm not sure why my throw was so wild!"
"It's alright, Mr. Weasley," Remus told him, reaching for his napkin.
"I'm sure you have time to change before your class," Ron supplied hopefully. "At least you don't have to stay in your wet robe."
"You're right," Remus nodded. "But I expect you to be more careful and not throw balls in the dining hall," he added in a stern voice.
"I won't do it again, professor," Ron promised.
Remus, realizing that they were trying to get rid of him, complied. Or at least make them think he was.
Sirius and Harry watched the progression of the plan, and then nodded to each other. Now was the time to make it happen. They both pushed themselves out of their chairs and went over to where Quirrell had just stood up from his breakfast.
"Professor!" Sirius called to him. "Harry and I have a question that we hoped you could answer."
"A q-q-q-question?" Quirrell stuttered. "W-w-w-w-. . ."
"It's like this," Harry said. "I've been working on that curse that turns your hair into antlers, I read about it in a book. But Sirius won't let me try it on him unless he can block it, can you block it with a normal shield?"
"A s-s-s-s-" he stuttered.
"I can do a shield," Sirius explained, not letting him answer the question. "But will that block it? I don't want him to do it unless I can."
"Shielding is c-c-c-c-"
"Let's show him!" Harry exclaimed with enthusiasm. "I could use the help anyway."
"This is not the p-p-p-"
"Antioculatia!" Harry commanded with authority, flicking his wand at Sirius. Instead of shielding, though, Sirius just ducked. The spell, aimed a little high for Sirius anyway, hit Quirrell square in the chest. The man had been surprised by the hit, he had not even had time to raise a shield.
Quirrell shouted in dismay as two tiny antlers poked through his turban and grew on his head. They were the color of honey and very fine, standing at most two inches off his head.
"What d-d-did you do?" he yelled, his hands flying to his antlers.
"We're sorry, professor," Harry answered sincerely. He didn't say that he was sorry the antlers didn't rip the turban off his head.
"Those are small antlers," Sirius remarked, clearly disappointed. That's when he realized that the man's eyebrows were gone. Apparently he didn't have much hair at all up there, so the spell used his eyebrows and any other available body hair.
"Y-y-y-y-y-" Quirrell spat, his face turning purple in rage.
"It's easily countered," the cool voice of the Potion Master assured him from behind Harry and Sirius. "Finite incantatem."
The antlers shrank and Quirrell's eyebrows returned, and Harry and Sirius looked back to Snape with fear in their eyes. Did he know?
"I was out of the room with Malfoy and I needed to return unexpectedly," Snape explained smoothly. "Shall I take these miscreants to their head of house?"
"Yes!" Quirrell spat, pulling his wand and quickly repairing the holes the antlers punched in his turban. He couldn't speak more due to his stuttering, so he managed a glower instead. Harry saw something in his eyes that scared him just for a second - something slithery, like snake scales. He shivered involuntarily.
"I will take care of this for you then," Snape nodded, taking hold of one shoulder for each of the boys. "They know better than to practice magic in the dining hall."
Both boys hung their heads in fake contrition. "We're really sorry, Professor," Harry told him."
"It was an accident," Sirius added. "We're sorry."
"Come along boys, let's not bother the professor any more," Snape directed. "I believe Professor McGonagall is in her office at this hour. And oh look! Professor Lupin has returned as well."
He cast Remus and exasperated look, and Remus didn't even ask but followed them out of the dining hall. Once they were out of earshot of everyone else, Snape said calmly, "I'm glad that hex was accidental, because if it had been intentional McGonagall would have no choice but to suspend you. However, since it was accidental she may decide on a less severe punishment."
"Yes, sir," Harry replied to him, understanding the message.
"Good," Snape nodded. They remained silent as he escorted the two to McGonagall's office.
"Severus?" she asked in surprise as she answered her door. "What are you all doing here?"
"I'm afraid we've had some problems at breakfast," Severus explained.
"Come in," she invited. "Should I call for tea?"
"I've had enough tea this morning," Remus answered, wondering what the plan was that they needed to get him out of the room.
"Harry and Sirius will explain it," Snape said, with a significant look to Remus. "Remus and I won't interrupt. Neither of us were in the room at the time."
"Well, we wanted to ask Professor Quirrell about blocking the antler spell," Harry explained. "We'd read about it in a book and thought it might be fun to use to practice defensive shields. And so we thought we'd demonstrate, you know, on each other?"
"Only I ducked instead of shielding," Sirius explained. "Completely my mistake. It was unfortunate that Professor Quirrell was right behind me. The spell hit him instead of me by accident."
"Did you give Professor Quirrell antlers?" McGonagall asked, her eyebrows high in surprise.
"We did," Harry answered remorsefully. "But luckily my dad came in at that time and reversed the spell for him."
"That was lucky indeed," McGonagall nodded. "So he is fine now?"
"He was repairing the holes in his turban as we speak," Sirius assured her.
"Had you boys cast that one before?" she asked, her eyes suspicious.
"Not really," Harry answered smoothly. "I mean, we've played a little with it before, but not like what happened to Professor Quirrell. I didn't think I could do that."
Snape looked to Remus, who seemed ready to protest the lie Harry had just told. Snape caught Remus' eyes, and then gave him a barely perceptible shake of his head. Remus saw that, and nodded. They would sort it out at home.
"This is very serious," she told the boys with her voice low and serious. "You two have hexed a professor, however inadvertently. And you both admit to performing magic outside of the supervision provided in class."
"We're sorry," they both mumbled, looking down.
"You both behaved very recklessly, and you were lucky it was a curse so easily countered," she looked at them both severely. "If you had intended to hex your professor I would have had no choice but to suspend you. But since it was accidental, I will give you both each a choice of being suspended for three days or letting your perspective father and guardian to deal with your discipline."
"I choose my dad," Harry agreed, not looking up.
"And I choose my dad too," Sirius agreed, shocking everyone over his use of the term.
"Very well," she nodded, trying not to embarrass the child by being shocked at his calling Remus dad. "I also expect a list from each of you on when and where you may and may not practice magic on the grounds of Hogwarts. Dismissed."
Each boy followed his dad to their rooms. Before the foursome would part, however, Snape whirled around with no notice, bringing both Harry and Sirius up short.
"Really?" he sternly told them. "You thought I wouldn't see through your machinations? As if I didn't notice your nervousness this morning? How dare you send me away!"
"We wanted to give you plausible deniability," Harry answered, fully honest. "If you were there you may have felt obliged to stop us."
"And I would have," Snape agreed, the honesty somewhat mollifying. "Were you even prepared to get caught? You should have thought of the story for McGonagall before you're being marched there."
"We thought that it wouldn't be a problem because we made it look like an accident," Sirius explained.
"At least this was far better executed than the Fluffy debacle," Snape conceded. "But you two still have a long way to go."
"We will do better next time," Harry promised.
"See that you do," Snape nodded. "Now we need to discuss punishment."
"But surely you won't . . ." Sirius began his protest.
"We have to and we will," Snape interrupted. "This was in lieu of you both getting suspended, Remus and I don't have a choice."
"We didn't endanger anybody!" Harry protested. "We had planned it better!"
"Which is why you aren't getting the ruler," Snape nodded. "Another debacle like the Fluffy one and I'd be tempted to use the cane. I'm thinking ten swats with a hand over the trousers, do you agree Remus?"
"Sounds fair," he agreed.
"Any decisions to go back and take a suspension instead?" Snape asked, arching an eyebrow sardonically.
"Well, in the face of that harsh of a punishment . . ." Harry joked, though he did seem a bit nervous.
"They will be firm smacks," Snape assured him. "But you perhaps don't need over many of them. I believe we will take our leave of you, gentlemen."
Sirius watched them go, and then turned towards Remus. "Not too firm?" he asked, his voice having an edge of nervousness to it.
"Not too hard," Remus agreed. "But you do need to figure out how to do what you want to do without getting suspended."
"I'm not sure why Harry wants the turban thing so bad," Sirius explained. "But he really wants to do it. I'm more along for the ride."
"Then make sure you steer him towards things that will not get expelled," Remus told him as they entered their chambers.
"I'll try," Sirius agreed.
"Would you like your punishment right off?" Lupin asked. "I think Snape already gave you the lecture."
"I guess so," Sirius replied, trying to look nonchalant but in reality his stomach started flipping. "If we must."
"I believe we must," Remus told him. "If it hadn't been the alternative for suspension, though, I'm not sure I would. But it is better than missing school."
"Why is hexing a teacher so bad?" Sirius asked. "I mean, three days seems pretty harsh for a pair of tiny antlers."
"Well, I suppose it's because it's very important to keep law and order in the school," Remus reflected. "The children outnumber the faculty and could overwhelm them pretty easily, so we need them to be just a little scared of us. Keeps it safer."
"I guess," Sirius shrugged.
"Would you get in more trouble for hitting Harry or hitting Professor Trelawney?" Remus asked.
"Professor Trelawney, of course."
"Same for hexing," Remus explained. "Alright, time for your spanking. Over my lap, please."
Sirius felt childish reluctance, but not the fear he could barely remember feeling before. He also knew that there was no talking him out of it, because Snape and he had agreed. So, he put himself over Remus' lap and squirmed a bit to get comfortable.
"Ten smacks," Remus told him, folding up his robe and then placing his left hand on Sirius' back. "No more getting suspended from school."
"Technically I didn't get suspended," Sirius protested, and then the first smack fell. Sirius yelped a little, but didn't fight.
"Don't be cheeky," Remus told him, his mouth twitching as he settled himself to deliver the remainder of the punishment. Sirius yelped and moved a bit, but he accepted his punishment.
When it was over, Remus pulled the sniffling student onto his lap and hugged him.
"I'm sorry," Sirius told Remus.
"I know," Remus answered.
"I'll probably do it again," he sniffed.
"So will I," Remus answered, laughing a little. "But let's both try not to, okay?"
