Clara

Clean Up On Aisles 9 and 11

"I am never gonna let you two drive a car again," said Donna, getting out of the car, rubbing her neck like she had whiplash, which - after suffering the Doctor's driving - she could well have.

"We weren't that bad!" said Eleven and Nine at the same time. The three girls had been crammed in the back seat of the car after they had both demanded to be in the front seat, and had tossed a coin 10 times to see who would be driving. Unfortunately, Eleven the cosmic five year old won, the man Clara only just trusted to make her coffee.

"What are we buying?" asked Eleven happily. He was going to get into trouble today, Clara could tell.

"Anything!" said Nine, "we're rich!"

"No, not anything," said Martha, "just food and spare appliances for when Rose breaks them."

"Look! Trollies!" Eleven squealed, bounding off towards the rack of carts like a toddler, "Clara, can I sit in the trolley? Pleeeease?"

"No!" she said, pulling him away, "we're getting a small trolley - one that you can't fit in."

"Can I push it?" he asked as she pulled him back towards the group.

"Knowing you you'll probably knock down all the shelves..." said Martha.

"Why don't you trust me?" he asked Clara sadly.

"If we were fighting aliens or in the past or the future, then I would. But this is shopping, it's too complicated for you to understand," she said as they entered the supermarket, all three women praying for some normality in their shopping trip.

"Ooh! Bananas!" said Eleven, he and Nine running off. Or rather, they tried to run off, but found themselves being restrained by multiple pairs of female hands.

"We don't need any bananas," said Clara.

"Don't be daft, Clara. We always need bananas."

"You can never have too many bananas," said Nine, "bananas are good. And a fantastic source of potassium."

"Leave the bananas alone!" Clara ordered. She really did not want to make a scene in the middle of a public place bossing around an adult a foot taller than her who was demanding bananas and to ride in the trolley.

"We saved you from the Master! Bananas should be our reward!" said Eleven, "Plus, I made you a coffee."

"Didn't make me a coffee," said Donna bitterly.

"Well I'm not married to you, am I?" he said.

"Still polite," she muttered.

"Please can we have bananas?"

"No!" said Clara.


Fifteen minutes later, the Doctors were gone. Clara, Donna and Martha had turned around to see they were alone an free of the their two childish burdens. But now they could get up to anything.

"Uh-oh," said Martha, "I don't like this."

"Oh great, two spacemen loose in Asda!" said Donna, staring around for any sign of them. They had also stolen the trolley, but there were no noises like screaming or sonicking from anywhere throughout the large supermarket - but then again, the Doctors were no strangers to getting around huge places.

"Clara, you take fresh fruit, meats and dairy, Donna, you take canned goods, cereal and savouries, I'll take frozen food, cleaning and pets," said Martha, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a -

"Oh my God! Is that a taser!?" demanded Donna.

"Yes, it's a taser," said Martha.

"You're in UNIT though, right? You're allowed to carry that?" Donna asked nervously.

"Nope, it's illegal," said Martha like this was no big deal.

"Oh, brilliant! Here I am, stuck in a bloody supermarket with two aliens and an ex-soldier with an illegal taser!" said Donna, "if you'll excuse me, I'm going to look at some beans and stay out of your bloody way!" she said, backing away from Martha, who didn't seem to see anything wrong with wielding a stun gun she wasn't supposed to have in the middle of a public place.

Clara went off the other direction to Donna, trying to remember where the fresh fruit and the bananas were, she suspected that was where they had gone. She didn't see or hear anything for a good few minutes walking the aisles, looking for any kind of trouble. Actually, she didn't see any people, either. At all.

And that was when she heard the screaming. And of course, that was where she headed straight away. Just to see Eleven and Nine both with a trolley full of bananas, chips, jammie dodgers, fish fingers, custard, pickled eggs and a whole bunch of chicken legs. And that was it. They also both had their screwdrivers out and pointed at the butcher.

"Slitheen! Unzip your head!" Eleven ordered him.

"Doctor! What the hell are you two doing?!" Clara shouted at him, going and trying to pull the screwdriver away from the cowering butcher, who had no idea why two insane men had just shined a bright light in his faced and declared him a monster.

"This man is a Slitheen!" said Eleven.

"Why would you possibly think that!?" she said.

"Well he's short, fat and he was farting a lot," said Eleven innocently.

"Ah," said Nine, looking at his screwdriver, "that's not good."

"What is it? What's not good?" asked Clara just as Donna and Martha appeared round the corner, Martha holding the taser ready if the Doctors did anything stupid. Clara waved her hand down though, not really wanting the Doctors to get tased if they were the only ones who could stop whatever was happening.

"You'll never guess what these readings say, wifey," said Eleven, with a worried look on his faced as he glanced from Clara to the butcher to the screwdriver.

"...What?" she asked, getting slightly worried too merely by his expression.

"They say," said the butcher, getting to his feet just for a sadistic grin to spread across his face, "I'm a native of Raxacoricofallapatorius."

"Native of where?" asked Clara, the name ringing a bell.

"Raxacoricofallapatorius," said Nine.

"Where the hell is Raxa-whatsit?" asked Donna.

"Raxacoricofallapatorius," said Eleven, "it's next to Klom." But before anybody could say anything else there was a blue glow flooding the empty aisle and the suddenly deserted supermarket - though it had been quite empty to begin with. How did they get everyone out so quickly, Clara wondered? Unless they weren't out...

"What the hell is that!?" screamed Donna, "Don't just stand there! Shoot it!" she yelled at Martha, who had been momentarily frozen by the big green creature which was laughing as it rose up out of the skin suit made from the butcher. She lifted the taser up, aimed and fired, the electricity pulsing through the creature and making the skin suit that was down to it's waist now rip apart and splatter the walls.

"We need Jack, Rose, and Mickey," said Nine, "people who can actually fight Slitheen!"

"RUN!" yelled Eleven, grabbing Clara's hand and kicking the trolley straight into the path of the butcher who was chasing them now he was over his brief electric shock.

"It's massive! How does it run so fast!?" Clara asked, glancing back as Eleven pulled her through the shelves, trying desperately to get to any exit, "And how did it get over being tased so quickly?!"

"Because it's big and alien and I lowered the strength of that taser when I found it yesterday!" said Eleven sheepishly.

"You did what!?" exclaimed Martha, but then it was too late for Eleven to answer as they had reached a random window covering the side of the complex and Nine had sonicked it, causing it to shatter and the glass and dust to rain down on the five of them.

They dove through the glass and struggled to their feet, Clara gaining a few cuts on her hands and knees from the glass shards that were everywhere. Are all shards evil?, she mused to herself. But finally they were back at the car, and Martha – who, after her years with UNIT and the Doctor – was probably much more capable at driving than the men themselves.

"DRIVE!" Eleven yelled, he, Clara and Nine shoved into the back seat with him in the middle between them both, Martha and Donna had stolen the front and Martha started up the ignition in Clara's car and floored it as Clara drew her slightly broken, old phone (which she had brought since the Doctor had failed to replace her melted phone yet) out of her pocket and dialed the Maitland house.

"Err, hello?" asked Rory, answering after nearly a minute of ringing and just after a black car with tinted visors had started chasing them.

"Rory! Get Rose, Mickey and Jack!" she ordered him.

"Is it really important? Rose is sulking in her room, Mickey's doing something with your computer and Jack's back in the TARDIS with Christina," said Rory.

"What's Jack doing in the TARDIS with – actually, never mind. I don't wanna know. But this is really important! Tell them there are Slitheen in a supermarket and they're chasing us!" Clara shouted into the phone.

"Alright, alright! You don't have to shout," he said.

"Yes I do! They're going to kill us!" she said. But Rory had gone, to find the others presumably, so they were stuck waiting as Martha started to drive in completely the wrong direction.

"I'm circling round so they don't find out where you live," she said, seeing Clara's confused face in the mirror.

"Yeah?" an American accent said into the phone.

"Thank god," said Clara, "listen, there are Slitheen in Asda, and they're chasing us in a car right now," said Clara.

"Are you sure they're Slitheen?" he asked.

"Yes! They unzipped their heads and they're big and green and terrifying!" she said.

"Is there vinegar here?" Jack asked seriously.

"What!?" Clara asked, having no idea why Jack had just asked for vinegar.

"Yes, she has vinegar! I saw it while I was looking for coffee this morning," Eleven said.

"Why were you looking for the coffee? You know where the coffee is, you can see it on the side," she questioned.

"I thought Mr Maitland might have some fancy high-quality coffee stashed away somewhere."

"You used his special coffee!? That coffee is imported straight from -" Jack cleared his throat to stop them bickering as Martha took a particularly vicious right turn and flung them to the other side of the car, Clara bashing into Eleven, "Sorry."

"Get back here! You don't have any vinegar in the car so you should get to where there is some," he said, then he hung up.

"Jack says get back to the house," Clara told Martha, who nodded and took the next left to circle back towards the Maitlands'.

They arrived back in minutes to see Jack, Rose and Mickey all stood outside and all holding cups with something in, probably vinegar going by the conversation Clara had had, but why vinegar was a weapon to use against huge, monstrous aliens that could somehow drive cars after you was a mystery to her.

"Get behind us!" Mickey said as the black car swerved to a stop opposite them. "Stay back! We're armed!"