A second update today. Thanks for reading.
29. HEART PART 2
A heart can break in a thousand different ways. For some it shatters into tiny pieces, for others it simply stops beating. Bella's heart has been breaking for years, pulled apart piece by tiny piece, each disappointment ripping off another chunk. Missed recitals, forgotten birthdays and lonely half-meals have all added up to a lifetime of neglect; a child who's learned she's always the last priority.
She waits for three hours on Thanksgiving morning. Wearing a pretty, yellow dress she bought with her hard-earned wages, her hair tied back into a neat ponytail. Perched at the end of her bed, she has her cell phone clutched in her sweaty palm, waiting for a message that doesn't come.
The dorms are silent, save for her ragged breathing. Everybody has left for their own celebrations. Still she waits, she hopes, making up excuses in her mind; tall tales of missed turns, forgotten suitcases.
As time passes, her thoughts turn darker. She imagines broken glass, twisted metal, cars pushed inside each other, overturned. Her mom dying was always Bella's biggest childhood fear, the ghostly monster growling under her bed. Now it climbs out from underneath the mattress, taunting her with shocking images of broken necks and lacerated faces.
Renee finally calls at lunchtime. When her name flashes on the screen, Bella feels a strange combination of relief and anger. It brings tears to her eyes, scratches her throat.
"Hello?"
"Baby, happy Thanksgiving!" There's not even a pin drop of regret in Renee's voice. "There's been a change of plan, we're in Vegas. Garrett gave me the trip as an early birthday present. It was a complete surprise. You should see this hotel, sweetheart, the casino's huge. We played blackjack all night; only lost a hundred dollars." She stops talking long enough to take a breath, but Bella can't find her voice enough to fill in the silence. Can't think what she would say. All her accusations, regrets are buried under the pain. The rejection makes the ache in her chest almost too much to bear.
A heart can withstand many things. But the repeated neglect of a careless parent is all it takes to break Bella. She drops the phone, curls into a ball, keening, wailing until she has nothing left to give, nothing left to expel.
She's never felt more alone.
