Chapter Twenty-Nine: All Of Me
Come on, Grayson, pull it together here. You got this. Focus more on the fact that you managed to get Kori alone and, not only that, but also take the time to realize it was she who had willingly agreed to this scenario. Don't allow that old Grayson pride a place in this situation. Stay calm, you've been doing it all night, quite successfully, so come on, just a little while longer. Take a deep breath, shake the nerves pricking at your composure, forget about the hopeful possibility of Kori suddenly having second thoughts -its not as though its even been confirmed- and just try to... dare I say enjoy yourself? Afterall, if anything was certain, she was equally drowning in parallel nerves, so don't cloud your mind with thoughts of what this moment could potentially mean, or how horribly it could end. If anything, just enjoy being near her while she's still here.
Richard had rarely experienced moments of this calamity, well at least this had been true before Kori. Nerves in a constant battle to break him down to the point where his hands were trembling, his thoughts swirling in hesitation and forced denial of logic, and of course the very pathetic notion that he was about to embark on an evening which had already built a strictly casual and distant foundation, only to pull a seismic toss of what was sure to be a more eventful play out. The only trouble with this was that Richard wasn't sure if things would go well or end worse off then if he had just kept his mouth shut. What if she...
"Are you sure you don't mind that we're here?" Kori flinched at the presence of Richard's gentle touch as he came up behind her, helping to take her coat.
"To be honest, I'm... surprised that you wanted to come here with me, of all places." Richard replied casually without looking at her, somewhat concerned at her response at such a direct statement.
Still lingering awkwardly near the front door of his penthouse suite, arms crossed and vision dancing scattered around the surroundings which rang back in her memory with comfort, Kori said, "You and me both."
Keep calm, keep exuding that falsified collected decorum you managed to keep when with her all evening. Fidgeting hands in his front pockets, his shoulders raised in a prolonged display of his racking nerves. "Can I get you anything?"
This was horrible, the whole awkward conversation. Were they really capable of nothing more? Clearing her throat Kori smiled. "No, thank you."
Okay,... where do we go from here? Shit, think of something Grayson! You got her alone, you know she wants to talk or else she wouldn't have allowed this moment to take life, so what now? What's your move? Ugh, I think its safe to say he would never get used to this inconvenient stammering his mind had taken to. Even as he avoided her presence, casting a glance around the room in hopes of thinking of something new to say, he found himself at a loss of words. Damn, this was really embarrassing, for both of them. They stood, feet in a constant shift, breathing no more than the hesitation that would encompass two children lacking in courage and incapable of talking a situation like this out.
Man, maybe Rachel was right afterall. This definitely reminded him of certain instances in high school when his nerves would overpower his ability to charm the pants off anyone. That's comforting.
"What's so funny?" Kori asked, in hopes of easing the conversation to a more smooth flow.
"Just... something Rachel said," Their eyes met and it was clear Kori was thrown off by his statement. What had Rachel said? Running a hand through his hair, he smiled. "I'm glad you came tonight. Vic was really happy about it. I think we all were."
She nodded, hating that she felt so out of place. Her attention drifted to the couch. Sigh,... how many instances had their relationship taken to more intimate altercation then in that very spot? And the kitchen, where Richard had cooked them breakfast, sending adoring kisses to her that only made her skin pur, and of course there was the hallway, one which he had more than once carried her in his arms forcing giggles from her as he nestled his head into her shoulder, teasing at the soft skin on her neck. Wow, okay, Kor, slow down.
No use, those tantalizing desires had begun to swell within her with far too much fondness to deny their once persistent existence. And oh how the memory of the intoxicating sensation of his skin against hers just...
"Everything okay?"
Kori practically jumped out of her skin, emotion deepening as she met those pale eyes. Nervously running a hand through her thick hair, brushing it behind her, she released giggle. "Of course."
"Good because I actually have a surprise for you."
What? No. No more sweetness please. The mere sight of him was dangerous territory enough. "Richard, really that isn't necessary. I..." She fell to a loss of words as Richard quickly surfaced from the hallway with a very anxious Silkie. Richard's heartbeat quickened when Kori didn't even hesitate to race toward him, her eyes wide and hands eager to accept the small animal. "Oh, my darling baby!" Smiles all around weren't denied their place in this instant. Richard admired her elated mood from the close distance she kept with him; Silkie still partially within his grasp as she sent crazed kisses to the kitten. "I have missed you!" When Kori lifted Silkie into the air in front of her before hugging tightly at the kitten once more, Richard took a step back, not fighting the out-of-place sensation that brushed him. "I promise I will never leave you behind again. Oh, I love you!"
It was as Kori's enthusiastic smile met his that Richard felt an explanation was in order. Rubbing at the back of his neck, he gave off a hesitant laugh. "Sorry, I'm sure you've been worried about him. I sort of took it upon myself to watch over him. Something told me Vic was too busy to keep the schedule you have for Silkie."
That was adorable... sweet, … and just plain Richard. Wait, cut that out Kori. You know why you came here. Although, suddenly her reasons for doing so had blinked out into oblivion. She was stuck in that piercing gaze of his once more and there was no way she would go; nope, not this time, and definitely not willingly.
"I had to keep him in one of the spare rooms so he wouldn't tear up the couches while I was gone, but other than that he was well-behaved." He informed her, the truth behind his reason for saying so spawned entirely out of the awkwardness that hit him as she continued to stare back at him with a rather unreadable expression. At this point, the only thing stopping him from kissing her was the reality that such an act would only make this situation harder on him when she did in fact get around to leaving Gotham.
All at once, something in Kori just snapped and all the enthusiasm she held for being reunited with Silkie faltered. The look on her face only further confused him as to what she was thinking. Richard hesitated, their eyes had met and yet another pause took form. It was almost impossible to tear himself from those emerald eyes, an invisible pull latching onto him.
"You've been awfully quiet tonight." She stated softly, brows lowered in a searching gaze as he took to a more awkward shift. "Look, if you aren't comfortable here with me, I completely understand. We can-"
"No," He withdrew a patient breath, hoping courage would strike him. "It's not that." Oh yes it is. "I just,... you really surprised me tonight. I think I'm just trying to catch up a bit here."
Understandable. "I hope that you don't think I agreed to leave with you because..." She paused? That was actually perfect. He'd be more than grateful if she didn't finish that sentence. "I just, I want you to know that I meant it when I said I missed you. Regardless of all the stress and drama encircling our lives at the moment... I really do."
Was she fishing for him to agree? It seemed that way. "You know that I feel the same."
"It just seems as though this is the last place you'd like to be; alone with me, and-"
"No." God, no! "That's the farthest thing from the truth." He rubbed a hand at the back of his neck trying to figure out how to word his response. "This is all just very... confusing."
"I don't mean to keep doing that; confusing you that is." She sighed. "I'm sort of making this up as I go."
He smiled. "You will hear no complaining from me. I'm just happy to see you again."
"Are you really?"
"I promised a conflict free environment so without drawing attention to obvious hesitation, I really am grateful to see you. I think it's just taking some time to adjust to everything."
Yet another awkward silence developed around them, this time becoming far too much for Richard to stomach.
"Are you sure I can't interest you in a drink? Anything at all?" He asked, making his way into the kitchen; that gut wrenching ache of staring into her gaze finally took a mildly subsided turn as he kept his back to her.
"No I think it's probably best if I avoid any alcohol. I wouldn't want-" Richard jumped at the small collision Kori made with the edge of the counter, a rather aggravated growl surfacing from her. "Dammit!" She seethed, gripping a hand over her hip, applying pressure to the pain that surged through her from the collision. "First the driveway, now this?"
It was now, as Kori raised the bottom of her shirt half an inch over her hip, revealing a fresh scrape of exposed flesh at her side, that Richard moved toward her.
"What happened?" He asked, instantly trying to take control of the situation.
When his hands, at her waist gently, cornered her back against one of the counters, his attention narrowed down at the small wound, Kori felt that insufferable increase in her heart rate spark a more violent beat. Did he even realize how tortured she was by his touch?
"Richard, I'm fine. It's just a small..." Her voice trailed off.
Nope, he had that concerned haze in his eyes. There was no point in trying to reach him, Richard was hearing none of what she could possibly imagine would divert his interest; his protectiveness having already kicked into gear and she knew there would be no breaking through.
It wasn't a deep gash but the mere sight of blood trickling was enough to send him into a frenzy. So much so that he was entirely oblivious to the overwhelmed reaction Kori had fallen into as he knelt down on one knee before her, eyes too transfixed as they paralleled the wound.
"It doesn't look too bad." He muttered to himself, quickly grabbing a damp cloth and finding his way back to his previous position before her.
Now Kori, the palms of her hands back against the counter, her upper body leaned back slightly at the intense push he had given when he had forced her there, she was barely holding on by a thread. Her eyes clamped shut at the gentle motion of the cloth against her side as he dabbed at the wound. She knew if she were to allow herself to watch as he studied the severity of gash that she would surely find those tantalizing brows in a furrow, piercing eyes narrowed, and that small twitch his tightly pressed bottom lip wedged between his teeth, and that was something she could not survive without the consequences leading to a further falter of discipline.
When the sensation of the cloth came to a pause, removing itself from her touch, Kori willed her eyelids open to find Richard still knelt before her. A shiver crawled up her spine as he brought his thumb to run tenderly across her hip bone, those eyes still in such an adorable focus.
"It's definitely sure to bruise but I think you'll be alright." Feeling satisfied with his work, Richard stood, attention snapping to Kori's. It was now that he realized the intensity of her emotions at this point and he made no attempt at all to stop the smirk that spread across his face. "I'd feel a lot better if you promised to be more careful."
What had just happened? When did the awkwardness vibrating off her skin suddenly dissolve into this more flustered spark? It would be ridiculous to give much faith in the effect he apparently had over her and yet he couldn't help but enjoy that he could still cause her to melt into this bashful attitude.
Her only reply had been a rather obedient nod before he backed off, standing across from her now and taking the same leaned back position that she remained in. Crossing his arms over his chest he smiled, satisfied that Kori was clearly still in a lag of sorts.
"I'll uh..." Whew, was it getting warmer in here? "I'll take that drink now."
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"Are you comfortable?" He asked as they made their way to the living room, sitting upon one of the couches, drinks in hand. That was an interesting question, since both were incapable of such.
She refrained from the less than subtle reply prepared at her tongue and decided to change the subject altogether. As it were, this evening was proving to be more of a struggle then she could have imagined.
"Thank you again... for Silkie." She looked to the small kitten prancing beside them in the center of the living room, her sweet smile being adored by a now quiet Richard who was more than fine with just observing her. "I've been so wrapped up in all my drama that I completely allowed myself to forget about the poor little guy." She looked to Richard now and gave a cute shrug. "It makes me happy to know it was you who took care of him. I think you're all too right in assuming Vic would be too busy to give Silkie the attention he needs."
"It was no trouble." It was his turn to admire the playful Kitten now. "I think I'm actually really going to miss having him around."
That invited uncomfortable feelings to surface once more, because in reality, Kori couldn't deny the fact that... "He really does like you."
"The feelings mutual."
Oh, that dreaded silence underlined with consuming awkward behavior... great, just great.
Clearing her throat to even the hesitant shake in her voice, Kori situated herself in her seat. "I'm really glad we did this. I'm enjoying myself."
That couldn't be true. "I have to be honest Kor..." he shook his head, unsure of whether he wanted to go through with this dangerous thought which had struck him. "You really threw me off tonight." Before she could even misinterpret his words, he continued. "This... your behavior, its nothing short of confusing. Don't misunderstand though, I am beyond glad that you're here but..." he shrugged. "I just can't really figure out what it is you're after."
"I'm... not after anything." Is that what he really thought of her? That she was after something? Mmm, was she? "If I confused you I apologize, I simply wasn't really sure how to act. Tonight was suppose to be about Vic and Karen's happiness so I was trying to be as neutral and excited for them but I suppose somewhere along the line..." She exhaled slowly, looking to him hesitantly. Damn, she didn't want to hold back but now that she was here with him, it proved most difficult to will herself to open up to him. "I'm sorry, I just needed to see you. After last night, everything you said, I felt as though I needed to talk to you. I wish I could have had enough courage to speak to you then but... I don't know what happened. I just shut down."
He shook his head, no, this was not the way he wanted things to play out. "What more is there to say?"
"A lot, and even though I'm not sure I'll be able to..." She fell silent at the clear pain her words had brought full circle in his thoughts.
He stood with plans to head into the kitchen for another round of drinks but stopped himself, feeling she needed an explanation to his seemingly cold gesture to leave mid sentence. "I don't think I could handle-" What the hell was that? He stared down at his right leg to find the heel of his foot tapping in the same nervousness he had witnessed consume Kori on numerous occasions. Great, now he was adopting her fidgeting? Perfect; just one more thing to remind him of her. Clearing his throat and meeting her tormented gaze, he forced a smile. "The fireworks are still at it." He said with underlined enthusiasm, unconsciously reaching for Kori's hand and pulling her out onto the balcony.
Too enthralled in the excitement of the scene blinking before him, sharp and radiant colors darting out across the night sky, Richard hadn't notice the sinking shift in Kori's demeanor. While she had no protest of being here to share this moment with him, it would be unfair to say she hadn't given an involuntary flinch as a result of his touch, especially when she would have invited a rather darker subject to enter their conversation and was somewhat put off at Richard's clear attempt to thrust any seriousness aside.
Casting any negative emotion away, Kori made her way to the edge of the balcony beside Richard, both hands meeting the chilled railing and she directed her attention up. It was a depressing beauty that rushed her now. This moment seeming so natural between them yet just as equally as forced in awkwardly placed emotion. It crossed her mind that this evening would have played out far differently had things between them come about in a different way; a smoother, less chaotic stream of events. A part of her wished the past few days could blink out of history; if only for a second. How wonderful that would be.
Any neutrality found in this instant was thrust aside at the sound of Richard's deep inhale of the crisp night air around them. Kori lingered in observation of his seemingly content demeanor, but she could not help but ruin it... of course.
"I hate seeing you like this."
He was about to ask for specifics to that very vague explanation but it became clear as her eyes narrowed over the discoloration of skin coating the side of his face. God, she shouldn't be allowed to look at him this way, especially when the result was a suffocating one. One that could very well lead to a break in discipline on his part.
"I already told you Kori..."
"I know. But, did you really think that your explanation would ease my frustration with you?" There was no enjoyment from those words, but perhaps he deserved them; actually, he did. Afterall, it was a result of a fight with her own brother. Shaking her head, a small sigh passing her lips, she took a small step back from him. "There are a lot of things that have gone horribly wrong between us but it will never be easy for me to forget the wounds you have suffered because of me. I understand your only wish is to protect me from harm but I never want to witness seeing you like this." A scrunch in her forehead further enforced those saddened jade eyes of hers. "It makes it more difficult to hold back my urge to..." Their eyes met and she found herself annoyed with the blush staining her cheeks which she fought her hardest to stifle. She meant to extend her desire to comfort him but it was probably best to stray as far from affection as possible; her composure was hardly holding onto life as it were. "...nevermind. I just don't like seeing you in pain as a result of me."
Pain? There was surely no amount of physical pain that could compare to the mental agony she had put him through. A bruised jaw and split brow was definitely the least of his worries. Of course, the apparent concern washing over her was more than comforting to witness.
"I'll be fine."
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The night carried on, at first in scattered and choppy awkwardness and hesitation but had recently found a random amount of consistency that allowed both to become more comfortable beside one another. Take right now for example, the two sat next on the couch within the living room, both hunched over a sweet dessert pie Richard had brought out to ease their empty stomachs.
"I still can't believe Vic finally popped the question." Richard said with a shake of his head. Regardless of the reality that he had personally witnessed the proposal, it still seemed unreal. One of his friends was actually getting married, had made a life commitment, and here he was incapable of even keeping a relationship with Kori. "Did you see his face?" He released a laugh. "God, I don't think I've ever seen him so happy."
"And what about Karen? She was completely thrown off. It was a great surprise and definitely the perfect way to mark the new year."
"I wonder when they'll actually get married. Knowing Karen, she'll probably grow out of her shock of the engagement and turn into her own psycho version of bridezilla."
Kori laughed, picturing the reality of this truth. "I can't wait."
Richard hesitated, eyes settling on Kori submerged in enthusiastic laughter and his mind began to wonder. Who would have thought they would be sitting here, after everything that had gone so wrong between them, and not just conversing casually but actually managing laughter?
"I'm looking forward to the wedding dress the most though, especially since its Karen. It's sure to be extravagant in the most extreme of ways."
Another vision crossed his thoughts, one that brought the upbeat pounding within his chest to a higher frequency. He imagined what Kori would look like on her wedding day, how beautiful a sight that would be. Sure, there was no question that he loved Kori, that there was a chance that she could love him, even if it had already been destroyed in the rubble that was now their relationship, and it tore at him to think of the possibility that it wouldn't be him standing at the end of the aisle watching her prance toward him, the promise of eternity scratching at her tongue. The fact he was even considering future jealousy at some stranger possibly marrying Kori was unnerving. Was he so lost in his feelings for her that even the idea of marriage, something he had always dubbed ridiculous, yet it was in this instant he considered it would not be so trapping but rather something he actually desired. Which of course was very particular since he would only want it with one person, and she had already made it clear that a mere relationship was improbable. Damn Grayson,... where's that cold-hearted Wayne charm now? Oh, that's right, you were trying to separate yourself from that lifestyle. Now if only it didn't seem so convenient to resort to in this situation.
"I think you're definitely right in assuming that." He ran a hand through his hair, a stressful sigh surfacing from him at the thought of what chaos a wedding would bring to their circle of friends. "I take it you'll be flying in for the ceremony when it does take place?"
He had clearly offended her by this, but it was understandable. No one really understood where Kori's head was at, hello, not even her, but if he ever had a chance at getting her back he knew he would have to play this situation right.
"Uh, of course. I wouldn't miss it."
He released a nervous laugh meant to simmer the awkward tension in the room, and he brought his attention down to the slice of pie resting in place on the table. "It's nice to know I'll for sure be seeing you again." Before Kori could plummet into further despair at his words, he cranked his head to the side, a sweet smile on display. "I'm already looking forward to it."
"You say that now." She giggled, partaking of her treat now as well, a hand hovering over her mouth as she chewed. "How do you know I'll be so pleasant after having to deal with bridezilla? You might find I'm as equally crazy as she is when that day finally comes."
"In that case, maybe I'll just stick to admiring you from a distance." He teased.
Kori hesitated, Richard's laugh having taken to a more consumed form, one that sent her insides into furious sorrow. Is it too late to cast her shame and embarrassment away? Because, truth be told, there was nothing she wanted more in this instant then to bring her lips against his and once more feel the warmth of his embrace develop over her and never let go. Damn, you really fucked this up Kori, what were you thinking? What are you thinking? If you were so certain leaving was the solution then what was this creeping hesitation? Why was every nerve in your body suddenly so keen to that sensation of regret?
Maybe it was his eyes that had vexed her so. The way they light up when he was around her, and even in moments when she was breaking his heart all over again did those eternal sapphires wilt ever so delicately. Okay, okay, take a deep breath Kori, he's just a guy. Well, not really he was Dick Grayson but lets just avoid that small detail long enough to find a little clarity. As it were, this entire moment seemed to fall around her in a different perspective. It's an odd feeling, knowing that someone could love her so deeply that no matter how much she pushed him away, here he was, trying to make this evening as pleasant for her as possible. And damn was he doing a good job.
"Come here," Richard laughed once more, placing a hand beneath Kori's chin and running a thumb at the corner of her mouth. "You had a little something there."
Kori swallowed hard as Richard absent-mindedly licked the small fragment of whipped cream from the edge of his thumb, returning his attention to his plate. Wait, hold on, this was it, the moment where everything suddenly changed; that foreign concept of clarity she had strived for, finally falling into place. Richard had been focused on the last bite, Kori in a constant study of his features, when her chest heaved. Her breath hitched and a very dangerous compilation of words threatened to announce themselves.
"You okay?" Richard asked, observing Kori's sudden nerves as she stood now, walking three steps away from him before turning once more on her heels to face him. His pleasant mood faltered at the extent of vulnerability staring down at him. "What's wrong?"
She bit down on her bottom lip, mind wavering over her response. Voice shaking in unexpected sadness, skidding through the spaces of her clenched jaw, she inhaled deeply. "Why?"
Uh... regardless of the fact that he had no idea what she was talking about, the severity of her words as they delivered themselves down at him made him realize this was a situation where he needed to tread carefully.
"What are you talking about? Why what?"
Watching as he placed his fork down upon his plate, rising in a slow stand, Kori shook her head. Uh well, there's no going back now. "Why? Why didn't you..." She rolled her eyes, impatient with her lack of clear thought as of now. "Out of everyone here, Vic, Rachel,... everyone,... it was you that I wanted to..." She paused, losing a fragment of courage as his eyes narrowed in confusion. "You didn't ask me to stay. Why?"
He inhaled deeply, giving his all to stop his brow from arching in surprise. Then, rubbing a hand at the back of his neck, he said, "Kor... I,... I told you why."
"Right, because you didn't want me to feel any obligation toward you. And sure, at the time, I wanted more than anything to be grateful that you were giving me the easy way out, and a part of me believed that's what I wanted."
"And now?"
She hesitated, chin squirming in an attempt to deny the tears collecting in her eyes now. "That's just it. Richard, I don't know what I want. Every time I try to make things better they only get worse. And it seems like I'm incapable of just telling you what I want because truth be told... I haven't the slightest clue." She paused as he managed to keep her gaze, his darkening and jaw tight in held back emotion. "Apparently the only thing I am certain of... is you."
She rolled her eyes, not thinking her explanation worthy of his forgiveness or understanding. With a hand to her forehead, she released a choppy exhale feeling ridiculous in this moment.
Well there's the confirmation Rachel was hinting at in regards to Kori having second thoughts. Still, what did any of this mean?
"I realize none of this has been fair to you, even now, I can't honestly say I know what I'm doing." She sighed, slipping into deep thought now, not caring of the unedited words pouring past her lips. "Before I showed up at Vic's tonight, I must have stared down at my plane ticket to Jump City for hours, just... I guess contemplating the certainty I once had for my decision to leave and... and it's what I want, but then again I'd only be running. Then that got me thinking," her eyes snapped to his. "What am I running from? It's no secret I care about you, and of course leaving you behind is killing me, so why then can't I shake this embarrassment."
"Embarrassment? For what?"
"I can't really explain it Richard. I..." She released a small growl of annoyance at her inability to weave together the proper words that would justify her actions. "When I first met you, that night in the cemetery, the day of Komi's funeral I... I did everything, and I mean everything to push you away. I knew the instant my eyes set on yours that you just screamed danger on my nerves. I wanted to be left alone, to grieve and sulk in my despair on my own, but you..." She shook her head, a slight laugh escaping her. "No matter what I did, there you were, here you are still, and... I just... I wasn't ready for this; I wasn't ready for you to be someone who became so important in my life. I was used to the current theme of sadness and loss in my life, too comfortable in the shroud of silence that left no obligation to actually confront my issues. Then there was you, you barge into my life and well... you just fucked everything up for me." Harsh. "The truth is,... Richard I'm... I ruin things. It's what I do. And it's not always my intention to do so but... if I've learned anything, if my past proves anything its this insufferable pattern my chaotic behavior causes and... and I'm sorry. I don't know how to fix this or if its even fixable in the first place. In the end, when I told you none of what happened between us was your fault, I meant it but I also want to make sure you understand why." She swallowed hard, tears threatening to fall as she narrowed in on Richard. Nibbling on her bottom lip in a deepening of her penetrating nerves sparking in velocity in response to Richard's saddened expression, she inhaled deeply. "Donna may have been the one to make me realize that the situation when you discovered my past was played out in an overly dramatic scene by me, but it was you who opened my eyes to the reasons I had in that instant in thinking lashing out was the only way to respond. And it's just not. I-I'm terrified Richard. Completely and utterly helpless against the way you make feel and I'm scared. I wanted to believe with every piece of myself that I was immune to such things as love because I was much more comfortable with loneliness, too used to simplicity of silence, but I'm tired of being the victim. You showed me that even though I have reason to be, life it too beautiful and full of surprises to be wasted on the weight of someone's past; no matter how dark."
"Kor..." he called softly as both of her hands made their way over her mouth in an effort to deny the riot of whimpering sure to be chatting against her teeth.
Shaking her head, she took a single step back to signify her need for space before she could finish. "The worst past of this is that I didn't even realize it was you alone capable of fixing me, simply because you weren't trying to, you just... you loved me for the complete mess I was and still am. And while I don't think I'll ever understand why you do,... I can't deny that you for some reason don't see me the way anyone else does, and definitely not the way I see myself. To you I'm this perfect vision of … I don't even know what, but when I'm with you... I actually feel like the beautiful person you see. For a while I believed it enough to really accept that I am worth the happiness you bring. And that's what scares me Richard. Since I meet you, you've completely change everything. You make me question myself, push me to be better and,..." She shrugged, shaking her head. "I wasn't ready for you. I wasn't prepared for this feeling." His heart jumped at her words, the clear effect they had over him, showering her in further tears. "And I feel like such an idiot because it was only until right now, as I look at you, that I realize the fear of losing you is my own fault, and far more severe than my own instances of a horrifying past. There was never a moment when we were together that I didn't feel safe, happy,... loved." She paused, her words resonating in her thoughts and hitting her with a sharp ache in her chest. "So why am I embarrassed? Why? Because even after everything you've done for me, every moment you brought me out of my sorrow, I... all I did was hurt you."
"Kor, calm down." He pleaded, hating having to see her so consumed in sadness. He took a single step toward her, a hand against her jaw line and he brought her teary gaze to his. "Look at me," He pleaded, her eyes in a stubborn gaze up at the ceiling. "Listen, I won't deny that these past few days have been nothing short of hell, but its only because I lost you. I did this Kor. I pushed you into a relationship you told me you weren't ready for. As far as embarrassment for hurting me, I could say that I'm just as guilty for the same myself." He swallowed hard as those emerald gems finally graced his and he gave a light smile, his thumb caressing her damp cheek. "I wasn't ready to fall in love, I don't think anyone truly is, but the reality is that I am. If there is anything I want you to understand, it's that I don't blame you for anything. In the end, I was selfish with you, selfish in wanting you all to myself but I think that's okay because I'm not really sure I realized what I was doing. Being in love with someone you can't have is never easy, but I made it much worse by rushing things with you. When I learned about your past I reacted poorly. I should have handled the situation better, but you have to understand that all that was going through my mind was the agonizing possibility that I could have never known you. I could have lost the love of my life before I had ever even had the chance to meet her. I just didn't know what to say or how in the hell I was going to help you get passed something like that. All I've ever wanted was to be the man who pulled you from darkness, showing you the happiness you truly deserve." They lingered in a gaze for a brief moment before he released a stressed chuckle, resting his forehead against hers. "If you really want to know why I didn't ask you to stay, it's because I was afraid I'd already lost you. I didn't actually think that if I begged you not to leave that you would really reconsider, and it killed me to think I wasn't good enough for you." He pulled back far enough to meet her eyes once more. "If you want me to ask you to stay, then I will, but just know that I'm surviving only on hope now."
Her teeth were chattering before him, in a constant battle for composure that had long since been lost. "Richard, I..."
Her eyes shut at the soft placement of his gentle lips against hers, that ever strengthening strain of emotion coursing through her in a heightening grip. He didn't need confirmation of this request, he could tell just by her prolonged hesitation and chopping breath that showered over him in a sweet scent that this is what she wanted.
His eyes flickered to hers in a patient crawl as her hand found its way in a desperate clinging to the front of his shirt. Lowering his voice to a pleading whisper, he brought his lips to hers once more, brushing his purse against hers. "Stay." Her breath hitched once more, her grip tightening on his collar, eyes still closed, clasped tightly in response to the chill that swept her spine. "Stay with me."
There was a sharp intake from him as Kori's lips stuttered against his in a hesitant embrace. The sensation of her kiss seeking out his was a tantalizing one, one he wasn't so sure was real. Her damp cheeks continued in their river of tears that fell across them, both of them sharing heated intakes of breath now. The air around them had never seemed so thick, the emotion clouding around them bringing further intensity to this moment.
Anxiety latched itself onto Richard's very being as Kori continued to sway back and forth in hesitation, him mentally pleading for her reply to be in his favor. Then, with one quick motion, Kori raising herself onto her tiptoes, her lips collided with his in a purse holding more passion then either could have anticipated.
This couldn't be real. Could it? It felt real, but the thought crossed Richard's mind that perhaps he had never really awoke this morning and this was all but a fantasy his restless mind had created out of self-pity. Which is why, when he pulled away from her, shaking his head and eyes cast down upon the floor, there was probably only one thing she could have said to make this real. Surprisingly,... she said those exact words. The ones his mind had pleaded for.
Her chin was still trembling, knees bent slightly as she forced herself within his sight, those beautifully emotional brows kneading in a downward emotion that only passion could give life to. "I... I love you, Richard." Even as he froze, paralyzed in disbelief at such mending words spoken so confidently yet equally emotional, Kori fought through her own tears which only worsened at the sight of a single tear streaming down the cheek of her beloved. "I... tell me I'm not too late. I've been so stubborn and-"
It didn't matter, nothing beyond those three words reached his ears before he allowed himself the privilege of attacking her lips once more in an endless stream of passion.
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(A/N) Duuuuuuudes... seriously, I haven't been feeling too hot lately. Woke up a few days ago with the flu. So yea, that's always fun. And lucky me, it's all just in time for school. Grr. This chapter took me forever to write and when I finally completed it I stayed cuddled in my bed for two days straight insanely sick. On the bright side I've watched an unhealthy amount of Smallville... yea, thanks for getting me hooked McKnight lol. So, anyway, I finally updated! Yay and it only took me a month!
For those of you who don't follow me as a FF author, and are in search for other robstar fics, then check my profile. I got restless and ended up posting Define Love early. I was struggling with this chapter and figured I'd post the other story while you all waited for me to pull through. Thank you for all your amazing reviews! You guys are awesome!
RICHRDxJHNxGRYSN
