I fucked up again. Oh woe is me. Good thing this is just fan fiction.
So the date that Bellatrix is supposedly going to Hogwarts is July 12, Sunday. But Hermione and Bellatrix arrived at 12 Grimmauld Place on July 9, and then they were there for a week with Harry and company coming over. So the correct day that Bellatrix SHOULD be going to Hogwarts is July 19, and that's still a Sunday.
Sigh.
A few hours later, after Bellatrix was done pacing the entire building, she walked back into the room she left Hermione in. Hermione rolled over with her eyes open. She smiled at Bellatrix and closed them again. Bellatrix lay down next to her staring at the ceiling, feeling very much like her old self. She knew exactly where Fenrir Greyback would be, and when. She had him right where she wanted him. She felt like her hatred for him outweighed her love for the young muggle-born lying next to her, snuggling closer and closer. She felt horrible; at the same time, almost excited about getting to kill again.
Hermione sprawled an arm around Bellatrix to hold her closer, but felt how tense she was. She opened her eyes to see Bellatrix staring at the ceiling. She sat up and continued to stare at her as Bellatrix made no move.
"Bella," Hermione whispered, "Everything alright? …Bellatrix?"
Hermione put her hand on Bellatrix's cheek and pulled her towards her to look her in the eyes. The old death eater that had risen had suddenly died down, and Bellatrix felt a huge pang of guiltiness wash over her. Hermione could see the change of expression in her face, "What's wrong? Are you okay?"
Bellatrix gasped and grabbed Hermione, burying her head in her chest and trying so hard not to cry, but she knew Hermione could hear her small whimpers.
"Tell me, what's wrong," Hermione said with concern, rubbing her back, "What happened while I was sleeping?"
"Just…"
Hermione pulled away to look at her, "Just what?"
Bellatrix didn't want to lie, so she quickly came up with something to tell Hermione that was actually true, "Just feel like I'm slipping back into my old mad self."
"Well," Hermione wasn't sure what to say to her, "Do you know why you're feeling like that? Is there…anything in particular I can do to help?"
"No," Bellatrix quickly said with tears falling down her cheeks.
"Do you want me to leave you alone?"
Bellatrix shifted her eyes, and then suddenly sat up and held her knees to her chest. She felt herself losing control.
"Okay, Bella, seriously," Hermione sat forward with her, "Tell me what's going on."
Bellatrix made an angry grunting noise and got up off the bed and started stomping around the room. "I hate my life!"
Hermione felt stupid, but she didn't know what to say but, "Why?"
"Because everything I do is wrong, even if I'm trying to something right!"
"What's wrong that you're trying to do right?"
"Urgh, if I tell you, then I'll be in trouble, but then I just fucking gave myself away!"
Hermione sighed, "Okay, let's stop beating around the bush, just tell me what's going on. And Bellatrix, remember, I won't leave you, no matter what happens or what you say. I'm always going to love you and try to help you the best I can, okay?"
Bellatrix sighed back, "You're not going to like this, because I'm not changing my mind, and there's nothing you can do to stop me." Bellatrix pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and opened the conversation she had earlier with Fenrir Greyback. She gave Hermione the phone to read it.
After a minute, Bellatrix spoke up, "You're not coming with me. I'm going alone. I'm going alone, and I'm going to end him."
Hermione shut the phone with an angry look on her face and shook her head, "I'm not letting you go anywhere, especially without me. You can't apparate without a wand, and like hell I'm going to let you use mine anymore."
"But see, you're scolding me, even when I'm trying to do good!"
"I'm not scolding you, I'm just telling you it's not safe, and killing doesn't always make things right! In fact it makes nothing right!"
Bellatrix huffed, "You sound just like my sisters."
"Good. At least I know a few Black sisters are on my side."
"But I'm on your side, too! I just do things in different ways!"
"Bellatrix, I understand you're trying to help. I understand that now you're actually on our side and trying to prevent anything bad from happening to me. I get that, and I sincerely appreciate it, I really do, but you have to understand that I'm just as protective towards you as you are towards me, and I'm the one in charge right now, so come back over here and sit with me, and calm down."
In the back of her mind, Bellatrix knew she was still going, and she was going to have to trick Hermione into giving her wand to her. She walked over to the bed and sat down next to her, not looking at her, like a child in trouble.
Hermione got up and sat behind Bellatrix and started massaging her shoulders. "You're way too tense, love," Hermione whispered in her ear and kissed her cheek.
"Of course I am," Bellatrix closed her eyes and smirked, "I'm Bellatrix Lestrange."
Hermione stopped for a second, "You mean Bellatrix Black?"
Bellatrix opened her eyes and stared forward without saying anything.
Hermione, finally worried that Bellatrix really was slowly turning back into her old self, climbed on top of Bellatrix's lap and held her face in her hands, "Please stay with me, I love you so much. I don't want you to go back to that lifestyle. I know it makes you miserable."
"I thought you said you'd love me no matter what though," Bellatrix said in a sickly innocent voice that made Hermione's stomach turn.
"I will," Hermione held back her fear, "I mean, I do. I do love you. And I know you love me, right?" Hermione knew she had to pull back Bellatrix Black and shove off Bellatrix Lestrange. She couldn't let her take charge.
"I'm going to kill him; for you. Does that not say I love you?"
"Bella," Hermione tried to make sure she wasn't tensing up, and in turn rubbed Bellatrix's back with one hand and used her thumb to rub against her cheek with her other hand, "You need to learn that murder is wrong."
"I KNOW IT'S FUCKING WRONG!" Bellatrix shrieked into Hermione's face. She stood up and threw Hermione back down onto the bed, "BUT IT'S ALL I FUCKING KNOW!"
Hermione slowly scooted back away from Bellatrix as she started pacing the room. "My whole life, I've been fighting, and though it was for the wrong side, now I want to fight for the right side, and I can't even do that! You just don't trust me!"
"I do trust you, Bella, I do!" Hermione cried trying to hold back her tears, but was failing at the moment, "I'm just scared for you, and I know the other people out there don't trust you, and they don't all truly believe you're on our side now, and they might hurt you!"
"Fuck 'em. That's what I say: Fuck 'em. I can take care of myself! And I don't need you or anyone else to watch over and babysit me!"
Hermione felt hurt by what Bellatrix just said, even though she knew she hadn't said it to hurt her. Bellatrix saw the pain in her face as the light from the moon shone upon it. A well of guiltiness poured over her once more, and she stomped towards on the walls and punched it with a loud and angry grunt.
This was the first time since Hermione approached Bellatrix after Voldemort died that she actually felt scared of Bellatrix, like really scared for her life. She closed her eyes and counted to ten, and then made the decision to stop acting like a baby and to be brave for Bellatrix. Although at the moment Bellatrix was almost off the deep end, Hermione knew she still needed her love and support.
She slowly got up off the bed and walked over to the corner of the bedroom where Bellatrix was standing, her hands against the wall holding her up.
"Bella?"
"What?"
"I…I'm sorry."
"For what?"
Getting extremely sick and tired of Bellatrix's tone of voice, Hermione sighed and mumbled, "I don't know anymore."
"Speak clearly, little love," Bellatrix said in another mocking tone.
"I said I don't know anymore! Well, I'm sorry that I'm human and that I can't always be 'oh it's okay, Bella, oh poor Bella,' because I have feelings, too, and I think you just need a time out!"
Bellatrix turned around and laughed, "A time out? Is that the best you can do, muddy?"
The nickname had now pushed Hermione over the edge and she almost lost, and almost even wanted to lose it, but didn't do her worst, instead she whipped out her wand and swished it around making the window disappear so it would be completely dark once the door was shut. She also destroyed anything electrical that could produce light.
She pointed her wand at Bellatrix and stood in the doorway, "Go to bed. I don't want to see or hear from you for the rest of the night." Hermione slammed the door shut and used a spell to lock it.
"LET ME OUT OF HERE!" she heard Bellatrix scream and walk over to bang on the door. "Hermione, I'm sorry! Please let me out, or at least give me some god damn light! Please!"
"I'm putting a silencing charm on the room so I won't hear you. Just…go to sleep. I'll see you in the morning."
She felt a tad bit guilty after putting the silencing charm on the room. She knew Bellatrix was going to go crazy being left alone in the dark, just like she was in Azkaban, but Hermione did that on purpose. She felt that maybe she had gone too far, but she didn't know what else to do. She wasn't taking any chances to let herself get hurt by Bellatrix. She knew she could end this whole thing with Bellatrix any second, and she would be sent back to Azkaban, and then she'd have something to cry about. But she didn't, because she loved Bellatrix, and she knew that Bellatrix loved her. She was just having a hard night, and she needed to be left alone.
As she laid in bed in another room away from Bellatrix, she stared at the ceiling and wondered if maybe she should let Bellatrix go to Hogwarts. She knew she would be breaking the rules allowing that, but maybe this could be a test. She knew Bellatrix would pass it. Bellatrix had been very good, especially for her, most of the time they had been together. If there was ever a problem, it wasn't Bellatrix's fault to begin with. And sure, Bellatrix needs to learn to react properly to certain situations, but maybe if she allowed Bellatrix to go, she would believe in herself that she had changed. Right now, she says she wants to kill Fenrir Greyback, and maybe she will. But will she be okay with it afterwards? Hermione was going to take a risk and allow Bellatrix to go to Hogwarts, but she wasn't going to let Bellatrix know this. She knew that no matter what she said, Bellatrix was planning on going behind her back to steal her wand on Sunday night anyways.
Hermione did give in after three hours, and finally went back downstairs to the room she left Bellatrix in. She undid the silencing charm and heard nothing. She unlocked the door and opened it fixing the lights and turning them on. She found Bellatrix curled up like a dog on the floor in front of the door. Bellatrix put her head up and revealed her tear-stained face when Hermione knelt down next to her.
Bellatrix started sobbing again, "I'm sorry! I'm a horrible person!"
"No, you're not a horrible person!" Hermione helped her up and walked her to the bed and helped her in. She got in beside her and held her, "You're just mixed up right now."
"What am I going to do?" Bellatrix continued to cry.
"Nothing. We're just going to go back to sleep okay? Shhh, it'll be okay. It's okay, I'm right here with you, I'm not leaving again tonight."
"Do you still love me?" Bellatrix held onto Hermione close and tight.
"Of course I still love you! I told you I always will!"
"I'm sorry, Hermione, I'm really sorry!"
"Shhh, shhh shh shhhh," Hermione bent down and kissed her lips tasting blood. She thought Bellatrix must've been biting her lips earlier, "It's okay, we're just going to go back to sleep now, okay? Everything's okay."
They fell back to sleep in each other's arms and didn't wake until very late the next day. Hermione knew that in 24 hours, Bellatrix would be planning to steal her wand and go to Hogwarts. Ginny asked to come over Sunday evening, and Hermione just had a brilliant idea. Hermione knew her plan to help Bellatrix (without her knowing it) would make her suffer the consequences, but hopefully Bellatrix wouldn't end up back in Azkaban. She and Ginny planned very carefully to make the whole thing work without Bellatrix even knowing. When the plan was set, Hermione put her phone in her pocket and walked into the kitchen to start making dinner only to find Bellatrix had it already made.
"Thought I'd give you a break and try it out," Bellatrix said blushing a little.
"Aw, you didn't have to do this," Hermione sat down at the table and Bellatrix came around to sit next to her.
"Yes, I did," she put an arm around her and hugged her, "There's a hell of a lot I need to do to make things up to you."
Hermione turned more towards her wrapping her arms around neck to pull her closer.
Bellatrix couldn't even fully enjoy Hermione's kiss.
She knew she would always have to make something up to Hermione, especially after tomorrow night.
