Walt put his plate down and turned his head towards Vic. Watched as she pushed the eggs around on the dish she held. Pulled the blanket tighter around her shoulders.
"Why are you willing to take the risk?" Vic asked, not looking up.
"The risk that you'll break my heart?" he asked in return.
"Yes," Vic said, looking over at him.
Walt watched her for a long moment and then looked out before him.
"I am going to try to explain," he finally said. "I will probably fumble a bit. It's a bit…outside my comfort zone. Putting in words what I usually keep in my head. I might not get it right. But I am going to try."
"Ok."
Walt picked up his coffee mug. Held it in both hands.
"When I was fourteen my father taught me to drive his truck. I didn't have my license, and he wouldn't let me drive it when he wasn't around, but he let me help with some of his tasks and workload. One morning my parents were out for a ride on their horses, and I decided I wanted to try driving the truck on my own. Show off to Henry. I ended up clipping the gate at the entrance to our place. Took the turn too quickly and slid in the snow. The damage …to both the gate and truck…was obvious. Something I wouldn't be able to hide."
Walt looked over at Vic. Her eyes were directed at the cup in her hands, but she looked up at his pause.
"When my father asked what happened I struggled to find my words. To own up to what I had done. I anticipated that my driving privileges might be suspended. So did Henry. When I hesitated, Henry stepped up. Claimed responsibility for the accident. Promised to repair the damage. The look on my father's face clearly showed that he didn't believe that Henry was to blame. But he let Henry take accountability for my mistake. I think he believed that I would learn from Henry taking the punishment for my actions."
Vic continued to give him her full attention.
"Henry and I had been best friends for over two years. But it was not until that moment that I realized the degree that he had my back. The kind of friend that, no matter what, would be there for me. And I for him. Even if we messed up. Even if we were pissed at each other from time to time. Even if we didn't always agree with the choices the other made. I could trust him. Rely on him. And vice versa."
"With Martha, unlike with Henry, there wasn't an incident that stands out. Where I realized I could put my faith in her as well. With time…I just…knew. No matter what I said or held back. No matter how much we disagreed on a topic. We were there for each other. Trusted each other completely. And I believed my heart would be safe with her."
"With Cady it was love at first sight. The moment they handed her to me at the hospital I knew I was a goner. I believed that there wasn't anything she could ever do to make me stop loving her. And as she grew up, it was clear that our bond…our love…ran both ways."
Vic put down her coffee cup, and pulled her hands under the blanket. Never taking her eyes off of him.
"I knew I was lucky. My line of work gave me firsthand knowledge of what people can do to each other. That some don't even have one person in their corner let alone three. But even though I knew I was lucky, I took what I had for granted. When Martha…" Walt paused, looking down.
"When Martha died...I learned my heart was not safe. She hadn't intended it. I hadn't realized that I had any vulnerability with her. But there it was. My heart was broken anyway."
"So I walled my heart off. Protected it from anyone new that could get close and put my heart at risk again. And with those who remained in my corner, I tried pushing them away. Henry matched my stubbornness and refused to be pushed aside. I guess that's what 36 years of friendship can do. Cady refused to give up on me. Moved here and…pushed back."
"And you…" Walt paused and looked over at her. Reached out and found her hand below the blanket. Laced his fingers with hers.
"There was something about you. I fought letting you in because I sensed once I did, I wouldn't be able to let you go. I'd be exposed…at risk…again. But no matter how much I fought it, you found a way into my heart. You snuck through the cracks."
"When Gorski was stalking you and I found myself at his motel room threatening him, not as a sheriff, but as a man, I knew I had let you in. And when I thought about you quitting. Or admitting to a crime you didn't commit. Or possibly leaving Durant. I knew that meant losing you, not just my deputy, but you…and a piece of my heart. And the thought of it scared me. And when Sean called me, telling me you were missing after your car accident, and I found myself racing out to find you…I feared I would lose you…without having really had you. And that shook me to my core."
"So even if you put up your defenses. You can't control love…or who your heart lets in. And if you think your heart is not vulnerable to being broken. It is. So there's a chance that you may break my heart. And I yours. But I think the greater risk is not putting myself out there…for you…for us. What Henry, and Martha, and Cady…and you…have taught me is that putting myself out there...opening up…is worth the risk."
Walt paused, squeezing her hand.
"I know you're scared, because of your previous relationships…not turning out. That you blame yourself, and you worry that you'll…screw up…our relationship as well. But I have confidence in you. And I'm in your corner. I'm not going to quit on you, or us. And I'm hoping you'll take the risk with me."
Vic's cell phone buzzed from her pocket with the sound of an incoming text message, but she ignored it. Slid closer to Walt on the step. Placed her other hand on top of his.
"I've never really had someone completely in my corner," she said. "I don't know what that feels like…to have some level of assurance that someone will stick with you through thick and thin."
She slid in even closer.
"I only know how I feel about you. Something is different with how I feel about you. And I feel your love for me is different than I've experienced before. What you did to help protect me from Gorski. Your refusal to let me turn myself in after Gorski was beaten up…even though it would confirm your innocence in the matter. Your willingness to put your life on the line and duel Chance Gilbert for my release. I see the depths you'll go to take the risk…for me."
She leaned her forehead against his. Closed her eyes.
"Plus…you've volunteered to face the scrutiny of my family. That alone is proof you're willing to take the risk for us."
Walt chuckled.
"Yes…a sign of true bravery."
Vic laughed in return.
"Or pure stupidity," she said quietly.
"We'll see," Walt said.
Vic pulled back.
"Yes, we will," she said, raising both eyebrows. She then rested her head against his shoulder.
"I…I want to tell you more about me," Walt said after a few minutes. "I worry that part of your concern…that you'll screw things up…is that you thought you knew the men you were involved with before…and came to realize that you didn't. And that you might be thinking that about me. That you don't really know me. So I want to share more of my…history…my life…with you. I want you to…know…all of me. My childhood. My time with Martha. My earlier years with the Absaroka County Sheriff's department."
Vic sat up straight. Pulled her knee up on the top step to face him.
"And how do you want to do that?"
"For a start…Sunday, when we get back from Philadelphia, I want to take you to the Longmire family homestead."
"The Longmire homestead?"
"Yes. It's where I grew up. The property my parents owned. That my grandfather passed down to my father. And when my parents died, it was passed on to me. I rent it out to a young man and his family. There is some work I need to do on the house. Put in a new stove, replace a window, do a few repairs. Henry is going to help me out. I thought you might like to help out as well…and get a glimpse into a bit of my life."
Vic grinned.
"I would love it."
Walt smiled.
"And I want to share more about me as well," Vic said. "Although with the stories my mother told you about me during her last visit, and the embarrassing information my family is bound to tell you this weekend, I'm sure you are going to know way too much about me."
Walt laughed again.
"I can't wait."
Vic's phone buzzed again. Again she ignored it.
"You should check your messages," Walt said. "Might be something important."
"If it were anything important, they would call."
"Still. They have tried a couple times. Go ahead and check."
Vic looked upon Walt for a moment and then reached inside the blanket, and pulled the phone from her pocket. Bent her head to look at the screen.
"The texts are from Nichols. Telling me to check my email. Looks like they have some new leads…and a possible suspect. He would like my assistance in the investigation and is going to stop by the office tomorrow."
"Are you going to help Agent Nichols? I thought you weren't a big fan of his."
"Turns out he's ok. He was not as much of a pain in the ass as I had expected him to be with our case, and even stepped in to help after agreeing that our killers might be two separate individuals. I think it's only fair that I help him out as well."
Walt nodded as Vic returned to looking at her phone.
"And there's also an email from my brother Michael."
"Oh yeah?"
"It says 'Mom mentioned that your sheriff was an offensive lineman at USC and a Broncos fan. Hope he knows what's in store for him…coming here on a day the Eagles are playing. Also, not sure how he feels about hockey, but we've got tickets for the Flyers game on Friday. And we're excited to see some of his school pride when the Trojans play the Irish on Saturday. Looking forward to seeing you, sis! I'll be the one picking you up at the airport. See you on Thursday.'"
Vic looked back up at Walt.
"You're also going to learn way too much about my family. If you haven't caught on, sports and Philadelphia teams are a big thing for them," Vic said with a shrug.
"I would never have guessed," Walt said with a smile. "I think it will all be…enlightening. To see what…and who…made you who you are."
"Well…I warned you," Vic said, returning her head to his shoulder.
The two sat in silence. Taking in what had been shared between them.
"You didn't fumble," Vic finally said.
"What?"
"You said that you'd likely fumble trying to explain how you felt. But you didn't."
She felt him breathe in deeply.
"I liked that you were willing to share what you were feeling…even though you felt a bit uncomfortable doing so. Opening up takes practice. So please keep practicing with me."
"I'll try."
Vic sat up suddenly.
"Before…when you said that you wanted to marry me…was that a…a proposal?"
Walt looked over at Vic. Paused.
"That wasn't for your ears. I believe I was talking to your father."
Vic let out a laugh.
"When I propose, you're going to know it. I'll use your name. There'll be a ring. I might even be on bended knee."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yep."
Walt looked at her closely.
"But I will only ask if you want me to. If you're ready for me to."
Vic looked back at Walt.
"I want you to. And I think I'm ready."
"Yeah?"
"Yep."
"Ok. Well I still have some things to…take care of…before I do. And I want there to be a little element of surprise. So even though you may know it's coming, I'm not going to tell you exactly when I'm going to do it."
The brilliance of the smile she gave him warmed his heart.
Walt leaned in. Pressed his lips against hers. Vic turned more squarely towards him. Brought her hands to the sides of his face to kiss him more firmly before pulling back.
"I don't think you're ready…for meeting my family…no one ever is. They're loud. They're intrusive. They're aggressive. And they're overprotective. But, Walter Longmire, I'm betting that it will all turn out ok. Because I'm also willing to take the risk with you."
I'm hoping to get the Thanksgiving chapter up in a few days. Your alert notifications will let you know if I was successful in getting it up before Thanksgiving. Stay tuned…and fingers crossed :)
