Author's Note: In the most recent chapter, McCoy talks to Spock about his pon farr symptoms, which triggers a flashback involving T'Lau. Uhura considers the "precious ones" advice about her relationships with Kirk and the Vulcan.

As always, your comments are greatly appreciated.

In a room at the Medical Treatment Facility, Dr. Leonard McCoy examined Spock's health and fitness measurements as the Vulcan finished dressing himself.

Spock asked, "What is your prognosis, doctor?"

"My prognosis is you'll be dead within an hour. In fact, I can't figure out why you're alive right now."

"Was that another one of your lame attempts at humor?" The Vulcan drily commented.

"I wish the situation was laughable. If it weren't for your Vulcan physiology and meditative therapy, we would soon be burying you. However, even you cannot keep this up indefinitely."

"I was well aware of that before I came to see you." Spock remarked. "Against my expressed wishes, Captain Pike recalled you from Alpha Colony V. However, since you are now here, I would hope the Captain's directive would not be in vain."

"If the blasted Vulcan medical establishment would just get over their damn embarrassment about the pon farr, then there would be much more information to understand how to better control its symptoms."

"Must we repeat past dialogue on the subject."1 The Vulcan strained to keep control of his growing ire. "Dr. McCoy, I need answers, not complaints."

"All right . . . all right. In order to concentrate on this issue, Captain Pike has pulled a few strings so that I am taking less of a normal patient load." McCoy picked up his iTablet to record a few notes. "In the meantime, you should continue with the methods you have been utilizing to, at least, temporarily relieve some of the health and behavioral issues you are experiencing."

McCoy looked up from his iTablet to find the Vulcan suddenly quiet.

"Spock, is there a problem with my recommendation?"

The Vulcan replied, "You well know there are only two ways I have found such relief from my symptoms – meditation and sexual activity."

"Frankly, Spock, if your health were not in jeopardy, most men would find you in an enviable position."

McCoy's patient does not respond.

"Spock." McCoy called to him. "If I am going to help you, you shouldn't hold anything back."

"The pon farr affects my resolve to withhold sex when I desire. If the partner is persistent, I find it quite difficult to resist that person's advances. While a human male may find such a situation to be fortuitous, a Vulcan cannot find any satisfaction in the loss of one's free will."

"Well, there is one thing we can be grateful about. Our girl isn't involved with you anymore, so at least she does not have to be subjected to the difficulties you are having."2

"Yes." Spock replied, trying not to allow his anger to come to the surface. "Cadet Kirk certainly knows how to take advantage of an opportunity when it presents itself."

"You say that as if Uhura had no choice in the matter. She certainly does not bear your affliction when it comes to free will."

"Is she with child?"

McCoy paused for a second, taken aback by the Vulcan's sudden question. "What did you say?"

"Is Ms. Uhura with child?" He asked more forcibly.

"Why do you even ask such a question?"

"While I was waiting to be seen, Ms. Uhura was also there . . . " He paused. " . . . with Cadet Kirk. When the nurse summoned her, she identified Dr. Saad as her physician. With a specialty in gynecology and obstetrics, I assumed pregnancy could be a likely possibility for Ms. Uhura's motivation to visit this particular doctor."

"Spock, you must know that even if I knew the answer to your question, it would be unethical to divulge it without her permission."

Silence.

The Vulcan remained still as if immobilized by his need to know. McCoy sized up the situation and did not hold his tongue.

"So, you are still in love with Uhura. Damn it, man, you're not the first person to have such regrets when dealing with women. You just need to let it go for both your sakes."

"I wish it were that simple."

"You just have to give it time."

"In my present condition, time is what I can least afford." He paused, and then confessed, "I find my mind filled with her more and more each day. Under normal conditions, I could usually control these thoughts with my usual meditation sessions in the morning and evening. Now, I find it difficult to function without engaging in this practice once or twice more during the day."

McCoy nodded. "Of course . . . That makes sense. The sexual drive is not only biological, but also psychological. If the pon farr intensifies one's need for sex, then it would have a similar reaction on that person's emotional desire. But, why Uhura? You told me you've been sexually active for the past six weeks with the same woman. Why aren't your attentions drawn to her?"

"Having such thoughts about that woman is an impossibility, Doctor."

"And, your fiancé?" Dr. McCoy could visibly see the tension come upon the Vulcan's face upon hearing the question. Yet, he continued to press him. "How can you so easily dismiss her?"

How ironic. Spock thought. Last night, had I not asked the same question of T'Lau?

With his boots in hand, T'Lau knelt down before a seated Spock who had just pulled his tunic over his head.

"You need not act as my servant, TLau." He commented.

"That's not a very flattering remark to say to your lover."

"Sexual activity does not itself earn such a title."

T'Lau feigned indignation and sat back on her heels. "Yet, another blow you have dealt me this evening. I dare ask if you have any other poison arrows to hurl my way."

"While you pretend offense, you often appear to take some sort of twisted pleasure with these slights."

"Your lovemaking is filled with so much passion I cannot stay upset with you for more than a moment." She said as she began to slip his foot into one of the boots. "Your touch reveals your true regard for me."

Spock fought to control his shudder at the thought, before he tried to change the focus of discussion. "T'Lau, it has been over three weeks, since you told me you had a plan to free myself of T'Pring. During that time, my patience has grown quite thin awaiting your unveiling of your scheme."

"Did I not inform you it would take time for all to be in place?"

"I do recall those words, but it does not make the delay any easier to bear. You must have been aware of my . . . my condition."

"Oh, yes." She remarked, barely hiding her pleasure. "You have exemplified symptoms of the coming of the blood fever, even though your cycle should not come to fruition for another three years. Obviously, it is the result of your biracial heritage."

Spock noticed how her lie rolled off her tongue with such ease, as she was fully aware of her complicity in bringing on his current condition. Yet, the Vulcan knew he had to play along with her for the sake of the mission.

Spock told her, "In the past, my biological makeup seemed to have suppressed the severity of the symptoms so I was not compelled to consummate my joining with T'Pring. The syndrome never has before escalated at this rate."

"It is all well, my love." T'Lau said as she picked up another boot to dress him. "T'Pring will not be a concern much longer."

"How can you so easily dismiss her?"

"You are not the only one dissatisfied with your childhood match. T'Pring loves someone else."

Spock now showed interest, as he commanded, "Tell me more."

"I have learned Stonn - son of Sunok and T'Ngi - has coveted T'Pring for years. By good authority, it is reported she has succumbed to his desires."

"Is not Stonn betrothed to another?"

"When he became consumed by the blood fever, Stonn's fiancé called for the kal-if-fee. She had found out about Stonn's affair and attempted to divorce him the only way that is allowed in our tradition. The challenger, a poor match for Stonn, was easily defeated. Following the challenge, Stonn released his betrothed and, in secret, turned his full attention upon your lady."

"It could not be such a clandestine affair if you are privy to it. I do not recall your family and T'Pring's to have had particularly close relations."

"Are you questioning the validity of my information or how I obtained it?"

"You are being evasive."

"And, you have yet to respond to my question. Do you not believe I speak the truth or is your issue with how the charge was gleaned?"

Spock looked to T'Lau with a wary eye, before he answered. " If T'Pring has found comfort in the arms of another, it does not surprise me. There was never anything akin to intimacy between us. Joined by an agreement amongst our parents, our bond is a fact, but at the same time meaningless."

"Then, Spock, if you do not doubt who is actually the object of T'Pring's affections, the source of the information is indeed irrelevant. Moreover, this knowledge can be used to your advantage."

"Explain." Spock tersely said.

"If the indications are correct, the blood fever will undoubtedly overtake you. At that time, you will not be able to resist the compulsion to complete the joining to your betrothed. When that occurs, T'Pring will surely invoke the kal-if-fee."

"How can you be so sure? If Stonn is who she desires, why would she risk his death?"

"She would do so if she had somehow received information suggesting the inferiority of your physical stamina due to your mother's lineage."

"Such information would not be factual."

"How would T'Pring know otherwise?"

Spock felt one of her hands rest on his inner thigh and begin to massage him.

T'Lau continued. "Any female in love believes what she wants to believe. A Vulcan woman will find a way to clothe it in logic before bringing it to the light. However, it is still a disguise of the true impetus for her belief."

The irony of this statement coming from T'Lau's lips did not fail to catch Spock's notice. Each time they were together she had let her Vulcan mask slip a bit more, exposing behavior and thought that was clearly not representative of his people. Her infatuation with him had grown to the point that she took disdain for affection; slights for compliments; and indifference for attentiveness. She was well aware the drug she used to evoke the symptoms of Spock's pon farr was the stimulus behind the increasing frequency of sexual activity between the two. Yet, T'Lau convinced herself the drug served to free his inhibitions that had kept him from more fully acting on his love for her.

Spock remarked. "For the sake of argument, let us assume T'Pring feels I am the inferior of a possible challenger. I fail to see how that would be relevant to my desire to terminate the marriage contract. Need I remind you the kal-if-fee is to the death? I would like to believe T'Pring would not resort to this last remnant of our barbaric ancient past. If the pon farr actually does come to full fruition, I most probably will not be able to control its hold on me and will fight the opponent to its fatal conclusion."

"It is the only legal way she has to end the arrangement. If she is as unhappy with it as you are, she is willing to take that chance if she believes there is a more than a 50% probability her challenger will be the victor."

As his arousal grew due to her increased pressure on his thigh, Spock could see a growing avarice in her eyes. He knew he could not trust anything she said. There must be something else to her plan. He reasoned. But what?

Still on her knees before him, T'Lau leaned forward and placed her hand against cheek. "I can see you're not ready to leave just, yet."

"You are making it . . . difficult to do so." He heard himself saying, barely recognizing his own voice.

"Do not worry, my love. I will accommodate you." She said as she began to unfasten his trousers. "However, this time, I would like you to show me one of the technique you use with the humans."

"Why would you want to experience such methods, when the one we utilize has been found most effective in bringing you to a satisfactory sexual response?"

"I have no complaints. However, I am not resistant to experimentation." She remarked as she straddled him. "This time I want you to look at me, Spock. Look at me as your lover."

At the TeleCom Center, Uhura sat in a private booth talking to her three closest non-Academy friends – the precious ones - via a viewing screen. Each one was in a different part of the world – actress Shaniqua Washington in New York; Federation diplomatic aide Habibah Mungai in Cairo; and businesswoman Yasmin Temiz in Singapore.3

"Who's mother called you?" Yasmin asked.

"Spock's mother, Amanda." Uhura replied. "She's in Cairo at the same conference Habibah's attending."

"I've saw her at one of the workshops on Sustainable Ecosystems." Habibah remarked. "Some of these diplomat spouses are just eye-candy. However, from the astute questions she asked about the Federation Council's Environmental Policy, you can tell the Vulcan Ambassador's wife was the intellectual equal of anyone at the conference."

"That doesn't have anything to do with her calling Nyota out of the blue to try to hook her back up with her son." Shaniqua contended. "How long has it been since she last contacted you, Nyota?"

"It's been over a year." Uhura replied.

"Over a year and you're not even dating that Vulcan anymore." Shaniqua added. "Don't you think - "

"Wait a minute." Yasmin interrupted. "Nyota's isn't seeing Spock anymore?"

"Where have you been?" Habibah commented. "That's yesterday's news."

"Yeah, Nyota is now dating Habibah's Milkman."4 Shaniqua informed Yasmin.

"Did you have to bring that up? Kirk took advantage of me when I most vulnerable." Habibah feigned innocence. "You all know I don't swing that way."

"Come on, Habibah." Shaniqua retorted. "What we all know is that you prefer your partner not have certain equipment. However, when you have an itch, you're not too particular about who scratches it."

"Ouch!" Habibah playfully exclaimed, unable to refute Shaniqua's assertion. The women then joined Habibah in laughter.

"I see my extended business trip to Beta Colony 3 got me out of the loop and I have a lot of catching up to do." Yasmin remarked. "So, Uhura, if you're now dating this sex machine, does that mean you're no longer a virgin?"

"Wait a minute, Yasmin. Kirk is definitely a man who enjoys sex, but I'm not going to characterize him as if that is the only thing on his mind. He's actually quite bright and has the potential of being a great Starfleet Officer, one day."

"All right, of course, I should have known better that you weren't attracted to him by how well he fills out his crotch."

Uhura rolled her eyes.

"I saw that, Nyota." Yasmin told her.

Uhura rolled her eyes, again, causing Habibah and Shaniqua to snicker.

"If you're finished goofing off, Nyota, tell me how long you and Kirk have been an item."

"We've actually been friends, since I entered the Academy. This dating thing is only a recent development."

"So, then have you or haven't you?" Yasmin asked.

Uhura hesitated, and then admitted. "We've made plans to spend semester break together at a cabin owned by Kirk's cousin."

"Are you in love with him?" Yasmin continued to question her.

"I trust him."

"Not the same thing. I asked him if you're in love with him."

Uhura paused, before she answered thoughtfully, "I like it when he touches me . . . he makes me feel . . . he makes me feel like a woman."

"No clichés allowed, Nyota." Shaniqua and Habibah laughed, but Yasmin pressed on. "Do you want to go to bed with him or do you just want to do it?"

"I don't see what difference it makes." Uhura realized she had misspoken the moment the words left her mouth.

"You know it makes a difference to you." Shaniqua commented.

Uhura then responded, "Kirk and I have been through so much together. Once on a training mission, he saved my life and that of another crewmember. And, he was there for me when I needed him during the aftermath of the attempted rape. Of course, I love him."

"Gratitude is not the same thing as love, Nyota." Habibah quipped.

"It's more than that." Uhura replied. "There's something between us . . . a closeness that is difficult to define. Sure, at times, we fight like cats and dogs, but we do love each other like – "

"An incestuous brother and a sister." Habibah bantered.

Uhura shot a look to Habibah.

"Habibah, you're not helping." Shaniqua criticized her friend. "Nyota, what troubles me is this business with Kirk seems to come awfully soon after you supposedly broke up with the Vulcan."

"What do you mean supposedly broke up with him? Don't you remember when I called and told you how painful the episode was for me?"

"Yes. And, I hated Spock for what he did to you. At first, I thought getting involved with Kirk would be a good remedy for your hurt, but now it looks like you're just setting yourself up for more pain." Shaniqua advised.

"I don't like it either, Nyota." Yasmin added. "And it's not only you who'll get hurt. Kirk has no idea what you're dealing with, does he?"

"I can't tell him." Uhura replied. "My relationship with Spock was against Academy policy. If anyone in the administration found out, I could be discharged from service. I've worked too hard to risk that."

"I thought you trusted, Kirk." Habibah remarked.

"I do trust him. But telling Kirk about my feelings for Spock will only complicate matters."

"What feelings, Nyota?" Shaniqua asked. "The love you used to have for Spock or the love you still have for him."

In Uhura's mind, the precious ones knew her too well. Still, her pride would not allow her to be dissuaded from her original course. She told them, "This morning, a doctor examined and counseled me on having intercourse for the first time. I've taken all the necessary precautions with birth control and intend on carrying out my plans with Kirk in two weeks."

"Nyota, you're not thinking this through." Yasmin cautioned her.

"Last time I visited Nyota and met Kirk, he didn't even know her first name." Habibah commented.

"The name thing is just a game Kirk and I play with each other." Uhura told her. "He's really quite resourceful and I can assure you if he really wanted to learn my first name he could find a way to break into some electronic file at the Academy to retrieve it."

"So, Kirk can breach firewalls. Was that supposed to be an endorsement of that guy?" Yasmin remarked.

"Nyota wants to have it both ways." Habibah added. "She wants to claim Kirk is something special, yet she hides important facts about herself and her life from him."

"I don't know why you're talking to me this way. You're treating me like a child." Uhura protested. "Of all the people I know, I thought the three of you would support me as I take this major step in my life."

Habibah scolded, "Oh, so now you have reduced your friends to being cheerleaders."

Yasmin added, "Yeah, Nyota, next time send out our script ahead of time so we know exactly what you want us to say."

"Habibah? Yasmin?" Shaniqua called to them. "Do you mind?"

Habibah and Yasmin hesitated, but then reluctantly signed off realizing it would be best if only one of them continued the sensitive discussion with their friend.

Uhura spoke first. "Shaniqua, you know how I feel about you and the other precious ones. You are my heart."

"None of us doubt that, Nyota. But, we would not be true friends if we did not admit your thoughts worry us. We would just like you to take time to consider what we are saying."

"Well, you'd be wasting your time, if you think you're going to try to convince me not to go away with Kirk for semester break. My mind is already made up."

"I agree."

"What?" Uhura said, surprised her friend seemed to acquiesce so quickly.

"I agree. I don't have time for this. So, Nyota, are you ready to stop all the BS and talk to me straight."

Uhura paused, before she asked, "Am I that transparent?"

"Like a pane of glass." Shaniqua gave Uhura a few moments before she continued. "Nyota, I do believe you do have some kind of emotional connection to Kirk or it would not have gotten this far. But, you have to be true to yourself and your convictions. For you, love and sex has to go hand in hand. Nothing less is going to be satisfactory."

"He's a good man." Nyota heard herself parroting what McCoy had previously told her.

"So is my father." Shaniqua quipped. "But, I'm not advocating you have sex with him!"

Uhura smile at her friend's jest, signaled the lessening of the tension between the two women.

"Nyota, do you know how Kirk feels about you."

The East African replied, "I know Kirk is in love with me. I've known it for quite some time."

"Then, this is all the more reason why you need to come to terms with your feelings about Spock."

"I am trying to move on, but it's . . . it's difficult."

"Nyota, it is understandable if the hurt is still there. It'll take time to heal those wounds. And, I'm sure it does not help any that you probably see him from time to time on campus."

"It's more than that." Uhura took a breath. "Strangely, he still seems interested in me."

"Nyota, are you sure?"

"All right . . . now, there is no way this isn't going to sound creepy . . . but there are evenings when I can look down from my dorm window and see him standing there. It's never more than a few minutes. Never long enough for any other person to suspect something wrong."

"Is he stalking you?"

Hearing the alarm in her voice, Uhura attempted to calm her. "Shaniqua, I don't feel I am in any danger."

"How do you know that?"

"Because he wouldn't hurt me." The irony of her statement did not escape either one of them.

"Did you hear what you just said, Nyota?"

"I mean he would not intentionally hurt me."

"That does not make the situation any better. And, the last time we talked, didn't you tell me he was seeing someone else?"

"Yes." Uhura reluctantly confessed.

"Then, why is he playing with your emotions like that?"

"I don't know."

"And, on top of that we have this situation with his mother calling you after all this time. I don't like it . . . I don't like it, at all."

"I know what you mean about Amanda's call." Uhura admitted. "Spock is past grown and, yet, it seemed like she was playing matchmaker despite the fact I told her I was involved with someone else."

"No, Nyota." Shaniqua paused for a few moments to think. "There must be something else going on here. There's something that woman is not telling you. Someone like that isn't going to be concerned about her son's romantic affairs unless there is something more to it. No offense, Nyota, but it can't simply be she thinks you'd make a good daughter-in-law. You're not the only fish in the ocean."

"Amanda has been forthcoming with me in the past."

"Maybe so, but the bottom line is I don't have a good feeling about this."

"If that's so, then why don't I have the feeling you've actually gotten to the bottom line, yet?"

Shaniqua paused, again, in reflection before she said, "You told Spock's mother you're involved with somebody else as if to signify you've brought closure to your affair with Spock. But that isn't true, is it?"

Shaniqua's answer came in the form of Uhura's silence.

"Oh, Nyota . . . " Her friend sighed. "You're still in love with that Vulcan, aren't you?"

"Would lying to you make the situation better?"

"What would make it better is knowing you actually wanted to rid yourself of him once and for all." Shaniqua argued. "Loving him will only lead to more heartache and pain."

"I'm not afraid."

"Then, you are a fool!"

While the words stung, Uhura felt more concern for her friend as she recognized the intense fear in Shaniqua's voice.

"Shaniqua." She called to her friend in a calming tone. "Remember who you're talking to. I'm the let's play it safe, no risk taker. When my gynecologist told me the birth control injection would not be effective for 28 days, I had the doctor show me the proper use of three other options I can use when I'm with Kirk."

"We're talking about you and Spock, remember?"

"There is no me and Spock. Despite my feelings for him, I understand that. Really I do."

Uhura could feel Shaniqua's eyes bear down on her as if they were in the same room. Then, her friend told the East African in a resigned voice, "I suppose there is always a first time everything."

"What are you talking about?" Uhura asked. "A first time for what?"

"A first time for you to lie to me."

Spock had spent much of the day working on his own research projects, grateful few of his Research Assistants attempted to speak with him at length. In fact, while few would ever label Spock as congenial, his students noticed lately he appeared ill tempered and much more reclusive. The latter defying the spirit of teamwork that had been the hallmark of Spock's research teams. With no one feeling comfortable to directly address the matter, most came to the conclusion it was best just to give him his space.

When the Vulcan left the semiconductor lab at 11:57 PM, he was the last to leave as his Assistants had already departed several hours before to indulge in what remained of their Saturday night.

He intended to go straight to his living quarters . . .

He wanted to meditate as long as it took to rid himself of his physical need of . . .

T'Lau . . .

And even though he had not been with her that day . . .

The mere thought of her made him feel . . . unclean . . .

So . . . his feet brought him . . .

There . . .

Standing in his usual spot to take part in his secret ritual . . .

Looking up to her darkened dorm window . . .

He called her name . . .

Nyota . . .

Closing his eyes . . .

He imagined . . .

Beholding her bright, brown eyes . . .

Hearing her gentle laughter . . .

Feeling her tender kiss upon his lips . . .

Nyota . . .

Nyota . . .

Nyota . . .

But then . . .

As it always did . . .

The cold, night air entered his lungs and awakened him to the stark reality of his life without her . . .

His Nyota . . .

One last futile look to her window . . .

He turned to begin his solitary walk . . .

Then, suddenly, he heard a voice that sounded too real to come from his own imagination . . .

And when he turned back and saw Nyota step out of the shadows . . .

He could not tell what to think when she repeated the words . . .

"Tevul-tor vi' tu."5

Author's Note: In the next chapter, Uhura and Spock talk and remember. But, does either one really know what they want from each other?

Your comments are always appreciated.

1 Spock and McCoy first discussed this matter when the Vulcan came to him to find a way to control pon farr symptoms to allow more time to find a way to break his engagement to T'Pring. See Chapter 43 of my story, "Needs."

2 In Chapter 43 of my story, "Needs," McCoy is aware of Spock's fledgling romantic relationship with Uhura. However, he remarked Spock should not yet discount Kirk's efforts to secure the East African's affections.

3 Uhura's relationship with each of these women is explored more fully in my story, "Needs."

4 A short "rated M" chapter related to my story, "Needs," dramatized how a drunken Kirk ended up in Habibah's bed and enjoyed certain parts of her physical attributes. In Chapter 26 of "Needs," Uhura became aware of his probable sexual involvement with her friend and was not surprised by the circumstance.

5 The Vulcan translation of the phrase, Crash into You."