Shizuo still hasn't woken from his coma, causing worry in everyone – especially Izaya. The informant can't take it anymore, everything is going wrong and he's always hated the unpredictability of the world. But what has been going on in Shizuo's mind through this whole exchange?
MPD: MultiPersonality Disorder
Chapter Twenty Eight: The Weak May Rise Again
He heard the door open and there was a familiar presence. The chair beside his bed creaked and he realized someone was sitting there. Someone he knew. But who?
"Shizu-chan…"
Shizuo tensed, trying to speak but all that came out was a sigh. He couldn't see anything, but he could hear Izaya's broken voice.
"I…I suppose I missed you… I didn't want to…" Shizuo was confused – what the hell was the flea saying? Why did he miss him if he didn't want to miss him? All questions fled his mind when a warm hand took hold of his own. "You see, Shizu-chan, I left because I didn't want to hurt you anymore. All the things I've done… in the end, they've hurt you."
The blonde would have yelled at Izaya if he could have. Yes, he hurt him, but Shizuo loved him! He wanted Izaya to be by his side! His mind started to go fuzzy and he barely heard what the informant started to say next.
"Falling for you was a mistake on my part," Shizuo strained to move, speak, do anything, "I…I shouldn't have. I can't even express myself properly for you, everything I've done…"
Shizuo found himself weakening. He heard nothing for a moment. Everything was dark and his hand was wet. There was a shock going through his heart and he heard his own heartbeat again. He strained to hear Izaya's voice over the crowd of nurses and doctors in the room.
He heard Izaya's voice, broken and choked with sobs. "I love you…"
The next day, Izaya visited him again. Except Izaya didn't talk to him anymore. He just held his hand and cried into his chest. Shizuo felt bad, he wanted to do something, he wanted to tell Izaya he loved him, he wanted to hug his loved one.
Perhaps it was those times, when Shizuo gave up on thinking he could actually do anything for Izaya, that his heart failed. He fell into a dark abyss and felt nothing for a few moments. It felt like hours, sometimes, and other times it simply felt like a few seconds.
But he always woke up to a pressure against his stomach, hand, anywhere on his body. He knew it was always Izaya, no one else would huge him so lovingly, no one else would whisper his name with such longing.
Shizuo really hated himself for not being able to do anything.
The day after that, Shizuo found that Izaya never left the hospital. He barely ate anything. He heard Shinra talking to Izaya some time during the day about eating something, but Izaya told him no.
"I want to be here."
Shizuo felt his heart break and again, he felt nothing. He didn't just feel one or two shocks this time, though. There were about seven before he felt nothing again. He almost succumbed to the darkness before there was another surge of electricity and he could hear again.
"You were right, Orihara-san," Shizuo heard a doctor say in surprise.
"Shizuo wouldn't give up so easily," Izaya's voice was cold, but it was also loving. "With enough shocks, he'll always come back… he has to."
The blonde wished he could really come back. He wanted to hug Izaya, he wanted to do something for the man. He wanted to wipe away the tears the informant always cried into his chest.
But he couldn't do any of that. He couldn't climb out of his coma because he was weak.
He, Heiwajima Shizuo, the strongest man of Ikebukuro, was weak.
On the fourth day when Shizuo woke from another slip into death, he heard Tom's voice.
"…doesn't have a high percentage of surviving…"
The fact that it was a statement and not a question sank Shizuo's spirits.
"Shizuo will make it thorugh this. He always has, and this little accident won't stop him," Shizuo would have smiled if he could. Izaya believed in him, and that was almost enough. "Shizuo… he's strong. He's really storng. He won't die…"
The blonde worried when he heard a stifled sob.
"I-Izaya-san…"
"He won't die… he can't die… I won't let Shizuo die…" there was a thud and Shizuo heard liquid sloshing on the floor. "You can't die, Shizuo!"
The bodyguard took a sharp intake of breath when he heard footsteps running down the hall, away from his door. Tom sighed and entered the room as the doctors and nurses filed out.
"Hey, Shizuo… that Izaya guy really needs to get a grip before he does something stupid. But he's right, buddy… you can't die. You're not this weak, right?"
Shizuo almost laughed at that. 'But I am, Tom-san. I am this weak.'
When nightfall came and visiting hours were supposed to be over, Shizuo's heart soared when the door creaked open and there was pressure on the bed. "Shizuo, can you hear me?" the blonde wanted to smile when he heard Izaya laugh, albeit bitterly. A hand touched his cheek and Shizuo felt fingers work at his hair gently. "Shinra told me that… if I talked to you, you might come back to us… to me…"
The bartender wanted to scream. 'I want to go back to you, Izaya!'
"But I've learned that it doesn't do anything. I…I miss you. I miss how you yell at me, how you used to throw things and fight with me," Shizuo's lips quirked up a bit at the memories, "I miss the days we used to just run, I miss when we could be carefree and just play our games. I miss all the times we kissed," Shizuo really missed those days, "I miss the times when we made love," those days even more, "I miss seeing you smile, seeing how happy you were," Shizuo just wanted to see Izaya, "I miss everything you are to me, Shizuo…"
A warmth he hadn't felt in a while embraced him and Shizuo wanted to hug back. He wanted to tell Izaya everything was okay, that he was there but he couldn't because he wasn't. "I can't bear it anymore," why were those words so familiar, "I thought I could move on from you. I thought I could say goodbye. I thought I could stop loving you," the blonde really hoped Izaya wouldn't stop loving him, "but you know what?" a cold laugh met Shizuo's ears. "I can't. I love you too much, Shizuo. I love you so much it hurts. Cliché, I know, but… it's true…"
Shizuo frowned when the warmth disappeared. "Shizuo, I'm sorry… for all the things I've done. I'm sorry for all the times I made you worry," he better bet he's sorry, "made you angry, made you jealous," the blonde felt an odd sense of anxiety. "Honestly, I can't believe how heard it is to say 'I love you' in a crowd. But Shizuo, believe me…"
The blonde didn't want to hear it. If Izaya said anything more, it would seal his fate, the man couldn't possibly be thinking of—
"I love you."
Lips pressed against Shizuo's softly, gently. It was short and sweet. It was something Izaya wasn't.
It was goodbye.
Shizuo wanted to thrash about, reach for Izaya, say something, but he couldn't do anything. Soft satin brushed against his cheek and he realized it was the scarf he gave the informant when they were children. He felt pressure against his forehead and then his cheek before he fell into cold nothingness.
He didn't want this. He wanted Izaya to be by his side until he woke up. His fingers trembled and his eyes fluttered open as his hand slowly rose to reach for Izaya's jacket. He wanted to say something, but his throat was dry from misuse. No words came out and the door closed behind the sly informant.
Without another thought the blonde was ripping IVs out and scrambling off of the bed. He collapsed on the floor and dragged himself over to the exit. He flung open the door and unsteadily got to his feet. He faintly heard doctors calling after him, but he didn't care.
All that mattered was Izaya.
Shizuo stumbled out of the hospital, shrugging off any doctors that tried to get him back into the hospital bed. He accidentally stepped out on the street and heard honking before he was suddenly raised in the air and seated on the back of a very familiar motorcycle. A helmet of shadows formed around his head and he saw Celty's PDA shoved in his face even as the Dullahan drove.
[WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING SHIZUO?]
"It's—It's Izaya!" he coughed and rubbed his sore throat. "He's trying to kill himself again!"
The woman startled and screeched to a stop in the park. [What? Where is he?]
"I don't know—" the blonde cut himself off and looked out into the distance. "…Celty, I might… know where he is…" he coughed again and wiped at the tears in the corners of his eyes. "I'll give you directions, but we have to leave now."
The headless woman nodded and revved her motorcycle. Both of them hoped they could reach the informant before it was too late.
Shizuo grit his teeth as they sped down the streets.
'Don't you dare die on me, Izaya.'
