A/N: Written for Castle Fanfic Monday, takes place after Record-a-saurus. Enjoy!
"Kate!" The redhead's voice rang out clear in the empty store, making her lips tug upward on her face as she whirled around to greet the child. Sure enough, her friend's young daughter was racing across the store, a smile bright on her face to greet her.
"Hey, you!" Kate kneeled down, her arms outstretched, so the girl could run into them. She pressed a kiss to Alexis' hair. "What's new?"
"Daddy might need to cancel his book signing tomorrow." The girl looked concerned, a hint of sadness in her eyes as she backed into her father. Rick's mouth fell open at the girl's words, his eyebrows raising in shock, but his arms grabbing her shoulders and squeezing tight, protecting her from whatever she was feeling.
At this, Kate stood, meeting her friend's blue eyes as she spoke. "Why?" She leaned against the counter, unconcerned about looking professional while they were the only people in the store.
"My Mom is out of town, and Meredith got busy at the last minute." He paused at that sentence, looking down at his daughter to see how she was taking it. Kate had learned that he never badmouthed the girl's mother around her, even though, from the stories she'd heard, the woman deserved it. "Sometimes I get distracted when Alexis is around, so Paula doesn't want me to bring her, and I don't have a sitter."
The idea popped into her head, and she vocalized without thinking. "I'm free tomorrow."
Her friend's hands tightened on his daughter's shoulders, and he pulled himself closer to her. "You don't have to."
Kate's hopes fell at his words. His efforts to protect her were evident from the start. She didn't get to formally meet the girl until they'd been talking for a few weeks, and had a clear idea about what they wanted. At first, his protective nature seemed excessive, but once Kate learned that Alexis' own mother seemed to abandon her at whim, she understood why he kept her so guarded. "I mean, if you don't want me to, that's fine, I just thought I'd offer."
At this, his hand relaxed, his shoulders dropping as his eyebrows knit together. "Why would you say that?" At her raised eyebrow, he chuckled, releasing his daughter and tapping her on the back, letting her run to the Polly Pocket display. "No, you're right, I'm sorry. If you want to keep her company for a few hours, I'm fine with it. She likes you."
She chuckled, tucking the flyaway pieces of hair behind her ears. "Yeah, I kind of like her too." Like her father, Alexis had done wonders for Kate's happiness. Even if it was just insisting that the younger woman join her and her father in the park for ice cream on the day that her mother had been gone for six months. Instead of wallowing alone at home, or fighting with her Father, Kate found herself laughing and playing, some of Johanna's favorite pastimes. "Just tell me where and when, and I'll be there."
"Great, thanks!" At his brilliant smile, Kate felt the corners of her mouth pulling upward, and a familiar flutter in her chest. She couldn't have asked for anyone more patient, willing to listen to her about how fast or slow they took this was between them.
Before they could continue, a group of teens came in, the same ones who came in every day and never bought a thing. She pointed to them, moving toward the end of the aisle they were casing, mouthing a 'sorry' in his direction as she disappeared.
Kate kept an eye on the group of teenagers the whole time they were in the store, pretending to straighten things in every aisle they walked down. It must have scared them off, and they left after a half hour, their pockets empty, less rowdy than they were when they entered. When she walked down her favorite aisle, the dinosaur was placed on the top shelf, turned around, and the smile returned to her face. She pulled it down, pressing play, and was surprised to find a message from both of the Castles. Hi Kate! Alexis spoke first, her giggle sounding sillier with the deeper dinosaur voice, followed quickly by her father's voice. You're the best. His voice held a hint of laughter, probably at the idea of getting his daughter involved in their little game. She put the tyrannosaurus back where it belonged, adjusting it so it wouldn't lean, her grin a permanent fixture on her face. Their visits always made her day.
She met them the next day at a bowling alley near the bookstore he was scheduled to be in. The two girls promised to practice their forms and see if they could beat him when he was all done, and before he left, he wrapped Alexis in a hug, the girl's arms tight around his neck. Watching them still sent a pang or want down Kate's spine as she remembered hugging her Dad like that. She shook it off though, hugging Rick once and accepting his thanks as he walked the block to the bookstore. And for the first time, she found herself alone with Alexis.
They made their way inside, changing their shoes and picking a candlepin lane, the balls just small enough for little hands. Kate couldn't help but laugh at the poor girl's concentration, her tongue sticking out of her mouth as if it would help with her aim, and the many practice swings before she released the ball. This, and the dances in the alley each time she knocked over a pin just told Kate that this would be an interesting night.
"Are you my Dad's new girlfriend?" Alexis asked her after recording her score.
The question surprised Kate, and she found herself without a clear answer. "Not yet." The uncertainty was clear in her voice as she settled on an answer, and she wished she had a more solid answer.
Alexis took the response well though, with a curt nod of her head and a determined expression. "But you want to be?"
"Maybe, someday." Definitely someday, when she had processed her mother's death, and had helped her father get sober, and taken care of whatever else happened in her life that would prevent her from focusing on the relationship that both he and his daughter deserved. Kate looked down at the young redhead, her brows furrowing as she studied the girl. "What has you interested in all of this?"
Alexis shrugged, reaching for a small ball and playing with it in her lap. "My friend Paige's Mommy has a new boyfriend. His name is Ray. Paige really likes Ray. I really like you, so I thought you might be my Daddy's new girlfriend."
Kate felt the laughter bubbling in her chest. If only life were as simple as kids made it out to be. "Well, I like you too. And your Dad. But I'm not his girlfriend." Yet.
The young girl only nodded, hopping up from the bench to practice her swing a few more times in the alley, her tongue squeezed firmly between her teeth. It was like the conversation had never happened, leaving Kate somewhat confused, yet relieved the strange line of questioning was over.
Kate started to join Alexis in her dances during the third game, openly celebrating the small victories as they happened. It was during one of those little dance parties that Rick showed up, surprising her with his laughter and the flash of his camera. Kate felt the blush creeping up her cheeks, and crossed her arms across her chest, trying to cut the celebration short. But Alexis was no fool, and tugged on the hemline of the young woman's shirt. "Kate, did you see? I got almost all the pins down!"
Sure enough, when Kate looked, all but one were knocked over. She hadn't counted before, just started dancing when her companion had. No wonder the girl was brimming with excitement. "I see, that's great, Lex!"
Rick ran over and lifted the girl on his shoulders, fake cheering and running celebratory laps around their alley and the empty one next to them. His face was flushed when he put her down, but his eyes were bright as he looked between them. "You two are kicking butt. How about, you finish your game, and then try to beat me?"
"Deal!" Alexis agreed, grabbing another ball and aiming at her one remaining pin.
"What do you say, have time for another game?" He focused his attention on Kate as he spoke, his gaze warm, making the butterflies take flight in the pit of her stomach. He waggled his eyebrows at her, his grin turning mischievous. "Or are you too chicken?"
She bit the inside of her cheek to stifle her laughter, setting her jaw and putting on her best game face. "You're on." She challenged, just as Alexis' ball made contact with the last pin, and the girl's squeals echoed in the hall.
They left laughing, Alexis riding on Rick's shoulders, Kate's sweatshirt draped around her. "Clearly I need to step up my game." He spoke, tickling his daughter's legs as they walked.
"You bowled a fifty-four." Kate laughed in disbelief. "You challenged us, and then choked. I don't even feel bad."
"Me either!" The redhead piped up, making him glow with pride.
"You shouldn't talk," he teased, bumping into Kate's shoulder, "you didn't do that much better."
"At least I scored close to one hundred!" She shot back, letting the laughter in the air invigorate her. "You hit less than half of those pins the majority of the time."
He shrugged. "The lane must have been curved."
"I did fine." His daughter spoke from above them. The seven-year-old seemed to be the only one who could score in the triple digits, even earning herself a strike once, something neither of the adults had been able to do. "The lane looked straight to me."
They slowed to a stop outside her building, and he chuckled, giving his daughter's legs a reassuring squeeze. "Of course it was, Pumpkin. You did great today." At this, he met Kate's eyes, his smile brightening up the night. "So, what do I owe you?"
Her mouth almost fell open at the question, and she dismissed it with a wave of her hand. "Please. We had fun. You don't owe me anything."
"You spent the day with my daughter to keep me out of a bind. Please, let me pay you."
She shook her head, crossing her arms and hoping to appear more firm. "I didn't have to. I wanted to. I don't need anything for spending time with Alexis, she's not a burden, I promise."
His face seemed to soften at her words, his shoulders shifting as he redistributed his daughter's weight. "Can we at least take you out for dinner then? Tomorrow night?"
She grimaced, running through the numbers in her head. "I have class until six. It might be tight."
"But, if we pick a spot near campus, would you be up for it?"
His eyes shone with anticipation, and as much as she wanted to study for her midterms, she couldn't turn him down when he looked at her like that. "Of course." She nodded, and stepped forward to kiss Alexis' hand goodbye. The girl started to shrug off Kate's sweatshirt, but the young woman shook her head, stepping away from her friends. "Keep it. Give it back to me tomorrow, okay?"
The girl grinned, lightening Kate's soul like her father. "Okay. Goodnight, Kate!"
"Good night, both of you." And with that, she skipped into her building, waving at the doorman, who looked surprised to see her in such good spirits.
Her mood changed once she entered her apartment. She could smell the cocktail of liquors in her father's system as soon as she opened the door. Her sigh alerted him to her presence, and he swished the amber liquid in the cup around. "Don't be like that, Katie."
She dropped her keys in the bowl near the door, and started going through the mail on the counter. "I thought you were trying to cut back, Dad."
"I am. This is the first drink of the night."
She scoffed, setting yet another delinquent bill in the pile, and pulling the ones that had the red, 'FINAL NOTICE' stamped on them to the top. "Sure it is."
At this, her father stood, the chair scuffing the floor as it moved. "Are you calling me a liar?" His voice had taken a darker turn and raised in volume, making it known to her just how much he'd been drinking.
She dropped the pile of bills on the table. "I don't know, Dad. Are you lying?" She pointed her finger to the almost empty bottle on the table. "Because I don't remember this being anywhere in the house yesterday, and yet, it's almost empty."
"How do you know what I have in the house?"
Because she constantly felt the need to look, to know whether the day would be a good day or bad day. Because it helped her to visualize just how much of their money was slipping down his throat to help him cope. Because it helped to explain why his moods were so varied. But she didn't tell him any of this, knowing he would neither listen nor remember in the state he was in now. Instead, she sneered at him, letting her frustrations out at him for ruining her day. "You're not that good at hiding them."
He watched her fume, not responding until she'd retrieved him a glass of water, placing it within his reach. Finally he sat, taking a swig of the water and discarding his glass with the poison in it. She snatched it and dumped it before he had the chance to complain. His face fell as he realized it though, his jaw dropping. "Katie, why would you do that? Do you know how expensive that is?" His voice had a whiny tone that sent shivers down her spine.
"Yeah Dad, it's not cheap."
"You shouldn't know that, you're not old enough to know that."
It was hard to brush off the irony of the situation. Her father, the alcoholic, lecturing her about her supposed drinking habits. "I hope your expensive scotch tasted great, Dad." Because she'd seen the receipts. She'd searched for them in the bags, and had taken back whatever she could that wasn't open, begging for the workers to give her the money back, and using the cash to pay down some of their bills. "Besides, there's plenty here for you to drink if you want to."
"I don't know what you're talking about." Her father couldn't even meet her eye as he lied, and he stared instead at his hands.
She could have dropped it. She could have locked herself in her room and ignored the mess her father was becoming. She could have retreated into her books, and she's almost positive that if she called up her newest friend, he'd let her stay with him in a heartbeat. But Kate was never one to back down from a fight, even when her opponent was her father. So instead, she started walking through the house. From behind the television, she pulled two bottles of wine, her mother's favorite brand. The corks were open, so she pulled them out with ease and dumped them down the sink. In the cupboard, she found a bottle of scotch, two things of whiskey, and smaller nips tucked behind the bread, all of which joined the wine in the drain. In her Dad's bedroom, she found smaller bottles mixed in with his dirty laundry. Those she threw in a trash bag, along with all the empties she came across. And from the bathroom closet under some towels, she found the six pack of beer, which she didn't even bother to open, letting the glass shatter in the sink as they joined their companions.
Her father just watched, his jaw open wide as she darted around. She found another four bottles in the couch, and let those bottles break like the beer bottles, the shattering sound bringing her a sick sense of joy. When he realized his stash was gone, he bellowed, raising again from the table, his face turning red. "What gives you the right? This is my hard earned money Katie, which you just tossed down the drain!"
"I don't want to hear about your money!" She bellowed back with the same ferocity. He always told her she got her temper from her mother, but he was just as bad when he lost it. "Dad, I'm slaving my life away at minimum wage to try and afford our apartment and all our bills because you won't pay! You keep calling out of work, and I'm surprised you haven't been fired yet! But the moment you do get fired is the moment we're screwed, because I can't do this alone! I can't do this alone anymore!" Hot tears streamed down her face. But her father just stood there, staring at her, his eyes glassy, and she knew it wasn't worth it anymore. So she left him there, retreating to her room, locking the door, and sinking into her bed, letting the tears take over until she fell asleep.
She awoke around three, her eyes still heavy from crying herself to sleep. The apartment was quiet, which meant that her Dad was either asleep or hiding, nursing his wounds. Wiping her eyes and adjusting her wrinkled clothing, she peeked out of her doorway and down the hallway. She could hear the sound of glass clinking together, and against her better judgement, she followed the noise.
Her Dad was in the kitchen, bent over the sink, pulling shards of broken glass out of the drain and dumping it in the trash. Immediately, she felt guilty, and found her hands reaching for his shoulders. "No, let me."
He wouldn't budge as she tried to nudge him out of the way. "No. You're right." He spoke, making tears spring back to life in the corners of her eyes. He turned his head then, his blue-grey eyes meeting hers for the first time since their fight broke out, clear for the first time in months. "I'm sorry, Katie. I can never make this up to you."
She shook her head. "Dad, that's not true." At his quizzical expression, she continued. "I already lost Mom. I'm fighting like hell for you."
He nodded once, his jaw set, his eyes determined. "Whatever you need."
"I need you to get help." Before she could watch his expression change, she turned, heading for his work computer. The clink of glass behind her indicated he'd returned to the cleanup of the sink. She decided to pull up everything she could find about rehab centers. On a yellow legal pad, the same ones her Mom used to keep in different places around the house, she started jotting down information as she read, including telephone numbers to call when the sun came up.
After an hour, her Dad came up behind her, his head resting on her shoulder as she read about a facility in Massachusetts. "It looks nice." His voice was a whisper, like he was afraid to anger her again.
"It specializes in trauma, Dad. Maybe that would be helpful?"
His answer was a kiss pressed to her forehead, lingering there for longer than he had in months. "It looks great, Katie. Circle the number, I'll call when I wake up." She turned then to meet his eye, studying his face for signs of deception. "I promise."
Those two words had her throwing her arms around his shoulders, pulling him close and letting the tears fall freely down her face. "I've missed you, Daddy." The name slipped out against her will, and seemed to shock him, but he just hugged her tighter, and gave her hope that soon, everything might go back to normal.
When she woke the next morning, she found him on the phone, talking about check-ins and policies. She swears, her heart began to sing. When he was done, she called out of work, ignoring Sarah's angry remarks, explaining that it was a family issue that would hopefully be done and over with soon. Then, they made stops all over the city. First at the bank, to prepay the rent and take care of whatever bills could be taken care of. Then to the grocery store to stock up on food for as long as possible. And then back to the apartment to pack.
They left around two, Kate resolved to miss another class, making a mental note to ask her study group for the notes and talk to her professor. It was a three and a half hour drive of awkwardness, neither knowing what to say to the other. Kate told limited stories about Rick, letting him know that she had people looking out for her while he was gone. He got a kick out of her terrible customer stories, laughing at the ridiculous things people pull and try to get away with. And he told her some of the dumbest questions he'd heard lawyers ask a witness. This and music got them to their destination, a large log cabin in Massachusetts. Kate helped him check in, saw that he was acclimated, and hugged him goodbye. He pressed a kiss to her cheek and promised to give it his all, and she swore she could see the light at the end of the tunnel.
The drive back was awful. She would have taken awkward conversation over deafening silence anytime. The ride back was when all the anxiety hit her. What would happen if he checked out, or got kicked out. She wondered if she would need to cut ties if something like that happened. The thought was distressing. It was too much to lose in a year, and she didn't want to consider it.
The light on the answering machine was blinking when she returned home, and her heart fell as she realized who it was before pressing the button. Um, hi. We waited outside the hall you have class in for almost an hour before making our way to your apartment. The doorman told us you had left earlier and hadn't come back. I don't know what happened, but I have a very upset little girl who wants to give you back the sweatshirt you let her borrow yesterday. Please call me, Kate. I'm worried. There were two others just like it.
Kate felt her breathing increase at the mention of Alexis. The poor girl had practically been abandoned by her own mother, and Kate didn't want to ever give her the impression that she wasn't wanted. She dialed the number with trembling fingers, sinking into the couch until he answered.
"Kate?"
"I'm sorry!" She blurted, her head falling onto the back of the couch. "I can explain, I didn't mean to stand you up."
"I was worried. Are you okay?"
She sighed. "I'm fine. It was Dad."
She could hear his gasp on the other end. "Please don't tell me he was in an accident or anything. Is he okay?"
"He's okay now. Basically, we had a huge fight last night, probably woke the neighbors, and I was a wreck. But he agreed to get help. I just dropped him off at a facility in Mass."
"Kate, that's great!"
She let out a breath at his enthusiasm, the corners of her mouth turning upward as they talked. "It could be. I'm keeping my hopes up." She sighed, her stomach sinking at her next thought. "Maybe you and I should slow things down for a bit."
When he didn't respond right away, she worried that she'd done something wrong. When he answered with a small, 'okay,' the floodgates opened.
"It's just, I really care about you. You have been the sole thing in my life that's brought me any joy. Bu I know you want more, and I want more, but right now just isn't the right time. I can't give you or Alexis the time that you deserve, as evidenced by my flake today, and I don't want to hurt that little girl more than she already has been, and I don't want to hurt you either. And I worry that I'm pushing the bad stuff to the side to be happy for you, or get to where we both want to be faster, but I know that will only hurt me in the long run. I just don't want to screw this up."
"I get it, its okay." His voice was flat, with just a hint of sadness, but was reassuring either way. "We can visit the store a bit less, and I'll let you set the meeting times. I'm following your lead here."
She let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you. Can you apologize to Alexis for me?"
"Of course. I should let you get some sleep anyway."
"Thanks. Goodnight, Rick."
He told her goodnight, and she waited for the click before hanging up the phone. She hung up the phone on her way to her bedroom, where she sunk into her bed, falling into a deep sleep, dreaming of a father who returned, better than ever.
She was able to sit in on another section of the class she'd missed the next day before her closing shift at The Play Room. After explaining the situation to her professor, she turned in her paper, raced to the subway.
It didn't matter that she arrived a half-hour early to her shift, Sarah still shot her daggers as she made her way toward the back of the store. Maybe she'd explain everything, just to get the unpleasant woman off her case. Or maybe she'd leave it be, since it was none of her business.
Walking down the aisle, her eyes were drawn to the second shelf from the top, where her favorite dinosaur waited, facing the back shelf. She wasn't on the clock, and despite the invisible daggers Sarah shot her, she didn't need to rush to the front of the store. Her fingers circled the play button, hesitating. It couldn't be bad if he was using the dinosaur, right? Her thumb finally depressed it, tired of the waiting game. His voice was warm, even when disguised by an artificial changer in a children's toy, and it made her smile all the same. I'll still be here, when you're ready.
This was why he was perfect. He was following her cues, listening to what she needed. But even without seeing her, he could make her day. She wanted nothing more than to try and do the same, for him and his daughter. She pressed record, bringing her face close to the tiny tyrannosaurus' head. "Not yet, but soon. I promise."
