"Please let me hold you 'til I know we are both through this,

I couldn't lead another day without you in my arms.

You look so fragile I could break, but I try to hold myself together for the both of us, but in truth I'm just as scared.

I just wanna watch you sleep as you lie here beside me. So close your eyes, I'll guard the door. And when you wake, you'll wake with me." – Snow Patrol In My Arms


Kili said very little at all that night. And anything he did say was little more than a mumble. Most of it was simply nods or shrugs or shakes of the head. For most of the time the company were sat in the little glen, he sat silently and stiffly and staring into the flames of the campfire, watching as they danced and twirled and spat up still burning embers, watching them flutter into the air like blazing moths, pirouetting around the firelight. Fili supposed he was a little overwhelmed by it all. That morning his brother had awoken in the company of orcs, and that night he would fall asleep in the company of friends.

Fili observed him from the corner of his eye. Watching every little movement, how the light of the campfire danced across his sickly pale skin and the way his face contorted slightly in pain with each inhale he took. Every now and again he would ask his brother the same "are you okay?" And each time he received a small nod and forced smile as a response. It was a silly question to ask, Fili thought. He knew that it would be some time before his brother was alright again. But he asked it nonetheless.

Dwalin and Nori had managed to catch a couple of rabbits just before sunset and Bombur spent the next hour or so preparing them – it had been a while since he had cooked last and he seemed quite content to do so. Kili only managed half of a leg, and even then he had picked the meat from the bone bit by bit with his fingernails, tentatively raising pieces to his lips and taking small bites. And that was after his worn eyes had studied the meat suspiciously for some time. Fili had sounded rather a lot like his uncle, encouraging his little brother to eat. One more bite. Just take another. But after a while, his words fell on deaf ears and the rabbit leg was left to go cold. Perhaps he just needs rest, Fili thought. It was as though Thorin could read his mind as barely a moment past before he stood up and said

"I think it is time for us to sleep. It has been … a long day."

Fili and Kili settled down beside each other, the warmth of the still-burning fire reaching them from where they rested. For a time, however, Kili remained sat upright and awake despite his weary mind begging him for sleep.

"Brother," Fili said, "you can barely keep your eyes open. You need to rest." Kili gave him a quick sideways glance and pulled his knees tighter to his chest.

"I don't want to." He said. Fili frowned and propped himself up onto one elbow.

"Why not?" He asked. His brother said nothing. "Kee?"

"You'll think me silly."

"I won't." He wrapped a hand around Kili's arm and gave it a squeeze, "what's bothering you?" Kili was silent for a time, his pale face anxious. He scratched at some mud on his trouser leg and sighed.

"I'm afraid that all this is just a dream, and when I wake up I'll be back with the … back with them." The last word he spoke shuddered as it passed his lips, fear lacing itself into each letter. Fili felt a pang of sadness. His brother, sat with his knees pulled up and face thin and worn, looked so small and fragile, like one wrong move could snap him. Fili sat up and gently wrapped his arms around him, placing a hand on the back of his head as Kili buried his face in his shoulder.

"This is no dream, Kili. Those beasts are gone and you're here with us, with me. And I promise I'll be right here when you wake up"

Fili wasn't able to sleep much. Every now and again his lids would fall shut and he's slip away for a brief, tranquil moment. These moments were mere seconds before his eyes flicked back open. Fill had one arm folded up behind his head and the other wrapped around his brother – the first place his eyes fell when his fleeting moments of sleep ended. In the end, he gave up and just lay silently where he was. Kili had his head resting on his shoulder, and he could feel his breaths against his neck. He smiled. How lucky he was to have had his prayers, his greatest wish, answered. He didn't care if he slept that night, he was content enough to simply lay there listening to his brothers soft breaths and feel his warmth. Two things, that the night before seemed impossible. How much had changed in just a day. His grief, his pain, just memories now. Horrible, nightmarish memories. There was such a sense of piece now, a great weight gone.

Fili was lost in his thoughts, in his thanks to Mahal, when Kili began to stir. Shifting and jerking in his sleep, letting out quiet groans and low, unintelligible mumbles. Slowly the mumbles got louder and he began to thrash about, as though he was trying to fight something, or someone, off. His voice came out in frightened "no"s and "leave me alone"s and "get away"s. Kili was pleading for mercy in his sleep. It tore at Fili's heart, this indication of the terror and pain his baby brother had endured. Unable to stand listening to Kili's unconscious begging, or waiting for it to stop and him to fall back into a peaceful sleep again, Fili shifted Kili carefully from him and sat up, hovering over him. He may not have been able to free Kili from his true torture, but he could free him from reliving it. He grabbed his brother's shoulders and shook him gently.

"Kee," He said in a soft whisper, "Kili wake up." But Kili was still battling against an illusory enemy, one only he could see. A lump rose in Fili's throat at the way his brother's face had morphed into an expression of pure terror, a tear rolling from one of his closed eyes. "Kili." He spoke louder now, leaning in close, desperate to release his brother from his terrors. "Come on, brother. Wake up." Fili tried to control the tremor in his voice, to little avail. Then Kili shot upright, fists batting at the open air, still trapped within his nightmare, still trying to fight something that wasn't there. Fili fell back onto the ground before springing forward again trying to seize Kili's wrists. But as his fingers went to wrap around them, his brother's hands went to his ears, palms pressed down firmly as though he was trying to block out some horrendous sound.

"Stop it." He mumbled, voice trembling. "Stop it. Stop it. Stop it." Kili's eyes were half open now, but still he was caught up in his dream.

"Hey, Kili. Come on now." Fili said softly, trying to pry Kili's hands away from his ears. He tried to catch his brother's gaze. "Kili, brother, it's alright. It's just a bad dream. Hey, look at me, come on." Slowly, finally, Kili's struggling ceased and their eyes met. Kili's whole body seemed to relax, his stiff muscles slackened. But still he trembled, his breathes coming in quick, shallow bursts.

"He was … the orcs they…."

"There are no orcs, nadadith, not anymore." Fili placed a hand on the side of Kili's face, still staring into his eyes, wide and glistening with tears. Fili felt his heart break all over again, he was not used to seeing his joyful younger brother so distressed. The fear in his face seemed so alien. "Oh, Kili. come here." He said, pulling him into an embrace. Kili buried his face into the crook of his neck and balled his fists into his vest as though he was afraid to let go. Fili rested his chin atop his head, one arm wrapped tightly around him and his other hand running through his dark hair. Kili's body began to shake with silent sobs. "It's alright, little brother," Fili soothed, "I have you. You're going to be okay. They'll never harm you again, I will kill them if they even come near you." I failed you once, he thought, I will not fail you again.


-A/N-

Started with some relevant lyrics again.

Finally essays done, gonna cram write the next parts before exams start *cries* it's never ending! Oh well, year 2 of uni is ending in few weeks (next year I'm graduating - WHAT. no plz.)

Anywhoo.

Ch 29! So many chapters and so many yet to come. I plan to keep going to the final film and beyond. So lots to still write!

Isn't brotherly Fili just the best? Nawh.

Hope you enjoyed this part!

As usual faves, follows and (especially) reviews are welcomed and appreciated!