When Roxas up, he knew that he was going to have to forget about his awful nightmare. He didn't want to, and it didn't seem fair that Axel was getting away with living such a double life, but the blonde knew that he had no choice other than to do what survival required. Yes, he was a member now, but he was a rookie and a former prisoner, meaning that not everyone in the castle would defend him if it came down to it.

He looked to the sleeping redhead next to him. He seemed so peaceful. How? Roxas asked himself several times but couldn't understand how anyone could be guilty of so many crimes yet sleep so soundly.

Then again, Axel did mention how he'd often have nightmares, and on a few occasions Roxas has witnessed the redhead tossing and turning abruptly in his sleep.

When the redhead awoke that morning, Roxas did his best to try to stay on his good side. Somehow the nightmare brought Roxas backwards in time and made the blonde feel as if he had to kiss up to Axel to win his favor. Axel caught on but didn't feed into it. In fact, he began to act very distant to Roxas. The blonde couldn't figure out why, but he knew better than to question. Instead, he spent every day that next month doing his best to keep the redhead as happy as he could. As soon as he was done training with Saix, he would join the redhead and do whatever it took to entertain him, from cooking fancy meals, to putting on his favourite movies, to even offering his body for the redheads pleasure. Axel, much to Roxas' surprise, never took up Roxas on that last offer. Roxas couldn't figure out why. In fact, it angered him. He tried so hard to try to give Axel everything he could want and still he was being refused. Why? Was he not good enough anymore? Now that he was a member, was he no fun? Not enough of a challenge? Not a toy? Roxas spent another few weeks waiting to see if Axel would change back into himself, but no. The redhead became more distant with each passing day. He no longer held the blonde during the night, no longer told him any words of encouragement or care; he no longer smiled around him. When nearly two months of unexplained coldness had passed, Roxas decided it was time to confront Axel on the matter.

The blonde had just finished his training for the day when we went into Axel's suite to find the redhead playing a video game.

"Hey." Roxas greeted whilst sitting next to Axel.

"Sup." Axel said dryly.

"How was your day?" Roxas asked, hoping that Axel would shift before he actually had to engage in the conversation he had been rehearsing in the shower that morning.

"Fine." Axel murmured as he continued to focus on his game.

"Axe, can we talk?" Roxas decided to just dive right in.

"About?" Axel never took his eyes off the screen.

"About us." Roxas shrugged.

"What?" Axel asked, but he continued to play and didn't display any signs of wanting to pay attention.

"Please, Axel, it's important to me." Roxas said, hoping it would encourage the redhead to finally pause his game. No luck.

"Then start talking." Axel rolled his eyes as his video game character ran a touchdown.

"Well, I," Roxas paused. He had been thinking for over a month now about breaking up with Axle. It started as a joke, more of a threat, but the past two months felt so lonely, Roxas figure he might as well try to eliminate unneeded stress from his life. He was a member now, and if he planned on staying alive, he had to work for it.

"Well what?" Axel was getting impatient as he intercepted the computers play.

"I think we should break up." Roxas said shyly.

"Break up?" Axel finally put his game on pause to look at Roxas. "The fuck do you mean 'break up'?" Axel started to look upset, which confused the blonde. He more than half expected Axel to not care in the slightest.

"You've been so distant and it's like you don't even care about me anymore, so I think it'd be best if we broke up." Roxas reasoned.

"Broke up?" Axel looked mad, and it was starting to scare Roxas.

"Well, yeah." Roxas didn't know what else to say.

"You seriously think we're a legit couple?" Axel asked with frustration.

"Uh, yes?" Roxas was growing more and more confused.

"You really are a piece of work." Axel shook his head. "I fucking told you, Roxas. We're in the organization. Sure, we're a thing, but we aren't a regular couple."

"Good to know." Roxas grew embarrassed and stood up.

"Where are you going?" Axel kept his game paused.

"To my suite. We're over. I don't want to spend time with you anymore." Roxas continued to head towards the door, but Axel stopped him.

"The fuck?" He yelled. "Get your ass back here, now!" Axel stood up. It had been a while since Axel showed that much emotion, even if it was negative.

"Why?" Roxas didn't even understand why Axel was fighting back.

"Cause I fucking said so!" Axel pointed.

"What's wrong?" Roxas made his way back to his angry ex-boyfriend.

"You. Don't. Leave. Me." Axel forcefully grabbed Roxas and squeezed his arm so tightly, Roxas let out a yelp.

"You're hurting me!"

"That's the point." Axel twisted Roxas' arm behind his back.

"Stop!" Roxas begged.

"Get your ass in my room. Now." Axel said quietly but forcefully.

"Why?" Roxas asked, but Axel only tightened his grip.

"I said, 'Now'!" Axel reiterated.

"No!" Roxas tried to tug free, but it was no use. Being much taller and stronger, Axel dragged Roxas by the arm with no trouble. "No! Stop! Let me go!" Roxas pleaded as the redhead locked the door.

"Get naked." Axel threw Roxas into the bed.

"WHAT?" Roxas exclaimed.

"Hurry the fuck up!" Axel screamed.

"NO!" Roxas squirmed but Axel held him down.

"Listen and listen good you little shit!" Axel punched Roxas across the jaw. "You're going to get me whether you like it or not. So, I suggest you just let it happen." Axel pinned Roxas down and started removing his clothes.

"Don't! Axel, please!" Roxas continued to wriggle but it wasn't long before Axel had himself inside the blonde.

"There we go," Axel continued to pleasure himself inside of Roxas as the blonde tried to break free of the hold that had him.

"Get. Out!" Roxas finally kicked Axel square in the thigh and was able to crawl free.

"You little shit!" Axel reached for Roxas' ankle and pulled him back towards him.

"No!" Roxas flailed wildly and then made a run for it. He got to Axel's dresser and pulled out one of his twin pistols. "Stop right there!" He commanded as Axel chased after him.

"Fuck," Axel sighed. He stopped dead in his tracks before he shook his head. "Roxas, we've been here before. You can't shoot me, so just put it away before you accidentally hurt yourself."

"I can too shoot you, and maybe I will." Roxas aimed the weapon at Axel's torso.

"You can't. You won't. Just put it away." Axel rolled his eyes.

"I've had enough of this bullshit! I've had enough of you!" Roxas was beginning to get nervous and it showed all too easily on his face.

"You've had enough of me? I've had enough of you. You know what?" Axel shook his head. "This is it. This is the final fucking straw Roxas. I've done everything I can to keep you alive and to keep you safe and this is how you thank me? You get a little needy and decide to shoot me over it?"

"I'm not shooting you for being distant! I'm going to shoot you for raping me, again. I'm going to shoot you for all of the mean, awful things that you have done to me ever since you came into my life!"

"I SAVED YOUR FUCKING LIFE!" Axel screeched, leaving Roxas to gulp. "I saved your life! I didn't have to! I could have let Saix kill you! I could have let Xemnas kill you! I could have let Vexen rape you! I could have let Marly had his way with you; he wanted to rape you. So did Xigbar. I put you in the dungeon so they couldn't touch you. I took care of you when no one else would. I gave you my bed, gave you my food, gave you clothes. What more could you ask of me that I haven't given to you?" Axel sounded so sincere, it left Roxas speechless.

"You did this to me." Roxas convinced himself.

"Saix shot you. Not me."

"You started this." Roxas repeated.

"You going to end it?" Axel asked, staring down the barrel of his own gun.

"If I kill you, they'll kill me." Roxas stated the facts.

"Yes." Axel nodded.

"Then I can't kill you." Roxas frowned.

"Sorry to disappoint." Axel gave a nervous chuckle. He cleared his throat before he took a step towards the blonde. "Now that that's all settled,"

"Settled?" Roxas asked curiously. "I can still shoot you without killing you." Roxas said as he aimed for Axel's leg.

"What? No, Roxas," Axel shook his head in disbelief.

"You deserve worse." Roxas closed his eyes as his index finger pulled inward and squeezed the trigger. With a loud bang, a bullet left the chamber and flew into Axel's thigh.

"FUCK!" Axel fell to the ground and rushed his hand to his leg.

"Shit," Roxas whispered to himself as he sat on Axel's bed.

"Roxas," Axel slumped against the wall. The blonde was still in shock of what he did as Axel called out to him again. "Roxas! Roxas, give me the gun." The redhead reached his arm out.

"No," Roxas shook his head quietly.

"Roxas," Axel took a deep breath. "They are going to be here soon." Axel said slowly.

"They?"

"You didn't use a fucking silencer!" Axel became impatient.

"I," Roxas stammered.

"Give me the gun." Axel repeated.

"Np! You're going to kill me with it!" Roxas said in fear.

"I'm not going to shoot you." Axel did his best to stand.

"No!" Roxas said when they heard the sound of people bursting into the living room.

"Give me the gun before it's too late." Axel whispered, on his good foot.

"What's happening?" Roxas asked, mostly to himself as whoever was outside the bedroom door was now banging on it violently.

"Give me the gun," Axel threw his body towards Roxas and fell on him, unable to support his own weight. He used his arms to throw Roxas away from himself while grabbing the pistol. It was just in time too, for just a few seconds later, the bedroom door broke in half down the middle.

Xaldin and Lexeaus entered before Xemnas himself, all three of them looking to Roxas and Axel in confusion.

"Restrain Roxas." Xemnas commanded. "Axel, drop your weapon." Xemnas said, so Axel did. Xemnas looked back and forth before he shook his head. "Usually the one not holding the weapon is the one who gets shot. What happened?" Xemnas looked to Axel and Roxas. The blonde became nervous, realizing that his actions now had serious consequences.

"What happened?" Xemnas boomed again, this time less patient than usual.

"I, I uh," Roxas was still shaken up by what had just happened.

"He asked me to show him how to shoot from the hip. Apparently it was still loaded." Axel fibbed, but Xemnas did not seem pleased with that answer.

"You take me for a fool?" His yellow eyes narrowed in on Axel's.

"No," Axel shook his head modestly.

"You know how to clear a weapon. You know the difference between an empty chamber and a loaded one. How the fuck did this weapon fire a bullet into your leg?" Xemnas asked with ferocity.

"My Lord," Xaldin interrupted. "Axel will not last long bleeding out. Perhaps we should question him after he has received medical attention.

Xemnas did not looked pleased, but even he knew that Xaldin was right.

"Take him to Vexen. Place Roxas in the dungeon. I will speak with him shortly." Xemnas exited briskly as his men did as he ordered.

Roxas had been waiting in an old familiar cell for about an hour when Xemnas finally entered. The blonde said nothing as he waited for the Superior to take charge in the conversation.

"Tell me what happened." Xemnas remained standing by the door as Roxas sat up.

"I had asked Axel for some help. He said he could teach me how to shoot from the hip so I did. He assumed his weapon was cleared already so he never checked." Roxas kept to Axel's lie and shrugged but Xemnas grew angry.

"No marksman would ever train with a weapon assuming its unloaded."

"Axel hasn't been himself lately." Roxas took a new approach.

"How so?"

"He's been alienating himself, even from me. He doesn't talk as much as he used to. He seems….distracted." Roxas finished.

"Distracted by what?"

"He won't say."

"Could it be his brother?" Xemnas asked with a slight grin.

"Most likely." Roxas gulped, wondering if Xemans' question was a trap.

"Very well. As soon as Axel is back in his room you shall be released to yours." Xemnas said before he walked away. Roxas had figured it would only take Vexen a couple hours at most to do his job, but it was nearly two days later when he was released. As expected, Xemnas came and let him out.

"You must be anxious to go back to your room." Xemnas said as he unchained the blonde.

"Yes." Roxas said weakly, having missed proper meals and sleep.

"You'll be happy to know that Axel will heal just fine. It will take some time and some rest, but he's been through worse. He's had such a busy year, hasn't he? Funny how he keeps getting injured. I wonder why that is." The two continued to walk upstairs and back to the more pleasant part of the mansion.

"Axel's a very wild and daring spirit. He manages to find himself in all sorts of situations."

"This is true. What I can't figure out is why he insists on keeping you alive." Xemnas said as Roxas gulped.

"Superior?" He asked confused.

"Ask him. I'm dying to find out." Xemnas said before he left Roxas and returned to his office.

Roxas wanted badly to catch up on sleep and food, but he knew that he had questions he had to ask. He entered the redheads suite and joined him on the couch.

"Welcome back." Axel said, his leg extended and bandaged.

"How do you feel?" Roxas asked.

The redhead shrugged. "I was shot by my boyfriend. How do you think I feel?"

Roxas paused in thought. "You don't have feelings, I thought. You're a monster with more important things, like this gang and survival." The blonde spoke Axel's words, causing the taller man to chuckle.

"Guess I'm getting to old for this. Or at least too broken." Axel sighed.

"Why did you lie for me? Even after you said you wouldn't. Why would you do that for me?"

"If you're going to die here at this castle, it'll be by my hand because I want you dead. Not because you shot me and must serve punishment."

"I didn't kill you though,"

"Shooting a fellow member without orders equals death." Axel said simply.

"But, you didn't tell me that!" Roxas' eyes widened.

"How could I when you put a bullet through my fucking leg?!" Axel leaned forward and yelled.

It was deathly quiet for a while. Axel remained staring at Roxas. Roxas couldn't help but look elsewhere. The TV in the background was just loud enough to take some of the edge off.

"So now what?" Roxas finally asked.

"Now nothing." Axel relaxed himself back into the couch.

"You want to kill me, don't you?" Roxas whispered. To his surprise, Axel didn't answer right away.

"I want a lot of things Roxas. We don't always get what we want."

"Does that mean yes?" Roxas gave a nervous scoff.

"I don't know. There are times I wish I never saved you." Axel whispered. At that, Roxas felt a heaviness in his heart. He felt abandoned, he felt betrayed, he felt alone. "At the same time," Axel continued. "I feel like I invested so much in saving your ass, I can't just let you die now." Axel shook his head in confusion.

"I see." Roxas blinked away his thoughts of despair.

"I'm not going to kill you. Despite how much you wanted to kill me. Despite how you shot me in cold anger. I'm going to do nothing. Nothing for revenge. Instead, you will let your guilt eat away at you. You're the one who has to live with what you did."

"Is that why you lied to Xemnas? To keep me alive? To torture me?"

"No, but it is a perk, now isn't it?" Axel smiled sarcastically. "You've shot people to defend yourself, and me, and Saix. But you've never shot anyone out of your own selfish personal gain. You've never harmed anyone for no reason other than your happiness. Face it, in that moment, me dying at your hand would have given you happiness. You have learned a lot more from me than you think. You now know what it's like to be a monster." Axels words pierced through Roxas' mind as he tried to deny everything he had said.

"I didn't kill you." Roxas gave his best argument.

"No, no you didn't. Not because you didn't want to, but because killing me would have killed yourself. If you could have with immunity, you would have. Murder starts in the heart, then the mind, then the body." Axel smiled.

Roxas once again took some time to think over Axel's words before he stood up.

"So this is it?" He asked dryly.

"You started it Roxas. Remember that. You started all of this."

"It's all my fault, I see." Roxas shook his head.

"You're the one who wanted to date me and you're the one who wanted to kill me."

"You're the one who couldn't just act like a normal boyfriend!"

"When the FUCK are you GOING TO LEARN?" Axel screamed so loudly, Roxas took a step back. "A normal boyfriend? A normal boyfriend! How many times must I remind you that we will never live normal lives?"

"You know what I meant," Roxas said, but Axel shook his head.

"You'll never understand. You never had to experience what I had to. You'll never realize just how much this life can change you. Instead, you're holding onto the past. You're trying to make this life seem as much like your old one as possible. Don't you see? It'd all be so much easier if you could just let go." Axel insisted.

"Perhaps you're right." Roxas shrugged in defeat. "Sorry to have bothered you." Roxas began to leave.

"Bothered me? You shot me." Axel growled.

"And you've raped me and beat me and kidnapped me; are we keeping score?" Roxas crossed his arms.

"Leave my suite. You're not welcome back." Axel looked back to his TV.

"So that's it?" Roxas shrugged.

"That's it."

Roxas sighed loudly before he went to his suite.


Author's Note:

Thank you everyone for following along, I know it's been WAY too long since I updated this story. I lost a lot of work that I had on this story so its been a real pain trying to rewrite everything but it ended up being a good thing cause I'm changing some stuff for the better. I can't wait to write more and post as often as I can. Thanks again for everyones patience.

Living Legacy, Silent Sacrifice, Sarabellum