Blonde Ambition
And lots of pairings…
- Amaranthos –
Beta-readers: Lamia316 & Eclipse Storywriter.
A very big thank you to both my incredible beta-readers for their help on this chapter. Thanks so much girls, you guys are awesome.
Chapter 29: The Truth
Friday
Why did I even come to school today? Why didn't I just stay home and bury myself in my bed? Cry my eyes out or something. Forget everything I did with him.
I hate Cloud… absolutely hate him for doing this to me. I am caught between the afflictions of being in love and doing everything wrong. The more I want to forget him, the more I can't.
His lips… his touch… his scent... just fills me up…
I want to turn and scream… I don't want to remember the way his eyes looked at me. I don't want to look at the ocean or the sky… I don't want to remember the color blue.
I just want…
I paused.
What do I want?
I came to school pretty early this morning.
I have to talk with Yuffie today. I can't do this anymore. I am not ready for change. All this time I thought I was, but I wasn't. I need my friends; I need my girls. I need a new channel to divert my frustrations and certainly to move on from Cloud.
There's a reason I changed. Not for him, but for me…
I can't go back… I can't do this.
I sigh.
As I'm about to walk up the stairs to the university, I'm pulled back gruffly by the shoulders. Immediately I fall onto the floor, my books, calculator and cell phone scatter around me. I graze my hand against the concrete floor and I look up totally confused and in shock.
Elevating my eyes, she passively stands in my way. Aerith.
"You little whore," she started.
Oh God. She knows.
"I can't believe you Lockwhore… I don't attend school for three days and you're off gallivanting with my boyfriend. Do you enjoy being a slut with every guy on campus?" she cursed aloud.
I immediately notice the angry look in her eyes; they were blazing into a fury. I guess I expected that.
People notice our commotion, and slowly draw in with concern on their faces. I look back at Aerith and boy, she looks like she's about to burst with hot air. I might as well explain to her about what happened.
"I didn't do anything like that, Aerith. We just hung out. We didn't do anything," I said in a small voice.
"Anything, you say? Why would I trust you, Lockhart? You're vile, mingy and disgusting." She kicked my textbook.
"I didn't do anything with him," I said.
"Really?" she paused, "Because it doesn't seem so to me. Imagine, I'm at home and I get an email about you and my boyfriend riding off into the wind. Try explaining that to me, Lockhart," she shouted at me.
I swallowed. There were lots of implications which pointed me out to be a so-called 'bad' girl on campus, but honestly it wasn't anything like that. I agree that Cloud and I may have had a little too much public display of affection, but it's not the gushy kind she's thinking.
"I swear, I didn't do anything with him," I defended myself.
"Shut up you tart! Unbelievable. First it was Sephiroth and now Cloud. What? Sephiroth didn't satiate your little desires?" she spitted rudely.
I was about to stand up but she pushed me back down.
"No, don't get back up, slut," she shouted at me.
People were beginning to think it was a fight. And I was beginning to think the same thing. I expected Aerith to be upset, maybe even angry, but no way as hostile as this.
"I didn't do anything," I began crying.
"Stop crying you little wuss." She paused to laugh. "You're so gonna get it now Lockhart. Big time." She pulls out a taser about to strike me, but I scramble.
I didn't mean for things to get so out of hand. I'm rooted to the spot in fear as Aerith approaches me. She charges forward and I avoid her only by a few centimeters. Damn, she's quick.
She smugly grins, returning to her sporting punishment.
As she's about to try her luck again, someone breaks free from the crowd, pushing me off to the side. I'm tossed to side in a mess. The person walks straight up to Aerith and pushes the girl back, kicking the taser out her hand.
"Touch her again and I will bash your friggin' face into the floor," she said.
The girl turns and stoops down to me.
"Tifa," she whispered.
I look up. "Shera?"
She smiles assuredly.
I jump into her arms, hugging her. She hugs me tightly.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
I cry. Alas the people I needed were coming back. Shera held me and I felt like I was safe after such a long time.
"No," I croaked.
"Aghh! You stupid bitch!" Aerith stands back onto her feet, helped up by Scarlett and others.
"I swear to you Aerith, I will hurt you if you do anything to her," Shera warned.
"This isn't your business," Aerith snapped back.
"It doesn't have to be, bitch!" Shera spitted back.
"This is between Tifa and me. Let her handle this on her own" Aerith ordered.
"Why? So little fools like you can intimidate her? Or hurt her the way you want?" Shera asked, "No. I don't think so."
I whisper to Shera that Aerith was right.
"What? But Tifa," Shera interjected, but I stop her.
Why does Shera defend me for something that doesn't even concern her? If she can stand up to bullies and monsters like Aerith, why can't I face my own enemies? I stiffen at Aerith's stare; Aerith has to know now, about what happened between Cloud and me.
"Look, I know you're really pissed and the last thing you wanna hear is me saying I didn't do anything, and I get it Aerith. I really do. I'm sorry this hurt you badly, and you're right. It's my fault." I paused. "But you have to understand that Cloud never did anything with me… He was always faithful to you." As much as it hurt every fiber of my being to say that, it was for that very reason Cloud never kissed me.
She looks a bit taken back at my words. She blinks back.
"You also need to understand that we didn't do anything," I said in a raspy voice.
It seems to pain her to hear my confession. She was split between taking the words of Cloud's righteousness from the girl who led him on.
"Liar," she whispered.
Her eyes glimmered, and I could tell this hurts her as badly as it hurts me.
"I didn't do anything with your boyfriend. We're just friends. Yeah, that's it" I spoke soberly.
She stiffens, completely paralyzed to the situation. She grits her teeth, "So what? You expect to just get off the hook now, huh? Is that it?" she asked.
I looked down.
A tension fills the distance between us.
"You disgust me." She whispers
And to my amazement, she slaps me on the right cheek.
I'm absolutely stunned. It stung so hard, but I deserved that. Shera scrambles to do something, but I hold her back. I deserved to be insulted, to be slapped, to be… publicly humiliated for what I did. If this is how it was meant to be, then so be it.
"Don't ever, ever, talk to my boyfriend again. That's a warning Lockhart..." she walked off.
I hung my head, completely in melancholy. Shera touches my shoulder.
"You okay?" she asked.
I nod, "Yeah"
"Come on. Let's go and get some ice…"
Shera holds my arm, instantly ready to forgive me.
I stop, and she turns around to look at me.
"Tifa?" She stares at me
"Shera," I whispered. My voice cracking from the overflowing emotions.
Tears deftly fall down my cheek. I can no longer do this. She holds me tenderly and I cry for the first time in gentle caring arms.
It was around lunchtime the girls and I finally made back up. As juvenile as that sounds, that is exactly what happened. All our discrepancies were settled. Shera understood why she was wrong, and I understood her dilemma.
Friendship is tricky sometimes, but it's something to fight for.
"So you dorks took long enough to make up. Gah you women..." Yuffie sticks out her tongue.
I laugh. Good ol' Yuf.
"What are we suppose to act like, Yuffie? Men—like you?" Shera laughed.
I giggle.
"Hey hey … don't direct your hate at me" she teased.
We laugh again.
"So who wants snacks?" Shera asked.
"You know what?" I started.
"What?" she asked.
"I have to speak to you guys. It's very important. I don't mean to make it sound so epic…but I have a lot of things that needs sorting out"
"Something happened, didn't it?" Shera asked.
"Oh yeah," I sigh. "You guys mind?"
They murmured that they didn't mind. I shook my head.
"That day at the swimming competition, something happened between Sephiroth and me," I paused to look at them.
"I don't know what happened, but it's like we became close to… to... being…" I interlace my fingers.
"He was close… so close to kissing me and I knew he wanted to do it. He was trying so hard to restrain himself. Frankly, I didn't know what was going on. I've never felt these emotions before. I'm so dimwitted that I didn't know how to react. I… I just allowed him to do whatever he pleased… and then the wave came," I paused. "After the wave knocked us out… he just went away. Since then I haven't spoken to Sephiroth. What am I to think? Did we go too far? Or did he want me to reciprocate? What am I—"
Shera holds my hand.
"I guess it's not time yet Tifa," She whispered to me.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
She sighed, "Maybe Sephiroth feels for you. Have you ever stop to think about that? Maybe he's confused about what he felt for you. He's probably contemplating on if he likes you, or if he wants to kiss you, or if it was the right thing to do at that time, etc. etc. Just because he's a guy doesn't mean that he doesn't get confused. In fact, boys do a lousy job of concealing emotions. They think they can hide it, but after observing him these past couple days—I'll tell you, he's done nothing but practice for the concert. At first I thought he had the most extreme devotion to rock music, but hearing your story, it makes sense that he's this way," she paused.
"I never thought about it like that… I guess," I thought.
"What's this about Cloud and why the hell does Aerith want to beat you up?" Yuffie asked.
I sighed, "It's a long story…"
"Tell me… I'm bored and I'm not going anywhere," Yuffie replied nonchalantly.
"After the fight between Shera and me… I was left open, alone and vulnerable. I didn't have you – Yuf, or Sephiroth. I was so confused about everything, and then Cloud came in the most convenient part of my life. At first it started with just eating sandwiches, talking about life. Then it became more personal. He took me to a sentimental candy store, a restaurant, town and then…" I paused, "and then a beach" I whispered embarrassedly.
"He took me to eat lunch with him, and it was wonderful. The next day we went to town and he showed me things I had never seen… people, things and a world I wanted, which captivated me. I was blown away… and the more I became interested, the closer we became. It started with simple innocent looks, then they became admiring stares, then they became more… sensual. We travelled on this lone road that was beautiful, and the image of Cloud and me on his Fenrir going to places unknown, stirred a sort of hidden inhibition of the deepest desire for love… romance... sensuality. I felt like a wild lover with him; I felt like somebody opened all the windows in my life and he was the reason. Then yesterday we went to a beach… a lone beach. He took me cliff diving and then… we kind of bonded," I halted.
"Bonded?" the girls asked.
"Yeah… bonded," I replied quietly.
"As in sex?" Yuffie blatantly asked.
My cheeks got red. "No. No, of course not. My gosh, Yuf. Are all your thoughts so perverted?" I reprimanded.
"What am I suppose to think when you say the word bonded? Not anything good, woman," she informed me.
"Yuffie… zip it," Shera said, listening intently. "Please continue Tif."
"He held me in the water. I hugged him. Our foreheads touched and it was wonderful," I whispered, my eyes glistening.
"He made me feel so alive," I whispered. Shera squeezed my hand.
"And then he took me to the shores. We looked at each other, romantically and induced to our sexuality. We parted our lips, his hand brushing against my lips…" I faded off. "I closed my eyes to receive him, but he didn't do it. I opened my eyes to discover him denying it. He couldn't do it. He had a girlfriend… and here I was encouraging him to cheat with her. I realized I couldn't do that. Even if Aerith is my enemy… she didn't deserve that. We pulled apart, our hearts… everything was hurting… we wanted something in each other—answers. But we couldn't answer each other's questions," I spoke.
"Damn Tif. It must have been so hard on you. Those are some serious things you've been dealing with. Gosh, I feel so terrible fighting with you," she pursed her lips.
"So Cloud likes you?" Yuffie suddenly asked.
"I dunno Yuf. I dunno if he's confused or not. Maybe he finds me as an adventure to be explored or, the kind the woman he wants, or he sincerely likes me. I'm not sure," I told them.
"What are you gonna do?" Yuffie asked.
"Nothing," I paused. "Whatever happened between Cloud and me is now over. He has a girlfriend… that's the way it was and is supposed to be. Not the way we were doing it. It's wrong to cheat and I was encouraging him. Truth is, we're volatile around each other… and it doesn't take much for either one of us to melt into each other. Maybe one day, I'll know… but for now… we can't be together." I gave them a small smile.
"So basically, that's my gay life…" I teased.
They smile.
"Well I guess the first thing I should say is… I'm sorry Tifa. I've abandoned you in a time you really needed me, and though you don't see it like that… I'll try to make it up kido," Shera smiled.
I smile.
"Me too. Though I didn't do anything, I'll try to be better… though I don't see how much better I can get. You know I am just too perfect." Yuffie grinned.
Shera and I look at her. Yuffie never did change. We jump on her, mercilessly tickling her…
"Hey… stop it, stoppp!" she screams…
For the first time, I laughed and it felt like a breath of fresh air.
To be continued…
