AUTHOR'S NOTE: I was SO incredibly conflicted about continuing this story because I felt it ended on the perfect note, but I couldn't get this idea out of my head and I've been writing it on and off for a few months now, so just figured what the hell. I'm closing my eyes and throwing it out there.

Submission and Strength got so many wonderful reviews and I'm really afraid of ruining it by doing this continuation of their story, so I'd love to hear from the people about what they think of this new part. If people aren't crazy about it, then I'll probably make it into a separate story, but the reason I wanted to continue it is because this Ana is the same Ana from Submission and Strength — who battles depression, anxiety and other inner demons, so her self-esteem issues are very important to the plot.

I hope people don't hate it too much. It's a very dark, total roller-coaster ride of ANGST about their married life but still has lots of love, some humor, HEA and no cheating (though be warned, there is the temptation of it).

SUMMARY: It's 20 years later. Christian and Ana are married (and both in their 40s) and have had a great life together but they've also had their fair share of tragedy. An incident tests their marriage and resurrects Ana's past insecurities stemming from medical problems she experienced 12 years earlier that left her unable to have children.

SPOILER'S AHEAD: Anyone who knows my work knows I'm not a fan of the whole "they had kids and lived happily ever after" stuff. I like to see how real life works out in the future. I also frequently explore depression and infertility, two issues that are close to me, so be aware that those are big themes in case they are sensitive triggers for anyone. This chapter takes place at Flynn's retirement party. It's mostly from his perspective and it sets up the backstory of what happened to Christian and Ana. Basically, 8 years into their marriage, Ana had a medical emergency that left her unable to have kids. She became severely depressed and left Christian, thinking he deserved better. They get back together, adopt two girls and have been happily together ever since. Then an incident brings up bad memories for Ana. Flashbacks show what happened 12 years earlier when Ana had her medical problems. Otherwise everything else in the story takes place in the present — i.e. 20 years into their marriage.

John Flynn surveyed the room filled with family, friends and quite a few of his patients. He chuckled to himself.

They're all sizing each other up, no doubt wondering who was a patient of mine and who wasn't.

Approaching the age of 60, the bespectacled, still-youthful-looking psychiatrist decided to retire early and spend time with his beloved wife Rhiann now that their two sons were in college and she was mostly home alone, having retired from her engineering firm last year.

His sharp brown eyes instinctively spotted the couple who helped make his early retirement financially feasible.

Christian was mindlessly twirling Anastasia's hair as she grinned and sipped on her wine in the corner, both of them wrapped up in their own conversational bubble, with little appetite for engaging in mindless chitchat with the other partygoers.

Flynn smiled inwardly.

Thank God they made it. I was afraid they wouldn't. Hell, I was terrified of a fate much worse than divorce.

Flynn cringed at the recollection of that dark time 12 years ago.

They didn't even realize they wanted a baby until those two sudden miscarriages interrupted their idyllic life. She was constantly being hounded by the media about imaginary baby bumps, when she was going to produce a "Grey" heir and idiotic speculation that he was leaving her. They were finally beginning to pick up the pieces and attempt IVF when out of the blue, she develops a completely random intestinal blockage and massive infection that forced the doctors to not only remove a section of her intestine but her uterus as well. Jesus, imagine waking up after passing out at work only to find out you just had a hysterectomy and that you can never have kids. Christian was just grateful his wife was alive. But Ana was catatonic. She fought so bravely to keep her depression at bay during those miscarriages. But the hysterectomy robbed what was left of her fragile spirit.

Flynn took a large gulp of his wine and closed his eyes, recalling the memories of his close friends drowning in despair.

I can't believe she actually left him. She was absolutely convinced that Christian was better off without her. That she was a burden instead of his reason for living. But in a sense, she died the day she found out children were no longer an option for them. Every commercial, every reference to children, every announcement that a friend was pregnant served as a reminder of her diagnosis. All those months we watched her slowly fading away, robotically going through the motions to appease Christian, but underneath she was paralyzed by grief. It clung to her like a blanket, smothering her, until she finally came to the conclusion that she wanted to give her husband a chance at a "normal" life. He was in hysterics. No matter how many times he pleaded with her that they could always adopt or live without children, she truly believed he would be better off and that she was doing the selfless thing. I saw how it destroyed both of them, but she was adamant that she loved him too much to deny him the experience of creating his own family one day. Her mind had turned on her so viciously that she saw herself as a selfish monster if she stayed and subjected him to her pain. She was convinced that even though he would suffer after the initial breakup, he would eventually get over her and find the happiness he deserved. She couldn't be any more wrong, but the haze of depression literally blinded her.

Flynn shook his head sadly.

So much tragedy. They both went to hell and back. I have never seen a patient who hated themselves as much as Ana did — nor have I ever been as scared for a patient's life. We both knew suicide was a distinct possibility. And if she had ended her life, it would have meant the end of Christian's as well. Two lives hung in the balance — two lives I deeply cared about.

****FLASHBACK – 12 Years Earlier****

"I don't fucking know what to do John," his distraught patient bellowed as he paced the floor, hands frantically yanking at his hair. "She's slipping away right in front of me. I'll die! I swear to God. I'll fucking die if I lose her!"

"Christian, please sit down and take a deep breath," Flynn calmly counseled, although inwardly he was as panicked as his patient.

Christian still cut an intimidating figure, but he had lost at least 10 pounds and looked gaunt and exhausted, large bags marring his bloodshot eyes. The last three weeks had taken such a toll on him that he was finally forced to take a leave of absence from work.

Emotionally spent, his body heaved onto the couch, head tumbling into his hands.

"I miss her so much. This weight on my chest is crushing me. I feel like I can't breathe," he said, sobs wracking his large frame. "No matter what I do, I can't reach her. Her sadness is literally killing me — and her! You have to help her John! You have to save her!"

"Christian, I know this is devastating for both of you, but we need to take a step back and get some perspective." Flynn shot his hand up to cut off Christian's protest.

"She has agreed to live directly underneath you in the apartment you rented for her at Escala, so she's not far away. And two days ago, she finally agreed to come back in and talk with me. We know that she's likely stopped taking her medications, so that will be the first step we'll address. She has also agreed not to pursue a formal separation until she tackles her depression and is capable of making that type of life-altering decision more clearly. That means she acknowledges that what she's struggling with goes far beyond grief. I know it doesn't seem like it, but that's progress. Her actions suggest that she wants to get better. I can't guarantee you what the outcome will be — that is up to her — but at least she has agreed to hold off on making any major decisions until she is of sound mind and body. Remember, she had barely processed the two miscarriages before she went through a near-death experience and a partial hysterectomy that left her unable to conceive, not to mention all the hormonal imbalances that came with those medical ordeals and her long history of depression and self-harm. She's deeply traumatized and needs time to heal."

"I know that but … what if she doesn't get better John?" Christian croaked, voicing his biggest fear. "You say there's hope, but she feels utterly hopeless. I see her. She's completely checked out. Given up. She barely eats. Between the intestinal surgery and lack of food, she's so weak that I'm afraid she'll collapse at any moment. And all she does every single damn day is cry, sleep or stare blankly out the window."

Flynn's ears perked up. "How do you know that? You said she's kept her distance from you these last few weeks."

Christian's red-rimmed eyes shot up, annoyed by his psychiatrist's uncanny powers of observation.

"I had cameras installed," he grumbled.

"Excuse me?"

"I put cameras in her apartment so I could monitor her, OK," he snapped, growing agitated.

"What? Christian, I don't think that's wise…"

"I don't give a shit," he angrily interrupted. "We both know she might harm herself. I'll be damned if I'm going to sit back and watch the woman I love more than life itself hurt herself. She's my wife and it's my job to protect her. She's not in the right frame of mind right now. The cameras stay. End of discussion." He stared straight ahead, his tone and posture unmoving. The CEO/Dom had made a comeback.

"How does this even work Christian? I mean, do you have your security people spying on her every move? What about when she sleeps, gets dressed, showers?"

"Give me some credit John," he scoffed. "You think I'd allow anyone else to see that? She's my wife for fuck's sake. They monitor her movements during the day when I can't. It's only Taylor and Sawyer, whom I trust implicitly. If she goes to do anything private or intimate, they notify me immediately. And I'm the only one who has access to her bedroom and bathroom."

Flynn's eyes grew round in disbelief. "And you watch her, constantly?"

Christian shrugged insolently. "What else would you have me do? I have to ensure that she doesn't physically harm herself."

"Christian, you're spying on your own wife for God's sake! That's a complete violation of her privacy," Flynn sputtered out, stunned. He knew Christian could be a full-fledged stalker, but this was on an entirely different level.

"Guess what John? I don't give a shit," he shouted. "It's either her privacy or her well-being. Her fucking life is on the line here! You and I both know she's a danger to herself right now and can't see straight. And don't sit here and BS me that you haven't considered having her committed given her history of severe depression and cutting."

Christian threw him a defiant glare while Flynn scrubbed his face. It was true. He was deeply concerned about Ana. Over the years, he had grown to consider both of them as not only his patients, but as friends. He didn't even know how to begin navigating the ethical boundaries he was trampling on by counseling both of them, but he also couldn't have their deaths on his conscience.

"Fine but promise me one thing Christian," Flynn sighed in panged resignation. "Once I talk with Ana and gauge her state of mind, if I determine that she's stable, the cameras go. Every one of them. I know you're concerned, but that's no excuse. There are limits to patient confidentiality and if you're doing something illegal, I'm well within my rights to act. Are we clear?"

Christian's cold stare penetrated him, sending shivers down his spine.

"Fine," he bit out, his gaze unwavering. Both men knew Christian had no intention of caving to Flynn's threat. Not when Ana's life and sanity were at stake. He could only hold out hope that his lost friends would somehow find their way back to each other.

****END FLASHBACK – PRESENT TIME****

At the moment, his friends had found their way to the spot where Flynn was himself lost reminiscing.

"Penny for your thoughts," Christian smiled, his arm casually draped around Ana's shoulder as they approached him.

"Yeah, I think it's our turn to analyze you and find out what you're thinking," Ana giggled, wagging a finger at him. Christian kissed her temple. "It's only fair after all," he agreed.

Flynn laughed. "Nice try you two. That's why I sit on the other side of the couch!"

"Not any more," Ana pointed out. "Are you happy to be retiring?"

"Nervous but happy," he confessed. "I hope the wife doesn't get bored of me, but yes I can't wait to start this new chapter of our lives together."

Christian tenderly gazed down at his own wife, a smile playing on his lips.

Flynn narrowed his eyes. "What about you two? Any plans to call it quits at work?"

Ana narrowed her eyes at Christian. "I don't think we're ready to give up our careers just yet — too type A for that — but we already both cut back on our hours when the girls came along. Even though they're busy teenagers now with little time for us, our schedules are still flexible so it works out," she replied.

Their two daughters — one adopted from Syria and the other from Seattle when they were both toddlers — came from such different backgrounds, yet today, they could not be any closer. Nayla was shy but smart and possessed an inner confidence and strength that never failed to astound her parents. Even at a young age, she began volunteering to help charities for war-torn refugees such as herself, embracing her roots with pride. Amber was the extrovert, bursting with exuberance and adventure, whether it was playing volleyball or trying her hand at rock-climbing. Her unfiltered nature sometimes grated on people's nerves, but her kindness and warmth always won them over. They complemented each other: Amber worshipped her older, wiser sister, while Nayla protected her younger, impulsive sibling.

"Yes but the girls are getting older baby," Christian pointed out. "You know what isn't too far away."

Ana winced. The thought of her two babies going off to college was a prospect she wasn't ready to face yet.

"There are advantages to an empty nest Ana," Flynn counseled. "I miss the kids and I'll miss aspects of the job, but I'm looking forward to spending more time with Rhiann."

"And less time with us," Christian quipped.

Flynn quirked his brow in playful admonishment. "I wouldn't quite put it that way. And I've hardly seen either you in the last few years."

"Well, we certainly hogged enough of your time in the beginning," Ana said with a tinge of sadness.

Flynn gently patted her shoulder. "I certainly wouldn't put it that way. I've relished working with my patients to help them overcome life's obstacles. It's been a joy to watch them persevere and enjoy the happiness they deserve."

Ana gave him a grateful smile, though an embarrassed pink flush swept her cheeks. Even after 12 years, the well of shame and regret that resided deep within her since her breakdown occasionally bubbled to the surface.

Christian sensed the change in her demeanor and quickly gave her shoulders an affectionate squeeze. She glanced up and saw the same look of reassuring love that greeted her all those years ago, even when she had put him through emotional hell. She remembered the day shortly after she had begun seeing Flynn again when Christian came over for dinner. It was the first time in over a month of unbridled agony that the fog began to clear and she recognized the love that shined in those piercing grey orbs.