Avatar: The Last Airbender Created By: Michael Dante DiMartino, Bryan Konietzko
Avatar: The Last Airbender Owned By: Nickelodeon, a subsidiary of Viacom
All original content and characters © Acastus
Chapter XXIX – Smile For Me
Iroh approached Corona, his boots crunching on the pebbles and broken ground of the camp. Dusk had fallen and the temperature dropped rapidly. Late summer had transitioned to autumn, and here at the edge of the desert the earth lost its heat quickly when the sun dipped below the horizon.
Corona stood ready to depart. The last of the supplies were being loaded into the rearmost cars of the train. Beside her the Phoenix was already powering up her drive engines.
Chieng stood at the last car, directing the loading of the final items. Her dark hair, usually pinned in a bun or plaited, hung straight down the back of her small frame. Iroh found he preferred it that way, but would never voice such an opinion. The Crown Prince allowed himself a few moments of observation before speaking to her.
Gather your friends close… he said. Iroh reflected on his cousin's final advice as he watched her work. He knew her father's name, of course, everyone in the Fire Nation did. He was the patriarch of the Schiung clan and the celebrated inventor of many of the technologies that had propelled their country to greatness. She was born to one of the most ancient of noble families, but did not act at all like one of those foolish idlers who ornamented the Great Houses. What was it like to grow up with such a father? Did she have brothers and sisters? He did not know.
"How goes the preparation, Chieng?"
She turned to him with a start. A vulnerable expression flashed across her features, but was quickly replaced with her professional mask.
"Almost ready, General."
"I see," Iroh replied, sweeping his gaze across the scene of activity before him, "Let's talk."
She regarded him briefly, then turned and led him to the Corona. Once inside they entered the small ready room attached to her quarters.
He scanned the chamber, hoping for clues about its owner. Her desk, neatly, perhaps even compulsively organized, lay against the wall nearest the hatch. Her chair, a complicated contraption on wheels and a simpler guest chair rested nearby.
A neat stack of engineering drawings lay on the desk. The top drawing was obviously a new tank design, the many pencil markings in red and blue testimonial to the rapid changes driven by the creator's fertile mind. The handwriting was small, neat and very precise.
Built into the wall above the desk was a series of bookshelves and scroll carrels arranged in an attractive, geometrical design. He ran his eyes over the book spines, recognizing to his surprise a copy of the Lost Civilizations of the Ancient Earth Kingdom. Hadn't she declared it worthless the first time they met? He was almost certain she had.
The other walls were sparsely populated. On the wall opposite the desk resided a utilitarian serving cart, crowned with a tea set and a teapot on an oil burner stand. To the right of the entrance hatch stood a beautifully carved and polished rosewood gaming table with a Pai Sho board inlaid in mother of pearl. Matching chairs waited patiently for a pair of players.
He sat down in the guest chair and motioned for the engineer to take her seat. She hesitated only a moment before complying.
Iroh could see her discomfort. Whether it was because of the journey and task ahead of her or because they were now alone he could not tell.
"You plan to leave tonight, then?"
"Yes, General."
"Remember, a flare every six hours when you set up camp, right?"
"Yes, General."
Her golden eyes bored into his, her expression guarded. Iroh could not recall her ever smiling with pleasure or happiness, and wondered how different she might look if she did.
"In private my friends call me Iroh," he invited warmly; "I would be honored if you would as well."
She lowered her gaze, uncertain how to respond.
"All right…what do you want from me, Iroh?" she asked finally, her question typically brusque.
She almost tripped over his name, and found to her surprise and continued discomfort that she liked saying it. Her face colored slightly.
"Well," he said hopefully, motioning to the cart on the other side of the room, "I thought maybe we could have some tea?"
She shifted uneasily in her seat.
"Tea?" she repeated, as if she had never heard the word before.
"Yes, tea," Iroh confirmed, "Unless… you don't like it?"
"Uh, no, I do, I just… yes, okay," she responded lamely. She made to get up from her seat, but Iroh motioned her back down as he got up himself.
The young general wheeled the cart over, the tea set and pot jangling as it rolled. Both were secured to the top of the cart with screws and metal fasteners, probably to prevent them from falling onto the floor when the train was in motion.
"I must say I like this," he remarked in open admiration of the little trolley, "I don't even have one of these," then with a smile and a wink, "I guess I don't rate one yet."
He opened the cabinet underneath to reveal a large collection of teas contained in various packets and canisters. Most were labeled. He saw "Golden Assam", "Pu-Erh", and "Lychee Green". One very ornate label read "Imperial Silver Needles." He had never heard of most of them before. They had names written in beautiful, precise calligraphy, undoubtedly from the same hand that graced the engineering drawings.
"Well this is impressive," Iroh acknowledged, "I see you do like tea!"
"Yes, I do," she admitted, tucking an errant strand of hair behind her ear.
"Which is your favorite?"
"Um, I have many, but my favorite is probably the ginseng tea from back home."
He saw no label that read ginseng. He picked up the largest without a label, a glass jar, its contents largely depleted, with a red ribbon around it.
"This one?"
Chieng nodded in affirmation. Iroh stood, opened the jar and began preparing the tea.
"I don't get it, I thought Xian was the tea lover," Chieng blurted out suddenly, "I'd always heard you had no time for tea, festivals or those ghastly court ceremonies."
Iroh laughed, inwardly pleased that she had heard anything said about him at all, much less paid attention to it.
"Well, I don't know where you heard I don't like festivals, but I certainly agree that court ceremonies are ghastly, and yes, my cousin was the great tea lover."
Iroh poured the water into the pot with a thoughtful expression.
"I resisted his efforts to convert me, I promise you, but as you know he was both persistent and persuasive," Iroh continued, surprised and thankful to find himself relaxing comfortably into a memory of his cousin for the first time since he received news of his death, "Usually when I was angry or about to do something stupid he would suggest some nice, calming tea as a way to get me to think about what I was doing," then with more than a trace of chagrin, "Of course, I'd almost always tell him just what he could do with his tea… and then I would go ahead and do something stupid."
Chieng folded her arms and looked down, successfully hiding her reaction to this admission.
"But… I have to admit some tea sounds good right about now."
The preparations complete, Iroh smiled at the engineer as he touched the oil burner under the teapot.
"No need for one of these when you have a firebender around."
She looked first at him then at the teapot.
"I haven't done this before," he admitted with a sheepish grin, "so I hope I don't embarrass myself."
Placing both hands around the teapot, Iroh drew a slow breath and carefully heated the water to a boil. The kettle began first to steam, then to boil rapidly. The lid rattled as steam and spits of water started to escape.
"Oh, too much! Hold on."
Controlling his breath tightly he regulated the temperature lower, a trick not many firebenders could master. The lid settled. She stared at the teapot, her attention rapt.
"Sorry, that almost got away from me, but I guess that should do it," Iroh observed, hope hesitant in his voice, "Your family is from An'wi prefecture, yes? Did you grow this leaf?"
"Uh…no," she said in reply to his second question, her reverie broken; "My mother did though when I was growing up."
"I don't know much about tea, or Pai Sho for that matter," he said with a gesture to the gaming table.
"Really? I'm surprised, your Highness. I thought Pai Sho was mandatory at the Academy."
He frowned slightly at her recidivism.
"I mean, Iroh," she corrected.
"You're right, of course," he admitted, "but I never had the patience for it."
"You should make time for it – every strategist should," she admonished.
"Would you play with me then?" Iroh asked, unable to suppress the hope in his voice.
"If we survive, yes," she agreed.
They lapsed into an awkward silence. He wanted to continue the conversation, but was uncertain how.
After a few moments he decided the tea had steeped enough. He poured two cups and brought them over. He handed one to her and sat down again in the empty chair. She thanked him and each took a sip. Iroh noted the quality and took another.
Chieng eyed her commander, obviously wondering where the conversation was going. After a few moments she cast her gaze to the floor.
Iroh exhaled in something short of a sigh and placed his teacup on the desk.
"Please," he began once more, his expression serious, "just tell me what you're feeling."
Her head snapped up, her eyes suddenly wide.
"I don't want to feel," she replied, more sharply than intended, "If I let myself feel I will go mad."
She shivered against her will.
"Why?" Iroh asked in surprise.
"How can you ask me that?" she cried. She leaned forward in her seat, her body tense, "Didn't you hear what we told you? About the belly armor?"
"I did."
She put her own teacup on the desk and continued her self-prosecution.
"Then maybe you didn't hear that I supported Tien Shin's decision to push the column into the fog? I demanded it, told everyone they were jackasses for even debating it. Nikon neglected to mention that."
"Yes, he did, just as you neglected to tell me Nikon tried to kill himself, and would have succeeded if it weren't for you."
She slouched slightly in her seat, "We both have things to atone for, I guess."
Iroh shook his head.
"You are both startlingly alike in some ways, but I am glad to see you have become friends."
"Really?" she challenged, skepticism etched on her face, "I know what people say about me behind my back… and I know it's mostly true. Why would Nikon or Gan suddenly decide to like me? Or you for that matter? I'm a hard ass, I swear like a sailor, and when people are acting like idiots I tell them. I guess that makes me a bitch. I used to think that was an acceptable tradeoff for my achievements. Now…" her voice, which had been animated with contempt trailed off to nothing.
"Nikon says you are strongest person he knows. You saved his life by the strength of your spirit. He is your friend for life – you couldn't get rid of him if you tried."
"Oh goody," she replied with only a trace of rancor, then in as much of an admission as she could make, conceded, "I can see he is loyal."
"Gan appreciates intelligence as much as you do and secretly enjoys the arguments, though he never misses an opportunity to complain about them."
A few moments of silence followed.
"And you?"
Iroh barely trusted himself to speak, but as he had initiated the conversation he felt obligated to proceed nonetheless.
"I see a person who sees the world clearly, but not herself. I see a person who has very little life to call her own because she has dedicated herself to others and to her country in the only way she knows how."
He locked eyes with her as he spoke, his expression once again serious. She felt naked before him and lowered her gaze.
"Yes, you do have friends now," Iroh continued with confidence, "and I can only hope you will find as I have that your friends and family are your greatest support and resource in life. Your reputation is hard, but you have earned the love and respect not only of your own people, but also of everyone in this army, including me. Have you forgotten Nomura? Have you forgotten Cam'ron? There isn't a soldier left in this camp that doesn't feel better with you nearby."
She didn't reply.
"Did Nikon tell you about what the sentries said to him on Cemetery Ridge about you?"
"No," she said suddenly, but against her will, interested.
Iroh related the brief interlude where Corona's sentries voiced the love and pride they held for their foul mouthed Commander.
Her eyes threatened to well at the story, but she controlled herself.
"How can they feel that way?" she asked, anguish breaking in her voice, "Any of them? How can you?"
"We have all made mistakes in this campaign, Chieng. Yes, the belly armor was a weakness they exploited, but do you really think the outcome would have been different if that had been corrected? I doubt it. The enemy would have paid a much higher price to be sure, but the outcome would not have changed. And do you really think that Xian would have held up to wait for the fog if you hadn't advocated moving ahead? I doubt that too with Tien Shin there."
"Why are you insisting on forgiving me, Iroh?" she said in a stricken voice, "Even if you ignore all those things, I still helped plunge us into a trap! You were there for that yourself. I am as guilty as Tien Shin for Myojin. I killed my own people and I helped kill your cousin! How can you even stand the sight of me?"
She put her hand over her forehead, covering her eyes in shame.
"No, Chieng, no," Iroh contradicted, his face contorted in anguish, "You are forgetting that I too agreed with you and Tien Shin. If you are guilty of this defeat or of Xian's death then so equally am I! Because of this, like you, my mind has been clouded by anger, grief, and guilt, but I have done my best for the sake of the Fire Nation to put aside this pain to see the truth."
"And what is this truth? The truth is that my cousin, whom you know I loved, made his own decision, and though your opinion and mine surely shaped the debate, it was Tien Shin's implicit threat of prosecution that forced my cousin's hand. Then, of course, there is the raw genius of our enemy. We would be fools not to acknowledge his quality."
"In the end, there is plenty of blame to go around and you are no guiltier than the rest of us. You just feel that way because each of us is the center of our own universe, something I am only beginning myself to understand. I can see that you are particularly vulnerable to this because you hold yourself to an impossible standard of perfection I don't think anyone can meet."
"You ask how I can stand the sight of you. Because I would not have anyone else beside me in your position. Because the army needs you now more it ever has. Because the Fire Nation needs you. Because I need you – and I would not trade you, Nikon or Gan for anyone. After all, isn't that what you told Nikon? Why should it be any different for you?"
"You must stop being so hard on yourself," he concluded, concern evident in his voice, "Accept that mistakes and failure are inevitable, learn from them and move on."
Chieng considered this before replying softly, her voice betraying more than a trace of emotional exhaustion.
"How can I not be hard on myself, Iroh, when you have placed the fate of the whole Fire Nation upon me? This time, if I fail, there will be no one left to move on."
Iroh coughed, clearly caught off guard.
"Well, you're the best," he began lamely, "The best get the toughest problems..."
The false bravado quickly fell from his face, his countenance turning troubled.
"What?" she asked, observing the change.
"No, I won't say that to you," he vowed, clearly unsatisfied with his equivocation, "If in the end I have asked too much, that isn't your fault. That's on me. In the end I just see no alternative… and now… with the decisions all but made… all I can do now is worry," he hesitated, now his turn to lower his gaze, "I'm sending you out there… to the very worst place on Earth, and if you die… if we fail, it's my responsibility and no other."
"I thought you believed in me," she chided softly.
"I do," Iroh's head snapped up so she could see the faith in his eyes, "more than anyone, but… I still worry…," then with a trace of mock anger and playful jab of a finger, "I'm your superior officer - I'm allowed to worry about you!"
A few moments of silence passed as they regarded each other.
"Don't you dare die on me, okay?" he said finally, consciously repeating his plea to her at Nomura, but with a different object.
She paused before replying.
"Iroh, if I am dead when you find me in that desert, you won't have long to live either."
He nodded in response. He knew she was right.
"I suppose I should thank you for telling me these things," she said, looking down at her hands now folded neatly in her lap, "… and for saying goodbye."
Iroh stood up. Chieng quickly followed suit, believing the interview at an end and worried that perhaps she had gone too far. Instead, before she could move, he took her hand in his. Stunned, she did not resist.
"No, this is not goodbye," he said firmly, "and you have no need to thank me. I have told you only the truth and you needed to hear it. Not because it made you feel better, I can see that it did not, but because you needed to know that you are not alone. If we survive this, you will never be alone again. Someday, when you truly feel better, then you can thank me."
"How?" she managed after a moment of shocked silence.
"Smile for me."
He touched her cheek with the barest tips of his fingers.
"Thank you for the tea. It was excellent."
He turned and left without another word.
