Title: Curiosity Killed The Cat...And the Conviction
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Characters: Buffy, Faith, Angel
Emotion: Curious
Rating: R
Spoilers: Takes place between seasons 3 and 4.
Summary: Post 'Graduation Day'. Buffy goes to Angel's mansion to retrieve some of her things and finds something unexpected. Somewhat a continuation of 'Roses Are Red, Faith Is Blue' and 'How Can I Tell You' (I'm only doing this once! lol). This will be the last part in this very-mini series. Don't hate me for a not-so-happy ending!


Hold on, this will hurt more than anything has before.

What it was, what it was, what it was.

I've brought this on us more than anyone could ignore.

What I've done, what I've done, what I've done.

Buffy pushed open the mansion doors, feeling the tension gathering in her neck and shoulders from the anxiety. The night had been difficult enough with stopping the Mayor's ascension, blowing up the high school and barely escaping alive.

But she could have taken all that in stride, gone home and slept well tonight if it hadn't been for Angel leaving.

Seeing him through the smoke and chaos, feeling the pain of the unsaid 'goodbye' between them, had left her feeling devastated and drained. There had been so much history there, so much love invested, and it was gone. It felt too sudden, too raw.

And so after saying goodbye to her friends, she found herself here. She couldn't bring herself to just go home and shrug it all off as though it were nothing. Of course she knew it had been coming. He'd given her some warning. But part of her never believed he'd really go through with it. That he'd be able to really leave her. After all, he'd gone come back from hell, literally, only to find her. How could he simply leave?

I've worked for so long just to see you mess around.

What you've done, what you've done, what you've done.

I want back the years that you took when I was young.

I was young, I was young, but it's done.

She walked past the couches where they used to sit and talk for hours. Past the area where they used to spar. And where Faith had...

Her breath caught in her throat.

She hadn't thought about Faith since she'd used her to bait the Mayor. Guilt, remorse and anger temporarily overwhelmed her senses. That was another situation she wasn't entirely ready or able to process yet. She thought she had gotten over Faith's betrayal, but after their last confrontation and her shared dream with the younger woman, she wasn't sure what to think anymore.

She could still picture Faith, clear as day, standing in her cluttered apartment. She could remember with startling clarity how Faith had seemed so unguarded and open. She had laughed, even.

Buffy looked at the chains hanging by the fireplace. She remembered how vulnerable the brunette had looked, unconscious and bruised. She remembered wondering how it had come to this. How she could have let Faith slip so far away.

Oh, take it all away.

I don't feel it anymore.

Oh, take it all away.

Oh, take it all away.

I don't feel it anymore.

Oh, take it all away.

She knew Faith had been terrified after she killed Allen Finch. Buffy knew it had been an accident. Why couldn't she have tried harder to help her? And why couldn't Faith understand that she had been afraid, too?

She tore her eyes away from the chains and looked at Angel's bedroom, instead. She walked inside and swallowed against the tears that threatened to choke her. She could still smell him, mixed with the sour scent of infection. She looked at the rumpled bedsheets and closed her eyes for a moment. She felt hatred towards Faith for nearly killing the man she loved.

Buffy had lost so much over the years, and to almost lose him too nearly killed her. She took a deep breath before shaking the depression and anger off. She turned her attention to an armoir and opened it. She rifled through some of the clothes he left behind. She fingered the soft fabric, tempted to take a few articles home with her.

After debating with herself for a few moments, she muttered a low "fuck it," before pulling off her shirt and pulling on one of his sweaters instead. It was much too large on her and fell to her knees, but it was soft and smelled like him, and brought her comfort and pain all at the same time. For a night of mourning, it was perfect.

She shimmied out of her leather pants and folded them before setting them aside. She found some of the shirts she'd left behind and pulled them out as well. She felt a swell of remorse and loss, remembering how they had talked about putting some space aside for her. How maybe she might slowly begin to move in with him once college started.

So many possibilities and plans that would never come to fruition.

We'll fall just like stars being held by only string.

Everything, everything here is gone.

No map can direct how to ever make it home.

We're alone, we're alone, we're alone.

Buffy nuzzled the fabric of his shirt before eyeing the last drawer. She opened it to find something that caused a sob to tear from her throat.

The claddagh ring she had left here before Angel had come back was there, along with a red envelope with her name on it. She picked up the ring, memories of receiving it on her seventeenth birthday running through her mind. A token of his love for her.

She picked up the red envelope and her sobs subsided a bit. It was her name on it, yes, but the handwriting wasn't Angel's. The script was a bit more feminine, though it looked as though it'd been written in a rush.

Brow furrowed, she turned it over to see that it had already been opened. Who had tried to give her a card? And why did Angel read it and not tell her?

She pulled the card out and studied the front. It was a simple red heart with the words 'Happy Valentine's Day' printed in a flowing script underneath. Curious, she opened it and felt her heart stop.

B -

Roses are red,

This day leaves me confused.

But I just want you to know,

That I really dig you.

Happy Valentine's Day, Twinkie.

-Faith

Buffy felt tears well in her eyes again as she re-read the little poem over and over. Faith had meant to give her a card? Why didn't she give it to her? How did Angel get it? Why didn't he ever tell her? Why didn't Faith ever tell her?

She thought back to Valentine's Day. She remembered Faith showing up at the Bronze. Had the brunette seemed nervous that night? Buffy wracked her mind anxiously, going over every little detail. She remembered how Faith, in that red dress, had taken her breath away and made her feel warm in a way that made her a little uncomfortable. She remembered the warm, confident grin on the younger girl's face. The way her hips swayed and drew the attention of everyone in the room.

She remembered Faith sitting down across from her. Did she have a card in her hands? Buffy cursed herself for not being sure. She remembered their small-talk, and how Faith said she preferred to spend the holiday with her instead of anyone else. Buffy remembered how she felt herself blushing.

"You look really pretty tonight."

Buffy felt her cheeks burning as she remembered Faith's compliment. The brunette looked so nervous after saying it. But she had looked so surprised and touched when Buffy had told her that she looked beautiful. Looking back on it, she wondered if Faith had ever been called 'beautiful' before.

"Hey, B, there was something I..."

The blonde felt the air leave her lungs painfully as she remembered that Faith had tried to tell her something. Angel had interrupted them and the younger girl had never finished. She had told Buffy to go dance with him, and she had promised to come back as soon as their dance was over. But the dance had lasted several songs, and she was ashamed to admit that she had forgotten that Faith was there. By the time Willow and Xander had waved her over to the table, she was gone.

Buffy stared at the card in her hands, stunned. Angel must have seen Faith leave it behind and picked it up. He had read it, saw that Faith had feelings for her, and decided to keep it from her.

Faith had never tried to tell her how she felt after that.

Buffy shut her eyes, cursing herself.

Oh, take it all away.

I don't feel it anymore.

Oh, take it all away.

I don't feel it anymore.

She understood some of Faith's anger with her now. Her near-obsession with getting back at her. It wasn't just because Buffy had everything she wanted. It was because she wanted Buffy herself, too. Because she tried to reach out to her again and again, and Buffy was ignorant to it every time. And the one time someone could've clued her in, he chose to hide it instead.

Buffy opened her eyes and looked down at her hands. At the card with Faith's secret, and the ring with Angel's love. Two losses that stung her deeply. Angel had left her, and she'd pushed Faith away. Hell, she put the girl into a coma she'd probably never wake up from. And what if she did? What if she'd had a chance to tell Buffy how she felt on Valentine's Day?

She wasn't a lesbian. She'd never been attracted to women. But there was no denying that Faith made her heart race in a way that no one else could. That they had a connection that was unlike anything else. But could she love Faith?

She put the card down beside her, along with the ring. Even if she could, there was no chance now. Their relationship was too damaged. Faith was too damaged. They would never know.

She took a deep, shuddering breath and for a moment she hated Angel.

She never thought it'd be possible, but she hated him for a fraction of a second. She hated him for keeping this from her. She had no idea how she felt about Faith, but the choice should have been hers to make, not his. So much might have been different if she'd known. Or maybe it would still be the same. She would never know.

Feeling suddenly exhausted, she laid down in his now too-large bed and curled up on her side. Her mind ached with this knew knowledge and this new sense of loss. She tried to push all of it away. She needed to rest. She needed to just get away from it for a little while. She needed a little peace.

She felt her body grow heavy as her breathing evened out. She felt herself slipping away and was glad. She embraced the sense of warmth and safety she felt and let herself become enveloped by it.

She felt the bed shift and opened her eyes to see the room filled with sunlight. The crimson and white sheets were now blue. She sensed a presence behind her, and rolled over to see brown eyes studying her. The smile on Faith's face was soft, her eyes curious.

"Why so sad, B?"

Buffy reached out to touch her face. Faith held her hand to her cheek and grinned.

"Rest up, blondie. Big changes are coming. You gotta be ready."

The older slayer stroked her cheek.

"What about you?"

Faith grinned brightly and nipped the palm of Buffy's hand before kissing it.

"Scar-tissue's fading, girlfriend."