A/N: HAPPY VALENTINES DAY :D Sorry to you all for my period of absence, but me and my family were up in Newcastle visiting some relatives and attending my second cousin's christening in which I became her God Mother! I feel like I have a newly gained sense of power... ;) I hope you all had lovely weekends! It's half term this week, and though I have a jam packed schedule (I worked 11-8 today and I'm doing it again tomorrow - kill me now...) I will try and gte some extra chapters out! Hope you enjoy this one for now... Hannah xxx


Every time. Every bloody time, we get so close to saving some poor innocent, exotic and amazing creature, we're just a fraction too late and yet again another alien has paid the price of humanity's selfishness and ignorance. When we found that lorry containing the suspicious meat… I never thought there would be something as terrible as this going on. I never really thought that the case had anything to do with cheap 'knock off' beef or pork, but, I don't know, I didn't ever think that people would be capable of carving up a living, alien creature and selling it on to consumers at high profit. Even when entering the warehouse, my mind had been so preoccupied with worries about whether Rhys would be okay and how much Gwen would kill me of he wasn't… that I didn't have time to think about what exactly we might find inside, about the truly horrific and saddening sight we would see. It's almost enough to make me want to hurl myself of this too top right now, to willingly enter into that hellish blackness for maybe half an hour… just to block out the memories of the wailings and cries of that helpless being in so much pain…

I'm not even sure what I'm most angry about: the fact that this torture and mistreatment has been going on without Torchwood picking up a thing, the fact that people – not evil other life forms, just normal, average people – are capable of such horrific things, or the fact that once again there was nothing we, nothing I, could do to help. And that just makes me feel so useless, so futile and so unworthy of leading an organisation like Torchwood on days like this when I can't even save one creature from a group of my own race. Because, what is the point of us – of me – if we can't protect the innocent from the evil? Even standing here on top of the roof of the multi-story car park isn't helping, the bitter late autumn wind isn't clearing my thoughts or cooling my rage as it usually does, it isn't melting away all of my unpleasant thoughts…but, then again, how could it? When down below I can see the expanse of half the city and view all of those hundreds of people down there carelessly wandering blindly into roads, or bumping in to others in the street, or committing crimes in alleyways, all of them reminding me of how recklessly and unnaturally human beings have acted today. Even those of them who are just milling about down there carrying out their usual, well usual for this time of night, business without a care in the world… just think, how many more of them are keeping a vile secret like that? How many more of them are benefitting from the pain of other creatures – or other people for that matter?

Do you know what – it actually makes me feel a little sick to my stomach, and a little ashamed, to be part of the same species as people who could do something like that; usually I would be so very proud to call myself human… well sort of human, I'm not sure if I count anymore, but today I can see just why we are one of the most hated races in the universe. I don't understand what the Doctor sees in us, why he idolises us so greatly, when we can do things like this. When we can act so greedily and carelessly and selfishly… what's the point in loving us? He's been to so many planets and worlds and seen so many life forms; surely he's found a more perfect race? One that won't destroy everything it finds because it's convenient or beneficial for them to do so.

And, not even looking at the meat harvesting, alien mistreating side of things, those few men really were just utterly unsavoury and malevolent beings to hold some of their own kind hostage like that… poor Ianto… I mean, I know that all of us went through a particularly rough ordeal today… but this is the second time now that he has been held hostage, and whilst it must have provided ample distraction from his 'Lisa thoughts' he must have been terrified. I just thank that he really is very (and I mean very) good with his hands and that he managed to shed himself of the handcuffs and wrestle that one thug Dale to the ground. And thank god, that the thug in question had no bullets left inside the gun he held poised firmly at Ianto's skull because… well…the alternative isn't something I'd like to dwell on.

And to think, just two days ago before all of this began; I had been so looking forward to today. It had been a good week since the anniversary of Lisa's death but Ianto was still, and quite rightly, feeling a little down about it all… not that he would admit to that fact of course, and seeing as I couldn't get him to talk about it all again, I decided that another distraction was in need, a nice distraction, certainly not the kind of distraction that he ended up getting… Anyway, so secretly I had planned to spontaneously give everyone the whole day off (which I suppose might have seemed suspicious, seeing as the only holidays us Torchwooders take are Christmas, New Year's day and some very rare special occasions – but I'm the boss, they'd have just gone with it). And with this day off, I had intended to take Ianto to Cardiff Castle, because I know how much he likes visiting historical monuments, and he had been saying only the other day about how he wanted to see it as he hadn't been back there since before he moved to London. But, of course, those plans were well and truly ruined. I don't know where the point is in planning anything whilst working here, because if there aren't whole hosts of aliens entering through the rift, or gangs of rogue Weevils to round up, or other worldly crises… then humans themselves always find a way to mess it all up, and of course we are never quite enough to stop them.

Yes, human beings always find a way to reaffirm just why we have to keep Torchwood and the existence of such precious, alien life a secret. Well, I suppose not all human beings… in fact, it's possibly perhaps just even a really small proportion… but still, it's unfortunately enough to give us all a bad reputation and tarnish the status of the entire planet, which is sad because there are so many brilliant and wonderful people out there who are generous and kind and keen to explore and adapt and it's those sorts of people which I guess remind me, on dark days like these, to be proud to be one of them, and that there is hope for our race yet. And I know five of these very such people who are probably still busily at work whilst I'm standing up here railing against my misery. Actually, perhaps not, it's quarter to midnight… I expect they've all gone home, which is probably just as well, but I hope that Ianto might still be there – it's selfish and I've said it time and again how selfish it is, but sometimes I really feel like I need him when I've had a day like this; talking to him makes me feel better, makes me feel less angry with the world and with myself for allowing such things to happen, and just being with him further reminds me of the goodness within society because he truly is one of the greatest and kindest people I've ever known.

Standing up here on the roof top isn't making me feel better, it's not making me feel any less of the guilt for having to put down that poor innocent creature, or feel any less angry and vengeful towards those ignorant and selfish men who captured and tortured it. So I suppose I'll head off back down to the hub, and hopefully find someone there who stands a good chance of making me feel better.

As I entered the hub, my eye just happened to catch sight of one of the pizza boxes poking out from the over flowing rubbish bin… meat feast it had been… I'm not sure that any of us will ever look at meat in the same way again now – I know I certainly won't and I imagine for Ianto that between this and the cannibal incident, it's almost been enough to turn him vegetarian. He was so adorable earlier when he was eating that pizza, before we had known what was really behind the origin of the 'suspicious' meat, and he had that napkin tucked into his shirt… I'll have to remember to always keep napkins in the hub, just on the off chance that he needs to eat something. I wonder if he fancies getting anything to eat now… If he's actually here of course which, if he is, I suspect he'll be down in the archives. It's much too late for a proper restaurant, but there's always takeaway or a 'drive thru', or I could cook toast or something…he probably won't have had anything yet… but perhaps maybe his stomach isn't quite ready for food yet; I'm starting to think that perhaps mine isn't.

"I thought you'd gone home with the others" I said, as I entered the archives to find Ianto right where I had wished that he would be.

"Me? Never, here as always" He said, managing to flash a small smile which I definitely appreciated right then.

"I should have known better really, shouldn't I?" I grinned, trying to act as though todays hadn't fractured their way through my well-being quite as much as they had.

"Indeed… So, you alright?" He asked gently.

"Me? Of course, I'm always alright" I said, hoping that I was still keeping up a convincing act, though the expertly raised eyebrow that Ianto shot back at me in response would suggest otherwise…

I sighed, giving in to the fact that I wasn't fooling anyone. "Ok, so maybe I'm not ok – so sue me" I laughed, with the hint of a bitter edge filtering through "I just, I didn't want to let it die, I thought we could save it but… It's just, we face so many bad aliens and then when an innocent and faultless one comes along it ends up getting the same treatment as its evil counterparts."

"Jack, there was nothing any of us could do. It was in pain and we truthfully couldn't have helped it" He replied, squeezing my shoulder reassuringly and holding my gaze.

"I know I know, it's just… oh… well you know how I feel" I replied. He must be getting bloody sick of this by now, of me always blaming myself for anything that goes wrong with Torchwood and of him having to assure me that it wasn't my fault… I'm glad that, even if he is fed up with doing it, that he continues to do so, it always does make me feel just a little bit better.

"But anyway, I should really be asking how you are- after all you were held hostage Ianto. Are you ok?" I asked him, taking holding of his hands, wincing both physically and internally as I saw the marks of the rope burn. I delicately kissed each hand 'better' in turn.

"All part of a day at Torchwood" He joked. "I'll be fine" He said smiling at me with the smiled that I know is just there to try to get me to stop fretting about him, what he doesn't realise is that it makes me worry more. "I did want to ask though… why, why couldn't you look at me when we were in the warehouse today – had I done something wrong? I mean I didn't mean for them to find you and Gwen and Tosh, I tried telling them that it was just Rhys and I but…" He questioned, mumbling towards the end

"Shssh" I cut him off, placing a finger on his soft lips. "Isn't it obvious why?" I replied, truly thinking that it was obvious, but he gave me such a puzzled look that I felt the need to expand further: "Do you remember what I said to Gwen about Rhys before we set off?" I asked.

"You love him, and that makes you vulnerable"… Yes, Gwen loves Rhys and that makes her vulnerable and I… Ianto… I…

He nodded in response.

"Well, I couldn't bear to look at you because if I had seen properly what they were doing to you, seen your poor face as you stood there held up at gun point with bound wrists, then I don't know what I would have done. Just the mere thought of seeing you like that, of what he had done to you makes me want to go back and teach him a lesson, or even kill him. And I know that if I had let myself look at you during that moment, then I almost certainly would have destroyed him. But that wouldn't have been right and I wouldn't have been thinking rationally because you mean so much to me and the thought of ever losing you scares the hell out of me. So that's why I couldn't look at you, not because I was angry or disappointed, but because I needed to keep my head clear" I said quickly, revealing far more than I had intended to… but I'm kind of glad I did. I don't think I tell him, or show him, enough just how very important he is to me.

"Wow" Was his only response.

I couldn't help but laugh "Usually you're the eloquent one, and I'm the one with the 'one liners'" He grinned. "But, it's a fair comment, wow indeed" I winked. "Oh and speaking of wow, very impressive the way you pounced on that guy Dale earlier, and Owen was telling me that you were a bit lethal with the stun gun today" I grinned, very, very glad that Tosh had been able to access the CCTV footage for the warehouse…

"I got quite into it all; I think it was the adrenaline kicking in" He smiled.

"Well do you know what I think" I said, allowing a wicked glimmer to enter my eyes.

"What?" He asked.

"I think, that it was kind of hot" I grinned, pulling the gorgeous Welshman opposite me into a tight hug, allowing my hands to inch ever lower down his back and further beyond.

He blushed gloriously; I'm not sure if it was due to my touch, or due to my words, but either way I appreciated it greatly; I love it when he blushes. "Really?" He questioned.

"Most definitely" I replied, still working the hands. "Shall we continue this in the boudoir?"

"Hmm… or we could just stay here" He mused, much to my surprise and delight.

I raised one eyebrow in mock surprise, mimicking him. "Even better" I said, before planting a passionate kiss on to those beautiful lips.

Hopefully Ianto will forget to have the security footage wiped again, like he did the last time we behaved inappropriately at the work place, and I shall have another interesting home movie to add to my growing collection….