Hey everyone!

I'm so sorry for the wait and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your patience. Here, finally, are some new chapters…

hugs

Jo

Chapter 29

Liz looked over at Max's sleeping form, her eyes lingering on the lines on his face that not even sleep were able to smooth out, before moving out of the bedroom. She had managed to help him to his bed. He had been exhausted. She had been forced to pry his hands away from her because, even in his sleep, he wouldn't let go of her. She really didn't want to leave him, but she needed to make this phone call. She found a phone book on the shelf under the phone in the living room. It was not difficult to find Isabel's phone number. Balancing the receiver on her shoulder, she dialed the number, waiting for someone to pick up.

"Whitman's residence."
"Alex?"
"This is he."
"Hi, this is Liz Parker."
"Oh, hi Liz. To what do I owe the pleasure of this phonecall?"
"Uhm… Actually, could I speak to Isabel? Is she there?"
"Sure. Hang on a sec and I'll get her."
"Thanks."
She heard the receiver being put down and Alex's muffled voice in the background as he called for his wife. When she heard someone approaching the phone, Liz took a deep breath, trying to prepare herself for what was to come.
"Hello?"
"Isabel, hi. This is Liz."
There was a pause before Isabel answered, "Oh. Hi Liz."
"How are you?"
"What do you want, Liz?" Isabel was obviously not interested in chit chatting.
"It's about Max."
"Right. I explicitly told you to stay away and then I find you sleeping together-"
"We weren't 'sleeping together', Isabel."
"Well, you looked very cozy."
"I need to speak to you about something, Isabel. Could you just put your opinions about me to the side and just listen to me?"

A strained pause echoed between them before Isabel answered. "What is it?"
"Max needs help-"
"If you're going to say that he needs your help, I'm-"
"He needs professional help, Isabel," Liz interrupted. "Has he ever been to therapy after his wife and son's deaths?"
"This is really none of your business, Liz. We can take care of Max. We've been there for him for several years."
"Please Isabel. Has he ever seen a therapist?"
The stubborn silence told of Isabel trying to swallow her pride. Liz took the silence as Isabel not wanting to answer and thus continued, "Don't you see that he needs help? He's falling apart. I definitely don't know him as well as you do, but even I can see that he isn't well."
"We found a therapist for him just after the accident," Isabel said, her voice weaker. "After three times he stopped going. We couldn't make him go."
"And he's had no therapy after that?"
Isabel's voice was filled with guilt as she answered, "No."
"Have you talked to him about the accident at all?"
Isabel quickly changed from being guilty to defensive. "He doesn't let us talk to him. He doesn't let anyone in."
"That's why he should seek professional help."
"He won't go!" Isabel practically screamed. Who was this woman, who was trying to teach her how to take care of her own brother?

"Liz?"
Liz looked up, seeing Max standing in the doorway, looking at her with confusion, signs of sleep still evident not only in the wrinkles of his clothes but also his hair and tired eyes. Liz looked at him, wondering how much he had heard.
"Uhm… Isabel? I need to go."
"Is Max there?" Isabel immediately asked. "Put him on."
"I don't think that such a good idea," Liz said looking up at Max. He was watching her in a way that made chills run down her spine. And it wasn't the good kind of chills. The momentary confusion had run off him and Liz could gradually see understanding dawning on his face.
"What? No, he's my brother, Liz. I need to speak to him."
"I'll talk to you later," Liz said absently and hung up, cutting off Isabel's hurried protests.
"What are you doing?" Max asked as soon as the receiver was in the cradle.
"Just making a phone call," Liz answered vaguely.
"To whom?" Max asked, his tone light but his eyes suspicious.
"No one, no one important," Liz said, her voice being hushed to nearly a whisper, withering under Max's penetrating look.
Max inhaled deeply. "I know that you were talking to my sister, Liz. I could hear her."
Liz's eyes dropped, studying the floor, before taking a deep breath and looking up at him. Squaring her shoulders, she calmly said, "Yes. It was your sister."
"Why are you talking to my sister?"
"I needed to talk to her about something."
"What?"
"It's private," Liz said weakly.
Max's eyes narrowed and his tone grew harsher. "What, Liz?"
"You."

There was no change in his expression and for a second Liz wondered if he had heard her or not. But she didn't have to wonder for long.
"I don't need any help."
"How did you-"
"I can't stand more people tiptoeing around me and trying to make me feel better," Max said, his voice cold.
"Those 'people' are only trying to help you, Max."
"Well, they aren't. And I don't want you to start as well. I don't want you helping me, Liz."
His words hurt her tremendously. He was refusing her help, refusing her support and her care, and it hurt beyond words that he didn't trust her enough to do that.
"God, Max!" Liz exclaimed. "Why won't you let us help you? You are falling apart."
"Now you sound just like Isabel."
"Why?" Liz demanded.
Max turned away and started for the kitchen. Liz frowned and followed him. "Why Max?"
"She's always trying to dictate my life. Thinks she knows best."
"She's only looking out for you."
Max spun around, making Liz's breath catch in her throat as his face appeared very close to hers, hisburning eyes digging into hers. "She treats me like a two-year-old for God's sake!"
"Maybe that's because you act like a two-year-old," Liz snapped and instantly regretted what she said.
Hurt flashed through his eyes and he shook his head, disappointed disbelief lingering in his every movement. Liz took a deep breath and decided to continue. At least she had coaxed a reaction from him.

"Maybe you should stop being so focused on yourself and start to see all the people around you. You don't know what you have, Max. You don't see how much everyone cares for you, because you're too busy pushing everyone away."
"You don't know a thing about me," Max whispered through clenched teeth, his face so close to hers that she could feel his warm breath against her face.
"I know that you are letting your demons devour you. You don't even fight against it. You just let it happen. One day you're going to wake up and realize that everyone is gone. That is, if you haven't fallen apart before that."
"I don't have to listen to this," Max said, stepping away from her.
"Yes, you do," Liz said forcefully. "You can't just run away."
"I don't want to listen to you," Max said.
"It might have worked with Isabel, but I'm not letting you go," Liz said, her voice more hushed, but the determination comes out loud and clear. "You can't push me away, Max. Because I won't let you."
Max snorted and looked at her like she had just announced that she is leading a double life as a turtle. When he was met with the seriousness in her face, he slowly sat down on one of the chairs.
"Why are you doing this, Liz?" he croaked. "You are destroying it."
Liz swallowed at the loneliness in his voice and took a step closer to the chair he was occupying. "What am I destroying, Max?"
He looked up at her with sadness. "Us."
A sad smile made some lifeless twitching attempts in the corners of her mouth. "I thought you said that there was no 'us'."
His eyes dropped at that and his gaze focused on the floor he whispered, so softly that she had to strain to hear him. "I died inside…"
She could almost feel the blood freeze in her body and she slowly lowered herself to her knees in front of him and looked up at him, willing him to open his eyes with her presence. "No, Tess died. Maybe a part of you died, but you are still alive."

He looked at her, into her, his eyes searching their way into the very core of her being. It was really just a simple thing that she had said, but it changed something inside of him. His perspective changed and before he could stop himself, the words were out of his mouth. "I see her."
Liz frowned in confusion. "See who?"
"Tess. I see Tess."
"What do you mean you 'see Tess'." Her concern for his mental health skyrocketed when she was slowly putting the pieces together of the hidden meaning of what he was saying.
"I…" He lost track of what he was saying when he saw the understanding dawn in her eyes and he just realized that this wasn't exactly the best thing to reveal to her when he didn't want her to think he was crazy. "I… forget it."
"No," Liz said, trapping his skittering eyes. "What do you mean?"
"You'll think I'm crazy," he said.
"I won't," she promised softly, even though the sound of her heart was throbbing in her ears, emphasizing the fear of what his next words would confirm.
Max hesitated, but realizing that it was probably too late now, he started talking. "She just appears sometimes. Talking to me."
Liz nodded slowly, trying not to let the fear show itself on her face. "And you talk to her?"
Max answered with a nod and turned his face away, suddenly feeling mentally insane under the scrutiny of her eyes. He could feel the worry and fear in her eyes even though he knew she was trying to hide it from him.
"I know that she isn't real," he whispered.
"Okay," she breathed, his words giving her some relief, but not easing the fear.
"But I can't…" his breath wheezed in his air pipes and his head fell back as he agonized looked up at the ceiling, "I can't stop her. I can't make her go away."
Liz looked at him in silence for a long while, before capturing his face in her hands and forcing him to look at her. "Yes, you can." Every word was emphasized, trying to give him the strength that he was lacking.

"How?" he whispered desperately. Her heart ached with the lost look in his eyes. It was the look of a man who had tried everything and failed, the look of a man who was about to give up completely.
"Tell her to go away-"
"I have. It doesn't work-"
"No, tell her to go away," Liz repeated, putting more weight on her words. He opened his mouth to speak against her, when her words started to sink in.
"You have to mean it," Liz said and her hand moved down his cheeks, his throat, to come to rest over his heart. "You have to mean it in here. She won't let go of you until you've let go of her. She's a part of you, Max, and you are the only one that can stop her from taking over your life."
"Maybe she already has," Max said, looking down in Liz's face, watching the light play over her features. It was as if he was seeing her from the first time. She wasn't rejecting him. She wasn't pushing him away. But most importantly, she wasn't letting him push her away.
"I don't think so," she answered him softly. "Because then you wouldn't be telling me this."
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry about before. And everything I've done since the moment we met."
Liz looked into his regretful eyes and shook her head. "Don't. Don't be sorry. Just let me help."
His eyes dropped at this and she could feel her heart waver at the movement. The fear that he was going to push her away again was so raw that it frightened her. When had she started to care so much about him that she was clinging to his every word like was her lifeline? When had it changed?
"I'm…" he took a deep breath and searched for the right word to describe what was tumbling up to the surface in her presence, everything that was released when she was around. "…scared."
"I'm scared too," Liz whispered. "I'm really scared that I won't be able to help you."
"So you called Isabel?"
"Yeah," Liz said softly. "I called Isabel. I wanted to ask her if you've ever sought professional help. You know; therapy."

He couldn't help but be hurt by her statement. She had called his sister instead of asking him directly. "Am I really that closed off?"
Liz met his tortured expression and shook her head, trying to ease his worry. "No."
"Liz… I need you to be completely honest with me."
"You want to know my most holy secrets?" Liz asked, with the hint of a smile crossing her face.
"If you want to tell me, you have my permission," Max said, teasing in his voice and Liz relaxed. She froze when she realized that her hands were still resting on him; one cradling his cheek, the other pressing against his chest. Slowly, regretfully, she removed her hands. She didn't miss the disappointment in his eyes, but it could also have been her imagination playing tricks on her.
Her truth was soft and quiet. "I don't want to hurt you…"
He nodded, understanding her fears because it was such a big part of himself. Her next words trapped the air inside his lungs. "I'm so afraid of being compared to… Tess."
He stared at her, knowing that that was exactly what he had been doing, not realizing it until then. He had been comparing Liz to Tess. Trying to find out if his feelings for Liz were strong enough to replace his love for Tess. Trying to find out if he would be able to give up Tess for Liz and why. He hadn't been aware of all the comparisons he had made, but now he realized that he had made many. All the time. He had compared how Liz had been fiddling with her ring to how Tess used to fiddle with her hair. He had compared how Tess would always sit properly on a chair and how Liz always curled up, with one leg against her chest or dangling over the armrest. He had even compared how they smelled, how they tasted, what their skin felt like under his fingers.

He could feel the bile rise in his throat with the realization. He felt sick with himself. He quickly rose from the chair, stumbling backwards. Liz looked up at him, recognizable fear in her eyes.
"Don't walk away from me. Max? Please don't."
"I need to…" Max stuttered, gesturing towards the door. He continued out to the front door and Liz scrambled up from her chair to follow him, to stop him. Quickly, he put on his running shoes, ignoring her hand as she placed it on his arm. Shaking it off, he opened the door, even before he was completely finished with tying his shoes.
"Max? Where are you going?"
He ignored the fear in her voice that made his heart constrict painfully. He denied the impulse to bury himself in her arms and seek comfort there.
"Out."
With Liz's last pleading words echoing in his head he left.

TBC...