Hey everyone!
I'm so sorry for the wait and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your patience. Here, finally, are some new chapters…
hugs
Jo
Chapter 29
Liz looked over at Max's sleeping form, her eyes lingering
on the lines on his face that not even sleep were able to smooth out, before
moving out of the bedroom. She had managed to help him to his bed. He had been
exhausted. She had been forced to pry his hands away from her because, even in
his sleep, he wouldn't let go of her. She really didn't want to leave him, but
she needed to make this phone call. She found a phone book on the shelf under
the phone in the living room. It was not difficult to find Isabel's phone
number. Balancing the receiver on her shoulder, she dialed
the number, waiting for someone to pick up.
"Whitman's residence."
"Alex?"
"This is he."
"Hi, this is Liz Parker."
"Oh, hi Liz. To what do I owe the pleasure of this phonecall?"
"Uhm… Actually, could I speak to
Isabel? Is she there?"
"Sure. Hang on a sec and I'll get her."
"Thanks."
She heard the receiver being put down and Alex's muffled
voice in the background as he called for his wife. When she heard someone
approaching the phone, Liz took a deep breath, trying to prepare herself for
what was to come.
"Hello?"
"Isabel, hi. This is Liz."
There was a pause before Isabel answered, "Oh. Hi Liz."
"How are you?"
"What do you want, Liz?" Isabel was obviously not
interested in chit chatting.
"It's about Max."
"Right. I explicitly told you to stay away and then I find
you sleeping together-"
"We weren't 'sleeping together', Isabel."
"Well, you looked very cozy."
"I need to speak to you about something, Isabel. Could you
just put your opinions about me to the side and just listen to me?"
A strained pause echoed between them before Isabel
answered. "What is it?"
"Max needs help-"
"If you're going to say that he needs your help,
I'm-"
"He needs professional help, Isabel," Liz interrupted. "Has
he ever been to therapy after his wife and son's deaths?"
"This is really none of your business, Liz. We can take
care of Max. We've been there for him for several years."
"Please Isabel. Has he ever seen a therapist?"
The stubborn silence told of Isabel trying to swallow her
pride. Liz took the silence as Isabel not wanting to answer and thus continued,
"Don't you see that he needs help? He's falling apart. I definitely don't know
him as well as you do, but even I can see that he isn't well."
"We found a therapist for him just after the accident,"
Isabel said, her voice weaker. "After three times he stopped
going. We couldn't make him go."
"And he's had no therapy after that?"
Isabel's voice was filled with guilt as she answered, "No."
"Have you talked to him about the accident at all?"
Isabel quickly changed from being guilty to defensive. "He
doesn't let us talk to him. He doesn't let anyone in."
"That's why he should seek professional help."
"He won't go!" Isabel practically screamed. Who was this
woman, who was trying to teach her how to take care of her own brother?
"Liz?"
Liz looked up, seeing Max standing in the doorway, looking
at her with confusion, signs of sleep still evident not only in the wrinkles of
his clothes but also his hair and tired eyes. Liz looked at him, wondering how
much he had heard.
"Uhm… Isabel? I need to go."
"Is Max there?" Isabel immediately asked. "Put him on."
"I don't think that such a good idea," Liz said looking up
at Max. He was watching her in a way that made chills run down her spine. And
it wasn't the good kind of chills. The momentary confusion had run off him and
Liz could gradually see understanding dawning on his face.
"What? No, he's my brother, Liz. I need to speak to him."
"I'll talk to you later," Liz said absently and hung up,
cutting off Isabel's hurried protests.
"What are you doing?" Max asked as soon as the receiver was
in the cradle.
"Just making a phone call," Liz answered vaguely.
"To whom?" Max asked, his tone light but his eyes
suspicious.
"No one, no one important," Liz said, her voice being
hushed to nearly a whisper, withering under Max's penetrating look.
Max inhaled deeply. "I know that you were talking to my
sister, Liz. I could hear her."
Liz's eyes dropped, studying the floor, before taking a
deep breath and looking up at him. Squaring her shoulders, she calmly said,
"Yes. It was your sister."
"Why are you talking to my sister?"
"I needed to talk to her about something."
"What?"
"It's private," Liz said weakly.
Max's eyes narrowed and his tone grew harsher. "What, Liz?"
"You."
There was no change in his expression and for a second Liz
wondered if he had heard her or not. But she didn't have to wonder for long.
"I don't need any help."
"How did you-"
"I can't stand more people tiptoeing around me and trying
to make me feel better," Max said, his voice cold.
"Those 'people' are only trying to help you, Max."
"Well, they aren't. And I don't want you to start as well.
I don't want you helping me, Liz."
His words hurt her tremendously. He was refusing her help,
refusing her support and her care, and it hurt beyond words that he didn't
trust her enough to do that.
"God, Max!" Liz exclaimed. "Why won't you let us help you?
You are falling apart."
"Now you sound just like Isabel."
"Why?" Liz demanded.
Max turned away and started for the kitchen. Liz frowned
and followed him. "Why Max?"
"She's always trying to dictate my life. Thinks she knows
best."
"She's only looking out for you."
Max spun around, making Liz's breath catch in her throat as
his face appeared very close to hers, hisburning eyes
digging into hers. "She treats me like a two-year-old for God's sake!"
"Maybe that's because you act like a two-year-old," Liz
snapped and instantly regretted what she said.
Hurt flashed through his eyes and he shook his head,
disappointed disbelief lingering in his every movement. Liz took a deep breath
and decided to continue. At least she had coaxed a reaction from him.
"Maybe you should stop being so focused on yourself and
start to see all the people around you. You don't know what you have, Max. You
don't see how much everyone cares for you, because you're too busy pushing
everyone away."
"You don't know a thing about me," Max whispered through
clenched teeth, his face so close to hers that she could feel his warm breath
against her face.
"I know that you are letting your demons devour you. You
don't even fight against it. You just let it happen. One day you're going to
wake up and realize that everyone is gone. That is, if you haven't fallen apart
before that."
"I don't have to listen to this," Max said, stepping away
from her.
"Yes, you do," Liz said forcefully. "You can't just run
away."
"I don't want to listen to you," Max said.
"It might have worked with Isabel, but I'm not letting you
go," Liz said, her voice more hushed, but the determination comes out loud and
clear. "You can't push me away, Max. Because I won't let
you."
Max snorted and looked at her like she had just announced
that she is leading a double life as a turtle. When he was met with the
seriousness in her face, he slowly sat down on one of the chairs.
"Why are you doing this, Liz?" he croaked. "You are
destroying it."
Liz swallowed at the loneliness in his voice and took a
step closer to the chair he was occupying. "What am I destroying, Max?"
He looked up at her with sadness. "Us."
A sad smile made some lifeless twitching attempts in the
corners of her mouth. "I thought you said that there was no 'us'."
His eyes dropped at that and his gaze focused on the floor
he whispered, so softly that she had to strain to hear him. "I died inside…"
She could almost feel the blood freeze in her body and she
slowly lowered herself to her knees in front of him and looked up at him,
willing him to open his eyes with her presence. "No, Tess
died. Maybe a part of you died, but you are still alive."
He looked at her, into her, his eyes searching their way
into the very core of her being. It was really just a simple thing that she had
said, but it changed something inside of him. His perspective changed and
before he could stop himself, the words were out of his mouth. "I see her."
Liz frowned in confusion. "See who?"
"Tess. I see Tess."
"What do you mean you 'see Tess'."
Her concern for his mental health skyrocketed when she was slowly putting the
pieces together of the hidden meaning of what he was saying.
"I…" He lost track of what he was saying when he saw the
understanding dawn in her eyes and he just realized that this wasn't exactly
the best thing to reveal to her when he didn't want her to think he was crazy.
"I… forget it."
"No," Liz said, trapping his skittering eyes. "What do you
mean?"
"You'll think I'm crazy," he said.
"I won't," she promised softly, even though the sound of
her heart was throbbing in her ears, emphasizing the fear of what his next
words would confirm.
Max hesitated, but realizing that it was probably too late
now, he started talking. "She just appears sometimes. Talking
to me."
Liz nodded slowly, trying not to let the fear show itself
on her face. "And you talk to her?"
Max answered with a nod and turned his face away, suddenly
feeling mentally insane under the scrutiny of her eyes. He could feel the worry
and fear in her eyes even though he knew she was trying to hide it from him.
"I know that she isn't real," he whispered.
"Okay," she breathed, his words giving her some relief, but
not easing the fear.
"But I can't…" his breath wheezed in his air pipes and his
head fell back as he agonized looked up at the ceiling, "I can't stop her. I
can't make her go away."
Liz looked at him in silence for a long while, before
capturing his face in her hands and forcing him to look at her. "Yes, you can."
Every word was emphasized, trying to give him the strength that he was lacking.
"How?" he whispered desperately. Her heart ached with the
lost look in his eyes. It was the look of a man who had tried everything and
failed, the look of a man who was about to give up completely.
"Tell her to go away-"
"I have. It doesn't work-"
"No, tell her to go away," Liz repeated, putting more
weight on her words. He opened his mouth to speak against her, when her words
started to sink in.
"You have to mean it," Liz said and her hand moved down his
cheeks, his throat, to come to rest over his heart. "You have to mean it in
here. She won't let go of you until you've let go of her. She's a part of you,
Max, and you are the only one that can stop her from taking over your life."
"Maybe she already has," Max said, looking down in Liz's
face, watching the light play over her features. It was as if he was seeing her
from the first time. She wasn't rejecting him. She wasn't pushing him away. But
most importantly, she wasn't letting him push her away.
"I don't think so," she answered him softly. "Because then
you wouldn't be telling me this."
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry about before. And everything I've
done since the moment we met."
Liz looked into his regretful eyes and shook her head.
"Don't. Don't be sorry. Just let me help."
His eyes dropped at this and she could feel her heart waver
at the movement. The fear that he was going to push her away again was so raw
that it frightened her. When had she started to care so much about him that she
was clinging to his every word like was her lifeline? When had it changed?
"I'm…" he took a deep breath and searched for the right
word to describe what was tumbling up to the surface in her presence,
everything that was released when she was around. "…scared."
"I'm scared too," Liz whispered. "I'm really scared that I
won't be able to help you."
"So you called Isabel?"
"Yeah," Liz said softly. "I called Isabel. I wanted to ask
her if you've ever sought professional help. You know; therapy."
He couldn't help but be hurt by her statement. She had
called his sister instead of asking him directly. "Am I really that closed
off?"
Liz met his tortured expression and shook her head, trying
to ease his worry. "No."
"Liz… I need you to be completely honest with me."
"You want to know my most holy secrets?" Liz asked, with
the hint of a smile crossing her face.
"If you want to tell me, you have my permission," Max said,
teasing in his voice and Liz relaxed. She froze when she realized that her
hands were still resting on him; one cradling his cheek, the other pressing
against his chest. Slowly, regretfully, she removed her hands. She didn't miss
the disappointment in his eyes, but it could also have been her imagination
playing tricks on her.
Her truth was soft and quiet. "I don't want to hurt you…"
He nodded, understanding her fears because it was such a
big part of himself. Her next words trapped the air
inside his lungs. "I'm so afraid of being compared to… Tess."
He stared at her, knowing that that was exactly what he had
been doing, not realizing it until then. He had been comparing Liz to Tess. Trying to find out if his feelings
for Liz were strong enough to replace his love for Tess.
Trying to find out if he would be able to give up Tess for Liz and why. He hadn't been aware of all
the comparisons he had made, but now he realized that he had made many. All the time. He had compared how Liz had been fiddling with
her ring to how Tess used to fiddle with her hair. He
had compared how Tess would always sit properly on a
chair and how Liz always curled up, with one leg against her chest or dangling
over the armrest. He had even compared how they smelled, how they tasted, what
their skin felt like under his fingers.
He could feel the bile rise in his throat with the
realization. He felt sick with himself. He quickly rose from the chair,
stumbling backwards. Liz looked up at him, recognizable fear in her eyes.
"Don't walk away from me. Max? Please don't."
"I need to…" Max stuttered, gesturing towards the door. He
continued out to the front door and Liz scrambled up from her chair to follow
him, to stop him. Quickly, he put on his running shoes, ignoring her hand as
she placed it on his arm. Shaking it off, he opened the door, even before he
was completely finished with tying his shoes.
"Max? Where are you going?"
He ignored the fear in her voice that made his heart
constrict painfully. He denied the impulse to bury himself in her arms and seek
comfort there.
"Out."
With Liz's last pleading words echoing in his head he left.
TBC...
