During a long night of thinking, I remembered my encounters with Toph Beifong.
The first time, I was around ten years old, and I had already gotten quite comfortable in the Beifong Estate. When I heard at the table that Toph was coming to visit, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. For days I lay in my room, wondering what the great war hero would be like. When her visit finally came, I was impressed by her stoic nature and disregard of flat-out hurting someone's feelings. The others complained but still enjoyed their time nonetheless.
"That's just— Toph Beifong," I recalled Su sighing after she insulted Baatar Sr's city remodel plans. That same dinner, the first on her trip, I remember Toph looking Su straight in the face and saying,
"I don't remember this one, when'd you make her?" Pointing a thumb at me. Su shushed her and explained the situation, but I wasn't offended. She spent most of her time trying to get her grandkids to stop asking her questions about the hundred year war. Baatar and I held back, being the 'grownups' of the group, as we were the oldest. On that visit, I remember sitting in the courtyard with Baatar in the fresh spring air, manipulating a small meteorite into various shapes.
"Do you think Toph likes me?" I asked as he read, finishing his homework. He liked having company around, but the others talked too much, so frequently he allowed my presence.
"Has she talked to you before?" He said, nose deep in his book.
"No," I said, bringing my knees up.
"Then probably," he said, continuing with his work. After about twenty more minutes, he packed up his school bag, nodded at me, and walked away. I lay across the bench, stretched out, examining the pink sakura blossoms falling all around me. With my feet, I felt someone moving towards me. I looked to the side to see Toph Beifong shuffling through the courtyard, judging the meteorites. I jumped up and set down the rock I was holding beside me.
"No need for alarm," she said.
"I won't attack you, I'm too old for that," she said without a chuckle. I joined her side and examined the meteor she stood next to. She made a noise of disgust and moved on. I did as well.
"So you're a metalbender, huh?" She said plainly.
"Yes, ma'am," I replied.
"No need for the formality. I could feel you metalbending that meteorite over there. You had good control," she said.
"Really?" I asked.
"Did Su teach you?" She said.
"A little bit, but I already knew some on my own," I said.
"Can't believe you got that good with Su," she said. We moved from different meteorites. After a while, she felt for her arm and removed her old meteor bracelet.
"Here, try this. Now that, what you're holding, is real meteorite. Not any of this metallic crap," she said. I felt honored as I manipulated the space rock with ease. After a minute, I handed the bracelet back.
"You're feeling each bit of earth in that hunk of metal. You listen, don't you?" She said apathetically, placing the bracelet back on her arm and rolling down her sleeve. I stayed silent, not knowing how to reply. I was quieter as a child.
"I'll tell you, you do. You gotta keep doing that if you want to get anywhere," she said.
"Yeah. If you keep up what you're doing, you'll surpass Su by the end of the week," she said. Baatar Sr came walking through the courtyard as the sun set.
"Time for dinner, Kuvira, Mother," he said.
"For the thousandth time, I told you not to call me that!" Toph snapped. Baatar Sr looked like he wanted to cry before walking us back to the house. That night, Toph grumpily enjoyed her dinner and then left Zaofu. That was the last time she saw Su, her family, or me until a few months ago. When challenging her, I had a moment of hesitation. But I persisted. She looked almost proud of me, but still angry when she pointed her finger at me, yelling, 'You give metalbenders a bad name!' because I waited, and listened.
Baatar came to my mind several times throughout the night. When I awoke after a restless night's sleep, I remembered why; today was the day we were supposed to get married. The thought made my stomach sink. Out of everything I had done, the thought of the betrayal he must have felt haunted me the most. I hated betrayal myself. And to have felt that from the one you love most in the entire world? My mind raced throughout most of the day, imagining what it would've been like, asking myself why I didn't just do as I said I would and get married, I'd still have the Earth Empire. I stopped when a guard opened my cell door unexpectedly.
"You have a visitor," they said. I was chi-blocked, then brought to the interrogation room. I met visitors here, it was the only other room covered in platinum, so I couldn't bend. I looked at my feet as I walked in the room, and only looked up before I sat down; it was Baatar. He looked tired, and he was wearing Zaofu clothing once more. He too was staring at his feet and looked up as I gasped and nearly fell over, causing the guards to jump.
"You—" I said in disbelief. I never thought he would have wanted to see me again.
"Hello, Kuvira," he smiled painfully.
"You… made it out, I assumed so," I mumbled, sitting down in front of him.
"Yes," he sadly chuckled.
"I'm sure you remember what today was supposed to be. I assume that's why you came," I said, my voice breaking.
"Of course. I needed to—" he stared at me.
"When you— that was the most painful moment in my life. And we can't just leave it like that, we can't just end it on that, I can't live," he said. I nodded.
"What happened to you? For everything?" I asked. Baatar said nothing.
"I'm pretty sure I'll be in here until the end. We did some pretty stupid stuff. Well, at least I did," I said softly. A tear rolled down Baatar's cheek.
"Yeah," he said, wiping his eyes. He started to cry harder.
"I don't know what I should say. I just feel like I need to do something! I'm so angry, and I'm so upset, but it still hurts. I really thought things would be okay, somehow," he said.
"How could you do that to me? I loved you. I gave you my life,"
"There's no excuse. I got caught up in the moment, and I did it. But it haunts me, I didn't get away scot-free, I've—" I started crying as well.
"I really did love you, I did. I just— what I did is unforgivable, at least I'm paying for what I did. You may not be able ever to trust me again, and I understand, but please, please don't hate me for the rest of your life," I pleaded.
"I don't know if I can. I'll try," Baatar whispered as he dried his eyes.
"There's so much we want to say. But I don't think there are words for it. What happened, happened. I'm just glad we got the chance to see each other one last time," he said. I still cried as he got up. He took my hand and squeezed it as a guard opened the door behind him and held it open.
"Thank you for giving me the chance to be free," he stated blandly. We stared into each other's eyes meaningfully. I nodded, and he turned away. He went through the door, never looking back or turning back. I went through the other side, back into my cell where solitude greeted me once more.
Suyin Beifong. Loved me, thought of me as family. When I get stuck in prison for the rest of my life and her precious son gets to go out and live his life. I was pacing the room. She never loved me, Korra was wrong. But Suyin was right. When did everything become so unclear?
