There were bags under Lindsay's eyes, her legs were on fire, and there had been a knot in her lower back and she hadn't lain down since they had left the hospital. But strangely, the last month had been the best of her life; each moment with her children was a new adventure. An awakening of life and love within her that she hadn't known possible. It was all consuming, and she would have been scared by the emotion, if it hadn't felt so normal; if it hadn't come so naturally to her.

She looked down at her youngest son, her beautiful Elijah Jethro. Tufts of thick blonde hair were plastered to his forehead, as he sweated in his sleep, she smoothed it and he grunted lightly at the disturbance. She beamed down at him and continued to touch the hair the doctors told her, he would probably lose, but she prayed he didn't. Her fingers ran lovingly over the tiny curl of his ear, and his fingers clenched into a small fist. His eyes opening lazily to watch her though a glassy, sleep addled gaze. His eyes were dark blue, much darker than his big brother Ezra's. She swore they were getting darker with each passing day, and one spot in his left eyes, just at the edge was turning a dark shade of almost brown. Blinking slowly, he rubbed the side of his face into the blanket his grandmother had sent him, and letting out a deep breath that shuddered though his chest on its way out, settling back into his nap.

Lindsay thought to herself she could watch him sleep for the rest of her life, and never get bored. But a soft cry from just beside the rocker she occupied drew her attention to her oldest. Syler had the tightly swaddled baby in her arms, and ran a soothing finger over his forehead, and she watched his beautiful face relax further into sleep and away from whatever his dream was.

Syler had been her savior the last three weeks since Danny had gone back to work. An extra set of hands when she needed them, an entertainment system for when Lindsay needed a moment of rest. Their aunt Sy had more than enough to hold both their attentions.

"You're good with them." Lindsay commented quietly. For a moment she thought Syler hadn't heard, they hadn't talked about it again. Lindsay hadn't had the time or energy to discuss it, and she wasn't even sure how to bring it up again. Syler had been avoiding the conversation more pointedly than she had been avoiding Don. As far as Lindsay knew, that day in the hospital had been the last time they had spoken in a month.

Syler didn't look at her, just continued to stroke the soft, pudgy slopes of Ezra's face, "I've been having morning sickness." Syler admitted to her nephew, whose brow crinkled in apparent response.

Lindsay sat still, poised on the edge, scared that she might spook her. This was the first time since the restaurant that Lindsay had heard Syler talk about the pregnancy. And she spoke softly, sadly, guiltily; and a thousand older emotions Lindsay couldn't catalog.

"Every morning since we left the hospital." Lindsay to her sister, give her biggest secret to the sleeping child in her arms, "I don't think I can take a whole trimester of this."

Syler looked at her sister now, Lindsay was rocking slowly in her chair, watching her, and she didn't want to say that maybe the stress and guilt over Don were agitating the problem. So she rocked silently, opting to say nothing at all.

"I think—" Syler paused, tears flooding her eyes, which were red when she got there, "I think you're going to have to find someone else to help you." Her voice was watery, and broken, and Lindsay found herself shaking her head.

"No," She said halting her rock, "Don't do that. I love having you here, and so do the goys. Danny feels better knowing you're here with me. I don't think he would leave in the morning if I didn't swear you were on your way," her son stirred slightly, and she felt guilty for raising her voice, "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. But you don't have to avoid me too."

Syler sat up straight, cradling Ezra so he didn't feel the shift. Letting the air cool her back and the soft stretch loosen her pinched muscles, and she smiled softly at her sister as she settled back down, "It's not that, I'm just," her voice trailed off and she looked down finding strength in his unconscious serenity, "I'm going back to Montana."

Lindsay slowed her rock to a halt, she let the words process and carefully chose what to say next. To break the silence, but she couldn't think of anything other than a vehement, 'no'. But her sister was an adult, she couldn't force her to do or no do anything.

"I just need to get away," Syler continued, "I'm taking off work. I need to think and I can't do it here. Not with all the noise and not with every place and thing I see reminding me of him. I know it's cowardly to run away, but I can't think of another option."

To Lindsay's credit, she didn't snap that telling Don and facing the future together was a more than viable option, "Are you going to come back?" Lindsay thought back to before Syler came to New York, how she thought she had been truly happy then, but she realized now that with her sister here, how very wrong she had been.

Syler leaned her head back on the rocker, and shrugged, "I hope so. So many good things have happened to me here, and I love the city. But I can't decide what I want to do tomorrow, let alone in a couple of months."

Her heart lunched, "You're going to be gone for a couple of months?" The question hurt coming out, and she wished Syler would look at her.

But she didn't, "However long it takes I guess, but don't worry. I'll be back for my little guys O.D.C.T.Y.D.D." Lindsay could tell her was trying to make a joke, but neither of them laughed, or even tingled at a smile.

Lindsay wished she could keep her sister there, within the walls of the apartment. Hide and protect her from the world. Keep her with the boys until she was ready to talk to Don about everything, if that day ever came. Sincerely, Lindsay hoped it did, for the sake of everyone involved and she liked to think she knew her baby sister well enough to say that the day would absolutely come. But now she was running away, if you had asked Lindsay at the beginning of her morning, when Ezra woke Elijah with his cries, who woke Danny who woke Lindsay for their food in the soft light of dawn; if she thought her sister would return to Montana. If her sister would run from her problems, she would have informed you that you had found the wrong Syler Monroe. But sitting before her bow was a deflated woman, and the sight broke her heart.

"Don't…" slyer trailed off until Lindsay was looking at her, she wasn't sure if her big sister had been listening to her, and she knew she would only be able to get this out once, "Don't tell Don."

Lindsay watched her sister for a long moment, "I won't lie to him." She said firmly, and Syler's shoulders sagged she had hoped, but doubted Lindsay would agree.

"I'm not asking you to lie; just don't offer up the information. If he asks tell him I asked you not to say, if he's the man I think he is, he won't ask you to break your promise." Syler said rocking to release the tension in her chest.

"And if he isn't the man you think he is?" Lindsay loved her sister, but she was making a mistake in trying to go think alone and in keeping it from Don/ If he pressed her, she would tell him, he deserved that much, for everything else that he was, he at least deserved to know that he was a father.

Syler shrugged, but there was panic in her eyes, like there had never been any doubt in her mind about the kind of man Don was, "Then maybe it will make this easier."

She stood and laid the child in his crib, Lindsay copied her motions, taking one extra moment to realize they already took up more space in their cribs than a month previous. Following Syler out, she mumbled something about needing to go.

"Please," Lindsay said to her sister, taking her wrist and stopping her trek, "Please tell him, at least let him know you're leaving. If Danny stops telling him you were over here, he'll tear the whole city apart looking for you."

Syler glanced at her wrist, still held by her sister, "He won't want to know." She said quietly.
Lindsay let go and they stood awkwardly in the hallway, "You will…you will keep it right?" Syler paled, and for a moment, Lindsay thought she might bolt, not for the door but for the bathroom.

But after a moment, Syler raised her head, either not bothering or not being able to mask the guilt ridden expression, "I'll tell him I'm going." She whispered. Turning quickly to go, but she needn't have. Lindsay wasn't going to try to stop her this time. She nodded when she was leaving, whether she would see her before, whether she could tell Danny why Syler wasn't coming around anymore. But mostly she wondered what had happened to her in the years she was gone, to make her feel like this was her only option.