Chapter XXIX
E il bambino
Con occhi chiusi
Lui non si muove
Perso e gia
And the boy
Eyes closed
Doesn't move
He's already lost
Wildwind Estate, Pine Valley, PA
Erica Kane stood at the doors of Wildwind and rang the bell for the second time. She rubbed her hands together, mostly because of the cold and partly to calm her nerves.
Stella slowly opened the door, "Good afternoon, Ms.Kane, how may I help you?"
Erica furrowed her brows, wondering why she wasn't being asked to step inside, "I'm here to see Dimitri. May I come in?"
Stella gave her an uncomfortable glance, "I'm sorry, but Mr.Marick is not receiving any visitors at the moment."
"I'm not a visitor, Stella, I'm his ex-wife!"
Stella nodded apologetically, "I know Ms.Kane and I'm sorry, but Mr.Marick was very insistent that he did not wish to see anyone."
Erica gave her the sweetest smile she could muster, "My dear, it's freezing out here. Do you mind if I come in just for a moment, to warm myself?"
Stella looked hesitant but her inherent politeness couldn't resist Erica, "Alright, Ms. Kane."
Once she was inside, Erica walked towards the study, ignoring Stella who was following her, "Ms. Kane, please, you shouldn't go in there…"
Erica faced the young woman, "I have to see, Dimitri. It's incredibly important."
She saw Dimitri standing next to the fireplace and called out to him. By the time Stella caught up to Erica, she was already within feet of Dimitri.
"I'm sorry, Mr.Marick. Ms. Kane said she just wanted to step in from the cold to warm up."
Dimitri glanced at both of them, "It's alright, Stella. I know Erica can be very persistent." Then he turned to Erica, gesturing for her to enter the study, after which he closed the door behind her. "What is it that couldn't wait, Erica?" he asked her.
"Dimitri, it's Bianca. She's been a wreck since…since the shooting. She can't sleep, she won't eat, she cries all the time, she's so wracked with guilt I don't know what to do anymore to console her!"
Dimitri shrugged his shoulders, giving Erica a glance that she couldn't interpret. "What is it that you want me to do about that?"
Erica moved next to him placing her hand on his arm, "She needs to see Alex, to talk to her. I know, I'm asking for a lot, Dimitri…but I know that if Alex somehow forgave her...it would change things."
Dimitri brushed her hand off his arm in one quick movement, taking a step away from her. "Contrary to what you believe, Erica, Alex is not a spiteful person. She's well aware that Bianca was drugged at the time she fired the gun and she holds no malice towards her. Feel free to tell Bianca that," he told her frankly. "And if you want for Bianca to see Alex you have to talk to Alex, not me. I don't control whom my wife talks to."
Erica bit her lip, trying to grasp a sense of Dimitri's emotions, but he held them under tight control. "You know Alex can't stand me, Dimitri, I'd hoped that maybe you could speak to her…to let her know that Bianca feels terrible. Please, Dimitri."
He nodded, staring at her with distant eyes. "Fine. I'll tell her you were here. I'll ask her if she'd like to call Bianca. Now, if you'll be so kind as to leave. I'm really in no mood for a social call."
"Dimitri…there's one more thing…"
This time his eyes pierced hers. "What?"
"Is she…is Alex going to press charges against Bianca?"
Dimitri didn't answer her, and when she looked at him, Erica thought she heard the pounding sound of her heart beating in the ominous silence of the dark, paneled room.
"What did you say?" he asked her, incredulous.
"I need to know Dimitri."
Dimitri took a step towards her, his eyes locking with hers. "Is this a joke? Because the Erica I know isn't this callous..."
"What do you mean? I don't understand? " she asked, her breathing quickening. There was something about the tone of his voice that suddenly made her uncomfortable. 'This is ridiculous,' she thought. 'This is Dimitri, my ex-husband and yet I feel afraid of him. The Dimitri I loved would never hurt me..."
Dimitri no longer concealed his anger. "This is the first time I've seen you since we were in Wales. You storm in here and tell me about Bianca and how horrible she's feeling. You don't ask me how Alex is doing. You don't ask me whether I've made any progress in finding my son. You don't even stop for a moment to thank me for getting your daughter back. But you want to know whether Alex is going to press charges?"
Erica's hand trembled, "I don't mean to be uncaring, Dimitri...it's just that I've spent the past week at home with Bianca. She's been the only thing on my mind…it's not that I'm unconcerned for you and Alex. No, that's not it at all..."
"Oh, but that's exactly it!" Dimitri hissed. "And since you can't help yourself, let me ask you something, Erica. Do you really want to know what I think?"
Erica said nothing as it began to dawn on her that coming here was an enormous mistake.
"Give me your purse, Erica," he demanded, his face a mask of bitterness.
"Dimitri, you're scaring me."
"I said give me your purse!"
She did as he asked and he grabbed it from her hands. As soon as he had it in his possession, Dimitri walked over to the fireplace and threw it into its flames.
"Dimitri! What are you doing?" she cried out, trying to pull it out, but it was too hot and it was quickly engulfed in the rising flames.
"What is it, Erica?'' he asked her, ''Was there something in there that meant something to you? A few hundred dollars maybe, a driver's license, credit cards, a photo of your daughter? Tell me, Erica, was there something in there that you couldn't bear to lose?"
"I see what you're trying to tell me…I get it."
His eyes narrowed as he stared at her, "No, Erica, I don't think you do. I don't think you have a damn clue yet as to what I'm trying to tell you." He walked towards a vase that stood behind a glass door, inside a wooden cabinet. Dimitri opened the doors of the cabinet and pulled out the vase, cradling it in his hands. "Do you know what this is, Erica? I'm sure you must have an idea, I know much how you like objects of beauty and this would certainly qualify, don't you think?"
The vase was hand-painted in an exquisite Oriental pattern, its shapes highlighted by strands of pale blue and yellow gemstones.
"I don't know…" Erica's voice quivered as she spoke and she felt warm tears starting to pool in her eyes.
"It looks like it could be Chinese…"
Dimitri offered her a cold, satisfied smile, "You're absolutely right. It was part of a Ming tomb, buried alongside its teenage Emperor, so he could take it along with him on his journey to the netherworld. I acquired it more than two decades ago, at a Sotheby's auction, for just under $600,000. Back then that was a lot of money for me. It was the pride of my art collection. I used to think I couldn't bear ever losing it."
Genuinely frightened now, Erica stared at him in the silence of the room. Her gaze was unblinking as he held the vase above his head and, in one swift, violent movement, Dimitri threw it into the stone wall next to the fireplace. It made a crashing noise as its beautiful exterior exploded into a hundred pieces.
Erica gasped and drew a hand to her lips. "Please, Dimitri stop this, you're frightening me…"
Dimitri stared at the remains of the vase and at the flames that had now consumed Erica's purse. "I used to think that vase meant something…until I lost everything…everything that really does mean something."
He turned back towards Erica, lowering his shoulders as if the tension in them had finally seeped out, leaving him drained. "You know I've always loved Bianca as if she were my own daughter, but the truth is she shot my wife and it was her actions that killed our unborn child. Isn't there a part of you that might agree that Bianca should feel guilty? Drugs or no drugs? Do you have any idea at all what I would give to see Alex pregnant again? To have a chance to be there when our child is born? To be there when our child takes its first steps and speaks its first words? Do you have any idea, what I would give for that, Erica?"
Erica was crying now. "I'm sorry Dimitri, I know you lost a lot…I know."
"Not a lot, Erica. Everything."
"I know you're angry now, Dimitri and I understand, but please for Bianca…"
"Get out of my house."
Erica nodded. "This was a mistake."
His voice was low and threatening, "Don't make me ask you again."
Erica turned around, feeling strangely naked without her purse. "You don't have to ask me again. But we have to talk about this Dimitri…for us and for Bianca."
"There is no us, Erica." he whispered after she was gone, "And Bianca will have to deal with her demons."
Dimitri closed the door of the study again and sat down on the sofa, shaking his head as he kept staring into the flames.
Pine Valley, PA
Alex sat on the park bench, observing an old man who was walking his dog in the crisp November breeze. He threw a Frisbee into the air in front of her and Alex watched the golden retriever leap off the ground to catch it.
"Here you go…" David Hayward said, walking into her line of vision as he handed her a sausage in a bun.
"What's this?"
"Something to eat."
"It looks awful…" She grimaced at the sight of it.
"It's a hot dog and if you decide not to eat again for the next couple of days it'll be okay because the calories in this one will compensate."
"Really? It's a hot dog, underneath all these condiments? Mustard, ketchup, hot peppers, olives, mayonnaise, onions…did I miss something?"
David took a bite of his. "Yeah. Sauerkraut, cheese and bacon bits. Stop examining it and eat it."
She took a bite, not realizing until then how hungry she was.
David waited until she had nearly finished it, before turning to her. "Tell me something, why are you shutting out Dimitri? I don't understand why now, of all times, you can't help each other through this."
Her eyes met his reluctantly. It felt strange to confide in David Hayward yet her confession came easily. "I think he blames me for losing the baby. I know he would never say it, but when he looks at me he's so full of grief and anger, I don't know what to say or where to start. I've hurt him so much, David, I can't stand it anymore."
"What?" David glanced at her in disbelief, "How can you blame yourself for losing the baby? How could you or anyone of us have possibly guessed that Bianca would do what she did?"
"I shouldn't have been there driving one of the getaway cars, but I insisted."
"If Dimitri or anyone of us had thought it was too dangerous, we wouldn't have let you do it."
"He didn't know I was pregnant."
"But I did. So if you want to blame someone, then blame me."
She gave him a lopsided smile. It was easy to talk to him. "It's not just Bianca, David, it's everything. This whole mess is because of my mother, because of my past. Ever since Dimitri met me he's become a pawn in her sick, twisted games. She kept us apart for more than seven years and now she keeps tormenting him, even from her grave. She knew exactly that nothing could hurt us more than not knowing where our son is. Sometimes I wish Dimitri had never met me. Erica was right about one thing, I've brought him so much sorrow."
"Dimitri was dying when he met you," David tried to reason.
"I trust my skills as a doctor, but I'm not that vain to think that I alone saved his life. I'm sure he would've found another physician who would have eventually taken the same course of treatment for his illness that I did."
"Oh, I don't think so, Alex. I've read his charts, his medical history…what you did for him was nothing short of miraculous and I know the fact that he fell in love with you was no small part of his recovery. More than anything, you gave him a reason to fight."
"He wanted so much for us to have another child, David. You should've seen him at the hospital in Cardiff, when he came to see me…" Her voice started to choke and she wiped away a tear, "I can't stand to see him hurting anymore."
"Hey," David put an arm around her. "So you just shut him out, is that it?"
"It's easier. More bearable."
"Maybe you need some time apart from each other then," he suggested.
"I love him so much, David."
He took a final bite of his hot dog, "I'm not saying you should divorce him. I know you love him, and god knows he loves you. Dimitri worships you. I see it in every gesture, every glance between the two of you. Trust me, Alex, most people would kill to have what you two have, but if it's too hard for you to even speak to him right now, for fear of hurting each other then maybe you need to distance yourself from each other for a little while. Time will give you both a chance to heal."
"Heal from losing my son? How does one heal from that? Every time I close my eyes I see Max and I know it's not possible to go on living without him. How can I even consider it?"
"Because if you don't go on, you'll lose your mind. You might as well kill yourself then."
"Thanks…"
"Look I'm not going to coddle you, Alex. Nobody should have to go through what you went through this past week. Nobody. And if there was anything at all that I could do to change what happened, I would do it in a heartbeat, but I can't. So the way I see it, you have two choices, you either go back to bed, close your eyes to the world, and descend into a despair from which you might not come out of. Or, you go out and you focus on something, anything, that'll help you go on, and while you do that, you let time take its healing course."
"So I should just go back to the Andrassy Foundation and pick up where I left off two weeks ago? How, David? Tell me how I can do that?"
"Not the Andrassy Foundation. You won't be able to focus on research now. You need to do something where you'll be away from here, something where you'll be treating patients. Somewhere so busy and hectic that you won't have time to think. That's what you need now."
"And where would that be?"
"How about St.Bartholomew's in London, where we did our residency? It's a busy inner city hospital. The staff turnover is enormous. I know the Chief of Staff, Dr. Hugh Watson. He's an arrogant jerk with a demi-god complex, intolerable to most of his staff, and a complete slave driver."
"You make it sound so appealing."
"I could put in a good word for you, and you could probably start next week…"
Alex raised her eyebrows, overwhelmed at having gone from refusing to leave the confines of her bedroom to thinking of going back to London to work.
No, not to work, she corrected herself, to forget. "I'd like to think my credentials could land me a position without you having to smooth talk the Chief of Staff."
"If you give him your real credentials, Watson will never let you work on the patient floors. He'll insist your talents are wasted there and stick you in the lab. I'd do the same if I were Chief of Staff at PVH," David explained matter-of-factly. He tossed a paper napkin into the wastebasket next to the bench, "Just say when, Alex, and all I have to do is make a couple of phone calls."
She thought about the possibility but shook her head, "I can't leave Dimitri, not now."
"Yet you can't talk to him either?"
"You said you wanted to tell me something?" she asked, ready to change the subject.
He gave her a wide smile, "It's about Josie."
"How is she?" Alex asked.
"Missing me like crazy, I'm sure…"
"I bet."
"I spoke to Tina and she told me some things about Josie she neglected to mention while we were in Bison River. For instance, Josie's family, you know the one that doesn't give a damn as to whether she comes home at the end of the day or not? Well, it turns out they aren't really her family after all. She's their foster kid."
"But what about her father...you know, the one you met at the bar?"
"He lost custody of her, and, it gets better, her mother is Gwich'in not Dene."
"What?"
"Her tribe lives mostly in Alaska and Josie was actually born in Alaska. Josie's a US citizen, Alex."
"So?"
"It means I could apply to be her foster parent."
"You're kidding, right?"
"Why?" he narrowed his brows. "She has asthma and juvenile diabetes. As a physician I would even have an advantage."
"But she lives in Bison River and you live in Pine Valley! I know you want to become Chief of Staff at PVH. You'd be taking her from the only home she's known and then you'd hardly have any time for her!"
"I've given this some thought. I'm looking into reducing my role at the hospital to an advisory position in Cardio. It would completely open up my schedule."
"But what about the fact that she's Native? What do you know about her culture? Her way of life?"
"From what I saw, her way of life mostly involved trying to get by, trying to avoid a home of chain smokers that didn't give a damn about her health. I don't understand, Alex. I thought you of all people, would encourage me! I could give that girl a future in Pine Valley, an education, and if I need to take her moose hunting twice a year, or participate in a sweat lodge ceremony, so she can feel close to her ancestor's way of life, then that's what we'll do. I'll make sure she doesn't feel alienated."
"What you're contemplating, it's incredible. But we're talking about a child here, this is a huge responsibility, David. Once you take it on you can't change your mind. Plus, she needs a mother too, doesn't she?"
"She doesn't have a mother now."
Alex rubbed her eyes. The combined effect of the food and the pain medication were making her lethargic. For the first time in days she felt like she might actually be able to sleep, so profound was her exhaustion. "I don't know what to say. Everything seems unreal… a few weeks ago we barely spoke to one another, I had my son, you had your ambitions, and now I've lost my son and you want to adopt a little Native girl. I feel like this is all a dream, and that I'll wake up soon."
David smirked, "I didn't say it wasn't crazy." He caught her yawning, "Tired?"
She managed a smile, "I don't think I've ever been this tired."
"We should head back."
"Thanks for this." It was the first time in days that her mind had stopped racing and that her arm wasn't in agony. It was also the first time in days that she stopped crying for more than twenty minutes at a time. Some fresh air and a conversation that didn't centre around events this past week was apparently worth more than she could have imagined. While she couldn't quite put her gratitude into words, she knew she would never look at David Hayward the same way again.
"Anytime...I owe you, remember. Just make it a little easier next time, 'kay?"
Alex eyed him, "Deal."
David stared out into the park ahead of him. "I realized something, last week, Alex. I thought, what if I were to lose everything that mattered to me from one day to the next? And then I realized that I didn't have anything that mattered. Except for my brother, Leo, and my career, there's nothing in my life that I couldn't live without. Nothing, Alex. I'm one of the most accomplished Cardiologists in the United States, and yet I have nothing worth losing."
"Maybe it's easier that way…" Alex said softly. "To have nothing that's worth losing."
"It's not. As hard as that may be to believe right now, it's not." Alex watched a young woman walk past them, scolding her toddler for picking up a piece of snow and putting into her mouth. David took hold of her hand at the same time. "It's cold out here," he said softly, "We should go back."
Wildwind Estate, Pine Valley, PA
"Where have you been?" was the first thing Dimitri asked when he saw Alex walk through the front doors, "I was getting worried. It's freezing out there."
"I'm sorry, I should have told you where I was going. But to tell you the truth, I didn't know... David suddenly decided I needed some fresh air."
He helped her take off her jacket. "He's probably right. You haven't left the house in a week." He saw her grimace when he touched her arm, "How's the arm?"
"It'll be alright."
He cupped her hands in his own. "You're freezing. Come, let me pour you a cup of tea in the study."
She let him take her arm, "Thanks."
She sat down on the couch, observing him as he brought her a cup of hot tea. Like her own, his eyes were rimmed with dark circles and each movement he made seemed to require a gargantuan effort. She gratefully took the cup and saucer from his hands, looking at the picture of her and Max on the coffee table.
Dimitri sat down next to her, watching her stare blankly at the photograph. "What are you thinking?" he asked her in a voice that was barely audible. "Let me in, Alex…let me help you."
Her hands started to shake, forcing her to put the cup and saucer back down on the table. She couldn't stand to look at the picture so she turned it face down, on the table. Less than an hour ago, her mind had cleared enough to have a normal conversation with David, and now, back at Wildwind, all it took was one glance at an old photograph to twist her her emotions back into turmoil. She covered her face with her hands, feeling the tears well up inside them.
"Darling, talk to me, please…" Dimitri tried to move her hands from her face.
Alex shook her head, frightened at both the darkness and the intensity of her feelings, "I miss him so much, Dimitri…it hurts to miss him so much."
He folded her into his embrace, "I know."
Time stood still while she wept and Dimitri wasn't sure how long it was before Alex finally fell into an exhausted sleep. He lowered her onto the sofa with arms that had long fallen asleep.
He kissed her cheek, still wet with tears, 'You gave me the most precious gift on the world…and I lost him.'
He wiped a warm tear from his face and found a blanket to cover her. He knelt down next to her and kissed her forehead. 'Goodbye, Alexandra.'
Dimitri walked out of the study, quietly closing the door behind him.
Outside, Stella was watering a large, red poinsettia in the mahogany corridor.
"Will you do me a favour, Stella?" Dimitri asked her.
"Of course, Mr.Marick."
"Call my jet and have them fuel it up for a trip to the Ekati Mine, while I pack my bags upstairs."
Stella's glance didn't hide her surprise, "Yes, right away."
"Thank you."
