Chapter Twenty-nine : Her name is Alice

Sometimes the curiosity can kill the soul but leave the pain
And every ounce of innocence is left inside her brain
And through the looking glass we see she's painfully returned
But now off with her head I fear is everyone's concern

You see there's no real ending
It's only the beginning
Come out and play

Her name is Alice (Alice)
She crawls into the window
Through shapes and shadows
Alice (Alice)
And even though she's dreaming
She's unlocked the meaning for you

This kingdom,
Good riddance,
Good freedom
And innocence
Has brought this whole thing down

~ Shinedown

Five and a half years ago

Haley hopped the stairs three at a time. She always had to jump two to three stairs at a time. There were no if ands or buts about it. Even when she would lose balance and tumble down, she'd always hop back to her feet and continue in that manner. Mrs. Wolowitz called Haley 'one flighty wild child.'; something Bernadette agreed with whole heartedly.

"Haley…" Bernadette gasped as she trudged up the stairs after her "Slow down. I can't keep up with you."

"Come on Bernie!" Haley called down the stairs as she reached the fourth floor and ran through the front door to overhear a conversation that just confused her.

"Who's Amy?" Penny asked.

"Sheldon's girlfriend." Howard teased.

"She is not my girlfriend." Sheldon said as he placed his phone back into his pocket. "She is a girl, and she is my friend whom I communicate with on a daily basis, but she is not my girlfriend."

"OK, well what do you communicate about?" Penny asked. Haley stopped in her tracks and glanced around at everyone else. Bernadette came through the door seconds later, looking utterly exhausted. Howard glanced over at her and smile motioning her to come sit next to him. Haley's attention was diverted to the robotic arm that sat next to the living room table.

"Well, my work in Physics, her work in Neurobiology and, most recently, the possibility of our having a child together." He said in an unaffected tone.

At that point everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at him like he was a nutcase (nothing new there…) Penny spit her drink out and started coughing loudly.

Howard punched a few buttons on his laptop and the electronic arm offered Penny a napkin, which she took graciously. "Thank you."

This was getting entertaining for Haley, so she grabbed the box of Thai food that happened to contain the dumplings and hopped up on the kitchen island, perched like an owl.

Leonard got up and looked at him with a look of both surprise and slight repulsion "Wait a minute, a child? You never see this girl, you just email and text and twitter, now you're considering having a baby."

Haley dropped the dumpling from out of her mouth and looked at her brother with disgust "EWWWW!"

Sheldon looked at his sister with confusion "Ew? I do not understand. Amy pointed out, that between the two of us, our genetic material, has the potential of producing the first, in a line of intellectually, superior, benign overlords, to guide humanity to a brighter tomorrow."

Howard couldn't help but chuckle at the mortified look on the child's face. He then leaned in towards Raj and spoke "I'm guessing that future historians will condemn us, for not taking this opportunity to kill Sheldon."

Raj looked up to Haley to see her looking at them with a frown on her face, she shook her head. Sheldon sat back down in his spot and went to reach for his Mandarin Chicken, before he took a bite he looked up at Haley and frowned "You ate all of the dumplings…"

Haley placed the empty box beside her and shrugged innocently "You should have bought me a Happy Meal."

Sheldon simply sighed "Why do you have to be so picky…" That earned a crazed look from Leonard "How is she any more different than you?"

"My meals follow a routine….she just goes with what she craves…which is always chicken nuggets…"

Leonard rolled his eyes, and Penny got them back on subject by zeroing back in on Sheldon "Have you ever met this girl in person before?"

He blinked at her a few times "No. Why on earth would I want to do that?"

"Oh, I don't know to get to know this girl better. Think of it as getting to know the mother of your child." That was the best line she could come up with that sounded semi normal. Then again, this right here, was anything but normal.

"I see. That does make sense." He resumed eating.

"That's a stupid reason to want a baby." Haley slipped down from the kitchen island and tossed the empty carton in the garbage can.

Leonard snorted into his carton. Sheldon noticed and glared at him. He then turned his attention to his eight year old sister, who stood in front of them with hands behind her back; a devious grin on her face. "I disagree I think it is a very sensible and logical reason."

"If you have a baby you'll have to get rid of all your toys and comic books."

Penny laughed at Haley's remark and just shook her head "Oh, honey that's not true."

Haley nodded her head vigorously "Yes it is. Lexi told me when two people have a baby that can never have fun or play anymore." Haley paused " and you'll get an STD and die…"

Leonard spit out his drink, while the rest looked at Haley wide eyed at her. Howard was the only one who was nodding in approval "She's right Haley. That's why what do we do if a boy ever tries to kiss you?"

"Punch him in the throat?" She answered.

"Good girl."

Sheldon threw up his hands in frustration. He was annoyed with the way the conversation got so horribly sidetracked. "No one said anything about coitus. For your information I will not have to get rid of my comic books and ACTION FIGURES. I gave up nothing when I brought you to live here."

"That doesn't count. You're my brother not my dad."

"It does too count."

" You're gonna get herpagonasyphilaids!"

Leonard stared at her "That's not even a word Haley. Who taught you that?"

"Hannah heard her brother say it a few times. She said it's really bad."

Penny got up from her seat and walked over to Haley, taking her by the hand "Alright. I think it's time for this one to get washed up and put in bed."

Haley pouted at her "I don't want to!"

"It's a school night sweetie."

She let out a disappointed sigh, as she let Penny lead her to her room.

0000

Amy Ferrah Fowler found herself in the company of Sheldon Cooper's friends at his apartment weeks after their first 'date'. She had a hard time understanding why Sheldon would keep company with people like Raj, Howard, and Leonard. She keenly noticed that Penny, the girl who drove them on their first date was missing.

"Sheldon I have noticed that your promiscuous friend Penny is not present at this 'gathering' where is she?" She of course didn't mean the wording as an insult to her, she was just blunt.

"Oh yes, Penny. She is currently at the theater with Haley seeing the movie adaptation of The Last Airbender." Sheldon answered as he looked at his watch "Actually the movie ended an hour ago, they should have been on their way home by now." Slight concern in his voice.

"Out of everyone in your social group, you speak of your sister often. I am quite interested to meet your youngest sibling."

Sheldon gave her a small nod "She is an…interesting child. Bright, but her head always is in the clouds as they say, rather than the classroom."

"That sounds distressing to you. Have you tried a sterner approach with the child?"

Howard couldn't contain his remark "Sheldon? Stern with Haley? That's a joke."

Amy looked at Howard unimpressed, but he continued talking anyways "Haley's a good little girl. A little spoiled, but we're all to blame for that…"

"I see." Amy replied curtly.

Just then Penny came through the door with a few shopping bags in her hands. "Sorry we're late. We decided to do a little shopping before we headed back."

Haley came in after her with a large wheeled object in her hands. "Look what Penny bought me!" She squealed in delight as she ran over to Sheldon.

He arched an eyebrow at what Haley held and looked at Penny in confusion "A skateboard?"

Penny simply shrugged "She wanted it. She could have picked whatever she wanted, but she chose a skateboard."

"Interesting…" Amy spoke, making Haley turn to look at her oddly. She took a few steps back and hid behind Penny. Amy took note of how different the two siblings appeared to be. While as Sheldon was tall and brunette, his sister was blonde and small. The only feature that was similar were their piercing blue eyes.

Sheldon diverted his attention once again to his sister "What would you possibly need a skateboard for?"

"I want to learn how to skateboard…that's why." Haley bore her eyes into him.

"No. I think not. It's too dangerous, you will break your neck." He said with a finality that made his little sister stomp her foot in anger.

Both stopped glaring at each other when Amy cleared her throat. Penny pushed Haley from behind her. "Hey Haley, why don't you say hi to Amy?" She had a fake smile on her face to put the child at ease. Of course Haley wasn't buying this.

"Hello Haley Marie, I am Amy Ferrah Fowler, your brother's friend. It is a pleasure to meet you." Her tone was robotic.

Haley looked this new woman up and down with a scrutinizing eye before a sweet smile appeared on her face. "You have a regrettably large head! I would very much like to hat it!"

"Haley!" Leonard exclaimed.

Sheldon gave Haley one of those 'we are going to discuss this later' looks and turned to Amy "I do apologize for her behavior."

Before Sheldon could grill into her, Haley set her skateboard beside the chair and took a few steps back. "Well well look at the time. It was a pleasure meeting you, but I must go to my room, you see I am currently investigating words that start with the letter M." and with that she disappeared down the hall.

Amy blinked "Was she quoting Alice in Wonderland?"

"Yes. She does that from time to time, much to my displeasure. I blame our mother." Sheldon sat down in his spot with an annoyed look on his face. After a few minutes of silence he found himself on his feet again "If you will excuse me. I will be right back."

Sheldon then headed down the hall.

Penny sat down on the chair arm and leaned forward towards Amy "Don't take it personally. Haley just needs to get to know you better."

Amy simply nodded at Penny's words. It would be the first of many encounters with the mischievous blonde child.

0000

Haley had hoped that a few hours of sleep would have made her feel better, but she'd be wrong once again. It was a whole night of waking up in sweat or freezing cold, uncontrollable shaking with a constant migraine that Tylenol extra strength couldn't help. Raising her head from her pillow, she looked at the clock that sat on her bedside table. To Haley's surprise it was going on one in the afternoon, and her brother had yet to try and wake her. Slowly slipping from her bed, she grabbed a hair tie from her dresser and put her hair in a messy bun. 'God I wish I didn't have another damn appointment with Bev today. Maybe I could get off by telling Sheldon I'm sick." She thought to herself. It wasn't a lie. This ill feeling had been increasing for the past week, and wasn't getting better.

"He's not stupid. He'll know what you're experiencing is withdrawal symptoms." What could only be assumed as "Cassie", answered her.

"I'm not withdrawing from anything. I've only done Meth, Acid, and Ecstasy a couple times and mostly I drank and smoked weed, but not enough to be sick like this. I'm not an addict." She argued against herself, but then she found her mind wondering to other possibilities. "How do you know that you don't? Besides we all know it makes his face fade away when we do it. That's why we started it in the first place."

She hated feeling this low, and desperately wanted to go away and forget all these issues that she didn't want to face. Before she could reason with herself to this was not the answer, she found herself desperately searching through her clothes drawers to find an outfit suitable to wear that day. If Haley wasn't going to cure this problem, Cassie would.

0000

Leonard and Amy were sitting on the couch watching TV when Haley walked into the front room with her board in hand. Taking a double glance, Leonard paused the DVD they were watching and looked at her "What are you wearing?"

She looked down at the cut up Marilyn Manson shirt, short shorts and black fishnet tights that she wore with a pair of black converse; and simply shrugged "Felt like wearing something different. Where's my brother?"

"He went to the university to work on some stuff. Told us to look after you." Leonard set the remote down beside him and crossed his arms, studying her. "Where are you going?"

Haley leaned against the fridge and she crossed her own arms, as if challenging him "Skate park, I need some fresh air."

"Wearing that?" Amy spoke "I hate to interrupt, but it hardly seems like that attire would be suitable for the type of activity you claim to be heading to engage in."

"She might think she's smart, but we all know we're better." "All my jeans are dirty…"

Before Leonard could point out the impossibility of that due to the fact that Sheldon routinely does laundry every Saturday (it was only Monday), Haley grabbed a can of Mountain Dew from the fridge and headed towards the door "Well I'll be back…"

"You have an appointment with my mom at five…" Leonard called.

"I know…" and with that she was gone. Leonard held his head in frustration. "Do you think she's telling the truth? That she's just going to go skateboarding?"

Amy put a hand on his shoulder "I do believe that is where she is going…." there was a pregnant pause before she continued "but you really need to pay closer attention…"

Leonard looked at her confused "What do you mean?"

"That wasn't Haley who left…."

Leonard cursed as he pulled out his cell phone "Damn it. This is great. Now I have to let Sheldon know I let Cassie out of the prison…"

"No use worrying him even more than he already is…lets just go get her in a while." Amy took his cell phone from his hand and set it on the table "If we all keep doing this to her, caging her like an animal, she's going to end up running off for good, or who knows what else."

"And what makes you think that?"

"Simple…you tell a teenager that they are forbidden to do something, they'll go behind your back and do it anyways."

0000

"Holy shit. If it isn't Haley…" She heard the familiar voice mention her name, well Haley's name anyways. Turning her head she saw Tyson, Danny, and Ben standing off to the side of the ramps, staring at her. She finished the trick she originally intended on doing - a simple ollie air walk, then rode over to them, making note to not make eye contact with Ben.

"Wow, aren't you that friend of Lexi's that wrote all that stuff on a napkin that one night that tried to explain some science law with drawing that diagram and math problem?"

"Actually it was Charles's Law, it's an experimental law explaining how gases tend to expand when heated…" She cursed herself like Haley always did when she let her real intelligence slip. "But I was totally drunk when I did that…"

" where the hell have you been?" Tyson asked "I heard from Lex that like, I lot of shit went down and your dad pretty much has you on house arrest…"

"Yeah well I managed to get out for a bit." She grinned mischievously. Cassie was glad that they were here. The perfect people to help her and Haley with their little problem.

"Hey Ty, I was wondering, do you have anything on you to put a person at ease, so to speak?"

"Weed?"

Cassie shook her head "No I'll get caught with that. Hell I just need something…to take my mind off everything…"

Tyson thought for a moment "Well I got some Superman in my car…"

Cassie nodded remembering what Superman actually was "Sure, whatever. I'll take some.. Just don't tell Lexi. She might rat me out to my brother, and I'll be fucked."

"No problem. I'll be right back." With that Tyson walked off and Cassie waited impatiently. Haley would thank her for this later. She wanted a way to forget about what she was feeling towards Aaron, well Cassie always had the solution.

0000

Leonard and Amy were just about to head out to pick Haley up when she walked in, closing the door behind her quietly.

"Hey, we were just coming to get you." Leonard was breathing a sigh of relief in his head at that moment. "Did you have fun?"

She put her skateboard down against the wall and looked around. "Actually…I don't remember. It was like I just woke up…and I was there…"

"We figured that you weren't….well you…" Amy studied the lost expression on her face. The way she rubbed her arm nervously, and tried to keep her composure in front of the two of them. They weren't Sheldon. She couldn't show weakness in front of Leonard and Amy. "I'm going to my room to lay down. I don't feel well…" She kept her head down, feeling her eyes well with tears. "Wake me up when your mom comes…" Haley choked as she made a beeline down the hall to her room. Meanwhile the other two sat in the living room, unsure of what more they could possibly do.

0000

"How have you been feeling the past couple days Haley?" Beverly asked later that afternoon, after she got done asking Haley a series of other questions beforehand. The signs of either alcohol or drug withdrawal were obvious as she watched Haley try to control the tremors her body was experiencing.

"I feel sick all the time lately, and I can't sleep. I don't think the medicine is working…"

"Well the serious sleep deprivation is a major issue." Beverly concluded as she wrote a few notes on her notepad. She then carefully set her pen down and removed her glasses, looking at Haley "Sweetie, when was the last time you drank alcohol?"

Haley leaned forward, running her hands nervously through her hair. "I don't know. A couple weeks. Haven't been able to sneak some from my supplier." She laughed nervously.

"Would that be Penny?" Bev arched an eyebrow at her.

Haley nodded "Yeah, but since they found out about me, the supply dried up…"

"And now you're going through withdrawal…"

She shook her head quickly "I'm not an addict. I drunk because I liked it. Not because I had to…I could stop whenever I want to…." She paused "I just don't feel like doing so at this time."

"Lack of sleep, Nausea, fever, abdominal pains, the tremors you are currently experiencing…they are all signs an addict goes through when their drug or drink is cut off."

Haley got up from the couch and began pacing back and forth. Beverly could tell her words upset the girl. "I'm not an addict. Do you ever think that maybe I drink all the time and do drugs just to, oh I don't know have fun? I'm not the only kid I know who does it."

"You are correct Haley, but in your case I believe you do it to get rid of thoughts you wish you didn't have."

'Too close…' Haley's mind screamed, but she played it off coolly. "Oh yeah? And what sort of thoughts are we talking about?"

Haley's increased breathing and rapid flow of speech told Beverly that she was right on the money with this hypothesis. Though it wasn't completely a hypothesis, rather seeing the similarities between Haley, and a girl Beverly treated fifteen years ago. A girl that pained Beverly to think about so she simply blocked it out, until Sheldon Cooper placed a phone call to her a few months ago asking her to help his sister.

"The shame? Or is it the hurt and the pain?" Haley continued.

Beverly sighed sadly "No Haley. I'm talking about how you actually have feelings for Aaron. You hated him for everything he put you through, but you also care about him. It's these feelings you're hiding. That you are trying to block out."

Haley felt bile rising in her throat at that moment. "she knows…she knows just how fucked up you are…" "I can't hear this shit right now…it's not true.." She grabbed her journal from the couch and stormed off to her room, slamming the door just as Sheldon came back from work. He blinked a few times. "Am I right to assume that today's session did not go well?"

Beverly shook her head "No. I believe it did."

Sheldon looked from Beverly then to Haley's bedroom door, and then back to Beverly "Then why did she storm off to her room?"

"I believe I hit a sensitive subject, well more so a truth."

Sheldon placed his messenger bag down on the floor and sat down in his spot "I see. What was this so called 'truth'?"

"I honestly would not know where to begin to tell you." ' A form of Stockholm Syndrome? It's a definite possibility.'

0000

After Haley slammed her bedroom door shut she walked over to her bed and threw herself down onto it. "Probably telling your brother that your in love with the guy who raped you."

She hit her head with the palms of her hands a few times "No I don't."

"It's such a shame. A girl almost as brilliant as her brother, wastes her intelligence. Now you're nothing but an alcoholic, psychotic, junkie. You may have fooled everyone else about what you really know, but we know you do it on purpose, in order to hide."

"I'm not a junkie…I try it sometimes. I haven't done that in almost a month." She whispered angrily, so Beverly and Sheldon wouldn't hear her argue with the man inside her head.

"Then what's in your pocket?" He let out a laugh.

Haley reached into her shorts expecting to find lint. When she felt the bumpy baggy, her heart skipped a beat. Pulling it out of her jeans, she lifted it over her head to inspect it. Sure enough it was a small plastic bag filled with pink capsules….

"And contrariwise, what it is it wouldn't be"
"And what it wouldn't be it would"
"You see?"

(It took a while to get the muse to finish this chapter! The next chapter (The Valley of the Dolls) is going to be one of Haley's journal entries. If you have any ideas on where everything should go from here let me know! I love taking everyone's idea's into consideration! Thanks for reading! Don't worry the next chapter will be out this weekend! )