Steve drifted off to sleep again despite Callie and Sandra's efforts to keep him awake.
Callie shook his arm gently. "Steve, we need you to stay awake, okay?"
Struggling to open his eyes, Steve sleepily gazed at Callie for a few seconds. Callie watched the blue eyes disappear as he lost the battle and his eyes fluttered shut again. Smiling at the soft noises he made in his sleep, she gently ran her fingers through his dark hair as she gazed at his face, taking in the long eyelashes that fanned over pale skin. He had lost weight in Colombia and days that followed. His jaw was more defined, his features a little more angular than when he'd left.
Gosh, he was handsome though. People were constantly mentioning how beautiful their babies would be, and she had to agree—not because of herself, she was too modest and humble than to assume it was her, but because of Steve.
She hoped they would get the chance to prove those people right. The radiation sickness was an issue. They didn't know exactly how much the radiation sickness would affect Steve's fertility. Neither one of them really wanted to know yet, to be honest. In addition to the fertility concerns, from the few conversations they'd had about children, she knew the possibility of developing cancer also concerned Steve. Without knowing what he'd been through, Steve looked like the picture of health. Fit and strong, he didn't appear to be sickly or weak, but there were days when she knew he struggled to get out of bed. He wouldn't admit it, but Callie and the team knew. No one mentioned it when he came in late, looking exhausted and nauseous. Without talking about it, Junior, Tani, and Lou would offer to go to crime scenes or interview witnesses, giving Steve the chance to stay in the office and rest and leaving Danny in charge of looking after their leader. Sometimes Lou would think he was lucky for getting to chase and deal with frustrating perps than deal with a sick and ornery McGarrett.
Truthfully, though, Danny didn't see it that way. Although he liked to complain when the others left the office about how he'd drawn the short straw, he knew he wouldn't have been able to leave his partner in the care of anyone else. It was something of an honor to be able to show care and help to someone who had helped so many others, including Danny himself.
At home, Callie would wordlessly step in when she knew he wasn't feeling well. She would make the call to Danny when it was impossible for Steve to work, then take the day off herself to be able to stay with and care for him. She would lie in bed with him and hold him while he shivered with fever, massage his aching muscles and joints, and steady him as he was sick. Callie would murmur gently and provide as much comfort as she could.
Junior hated days when the commander was too sick to get out of bed. It made the radiation sickness real and that scared Junior. The first couple of times it happened after he moved in with Steve, he didn't know what he was supposed to do or what his role was supposed to be. Over time, though, he realized he could help out in simple ways. Junior would take care of anything that needed to be done—taking out the garbage, cooking, cleaning, taking Beau for walks. He kept the house quiet like it was his personal mission, monitoring visitors and phone calls and often frustrating Danny with his watchdog persona. Later, when Steve felt well enough to go downstairs, Junior would be in charge of finding a show on Netflix or Hulu the three of them could binge watch. Well, a show he and Callie could watch while Steve lay with his head in Callie's lap and napped.
Callie smiled down at the sleeping commander as she thought about the ohana they shared. She was thankful for each of those people, not only for the way they took care of Steve, but for the deep sense of family they provided.
Regretfully, she knew she needed to wake him up again. She gently rubbed his arm and called his name.
Unsuccessful, her gentle rubbing turned to more of a shaking.
"Stop…that," Steve whined. "'M tired."
Callie smiled at Sandra and winked. "Ever heard a Navy SEAL whine like that?"
To Steve she said, "You're ruining the SEAL image for Sandra, Commander."
"Don' care," he whined again. "I don' feel good. Lemme sleep." He turned his face away from Callie, trying to go back to sleep.
"I know you don't feel good," Callie said as she soothingly rubbed his face. "But we need to get you out of recovery, and the only way to do that is to show these nice people that you're going to be able to wake up and stay awake. Okay? As soon as you're back in your room, you can sleep all you want."
"Lyin'. Danno'll be there. He's too loud."
Callie and Sandra both laughed softly. "I'll take care of Danno," Callie said.
"Promise?"
"Promise."
Sandra smiled as she surveyed the full waiting room. Her patient was obviously well-loved.
"Dr. Ryan asked me to give you all an update so you wouldn't worry while you wait," Sandra said to the group. "I've been taking care of Commander McGarrett in recovery. He's doing just fine. He's still having a little trouble waking up and actually staying awake." She smiled as she thought about him. "I think he would like us to leave him alone and just let him sleep. He isn't very happy with the two of us right now." The older woman gave a soft chuckle. "That's why I volunteered to come update you and left Dr. Ryan to deal with him. He's a bit grumpy at the moment."
"What?" Danny said, feigning surprise. "Grumpy? Not our McGarrett!"
Sandra chuckled. "I'm afraid so."
Danny laughed, then turned serious. "But he's doing okay? His breathing and everything?"
"He is," Sandra replied with a smile. "We're keeping a close watch on his breathing, but everything is okay so far."
"I'm guessing he's sick because of the anesthesia?"
"He is, poor thing. Dr. Ryan said they expected it, but it's still awful to be that nauseous, especially when there's nothing on your stomach."
Lou grimaced. "Yeah. I bet so."
"I hate that for him," Danny said, shaking his head.
"I do too," Sandra agreed. Then she winked. "Dr. Ryan is taking good care of him though."
"I bet she is," Danny grinned. "He's lucky to have her."
"They certainly are a pair, aren't they?" Sandra said. "He should be in a room soon, and you'll be able to see him then." She surveyed the room and took in the number of people there. "Only for a few minutes each, I'm afraid. He has been through a lot, as you know, and the surgery has taken a lot out of him. He needs his rest."
The group nodded.
"Thank you for updating us, ma'am," Junior told Sandra with a smile. "And thank you for taking care of the commander."
"Oh, you're welcome, sweetie. It has been my pleasure."
While Sandra was updating the crowd in the waiting room, Callie was busy caring for a sick and miserable Steve. She smoothed a cool cloth across his forehead. Blue eyes opened and looked at her.
"Thank you," he whispered. "Feels good."
"You're welcome," Callie replied softly. "How are you feeling?"
Steve grimaced. "Nauseous still."
"I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do?"
Steve shook his head a tiny bit. "Just…stay?"
"Always."
She took his hand in hers. "They're going to move you to a room soon. I'll have to start sharing you again." She smiled at him. "It has been nice to have you to myself for a little while." She kissed his forehead and he turned his head slightly toward her, feeling safe and secure in her care.
"Hey, babe," Danny said quietly as he was finally allowed into the hospital room. He took a minute to survey his partner. Steve looked tired and weary, even paler than he was before the surgery, but he gave Danny a faint smile.
"Danno."
"Buddy, you're looking a little rough."
"Pretty sure I feel even worse than I look," Steve rasped.
Danny moved to sit by the bed. "I'm sorry."
"Me too." Steve grimaced as he shifted, trying in vain to get more comfortable.
Danny frowned. "Hurting, babe?"
"Mm." Steve had closed his eyes tightly, pain evident on his face.
Danny looked at Callie, who was already pressing the call button for the nurse.
"There's a waiting room full of people wanting to see you, babe. You feel up to it?"
Steve gave a slight shake of his head. "Not now."
Danny was a bit surprised. "Okay. You're in charge. Is it okay that I'm here? I didn't really think about asking but-"
"'S fine, Danno. Just…you and Cal for now, okay?"
"Got it."
The nurse came in and checked Steve's vitals, then gave him the pain medication Callie had requested. Callie and Danny watched, thankful, as Steve's face relaxed as the medication entered his system. Eyes still closed, Steve gave a soft sigh.
"Feel better, babe?"
"Mm."
"That's good. I'm going to go tell the others you're doing okay, alright? Then I'll be back. Just me, nobody else."
"'M sorry." Steve looked at him, and, strangely, Danny couldn't read the look in his eyes. "I…don't feel good right now. Not good enough…to act like 'm okay."
Danny shared a look with Callie. Steve typically insisted he was fine, no matter the extent of his injuries. For him to admit he didn't want to see anyone else was…disconcerting to say the least.
"It's fine, Steve. Don't apologize."
Danny watched his friend sleep, wondering what injuries lay beneath the surface.
Steve awoke with a gasp, jarred out of sleep by a nightmare. Under Danny's watchful eye, Steve tried to gain control of his breathing and heart rate.
"Another nightmare?" Danny asked quietly. Since Steve had woke up from surgery, the headache from his concussion had worsened.
Steve pressed the heel of his hand against his forehead. "Yeah," he muttered.
"You want to talk about it?"
"No."
Danny huffed. Typical, he thought. "Fine."
Steve sighed.
"Look, I know you went through hell—"
Suddenly there was a fire in Steve's eyes that Danny hadn't expected. "You don't know anything, Danny."
"Yeah, because you won't talk to me. I wasn't there, Steve! Do you know how hard it was for me to stay here, knowing you had been taken and God only knows what was happening to you?"
Steve's eyes flashed. "You want to know what happened, Danny? I got the hell beat out of me. They used a metal pipe on my knee. I was pumped full of all sorts of shit to maximize the pain. I was waterboarded. People paid to get a shot at me, Danny! And it went on for hours. They didn't let me sleep. I—I can't sleep now because every time I fall asleep I'm back there and I'm terrified, Danno." Steve's tirade was interrupted by harsh coughing.
Steve groaned. "Damn it, that hurts." The pain seemed to take the anger out of him, leaving behind only angst.
"I—I'm not who I was anymore, Danno. I've changed. Leading Five-0, our ohana, Gracie, Callie, you…it's all changed me." His voice broke. "I've been tortured before, Danny…more times than I care to remember. When I was with the teams, Wo Fat…It's happened before, you know? But this time—this time I couldn't get away from it. I couldn't put up that wall, couldn't go somewhere else in my mind…I was just there, you know?" Danny could see tears in his partner's eyes as his voice dropped to a whisper. "I felt everything this time. And now—now I can't forget it. I can't stop hearing, can't stop seeing, can't—can't—"
Danny was afraid Steve was going to hyperventilate. He quickly dropped the railing and eased onto the bed, sitting beside his best friend and wrapping him in a hug.
"C'mere. C'mere, babe." Danny's hand went to the back of Steve's head. He pulled him closer and Steve buried his face in Danny's shoulder.
"It hurt, Danno," Steve choked. "It still hurts."
"I'm so sorry, Steve. I'm so sorry. It's gonna be okay. Alright? It's gonna be okay. I'm here, we're all here. You made it out, babe, and you're not alone. You hear me? You don't have to go through any of this—the physical recovery, the nightmares, everything—by yourself. We're here. Let us be here, okay? Let us do the heavy lifting, okay? We've got you, babe. We've got you."
Steve was sobbing into Danny's shoulder now. His sobs were silent but Danny could feel his shoulders heaving and the tears that were soaking into his shirt.
Callie had watched the exchange from the corner of the room, her heart breaking. She knew Steve had been tortured but listening to how broken he sounded was almost too much. Tears rolling down her face, she went to the other side of the bed and crawled in.
Wrapped in the arms of the two people he loved the most, Steve McGarrett allowed himself to fall apart.
