IT'S SUMMER BREAK, EVERYONE! And you know what that means…

Armstrong: *rips off shirt and sparkles* IT IS TIME… TO DISPLAY THE HANDSOME MUSCLES PASSED DOWN THE ARMSTRONG LINE FOR GENERATIONS!

Me: *shrieks and runs away* NOOOOOOO!

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. And that means I am also not to be held accountable for any character's violent tendencies.

-FMA-

First up is lilaclily00!

Since I just barely started reading Fruits Basket today, I would like for you people to imagine this scenario:

When the final battle of FMA: B is over, everyone gathers in the hospital where they treat Alphonse and others that got injured. Because yes, Edward calls Winry to come to Central to see Al instead of them coming to see her. When she arrives in the crowded, cheerful room, the first thing she does is hug Ed. Suddenly, in front of everyone,

He turns into a cat.

What would you do?

Edward: *gives weird look* Uh… What?

Winry: Well, I imagine I'd be shocked… And so would everyone else…

Edward: Understatement.

Alphonse: I would try to get out of bed to see what was going on. Brother as a cat is… kind of a strange concept.

Edward: *frowns* I wouldn't want you to get out of bed. But yeah… I mean, why the heck would that happen?

Me: Well, in Fruits Basket, there was a curse…

Edward: Pff. It's impossible, especially since curses don't truly exist.

Me: …They do in Fruits Basket. And Corpse Party. And Captive Hearts (okay, okay, I will OCCASIONALLY read shojo), amongst others (because those are the ones that pop into my head at the moment).

Roy: Aw, Fullmetal as a cat…

Edward: *death glare* Go. Away. No one invited you here.

Roy: A certain number of names were not said. The reviewer only stated "you people", indicating any person could answer.

Edward: You're not a person. You're a jerk. *grumbles*

Roy: So insulting, Fullmetal. You broke my heart.

Edward: *gasps* YOU HAVE A HEART?!

Roy: …

Also: if any females plan to get married, can I come when you go to pick out the wedding dress so I can say "Are you saying yes to the dress?" That's literally the only thing I'd be there for.

Female cast (that are unmarried and/or don't refuse to get married like Olivier): Uh… Sure?

Next up, more questions from ZakuroU!

ED

Don't worry - you're not alone! I don't like milk much either! Only in thickshakes and stuff. Even baby me didn't like milk (according to mother). So now we can throw a party! With no milk!

Edward: You see? At least ONE person hasn't been drawn into the trap that is milk… *shudders*

Everyone!

HOORAY FOR LACK OF LOGIC

*Gate of Truth explodes and all of time and space flies all over story*

YES

Everyone: …

Truth: …Well.

And Envy

...Yeah, I dunno where this was going. I think I just wanted to say I don't like you. *insert Lan Fan's 'you insulted the young lord' glare here*

Envy: I really just don't like humans or anyone who annoys me, either, so don't worry. It's wholeheartedly mutual.

Also, ARMSTRONG!

ENLIGHTEN ENVY!

Armstrong: WHY OF COURSE! COME HERE, YOU POOR, SCRAWNY THING-!

Envy: *quickly turns into a bird and flies away*

Armstrong: *stares like derp*

*shrug* Shapeshifters. Elusive little buggers. Next up is Erik Graves son of Death!

*zips in on a 3DMG* Sups DFire! Just here to tell Ed the limitations of Human Transmutation. It can only be successfully performed within a year of that persons death, otherwise their soul is fully absorbed into the tempest of souls that is truth and I only survived because the sounds of death calm me, and even then I was nearly absorbed. I'm nearly done with my new hypothesis, a couple more sleepless nights should do it. *zips away*

Edward: Good luck, but… There's kind of a reason that anything or anyone who dies stays dead, y'know. I kind of had to learn that the hard way.

Mortal lives are a precious thing. It's really difficult to accept that they're limited, but… I think that kind of puts a thrill in life. Because if we all lived forever, we would kind of just have no reason to rush and we'd always be laid-back. Anyways, next up is TheKawaiiPatato! (Side translation note here: I think it's extremely hilarious that, if pronounced "kawai" instead of "kawaii", it means scary :3

Dear Ed,

You seem like an interesting person to befriend. Do you want to get coffee sometime? (I PROMISE i won't put milk in it!)

Edward: Yeah, sure. As long as it doesn't have any milk… And not the strong, black kind. I'm not a huge fan of that kind.

(And Winry i SWEAR I'm not trying to steal your guy, EdWin 4ever!)

Winry: Wh-what?! I wouldn't be worried about you uh… Stealing him… Why would I ever have to worry… About that? *completely embarrassed*

Edward: …

To Tucker

No, I'm not going to kill you. Yet. I also don't have any psychotic animals to set on you, and i ask the cast to PLEASE not kill him until I'm done with this.

Tucker: Thank you…

Okay, question 1: Do you honestly love your daughter?

If the answer is no, feel free to kill him. But if the answer is Yes, please don't.

Tucker: It goes without saying that I do love my daughter. But I did everything I did in order to give her a future… Although towards the end, I was running out of options. We would have ended up on the street.

Question 2: (If the answer is yes) Did you honestly not consider how much pain Nina would be in after tranforming? (If the answer is yes, KILLKILLKILLKILLKILL (in the most painful way possible)

If the answer is no, just shoot him in the head and have it be a quick death.

(Can the cast follow these instructions without killing him? Somehow i doubt it...)

Tucker: …Well, I know it's a bit painful, the process. But I was definitely not trying to make it painful. In fact, I'm certain that she is the chimera to suffer the least amount of pain of any of them…

Me: Y'know, I say that counts as a yes. GET 'IM, GUYS!

Everyone: *lifts Tucker up and throws into vat of boiling lava*

Me: Personally, I think one of the worst ways to die is to be eaten or buried alive (or drowned, or suffocated in any way)… But Gluttony is… busy… And yeah. I mean, it would be absolutely horrifying to get eaten by Envy's true form, but Envy refuses to help out there.

Envy: I'm not your damn replacement for Gluttony. Besides, humans taste disgusting anyways.

Me: Then why'd you eat Ed, huh? (Or try to, anyways)

Envy: *crosses arms* Because I was frustrated. And I thought it might sustain my energy for a bit longer in Gluttony's stomach. But otherwise, I dislike the taste of human flesh… And I dislike metal getting lodged in my teeth, so under any other circumstances, I wouldn't have eaten the Elric kid.

Okay, to Father

You want to surpass God, right? Well i have someone i think you should meet... a assassin with blue hair. Have FUN

*Locks Father in a room with Black Star* *I totally don't feel bad about this*

Father: *eyes narrow at Black*Star and eventually uses alchemy to beat the crap out of him and knock him out*

Oh, doesn't everyone just love that little, loud, self-proclaimed assassin? Next up is Scaehime!

Al, ever been to the Juuban District of Japan? There is a pair of talking cats living there. And maybe Sailor Moon can heal the rift between your body and your soul if you go visit! Look for cats with crescent moons on the forehead: a female named Luna and a male named Artemis.

Alphonse: Well, I haven't, but we'll definitely check it out!

Edward: *doubtful* Sailor Moon? Sounds kind of odd to me…

Roy, go with Al and ask to talk to Sailor Mars. Maybe you can share tips for playing with fire.

Roy: I do not "play" with fire… *mutters*

Tucker, tell the Sailor Senshi you helped Queen Beryl and Prince Diamond behind the scenes and would like a cameo scene or some kind of reward for your efforts.

Tucker: I really don't trust what you're telling me to do… Besides, that would be a complete and utter lie.

Eh, I got really into the Sailor Moon manga for quite some time, but then I think I stopped reading sometime last year. I had finished two arcs, and then I just got bored (please don't kill me, anyone). Anyways, next up is ichigoarerugi!

Dear Envy,

I don't think you look like a palm tree. Maybe a pineapple if anything... (please don't murder me.) I actually just want to ask you where you got your skirt from because I like it.

Envy: * annoyed * I don't look like any kind of damn plant! And anyways, I didn't buy it or anything. It's just my skin. *gives bland look and tugs at skirt-thing and shirt-thing to show that they won't come off*

Dear Ed,

How do you handle not being able to do alchemy anymore?

Edward: Eh… It can be a little odd at times, and occasionally I'll find myself clapping my hands together to perform alchemy to fix or change something. But I've been managing okay… Although I won't deny that I do miss my alchemy.

Dear everyone,

If you could undo one (and ONLY one) of your previous actions in life, what would you choose to get rid of?

Edward: Deciding to perform Human Transmutation.

Alphonse: *looks away* Same… Or maybe finding a cure to Mom's illness a long while before it came about…

Riza: Perhaps letting Father put his research notes on my back…

Roy: Burning the lieutenant.

Winry: Making Ed and Al stop the Human Transmutation before it was too late, or maybe not letting Mom and Dad go back into the battlefield (although I doubt I could've prevented either of them).

Hughes: I wouldn't have changed helping the boys out, but I would have done something to prevent my death so that Roy didn't go all revenge-craving psychopath and my family wasn't just left all alone.

Roy: …

Hughes: Don't try to argue. You totally know how bat-guano insane you went. Could've sent you to the looney bin! *teasing grin*

Roy: It takes an insane person to know an insane person, Hughes. Careful what you say.

Hughes: *shrugs*

Dear Winry,

You should teach me how to defend myself with a wrench :D

Winry: *shrugs* It's all a simple matter of practice. You just have to throw wrenches at targets on a daily basis for about thirty minutes, and in no time, you'll be great at hitting targets, even moving ones, with wrenches!

Edward: …We don't need any more wrenches getting thrown around here…

I dunno, Ed. They can keep you pretty well in-line. Maybe Win will have to help me practice, and maybe then there'll be some semblance of reason around here (probably not)… Anyways, next up is Atalanta Black!

Dear Ed,

Yeah, but a pensieve is normally pretty hard to get a hold of. My dad has one...somewhere in the house. All you do is take your wand, hold it to your temple, concentrate on a memory, and let your magic do the rest or you can have a witch or wizard do it for you. Then, just bottle the memory and pour it into the pensieve when you want to watch it. All of you, let me know if there are any memories you want me to do this to. It's a simple process actually.

Edward: Okay, I get it (although this whole magic thing, with no equivalent exchange, is kind of driving me up the wall…).

Havoc: *suddenly cheerful* Any memory? Then I wanna do-

Everyone: NO.

Havoc: Oh come on! You don't even know what I was gonna say!

All of Mustang's team: *gives him bland stares* Yes. Yes we do.

Havoc: *grumbles* All of you guys (not Hawkeye though, unless she goes that way, in which case we won't judge) would want to remember it, too!

Riza: …I'm not homosexual, Havoc.

All the males of Mustang's team: …

Edward: If he's thinking what I think he's thinking, then I bet Colonel Bastard would. *evil smirk*

Roy: Fullmetal, shut up. You were not invited into this little… discussion.

Edward: The question was addressed to me, so I have every right to be here. If you want, you guys can scoot on outta here and settle it outside.

Roy: …I just want to make it clear that your commentary is highly unnecessary, and I strongly disagree with it.

Edward: *shrugs* I was just thinking that Central HQ's greatest womanizer would like to repeatedly see the memory of running into-

Roy: *slaps hand over Ed's mouth* Be quiet.

Edward: *shoots death glare before licking Roy's hand*

Roy: Eww, goddamn it, Fullmetal! *frantically wipes hand off on Ed's shoulder in disgust*

Edward: *slaps Roy's hand away*

Me: …Sometimes I honestly wonder if they're really fifteen and thirty (more like three and five…).

Dear Hohenheim,

It's not particularly pleasant, actually, it is downright cruel, but we'll get her. So far, she's tortured at least 5 future family heads. This will get her tossed in jail and our minister, who has publicly been supporting her, sacked. I've gotten caught just enough times for it to leave a light scar and Harry "boy who lived" "the savior" Potter will live with his scar for the rest of his life. Umbridge is going down in flames.

Hohenheim: I know what it's like being mistreated, but I'm very glad that she will be punished for what she has done. *frowns* Although I prefer nonviolence, I rather hope she finds herself meeting a rather sticky end… Basically carving into children's flesh without any sense of remorse… *dark look*

Dear Roy and Riza,

I would pass it off onto a relative if I could, but the only two eligible would be my cousins Nymphadora or Draco. Nymph is very happy being an auror, and is even worse at politics than I am somehow.

Draco...I've been plotting his murder since i met him when I was five. It would make Aunt Cissy angry if I kill him though. He's a bloody ponce who I love to see suffer and who runs off to his daddy every time something doesn't go his way. There aren't many better options...

Roy: Well… I would say adoption might work, but I'm assuming one of the requirements to be the head of the family is to be a "pure-blood" or something like that.

Riza: *frowns* It's a rather tricky situation, but… Maybe there is some obscure relative of yours that meets requirements? If not, well… You might just have to become head of the family before changing some of those requirements yourself. Then you could retire and let another person that fit those requirements lead.

Dear Major Armstrong,

...If it will get her to relax, do what you must. Oh, and if she asks, I did not just say that.

Armstrong: *salutes* I SHALL NEVER SAY A WORD! *sparkles* But she shall be ENLIGHTENED!

Sheska (because she hasn't been around in forever): Um… M-Major, I don't think that's such a great idea…

Armstrong: *looks down at before sparkling more* You poor dear! You are sorely in need of beautiful, chiseled muscles teeming with perfection!

Sheska: N-no, I'm good, thanks…!

Armstrong: *rips shirt off*

Sheska: *faints from sparkle overload and shock*

-FMA-

I'm surprised; this took me a lot less time than I thought it would! I guess I'm just going to get better about actually working on stories now that school's out. After all, I have now decided to make writing my stories like my job (until I actually get a real one, probably next summer… Ugh, time flies). And you guys will sort of be like my bosses (sort of?) and I will be paid with reviews :3

Anyways, I am totally pumped for Parental RoyEd week… Which I believe should start on Monday 16th, the day after Father's Day. Because then it shall be a full week of glorious Parental RoyEd and… *drools and sparkles* My friends and I seriously just live for Parental. We can't get enough. Also, Corpse Party. Can't get enough of that at the moment, either. Also, it should be the day after because people are usually busy celebrating Father's Day, too busy to update any stories or anything (and we're camping around Father's Day weekend, so… No wi-fi for me. Unless I find some random café or something). *shrugs* That's what I think, anyways. You tell me what you think. After I answer some questions (or comments), that shall be all from me. Ta-ta for now!

Kitten1313: Honestly, I would say I was surprised (because I didn't know that Vic voices Greece), but… Vic Mignogna is like Funimation's trump card. I only get surprised when he DOESN'T play some role in any anime they've ever done, even if it's just a cameo. XD

Lilaclily00: Ah, Tsubasa and Fruits Basket… So many fond memories. Fruits Basket was sort of like my first-ever anime (because before I watched Fruits Basket, heck if I even knew what anime was), and Tsubasa is a favorite of one of my friends and I. We both have a little crush on Fai, too. Ehehe…

SapphireClaw: Yeah, I didn't see the 520 cenz promise as anything but Parental, but whatever floats people's boats, I guess. And anyways, yes, I am writing a LOT of Parental RoyEd right now… Even if it's slow going because of all the ideas I have. Oh well. Instead of taking a break after posting this chapter like I normally do, I'll probably just stay up late writing Parental fics… Don't tell my parents. ;)

ZakuroU: Thank you! It makes me happy that I make other people laugh. And the Dora part? Well, I might've had to ask my friend who is currently taking Spanish class what "escape" is in Spanish. *shrug* She didn't even question why I asked her that. I don't think any of my friends do anymore. And by the by… Detective Conan/Case Closed is so dang fabulous. Especially the Moonlight Sonata case/chapter, because that's my absolute FAVORITE classical song. Oh, and my friend almost had a heart attack when I told her you said "hi". I'm not joking. XD

TheKawaiiPatato: Y'know, I think I really hate Tucker not because he's an ***wipe and turned his daughter and wife into chimeras (although I do hate him even more because of those reasons), but because he knew that they would be in pain. He knew that they would suffer and be in horrible, gut-wrenching agony from their now deformed, sickeningly-twisted bodies. But anyways… Yeah. Murr. ._.

Scaehime: Aw, thanks, to you and your friend! :D And I didn't really know about Sailor Moon until about December 2012 when I randomly picked up volume 1 at the library. I guess I just kinda stopped reading a few months ago. :/

Spitfire00: Bro. Your FACE is 10/10 (#nohomo). *death glomp*

ValleyOfDeath: I SWEAR I DIDN'T SKIP YOU. I HONESTLY CANNOT FIND YOUR REVIEW. I don't skip anyone unless I'm forced to split the chapter up into pieces. *tears* I searched and searched for it. On my laptop AND my phone. I'm sorry.

Atalanta Black: Everyone knows anykind of dragon is cool (except maybe a naga. Or a hydrus. Those little pseudo-dragons can be disturbing). Anyways, I dunno. I think the offspring will be really… Just staticky. In fact, that's probably how Slendies are born. Idiot running around with a staticky radio plus Slendy. *shrugs*

Until next time,

Dfire