Eventually, she remembered how to talk. She remembered to act like Rogue, smiling as she passed on some sort of giddy relief. Scott wouldn't stop smiling and it chipped at the metal coat she had so desperately been building the last couple of days. The coat she had been building against feelings, against pain...against love.
She wondered if she had ever been able to make him smile the way he was smiling now. If she had ever been able to make him truly happy.
She nodded when he asked if she was coming down with him to see Jean and even passed up another fake smile when he asked if she was happy Jean was back.
Of course she was happy, she had told him, even when it felt like her heart was slowly bleeding, the cut bare and open. She heard Warren walking behind her and quickly made an excuse that she needed to go to her room to get something before she could see Jean. Before she could see anyone.
She left the danger room and made a show to be hurrying, bouncing on her heels as she waited for the elevator, running up the stairs as she faked impatience and even went as far as to yell to some kids, "I'm coming!"
But…
She didn't go to see Jean like everyone else did. Instead, she let everyone pass her as she made her way up to the room she had once shared with Scott. A room full of too many memories.
She passed kids as they yelled gleefully, Jean's names on their lips. She wished she could be like them. She wished she was excited to have a friend back. She wished she could be normal.
For one moment, she wished she was someone other than Rogue.
She wished she could be Jean.
She reached the door and stood in front of it, her body hesitating.
How many memories? How many laughs? How many tears? How much love?
She placed her hands on the cold wood and pushed, the door creaking slightly as it opened. She walked in and turned, looking down the hallway before she disappeared inside the room.
She closed the door gently, taking comfort in the small click as it shut. She glanced up and gazed around the room, noting the small things that had brought her comfort before. She began walking around slowly, touching things that brought memories.
Good ones.
Where had Scott gone? The Scott she had known?
Even if what he had felt for her hadn't been love, it had been something? How do you forget that in one day? Or even a week? How do you just bury those feelings for someone…without feeling some sort of remorse? Without feeling...anything? How can you forget it as if...as if it never happened?
She fingered the edge of a picture frame, staring at the happy Rouge and Scott that looked back at her. She let out a sigh as the memory washed over her.
He pulled her back, his grip gentle. She turned and looked up, her eyes following the length of his arm to see what he was holding at the end of it. She smiled automatically when she saw the camera, her hazel eyes warm.
The flash click and she heard the whirring as the ancient camera spit out the picture. She reached for it and let out a sigh when Scott went, "ah, ah, ah." And pulled it out first, fanning it so the picture could dry.
"What was that for?" she asked, glaring at him as sunlight pounded on her back. She couldn't put any real conviction in the glare and instead laughed when Scott sent her a quick smile. "I wanted a picture of us together. Is that such a pain?" he asked. She rolled her eyes and reached for the picture. "Take another one. I wasn't smiling right the first time." Scott danced away from her and brought the picture up to eye level. She watched as his face softened and a small smile touched his lips. "I think you're smiling perfectly." He murmured, tucking the picture away.
She placed the picture frame back on the desk. She hadn't even been looking at the camera. She's been looking at Scott.
She continued through the room and smiled when she looked at the couch.
"I hate winter. It's too cold." Scott muttered, sending her a look. "I didn't say I liked winter. Summer is just to hot. Autumn is the perfect season in my opinion." Rogue said, throwing a pillow at him. "Autumn, huh?" he asked, catching the pillow before bulleting it right back at her. She laughed as she bent, dodging the object. "Yeah, Autumn. I love watching the leaves change color. If you catch the sun on them exactly right, the tree can tell a story. The trees lose their leaves with the prospect of new life. And, the temperature is just right." she whispered, a small smile on her face as she glanced out of the balcony window.
Scott smiled, not being able to help himself. "Stories huh? Autumn has always been my favorite season, but I have to admit, I never heard stories from the trees." He watched as she laughed, the sound going straight to his heart. "That's because you don't have a seasoned veteran such as myself to translate for you."
"Is that so?" he asked and she nodded. "Then, I should probably get a seasoned veteran the next time Autumn rolls around, huh?" She heard the teasing note in his voice and turned, her hazel eyes squinting at him. "I'll take you. You know, there are more subtle ways of asking-"
"It that a promise?"
"What?" she asked and he laughed. "Is that a promise? Translating trees for me." he asked and she smiled. She nodded, "Consider it a promise. I am not going anywhere before I can translate the trees for you."
She felt the cold tear slide down her cheek and she reached up to brush it away. She sniffed, standing up from the couch as she did so. She passed the bathroom and sank to her knees as another memory passed.
"Its not like you're trying to kill your gums, Rogue."
"You do realize you're telling me how to brush my teeth, right?" she asked, placing the unused brush on the sink counter. Scott gave her a serious look. "I consider oral hygiene very important, Rogue." She rolled her eyes, placing her hand on her hip and half-turning towards him. "I can't even brush my teeth in peace?"
"Not while I am around. Now, you can't just push so hard and see how much blood you can draw from your teeth-"
"I can brush my teeth by myself, thank you." She muttered, grabbing the toothpaste from him. "Not if you plan to do it like that." he said, reaching for it. She let out a squeal when the light blue paste squirted out, landing on the side of Scott's head. She let out a loud laugh, bending over to clutch her stomach. "You find that funny, huh?" She heard him ask and held up her finger, begging him to give her a minute to catch her breath. "Yeah? Funny, right?" He asked and she looked up in time to see him pointing the toothpaste tube at her. She let out a scream when he squeezed, sending some her way.
She grabbed onto the edge of the desk, using it to help her up. The memories swamped her, and suddenly she thought that maybe this hadn't been such a good idea. She was weak already and she'd only been in the room a couple of minutes.
Definitely a bad idea.
A really, really, really bad idea.
She struggled to her feet, her body protesting as she began to walk. She made the mistake of glancing over at the bed. She crumpled to the floor as the memory hit her.
"I'm not Cinderella you know. I am not waiting in a dusty attic for someone to come save me." she muttered, shifting under the blanket. She heard Scott let out a sigh before he spoke. "I am not saying you're Cinderella, Rogue, but even you can't fight everything that comes your way. Let people in. Let people help you."
She muttered obstinacies as she turned away from him. It only lasted a moment before she turned back towards him. "I let people in." He scoffed. "It took me a couple of weeks for you to smile at me, Rogue. You don't let people in that easily." She stared at him, wishing he would turn to look at her instead of the damn ceiling. "I didn't say it was easy. I just said I let people in. Besides, you get hurt if you care too much."
"That's what makes you humane, Rogue." She sighed, shifting under the blankets again. "I just think that if you depend on people too much, something bad is bound to happen to you."
"It's ok to depend on people." She heard it when the bed sheets rustled as he turned to finally look at her. "It's ok to depend on me." he whispered. She smiled, a small, soft smile.
"I'll keep that in mind, Scott." Her eyes widened when she saw him raise his hand, the shadow illuminated by the full-moon. He reached forward and hovered it inches from her face. She felt the warmth radiating off of it and sighed, her mind relaxing as she took comfort in his 'touch.'
"Let me protect, Rogue. Let me be your prince charming." he whispered and she let out a small laugh. "I'm still not Cinderella."
Their laughs echoed through the small room.
She opened her eyes, sighing as she breathed Scott's scent in from the blankets. She smelled herself too, a hint of Rogue that reminded her of what had transpired the past year.
She was still in love with Scott Summers. And he was in love with his dead girlfriend who finally came back.
She rolled into a ball, closing her eyes as she clutched the blanket that smelled like Scott.
Memories sucked.
