Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, or 500 Days of Summer. Just my imagination.
500 Days of Spencer.
Day (400)
Falling Apart
Derek Morgan hadn't thought it was possible to be this lonely. Everything felt isolated. Everything was cold, colorless and...empty. He hated waking up alone, with nobody beside him. He hated falling asleep to silence, rather than soft, adorable breathing. He hated making coffee the way he liked it, and not the way Spencer did.
He hated being without the man he had loved for so long. He missed him. So, so much.
But breaking up was all that had made sense at that point. And this one. And maybe all of them. They weren't meant for each other. Reid deserved better than him. He deserved the world, and Derek Morgan was definitely not that. He made too many mistakes, and it cost him dearly. He jumped to conclusions, he assumed too much, he even lied far too easily and frequently. He had a tendency to point out flaws in others, when in reality, he was describing himself.
And that's what had caused the relationship to crumble. Derek Morgan was a bad person. He knew it. He understood that he was that way, and not going to change. He wanted to, but wasn't sure he could.
That being said, it wasn't completely his fault. He was sure Reid had been an equal part. Maybe.
Clooney nudged his leg suddenly, and let out a whimper causing Morgan to snap out of his muddled, painful thoughts.
"I know. I miss him too." He said in his empty apartment, knowing he was going insane for talking to a dog about his issues.
Clooney looked at him harshly. It was almost as if he was accusing him. Looking at him as though this was his fault. And that wasn't helping the pain that ate away at his heart.
Every time Reid crossed his mind, or his line of sight at work, a knife shot through his heart. He had enough guilt riddling his mind as it was.
Everyone on the team had noticed. It didn't take a profiler to see they had gotten into a fight. Of course, only JJ and Garcia knew what had really happened. They kept that to themselves. Emily knew Reid had endured a break-up, but he had told her it was with a girl he met at the coffee shop.
Morgan got concerned glances from Hotch and Rossi quite often, just as Spencer did from JJ and Emily. Garcia had been acting both coldly, and sympathetic towards Derek, because on one hands she was mad at him for what had happened, but on the other hand, she was his best friend and he was lost.
So lost. He didn't know what to do with himself anymore.
How many times had he picked up the phone, dialled Reid's number but then hung up? Almost twenty. How many times had he brushed up against the other man, freaked out and left the room? Countless. How many times had he looked over to see Spencer staring at him? At least thirty.
It was just nonstop. It never stopped. And that sucked.
Derek used to be able to describe his life using many, many words. Happy, enjoyable, hilarious, adorable, warm, full of love, full, special, and so many more. Now, all he could come up with was cold, empty and sad.
It was driving him crazy.
And he was sure it was doing the same to Spencer.
Sad, I know D:
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xo
