Disclaime: I own nothing

Chapter 29

The jury had been talking for almost three hours and as time went on everyone became more edgy, but not Olivia. She just sat there, her hands in her lap gently caressing a now cold cup of coffee and her eyes staring off into the distance. Fin had tried to talk to her but all attempts at conversation had been fruitless, so now he sat silently next to her offering a quiet comfort, but still Olivia didn't seem too notice. Her body was stiff and rigid as though she was fighting hard to keep her emotions intact. Everyone presumed she was thinking about the verdict and what it would be. That couldn't have been further from the truth. She was thinking about Elliot. Her side of the courtroom had been filled with supporters, her friends, the squad. Whereas Elliot's held home to only two people. Kathy and Maureen. From what Olivia had heard Kathleen had given up on him and that the twins were scared of him now. That was the true injustice. Elliot looked so small and frail. He had lost weight, and colour, and that confident swing of his arm that he used to have. He had nothing.

She suddenly exhaled loudly as though that were the only way to release her thoughts. Everyone whipped around to see if she was alright and she rolled her eyes before standing up and walking away. Fin tried to follow her but Cragen shook his head and mouthed at him to let her go. They watched as she walked out onto the street and out of sight.

Olivia walked out onto the courtroom steps. The press were swarming about like vultures ready to dive in for their kill. She pulled her coat up around her and lowered her head and as if by magic she wasn't Olivia Benson anymore but just a normal civilian that the press weren't interested in. It was cool outside but the slight breeze helped steady her and bring her back down to reality. She breathed deep, grasping round in the dark expanse of her mind for a sense of normality, her attempts were useless. She stood alone for a while just looking out over the city when suddenly Langan materialised before her and told her the jury was back.

"Just give me a minute." She sighed to Langan who nodded in return.

She turned round to face the city once more before pulling out a white envelope to check that it was safe. In harsh black lettering on the front it read 'Captain Cragen, Acting commander of the Special Victims Unit Manhattan'.

XXXX

Olivia walked quickly back into the now full courtroom and took her seat. Elliot was brought back in and the jury were seated. Judge Donnelly once more banged her gavel and court was in session for the last time.

"Have the jury reached a unanimous verdicts in which you all agreed on?" She questioned as the head juror stood up.

"We have your honour." He stated.

"Do you the jury find the defendant guilty or not guilty of the aggravated assault of a police officer? Donnelly boomed.

"We find the defendant guilty." The juror read

"And on the count of kidnapping in the first degree how do you find?"

"Not guilty by reason of insanity." Was the reply

"And on the final count of attempted murder in the second degree how do you find?"

...

"Not guilty by reason of insanity"

...

The whole courtroom was in silence. Everyone had expected a unanimous verdict of guilty on each charge. Aside from Kathy and Maureen a surge of anger grew towards the verdict. Everyone seemed annoyed that now all Elliot would likely face is two years in a secure psychiatric ward and then regular checkups. Nobody could miss Casey cursing under her breath or Cragen shaking his head at the injustice of it all. Despite all this one person was happy. A tear slipped down her cheek as court was dismissed until sentencing and the people around her presumed that she was beaten by the verdict and tried to offer her some form of comfort, but in reality she had gotten what she had wanted. For her best friend to have a second chance.

Ignoring her friends she raced over to Elliot. He cried as she lent over and cupped her arms around his neck. The cuffs restrained him from hugging back but through both there tears he kept on repeating two single words.

"I'm sorry."

As the guards pulled him from her embrace she shouted two words back to him over the courtroom bustle.

"I know."

XXXX

Olivia stood in the now empty courtroom. She pulled out the envelope once more and hesitated slightly as she turned to leave and rejoin the squad, but she knew she had to do this. Pushing open the doors she saw them, her friends, collected together waiting for her. Cragen smiled as she approached.

"It may not have been the result we wanted." He paused " but I'm glad it's right for you Olivia."

Olivia smiled to him before taking a shaky breath.

"Cap. I was going to get this delivered but that didn't feel right so here." She passed him the envelope before continuing "I'm sorry it had to be this way but I wanted to thank you all in person for making this horrific job the best it can be."

With that she turned and walked away leaving behind a very confused Cragen who tore open the letter. Everyone feared the worst as his face paled.

"Cap what's it say?" Fin hesitated.

Cragen cleared his throat as he read out the letter.

"Captain,

This has not been formalised yet, but I'm taking this chance to alert you of my resignation. After all that has happened I cannot handle this job, or New York. So I'm leaving. I don't know for how long and I don't know what I'm going to do, and that makes me happy. This job has been so rewarding but I have lost any trust in this world and if I am ever to come back I need to find my faith once again. Tell everyone they have been brilliant. I may not ever return but I needed to let you know that one day I might.

Regards

Olivia."

Fin barely stayed to hear the end of the note before racing out. Cragen stood there with the letter and Olivia's badge in his hands and didn't even bother stopping him. Fin ran out of the courthouse and onto the infamous steps whilst scanning them desperately. Then he saw her. She stood still and gazed out over the city as if this may be the last time she saw it. Then it occurred to Fin that it might be. He was about to go after her when he noticed something. Fin had known Olivia for ten years and he always saw her as a sister and still did, yet now he saw a change in her. As she stood there silent on those steps, her long brown hair being lifted by the wind behind her, her sun basking in the bluish gold light of the sinking sun, he realised she was beautiful. He didn't see her in a sexual way but for the first time ever he saw her at peace and free of demons and it made her radiant. She looked so calm and free and happy, and throughout their whole career that is one thing that he had never seen Olivia Benson be. Sure she had been angry or sad or scared or pleased or alone or bored or curious, but never happy. Now as he stood there just watching her, he realised he didn't want to take that away from her by pleading with her to stay. Throughout this whole ordeal he had just wanted to take her pain away and now she had done that for herself and that had taken courage, a courage that Fin certainly wasn't going to stamp on. He wanted her to stay, but his longing for her to be happy outweighed that.

"Olivia!" He shouted walking up to her.

She turned and smiled. Fin smiled back. With this smile Olivia already knew she had his approval but Fin had to be positive she was okay.

"Are you sure about this?" He asked.

"I've never been more sure."

"Well then... I don't know what to say." He sighed.

Olivia laughed. It was sweet and joyous and rang out loud. She could safely say she had never seen Odafin Tutuola speechless but everything was different now.

"I'm probably never coming back Fin. So how about Goodbye?" She whispered.

His eyes were glossy with tears as they looked at each other. He pulled her into a tight hug.

"Goodbye Olivia Benson."

...

"Goodbye Odafin Tutuola."

OMG I CRIED. Seriously. If anyone is reading this (as I imagine my 'extended breaks' have put people off) please could you drop me a review on this finally finished story and tell me if it's worth a sequel?