Chapter 29 – Close Encounter

I sat there still for a few moments, and just listened to my phone beep from his texts. After it went quiet for several long minutes, I tried to force myself to pick it back up, but suddenly I was overwhelmingly drained. I closed my eyes, only for a second, and the next thing I knew, it was morning.

My phone was still lying next to me on the bed, so I grabbed it quickly, and read his last few messages…

E~ Bella?

E~ Bella, you there?

E~ I'm sorry. I know it will never be enough, but I truly am.

E~ I don't want to push you, so I'll stop bugging you now. I hope you find a way to get some sleep. Good night

E~ I love you

One again, I left him hanging, and I felt like shit. Why did I keep doing that to him? My stomach twisted as I thought about him lying awake that night, and waiting anxiously for me to get back to him, but I never did. It made me nauseous.

It was probably too little, too late, but I had to let him know I didn't do it intentionally…

B~ I'm sorry. I must have fallen asleep last night

B~ I read your letters… finally. I'm sorry, I didn't realize you had written to me sooner. Thank you for them. It means a lot you were thinking about me.

I waited for a response from him, but there was nothing. I watched my phone for over an hour, hoping he would get back to me, and when he didn't, I got scared.

What if something happened to him?

What if he took my lack of a response the night before as some kind of confirmation that I really did hate him, and as a result he did something drastic like hurt himself again?

"Come on, Bella," I said to myself. "He's probably just busy. Stop being paranoid."

But it was easier said than done. I worried about him for the entire morning, and of course I had new subject matter to discuss at my therapy appointment that day.

I absolutely loathed therapy. I was currently scheduled for twice a week, and I was dreading every last one of them. There was nothing worse than talking about my issues with a virtual stranger, and then I basically spent the rest of the day shaking and freaking out from the subject matter. I didn't understand how it could possibly be helping, but I was determined to keep going. Perhaps eventually I would be able to discuss everything a little more easily, and that was my ultimate goal.

When my session was done for the day, I went back up to my room and just hid in the darkness as I fought off all the violent images. I wanted to scream, and I was screaming within my own mind, but I kept it silent to the outside world. The last thing I wanted to do was disturb my dad and Jasper, who happen to both have the day off of work that day.

After a couple hours the pain lessened and I was able to think a little more clearly, and the first thing I saw coming out of the darkness, was my phone, which was flashing with some kind of notification.

I quickly turned on the screen, and my heart jumped from seeing that Edward had text me back at some point that day. I couldn't open it fast enough, and I found myself smiling at his words, even though they weren't funny…

E~ Most of those letters were pretty stupid. I don't blame you for not reading them sooner.

B~ Maybe I didn't read your letters after all, because I certainly didn't read anything stupid.

It only took a few moments for him to respond…

E~ Well, I guess they weren't stupid if you're interested in rambling nonsense.

B~ I hope it wasn't all nonsense. They actually meant a lot to me

E~ I meant every word. Still do.

I smiled as the butterflies in my stomach tried to break free, but before I could think of a good response, he text again…

E~ How are you? My dad mentioned that you had therapy today. That sucks.

B~ Yeah, it was pretty much torture.

E~ It gets easier though. At least is has for me.

B~ Yeah, it was only my second one, so I'm hoping it will. If every session is like today's, I don't know how I'll keep going.

He didn't respond for a good five minutes, and when he finally did, it just about broke my heart again…

E~ Bella, I know I'm the reason you have to endure all that crap, and you'll never know just how sorry I am. If there was a way for me to do that entire night over again, I would. Actually, I wish I could just do the past six months over again. I'm so sorry. I want to see you so freaking bad it hurts, but I know I'm not good for you right now. I only hope someday that will change. I miss you, more than you could ever imagine. I'm so sorry.

I wiped the tears from my face, and agonized over how to respond. I hated that he felt so guilty about everything. I would have given anything to take that burden from him, but I was plagued with so much guilt of my own, and I just didn't know how to move forward.

Since I didn't know what to say to make either of us feel better, I wrote the only truth I was sure of…

B~ I love you

E~ I know

That did it. Somehow, someway, Edward's response had me laughing and crying at the same time. It was actually a Star Wars reference. We grew up watching the original trilogy, and he had always loved that Han Solo responded to Princess Leia's declaration of love with an "I know". He always said he was determined to use that line one day, but I had bet him he couldn't, or at least wouldn't. I guess he won the bet.

For the next couple of weeks, I was forced to deal with some pretty traumatic stuff in my therapy sessions, but the bright light through all that darkness was the fact that Edward and I were basically texting each other regularly. We started every day with a Good Morning, and we would send each other quick little messages throughout the afternoons. We usually tried to keep most of our texts casual, but we always ended the nights with an I love you.

I cherished each and every one of his words, but even with continued therapy, I was still having a hard time even imagining what it would be like to see him in person again. I ached for him, but I feared being with him. It was such an impossible situation.

"I don't know what I'm going to do," I said one particular evening. I had been cleaning up the dinner mess, but Edward kept texting me about how he was being forced to watch "some stupid movie", and then I got a text from Alice asking me to come over to watch a movie. I figured she was just trying to get us back together, and I was dying to do that as well, but my nerves just wouldn't allow it.

"Maybe you should just bite the bullet, and make a plan to see him," Jasper suggested.

"Of course you're going to say that. You'd say just about anything Alice wanted you to."

"Um, I do have my own brain. I just think you should rip off the band-aid and get it over with. It'll be easier that way."

"I wish I could. Jazz, just thinking about it is petrifying. I can't even breathe when I think about it."

"Aren't the therapy sessions helping you?" he questioned.

"Don't seem to be. I mean, it has been getting slightly easier to talk about it, but I still can't even think about seeing him again without getting all sweaty and anxious."

"Maybe that's not a bad thing," he said with a smirk.

"No, it's not like that. I wish that's all it was. I feel like I can't breathe, and I start shaking. I can't seem to control it, no matter what I do."

"Well, I don't know. I still think it's best to just get it over with. Maybe your issues will solve themselves after that."

"Maybe. I'm trying to talk myself into just going over there, but obviously I haven't been successful yet."

"When you're ready, you'll know," Jasper said supportively, and then he grabbed his car keys, and headed for the door.

"Where are you off to?" I asked, knowing he just got off work a few hours prior.

"Movie night at the Cullens," he said sheepishly.

I huffed.

"I can give you a ride," he offered.

I sighed. "Not this time. Thanks anyway."

Rather than watch some "stupid movie" – as Edward had called it, I settled in with my dad on the couch, and we watched Jeopardy.

Wonderful.

The next couple of days dragged on, but when I came home from one of my two remaining courses at the local junior college, I was surprised to see a huge bouquet of flowers sitting on the porch.

Sweet Alice. I smiled at the thought. She must have convinced Edward that flowers were the answer afterall. If only it could be that simple.

I pulled out my phone, intent on sending Edward a thank-you text, but something made me pause. For whatever reason, I just had a weird feeling suddenly, so I decided to read the card before I did anything else.

My intuition was right.

The flowers were from Mike.

"Seriously?" I said to myself out loud just as my baby decided to echo my frustrations with a swift kick to my bladder. "And now I have to pee."

Deciding my bathroom visit was of the utmost important thing in that moment, I decided to leave the flowers and rush inside to relieve myself. When I was finished, I walked back out front just as Jasper was arriving home from work.

"Wow, those are extravagant," he said teasingly.

"Jasper, if I asked you to torch the garage you work at, just to send a message to the owner's nephew, would you?"

He chuckled. "Those are from Mike, huh?"

"How'd you guess?" I asked sarcastically.

Mike had also text me several times since he forced his lips on mine the day of my accident, but as I kept telling him, I wasn't interested, and we couldn't even be friends anymore. I appreciated the time he supported me, but that relationship wasn't healthy for me either, and unlike with Edward, I didn't have any reason to fight through all that to fix it. I didn't want to fix it. All I wanted was to wave casually when I passed him by, and leave it at that. Perhaps it was rude of me after the fact that he was my only friend for a time, but I still couldn't help how I felt.

"Are you going to be home tonight for dinner?" I asked Jasper as I grabbed the flowers to toss into the outside trash bin.

"Uh, yeah, I think Alice is planning to go out to eat with Edward and her parents tonight, so I'll be here."

"Its getting kind of serious with her, isn't it?"

His face flushed, and then he smiled. "Is it weird? I don't know. I just always feel so happy when I'm around her, and I miss her like crazy when I'm not."

I smiled back at him. "Well, you better not hurt her. I love you, and all, but she's my baby's grandmother, so I'll have to take her side and pretty much never speak to you again," I threatened lightly.

Jazz chuckled. "I wouldn't have it any other way. And trust me, I have no intentions of ever hurting her. She's like… everything to me."

I raised my brows. "Everything to you, huh? That's so sweet, you ol' granny lover," I joked.

"The fact that Alice is your baby's grandma is really freaking weird," Jasper admitted. "But I don't care. Maybe the baby can call me grandpa. I'll be it's hillbilly cousin-grandpa."

I laughed, and just shook my head. "Hey, since you're going to be home for dinner, I'm going to cook something. What do you feel like?"

"Let your dad pick."

"You know he will just tell me not to cook and insist we order out again. I can't stomach anymore fast food or Chinese takeout."

"Pizza?" he suggested.

I pointed my finger inside my mouth, and made a gagging noise. The very thought of pizza made me want to barf.

"Okay, how about spaghetti? That's not hard to cook, right?"

"Alright. I'll run and get the stuff," I told him. He offered to go instead, but I was going a bit stir crazy sitting at home so much, so I was more than eager to go myself. Of course, as a way to avoid certain people, I went all the way across town to a smaller store, which wasn't very well stocked.

"Crap. How can they be out of garlic bread?" I asked myself as I searched the entire tiny bakery. "I guess I'm just going to have to make my own," I mumbled before throwing a loaf of white bread into my cart.

As I headed towards the pasta aisle, I turned the corner a little too quickly, and I rammed my cart right into someone else's.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry," I said quickly, but then I immediately froze when I realized who's cart I had hit.

"Hey," Edward said with forced casualness.

I wanted to speak, really I did, but I was completely paralyzed. Was I even still breathing? I couldn't be sure.

Surprisingly, however, it wasn't fear or panic that I found myself stuck in, it was complete and utter astonishment.

He literally took my breath away, in every way shape and form. From the perfect way his hair was styled, to the sexy as hell EMT uniform that clung to his body in all the right places. His skin was more tan than I had ever seen before, and his face, which had looked so skinny and sunken in the last time I saw him, had chiseled and matured in the most wonderful way. Above everything else, he just looked so healthy. So healthy and beautiful. It was by far the most incredible sight I had ever seen.

When I could do nothing but gawk at him, he grew noticeably uncomfortable.

"Are you okay?" he asked concerned.

Somehow I managed to nod, and when I tried to speak again, actual words found their way out. "Yeah, I'm just surprised to see you."

"Yeah, it's a little awkward without a couple of cell phones and several miles between us, huh," he said with the most adorable crooked smile I had ever seen. "I actually came to this particular store so I wouldn't run into you."

"You did?" I asked, feeling my stomach twist painfully.

"Yeah, I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. I figured I should steer clear of that other store as much as possible."

"I don't work at Newton's anymore," I said quickly. "In fact, I pretty much avoid it whenever possible as well, which is why I'm here."

"It's hard to avoid Newtons in this town," he pointed out.

I shrugged, not really wanting to talk about Mike in any way. "You look really good," I couldn't help but tell him.

"You look amazing," he replied without hesitation.

"Ugh! I look like a beached whale," I disagreed.

"I've never seen you look more beautiful," he said, with his striking emerald eyes piercing right through me.

I wanted to jump into his arms and beg him to take me somewhere, anywhere at all, as long as he never let me go, but my feet remained firmly planted in place.

I cleared my throat. "Your uniform suits you," I said while I continued to just soak in his glorious sight.

He smirked. "You would not believe how many elderly ladies hit on me while I'm wearing this thing. Just this morning a woman walked right up to me, and pinched my butt. No shame. Just a good hard squeeze of my ass. She was like ninety years old!"

I giggled. "Can't say that I blame her."

"Well, I wouldn't mind so much if you did it," he told me.

I smiled at him, but then something in his cart caught my eye. "Are those diapers?"

"Oh, yeah," he said embarrassedly with a shrug. "My mom said they were pretty expensive, and suggested that I start buying them whenever I'm out, just to make it a little easier."

"Your mom?" I questioned. Trying to focus on anything other than the bewilderingly remarkable sight of Edward actually buying diapers. I was sure to melt into a puddle at his feet if I let my attention linger on that for much longer than I already had.

"Esme," he clarified. "I've never called Alice…mom," he said uncomfortably. "That would just be weird. She doesn't mind though, I guess I never called her that when I was little either… not even before we... came out of… that place."

I nodded in understanding. "Well, that makes sense," I told him.

We stared at each other for several long moments – having so much to say, and yet, nothing at the same time. Just seeing him again, and not being overcome by my panic from that horrible image, was so unexpected and amazing that words weren't even needed right then.

I wanted to hold him.

I wanted to find an island somewhere, so we could be alone forever, and never have to let any cruelties of the rest of the world come between us again, but for some reason, he still seemed to be just out of my reach.

"I'm really glad I got to see you, but I should probably get going," he said after a few more moments. "I was just asked to pick up a few things on my way home from work. If I take too long, I'm sure Alice will send out a search party."

"I wouldn't put it past her," I agreed.

"Hey, feel free to say no, but… can I come over your house tomorrow? I just need to talk to you about something, and I don't think I should text it."

My stomach dropped.

"Its nothing bad," he added quickly.

"Um…"

"Listen, if you decide it's too much, I won't come. Just text me tomorrow if I can. Okay?"

"Okay," I agreed quietly.

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow then… well, hopefully."

I smiled and nodded at him, but my stomach was in knots. It was so incredibly hard to watch him walk away again, when all I wanted to do was wrap myself around him and never let go. But was I ready for that? Were we ready for that?

I had been stressing about the idea of seeing him again, but Jasper was right, just doing it was exactly what needed to happen. I was so grateful for that unexpected encounter, because I didn't have time to freak myself out, and actually seeing him again was vital for my healing process. I only hoped that beautiful healthy image of him was strong enough to ward off the nightmares…