BPOV

Oddly enough I felt rejuvenated by the time we returned to the Cullen manor. Conversation was difficult in the beginning, but it was Esme that broke through my wall. She had an idea of what I was feeling and I was able to confide in her. I was starting to feel a little like my old self. I had come to realize that not only was I pushing everyone away, but I was becoming clingy to Edward. When Alice told me that Rosalie and Emmett were planning to move away to spare me any pain, I crumbled. It wasn't fair of me to isolate them any more. It's been weeks. I had to accept my decision and live with it. My time to grieve was over. I had a feeling I would always be sad, but it was no longer an excuse to push everyone away. The discussion had distracted me enough that I was unaware of what Alice had scheduled for me. I had a whole body treatment. She even managed to get me waxed, everywhere. It hurt and once again, someone was seeing my intimate areas before Edward.

"I hate Victoria. I'm glad she's dead." I whispered as I snacked on some fruit. We had been left alone while our feet soaked before our pedicures.

"Me too." Esme, Kate, and Alice all said at the same time. Esme pulled me aside and told me to say it as much as I needed to in order to feel better. I was no longer allowed to bottle my emotions away for only me and Edward to see. She reminded me that there were no secrets in the house and everyone knew I was crying every single time. She said that they were hurt that I kept quiet about how I was feeling. I resolved within my self to allow Jasper to help me heal emotionally. I needed peace again. We had left yesterday and it was late enough that Esme booked me a hotel room for one more night. I slept peacefully for the first time in months. I still craved Edward's touch, but it wasn't obsessive anymore. I would always crave his arms around me. He is my mate and I was desperate to seal our bond. I couldn't wait until we were on our honeymoon.

Edward was waiting on the porch for us when we pulled up the next morning. He opened my door and pulled me into his arms.

"Let's go to the meadow. I want to talk to you." I whispered. He threw me on his back and took off. I clung to him with joy. I've missed running with him. He set me down and I immediately pulled his face down to mine. We broke the kiss at the same time.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too." He said.

"I wanted to tell you about my time away. I want to apologize to you for my obsessive clinginess. I'm sorry."

"Love, you have nothing to apologize for. I understand your pain. You are still grieving and you needed me. I want to tell you about my time here without you as well." We sat in the grass facing one another.

"You go first." I offered.

"I spoke with Jasper. He told me a few things. I knew some of it due to my gift. He told me that I had been enabling your clinginess. I enjoyed it, don't get me wrong, but you were clinging for the wrong reasons."

"I know, it was pointed out to me." I interrupted.

"I miss the old you if that makes any sense."

"It makes perfect sense. I miss the old me too. Alice told me that Rosalie and Emmett were going to move so that I wouldn't isolate myself any longer, I decided to talk to Jasper and ask him to help me accept my emotions and move on. I need peace. We all do."

"I'm glad. I told him I was going to start pushing you to be a part of our family again. We all miss you." I smiled.

"I love your smile."

"Thank you. I feel like it's the first genuine one I've had in a while. I slept peacefully last night. It was pointed out to me that I made my decision and now I need to live with it. It wasn't fair of me to continue as I had been."

"I'm glad. Jasper said the same thing to me. Rosalie even briefly considered giving you the baby back if it meant she could have you be with us again. She thought about it for a minute or two and let me tell you, that's a long time for us. You'll understand when the time comes." He said soothingly. I was shocked that she had considered that.

"No, she wants Antonia and she deserves to have her. It's not fair of me to make her feel bad when it was me to put her in the situation in the first place." I was resolved and I felt like I did months ago when I had first made the decision. It felt good; freeing.

"I'm glad we're on the same page. From now on until your change, you're only allowed to isolate yourself like that when you're sick." He said with a smile. Me being sick wasn't going to do much. My vampires couldn't get sick. Charlie could stay away for a few days if that ever happened and Mike lived in Alaska with Tanya. I moved and crawled in his lap. It was a good day. I was feeling more like myself. I didn't need to wrap my chest any more and my bleeding had stopped. I was turning over a new leaf. Now, I want to see if I can turn over my vampire. I pulled my shirt over my head and he gasped.

"When did you stop wrapping with the bandage?" His hand came up to caress the lace covering my chest. I moaned.

"Alice told me I didn't need to anymore. It was torture. They had me waxed; everywhere." His eyes widened.

"I'm sure they'll do it one more time too before your change so you'll never have to shave again." I was fingering the button on his shirt and he pulled it off for me. I smiled and lunged for his mouth. He caught me easily and turned us so that I was on the bottom. I barely noticed when my hips had started to move against him, but I definitely took notice when he started to move against me. It felt so good. He broke our kiss to stare down at me all while our lower halves continued their mating dance. After a minute or two of intense gazing as well as grinding, I started to pant. I grabbed at his hair.

"It feels so good." I arched up against him and felt his lips on my neck.

"Bella, I love you so much." I took note of his heavier, unnecessary breathing.

"So close…a little harder." His head was buried in my neck as I freely offered myself to him. I was rewarded with enough pressure to push me over the edge. I screamed his name and looked at him. His eyes were pitch black as he continued to move against me. I didn't encourage him or discourage him. I simply held his gaze with my own. I let all the love I had for him pour through my eyes and my touch. I felt that amazing feeling build up again.

"Edward, so good…join me…oh God!" I arched up again and this time I felt him still against me. I heard his teeth grinding with the effort it took not to bite me. When I calmed down, he left the cradle of my thighs and laid next to me. I knew his skin was extra sensitive from last time, so I didn't try to touch him. I rolled over to face him with a smile on my face.

"We definitely needed that." I said.

"We did." He agreed.

"I didn't plan that; I hope you know that."

"I know. If you hadn't started it, I might have." He rolled over to face me. I rested my hand on his chest and played with the few light hairs that were there. He leaned forward to kiss me, which I didn't object to.

"I can't wait to make you mine." He said and played with my bra strap.

"I know. I'm ready to join you for eternity. I love you so much."

"I love you too." I snuggled closer to him and enjoyed his scent mixing with the air around us. His phone vibrated at our hips. I moved so he could answer.

"Hello Alice."

"Now that you are finished, come back to the house. Everyone is waiting to see Bella."

"Ok, we're on our way." He hung up the phone and looked to me with a smile.

"Well, the I.S. knew what we were doing and left us alone. The family wants to see you."

"Ok, let's go." I shrugged my shirt back on, knowing he was waiting for me.

"Promise me that we'll get to be here again when we're married before and after the wedding." He smiled and palmed my cheek.

"I promise. I'm looking forward to it." By the look in his eyes, I knew he was hiding something from me.

"What are you not telling me?" I challenged with a smile. He kissed me and then smiled wider.

"If it's alright with you, I was going to set up a mini camp ground here, make love to you and then bite you. This is our place and it seemed fitting to me." I smiled.

"That's perfect. I love that idea. You'll stay with me the whole time?"

"Yes."

"You'll keep anyone away who wants to take advantage of my unconscious state?"

"I promise to guard you day and night until you wake. We'll make it special for you; whatever you want to do and eat that day, we'll make sure it happens." He stroked my cheek with his thumb. I pulled on his neck and he kissed me again.

"We need to go before she hunts us down." I chuckled and climbed on his back. He tore through the trees and we ended up on the front porch before I knew it. I climbed down and entered the house with confidence. Antonia was crying, but I paid no attention to it. I found that it didn't bother me as much as it had a few days ago. I smiled at everyone and looked to Jasper.

"Jasper, can I talk to you for a minute?" He nodded and followed me to the backyard.

"I'm ready to move forward with my life. Will you help me fight the grief?"

"I'd be glad to, but right now, you're not feeling any."

"I'm sure it'll creep up on me. Thank you in advance."

"The time away has done you good, girl." He smiled at me. I walked back into the house and stood before Rosalie and Emmett.

"I'm sorry for the way I've been treating you for the last few weeks. You didn't deserve it."

"Thank you, Bella. We've all been worried about you." Rosalie said. I shifted my focus to the baby in her arms.

"She's beautiful." I said softly. I noticed she was wearing one of the tiny shirts that I ha bought for her in Seattle. I didn't feel any sadness at all and I didn't feel any influence from Jasper either.

"Would you like to hold her?" Rosalie offered. I froze. I didn't know what to do. Would those feelings come back that I had just accepted?

"Go ahead Bella, you'll be fine." Alice encouraged. I looked at her face and she discreetly reminded me of Rosalie's feelings. I nodded and found a baby in my arms for the first time. I don't count the days after she was born because it wasn't voluntary. Her eyes were open and she was studying me as I was studying her. I distantly heard a click, but I paid no attention to it. I felt a touch of remorse for letting go of such a precious gift, but then I was overwhelmed with peace. I smiled lightly. I felt Edward step up and guide me to sit on the couch. I couldn't take my eyes off of her.

I have no idea how long I held her when she started to cry.

"I didn't do anything." I said, looking around the room, searching for someone to help me.

"She's getting sleepy. Here, feed her." Emmett handed me a bottle and I placed it in her mouth. I was in awe that she instinctively knew what to do. When she fell asleep, I set the bottle down and looked around, only to discover that I had been left alone. I didn't know what to do. Do I keep holding her? Do I go find her crib and put her down? I slowly got to my feet and started walking around. I saw the stairs leading to her room, but I wasn't about to attempt that. I looked around more and saw her bassinet in the corner. I was about to lay her in it, when I wanted to hold her a little longer. I went back to the couch to rest. I laid her on my chest and closed my eyes, simply smelling her. I don't remember falling asleep.

APOV

I was watching carefully from outside. I knew Bella wouldn't be able to see me, but I could see her. I saw her falling asleep with Antonia in her arms. I made sure that she had been given some time alone with the baby. All of them protested, but I just tapped my head. Edward was the hardest to convince, he didn't want to leave her side. As soon as she fell asleep, I walked back into the house and captured the moment on film. I allowed the family to come back, but I warned them not to move the baby. Bella would get hysterical and blame herself, and also wake the baby in her rant. We padded her arms to make sure that Antonia wouldn't fall and one of us was always with her. Edward smiled wistfully at the image in front of him. Bella had given his dream to someone who wanted it more. I felt sorry for both of them. I tried not to interfere with Bella's decision, but I saw what would have happened if she chose to keep her. Bella would have grown resentful of everyone around her and blame Edward for being away that fateful weekend. I subtly pushed her toward the better option. I called her and reminded her of what her life was going to be like as a newborn and I had Rosalie carry Bella down the stairs on the day that Bella cemented her decision. I didn't like interfering, but in this case, it needed to be done. I have only confided in Jasper. I knew that Bella was still unaware that Edward's and Jasper's gift have been working on the baby for months now. No one knows this and both of them agreed that Bella never find out.

Jasper said that the baby is happy most of the time and Edward says that she recognizes all of our voices. He says that she is identifying Rosalie and Emmett as her parents. He told me that she recognizes Bella's scent and the sound of her heartbeat is calming to her. Again, Bella is not to be told any of this. I rub Edward's shoulder soothingly as he stares with longing at Bella and Antonia. I nod and he gently wakes her.

"Bella, love, it's time for bed."

"Huh?" She is disoriented from her stolen moment of motherhood.

"Let me take her and give her to Rosalie. It's time for bed." She nodded and Edward took the baby. He handed her over to Emmett and carried a sleepy Bella up to bed. I was happy, Bella was going to be in shape well before the wedding and she is going to be a beautiful bride.

A/N: I will fast forward a little in the next chapter. It's time to get married and go on the honeymoon! Should I do as Stephanie did and have Bella get pregnant?

Reviews are wanted and appreciated. Have a great day! Kelly