Notes: This chapter is later than I would have liked but that is because I have spent the last two weeks moving house. I have also been without an internet connection for three weeks.
Notes: A few of swear words
The doctors had told him that one of the things he should not do after having his caesarean was to drive. When he had why it would be painful and uncomfortable, the doctors had told him that it would be both painful and put unnecessary stress on him. Doctor Heese had been the one to tell him that it would invalidate his car insurance. That had caused him to laugh. What car insurance company was ever going to believe that he had a caesarean?
Although it was the very last thing he should have done, he had driven to a bar that was forty miles away from the clinic. A bar was occupied with college people. The bar was occupied with the same people whop had a life that Sam aspired to.
"He left me." Dean said
In front of him was a bottle of beer that he had yet to touch. Around him were the college people talking about exams and the next party they were going to. These people didn't have to worry about a yellow-eyed demon that was going to take away everything from them. These people didn't have to worry about a premature son and how they would raise him. Those people were completely ignorant of the supernatural. The only horrors they had ever witnessed came from the movies and television. They only worries they had were for exams and the next party. To these college people this bar was just a part of there social life. For him it was a chance to relax. It was a chance to just forget the stress and pressures of the last few days.
"He left because of some spell and I want him back."
No one in the bar really gave a damn what he was talking about. To them he was just an out of place stranger who had o right to be in what was obviously a college hangout. He knew from the various looks and whispers that the people who viewed him as someone who was beneath them. Someone they wouldn't bother pissing on if they were on fire. No one in the bar knew he was a feared hunter with years of experience. They didn't know he had seen horrors that far suppressed there worse nightmares. They didn't know he could go from relaxed to deadly in mere seconds.
"He made all these promises to stay with me. We had these … plans." Dean said
The man sat next to him reminded him of Sam continued to ignore him and continued on drinking.
"He couldn't make it a few days into our relationship." Dean muttered.
The person who looked like Sam continued to drink and ignore him.
It didn't matter that he wasn't telling the truth but a twisted version of it. He was tried of pretending that he was okay. He was tried of pretending that he was full of confidence when it came to raising his son. He was tired of showing his emotions he didn't have when all he felt was dead inside. He knew that some of what he was feeling could be put down to baby blues but that didn't help is mood.
"He left and I can't manage without him." Dean said. It was painful for him to admit to something like that but it felt good. It lifted a weight of his shoulders telling a complete stranger who had no connection to him or the supernatural how he was feeling.
"Who left?" The barman asked. He had listened to the man for the last twenty minutes and not uttered a single word in response. At first, he had not been very interested in anything the man had to say. As the minutes had passed, there was something about the man that had pulled him in. Despite his repeated vows to never get involved with any of the bars patrons he had finally spoken.
When the barman spoke to him, his whole demeanour changed. His eyes took on the look of the experienced hunter that he was. With a voice that spoke of troubles and hardships beyond most people's comprehension, he said. "Sam."
"Who is Sam?" The barman asked.
"He used to be my partner. Now his no one." Dean replied. As cold as it may appear to the barman it was the truth. He loved Sam more than he was willing to admit and that was always going to be something that never changed.
Two weeks had past since the dream and a lot had happened to him in those two weeks.
He had taken his exams and he was quietly confident that he would be successful in those exams. He knew without a doubt that he would not be doing any retakes. After taking his exams, he had arranged to take a couple of months of college. Due to his exceptionally good grades, his good attendance record, good attitude and his unique family situation, he was given the option of continuing his college course online. As he had been unable to make such an important decision in just a few days, he had given him his two months away from college to decide. Two months to decide if he could take his college course online and give up the college lifestyle he had come to like.
After taking his exams and at the beginning of those two months he bought himself a car. A car that was barely road worthy but it was enough to get him to where he needed to go. Once he had sorted out his transport for the next two months, he had said goodbye to what friends he had made. He said goodbye to Jessica. Jessica had just kissed him on his cheek and wished him luck. That had surprised him, as it was as if Jessica was letting him go and not expecting him to come back to college or her.
Two days after Jessica had kissed him on the cheek he was at Bobby's house.
Bobby had been the one who had phoned asking him for help with Dean. In one of the moments that he was now ashamed of, he had told Bobby that Dean wasn't his problem. He had put college before Dean. At the time, his decision had been the right but now he wasn't so sure. Had he just refused to help Dean out of sheer stubbornness?
Standing outside Bobby's house, he briefly thought about just walking but what was he going to achieve with that. That dream was something he couldn't ignore. Jessica was right in that he would live to regret it if he choose to ignore his dream. With a confidence, he barely felt he knocked on the door.
Just seconds later, the door opened and he was faced with a surprised Bobby.
"Sam what brings you here?" Bobby asked. Grateful that John had not come back in the two weeks that had passed since his conversation with Dean. He was surprised to see Sam as Sam had made it very clear to him that helping Dean was the last thing he wanted to.
"It's about Dean." Sam said. He wasn't going to have an in depth conversation with Bobby about Dean on the doorstep.
Opening the door so that Sam could enter he said; "Get in, grab a seat and start talking."
Sam quickly walked into the house, found a seat and sat down. All around him, he could see signs that this house had many protections from the supernatural. He could also see a baby's crib that was half way finished and a pile of baby clothes.
"Talk." Bobby ordered. He was in mood to make polite conversation with Sam.
Running a hand though his hair Sam knew that what he had to say was going to be weird. How could he tell Bobby that the main thing that had bought him here was a dream? The only way was for him to be blunt. He calmly said; "I had this dream. In the dream Dean kept telling me I left him and I broke a promise to him. Then I look away from Dean for just a few short seconds and a woman ahs taken his place. I called this woman Angela and I had no idea who she is. How can I dream about a woman I don't know?"
"You know about the spell," Bobby asked
"Yeah you mentioned it had a get out clause." Sam impatiently replied
"Sam… I don't know how to tell you this but you have visions." Bobby said. The last thing he had wanted to do was reminded Sam that he had visions. There had been a very significant part of him that had hoped the spell would take away Sam's visions or at the very least suppress them. From what Sam had told, him this dream was a vision of some kind. It would appear that there was another get out clause to the spell, Sam visions.
"I don't have visions. All I have is these weird ass dreams," Sam said. He was not going to admit to something that was going to make his life harder than it already was.
"Sam you have visions that allow you to see both the future and the past," Bobby said.
"I can't have visions it's just not possible." Sam said
"Can you explain to me how you had a dream that included a woman you don't know? Tell me why you called her Angela when according to you; you don't know a person called Angela." Bobby asked. He knew that convincing Sam that his visions were in fact real would be hard but it was for the best. With Sam's visions once more in existence, they could be used to get around the spell he had so foolishly done for John.
"Coincidence," Sam suggested.
"You know in our line of work coincidences just don't happen. Coincidences are just used by those ignorant of the supernatural to explain things away. You have visions Sam and you need to accept that," Bobby said.
"Why would I have a vision about a woman called Angela and Dean?" Sam asked. He still didn't want to believe that he had visions but how else could he explain away such a realistic dream. A dream that he still remembered day's later.
"The spell took away your memory of Dean, the pregnancy and Alexander. You don't remember the love you felt for Dean. You remember nothing but a hatred for Dean you can't really explain. These visions are giving you back all that was taken by the spell. It's a shame that there isn't a way we can find to trigger those visions. Dean needs support especially after the incident with John." Bobby said. He knew that the one sure way to trigger a vision in Sam was to start with something familiar. He had the Polaroid picture of Alexander but that would be the very last thing he would use to trigger a vision in Sam. The first thing he would use is Dean's argument with John.
"What argument." Sam asked
"When I picked Dean up from the clinic after he had spent five days resting from his caesarean John was waiting for us at my house. I only told Dean about John when we were just a ten minute drive away from my house. It took me an hour to tell Dean about John as I knew didn't care too much for your dad." Bobby said
"That doesn't sound like Dean." Sam said.
"Dean holds John responsible for the spell that took you from him and Alexander. I just about managed to get a promise from Dean not to kill John. If I had been anyone else he would have broken that promise." Bobby said.
"Dean wouldn't hurt our dad. He has always been the one to follow dad's orders. He never once questioned him if those orders were wrong." Sam said. He wasn't ready to believe that Dean could hold so much anger towards there dad.
"At the moment John is his least favourite person. After what I overheard them, talking about I really can't blame Dean. Until that conversation I never realised just how obsessed with the hunt your dad had become." Bobby said.
"How can you over hear an entire conversation between Dean our dad." Sam asked
"I was in the kitchen barely ten feet away from them and I have good hearing. Short of wearing ear muffs there wasn't a whole lot I could do to avoid hearing that conversation." Bobby explained. He had listened to the conversation Dean had with his father just to make sure that Dean wouldn't hurt his dad. He knew what John could be like when he believed he was in the right.
"You could have gone outside" Sam said.
"It's my house." Bobby replied.
"Tell me more about this conversation Dean had with dad," Sam asked idly rubbing his temple in an effort to ease the pain of a headache that he could feel forming.
"It began with John telling Dean that what he had done by asking me to perform the spell was the right decision to make. Dean refused to accept that even when your dad said he would support Dean with Alexander. It began to get nasty when Dean told John that he couldn't be trusted. John then demanded to know why Dean trusted me with Alexander when I was the one that had performed the spell." Bobby said noticing for the first time the way in which Sam was rubbing his temple. Taking a breath he asked; "Headache."
"No, so why does Dean trust you with … Alexander." Sam asked pausing very briefly before he mentioned he name Alexander. For some reason Alexander was very familiar to him. It annoyed him no end that he didn't know why.
"I explained the spell to Dean. I told him all about the get out clause and he was adamant that dying to get you back was the very last thing he wanted. Even when I tried to convince him that life as a single parent would be hard he refused to change his mind." Bobby said
"What else did Dean and dad argue about." Sam asked
"Dean wanted John to admit that what he had done was wrong. John being John refused to do that. Dean accused John of only making the effort to see him out of guilt. When John mentioned Alexander as his grandson Deans whole demeanour became a lot more defensive. He asked John if he viewed Alexander as the next generation of Winchester hunters." Bobby said.
"I can't believe that dad would do that." Sam said. His early reservations about wanting no part of whatever problem Dean had with there dad was gone. With each assign moment he spent with Bobby, he became more and more concerned about Dean.
"It gets worse." Bobby said
"What else did he do?" Sam asked. The headache that had only begun just a few minutes ago was now a full-blown headache. It a small army was trying to dig its way out of his head from the inside. When he felt something wet on the tip of his lip, he assumed it was just a simple runny nose. Reaching up with his hand to wipe his nose he was surprised when he looked at his hand and found it covered in blood. When Bobby gave him a towel, he gratefully accepted it and held it up to his nose until it stopped bleeding. Out of pure habit, he kept the towel so he could burn it later. He was about to speak to Bobby again when a series of what he instinctively knew to be memories flashed though his mind.
Having the same dream for six nights running.
Taking two weeks of college. Tracking down Dean and finally meeting him at a motel. At the same motel room, he sat on a bed next to Dean and touched a bump. A bump that was a pregnancy bump. He had even felt the baby move. A baby that Dean had told him was his.
Conversations he had with Dean as he desperately tired to convince Dean he wouldn't leave.
Deciding on a name for there unborn son.
Then he left Dean because of a demon that had a hard on for the Winchester family. That demon took away his knowledge of Dean and there son. Regaining those memories during a phone call from Angela. A conversation with the doctors. There dad's reaction to Dean's pregnancy.
The heartbreaking pain of witnessing Dean in premature labor and the complete helplessness that came with it. Staying by Dean's side as they waited for news of a possible caesarean time.
Then pain.
Pain and anger. Anger he felt towards Bobby.
Then as quick as those memories had appeared they were gone, but not forgotten.
With a barely controlled anger and tears that were threatening to fall from his red-rimmed eyes, he looked at Bobby and asked; "Tell me why I shouldn't kill you."
"It would achieve nothing." Bobby said.
"You performed a spell that took me away from Dean and our son. I was hours away from witnessing Alexander's birth and you took that from me." Sam said. Unlike Dean, he wasn't in the forgiving when it came to Bobby's part in the spell.
"John had me convinced that you were both in trouble and he needed my help to get you both out of that trouble. John told me that Dean was carrying a parasite and having nor reason to disbelieve him I told John about a spell that could help. News of that spell made John happy, but he kept asking me if doing the spell would be the right thing to do for his sons. I told John that he was doing the best by his sons and the spell could only help. I had no idea that he was feeding me a line of bullshit to get what he wanted. When I performed that spell, I received some of your emotions. I felt the anger you had towards me as the spell took you from Dean." Bobby said.
"That is meant to wipe out all of that has happened in the last few weeks. You took Dean and my son from me. You should have known that our dad was lying to you." Sam said.
"How could I tell if John was lying?" Bobby demanded
"Fucking good sense. Do you even know just how much you have put me though? I missed out on so much with my son and Dean. I left Dean for a second time do you any idea how damn hard it will be to go back. It took everything I had in me to get Dean to trust me. Even after that, he still didn't completely trust me. Before that damn spell, we were both working towards getting the trust back into our relationship. I'll be lucky if Dean can even bare to look at me." Sam snapped.
"Now that you have those memories back I can help you with Dean." Bobby said. He had wanted to tell Sam that the spell should have been foolproof and this was a conversation that shouldn't be happening. He thought better of opening his mouth and saying something that would only aggravate the whole situation.
"Do you seriously think that my remembering the last few weeks will make a blind bit of difference to Dean? I walked away from him. It doesn't matter that I didn't go willing I still left him. I know Dean would have made plans for life as a single parent. How can I go and disrupt that." Sam asked.
He really wanted to hit Sam upside the back of his head just to put some sense back into him. This really wasn't the time for Sam to go soft. Sam needed to go to Dean and face up to whatever was going to happen. Holding back the small amount of annoyance he felt from his voice he said; "Dean has planned to stay with me for the first few months of Alexander's life."
"But," Sam prompted. He really hoped that there was no but to Bobby's words and he was just being paranoid.
"Since the conversation with your dad Dean hasn't been all that talkative. He keeps finding reasons as to why I can't see Alexander. When I mention the room for Alexander, he changes the conversation. Dean is slowly edging me out of his and Alexander's life. Dean is getting ready to run. I know Dean is only waiting until Alexander is well enough to leave the clinic before he runs. I also know that once Dean has left the clinic with Alexander no one will be able to find them," Bobby said. He had known as soon as John had left his house that Dean would not be staying with once Alexander had been deemed healthy enough to leave the clinic he would just disappear
"Why would Dean disappear with Alexander? It makes no sense. By staying with you both Dean and Alexander would be protected." Sam said. He knew that Bobby had many protections built into the walls of his home. Bobby's place was the one place where you could hide from the supernatural.
"John didn't believe that Dean could give Alexander a normal childhood. John told Dean that without his help Alexander would go unprotected. He told Dean that with little he had planned for Alexander's life he would be surprised if Alexander reached his first birthday. Dean reacted by telling John of just how well he raised you both. John didn't like the fact that Dean just wasn't giving in and letting him have his way. He actually told Dean that looking after you as a six year old child made him the man he is today." Bobby said
"That just seems like dad was asking for trouble." Sam replied.
""It gets worse. John mentioned his legal rights when it concerned his grandson." Bobby said
"How did Dean react to that?" Sam asked
"He told John that if he made any attempt to visit Alexander at the clinic he would be arrested ad charged with attempted kidnapping. John didn't believe that Dean would do something like that. Then John mentioned your name and your right to be included in Alexander's life. Do you know that moment when the tension in a room reaches a point hewn you know there is going to be bloodshed. It was downright scary to watch Dean talk to John without a hint of emotion. It made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up." Bobby said.
He knew that when Dean felt threatened or someone did something that pissed him of he could be emotionless. What Bobby had told him was on a completely new level. He asked Bobby; "What did Dean say."
"That the spell meant you had no memory of being Alexander's father. Dean told John that the spell meant you would never remember. Dean also told John that it was something he would never be able to forgive him for." Bobby said. He wasn't going to tell Sam that Dean had also told John that he hated him for ruining his only chance at happiness.
"What did Dean say to that?" Sam asked.
"He attempted to continue the conversation that had come to an obvious end." Bobby said
"I need to see Dean. I need to be with Dean again." Sam said. He was now desperate to be reunited with Dean and there newborn son. He needed to tell Dean that he wasn't alone anymore.
"Dean I have some news concerning Alexander's health." Doctor Heese said. Over the past three weeks, a lot had changed for Alexander health wise. Alexander had surprised everyone by making quick progress concerning his health.
"I could use some good news." Dean replied
"In another three days Alexander will be well enough to leave the NICU and you will be able to take him home," Doctor Heese replied.
"Isn't that too soon. Alexander was born ten weeks early. He can't be ready to be released from the NICU." Dean said. He knew that what Doctor Heese was telling him was good news but it was a surprise. He couldn't quite believe that his son was healthy enough to leave the NICU and the clinic.
He wasn't going to take Dean to task for being so snappy as he knew just how much Dean had been going though. It didn't matter that Alexander had been born with lungs that only needed a little strengthening. It didn't matter that the only reason Alexander had remained in the NICU for three weeks was because of the extra security. The NICU was the one place in the clinic where security was so tight that he was asked for ID whenever he went in. If he had no ID, he wasn't allowed into the NICU. Alexander had been left in the NICU not only for the extra-added security. The NICU was the only place that Alexander would be safe from any unwanted visitors. Taking a breath, he said; "As you already know Alexander's lungs needed to be a little bit stronger. He also needed to gain some weight. At his last weigh in of this morning, Alexander was 5lbs exactly. That is the weight that is deemed well enough for a baby to be released into a parents care. Alexander was also kept longer in the NICU as it was extra security. Given your unique situation both Doctor Arbogast and I both felt that you would approve of having Alexander kept in such a secure location."
"How long was my son kept in NICU for his health?" Dean asked
"For the entire three weeks." Doctor Heese replied even though it wasn't the exact truth. During Alexander's last full week in the NICU, he had not needed any help with his lungs and he was being bottle fed by the NICU staff. Alexander was just in an incubator but he was not attached to any tubes or wires.
"His lungs are okay." Dean asked not daring to believe that something was finally going right for him and Alexander.
"When Alexander cries the only thing that can calm him other than the sound of your voice is Led Zeppelin. Alexander's lungs are fine. You should be happy." Doctor Heese said.
"I am happy. I can't help thinking that this is just the calm before the storm." Dean said. He couldn't shake the feeling that in the next few days he was going to get a surprise and it wouldn't be a welcome one.
"Dean you have been though so much. Good things can and will happen for you and Alexander. You have three days to get that room at Bobby's completed before Alexander goes home with you." Doctor Heese said.
"I won't be staying with Bobby. I have a new place that is just big enough for me and my son." Dean said. The new place he had wasn't new. It was a motel room. The one place that he had never wanted Alexander to be in. He had very little choice until he was able to find an apartment or house.
"Why not. Angela told me that it was the safest place for you and Alexander to live." Doctor Heese said.
"Bobby let my dad into the house. Dad is suddenly all accepting of Alexander and I know it's not because he wants to be a grandpa. He sees Alexander as a tool that can be used in the hunt. If he had his way, my son would be used as bait for the demon. Staying with Bobby would mean that Dad would have access to my son I can't and won't allow that to happen." Dean said.
"Where is the new place?" Doctor Heese asked
"I don't want to say. I can't take the risk tat Bobby or dad will find out." Dean said.
"You can still stay with either me or Doctor Arbogast and his family." Doctor Heese said. He wanted Dean to know that he didn't have to go it alone with Alexander.
"I know. Why is it another three days before I can take my son home?" Dean asked
"Its three days for Alexander to gain a little more weight and for you to get some much needed rest. Take these next three days as the final opportunity, you will have to know what a solid nights sleep is like. Would you like me take Bobby of the list of approved visitors for Alexander?" Doctor Heese asked.
"Yeah, can make sure that my dad or Sam isn't on that list." Dean asked
"Sure, but I thought there was very little chance of Sam ever remembering anything. If he does by some miracle remember all that has occurred in the last few weeks wouldn't you want him here as support." Doctor Heese asked.
Remembering what he had said in the bar about needing Sam and not being able to manage without him he said; "I can't take the chance that something will take him from me or Alexander again. I need to build a life with my son that doesn't include Sam or the hunt."
Two days after he had first went to see Bobby there were both on there way to the clinic. It had taken them both two days to make the journey to the clinic as they both had a lot to organize. They had both finished the room that would be Alexander's nursery. They had also completed another room that Dean would use. It had been with a smile that Bobby had suggested that the room could be a room that Sam shared with Dean.
When they finally reached the clinic, Bobby parked the truck in a spot that meant the truck would not be seen by anyone at the entrance of the clinic.
Once they were both out of the truck and the truck was secure Bobby turned to Sam and asked; "Have any idea what you are going to say to Dean."
"No idea what so ever." Sam replied. He was terrified that Dean would turn his back on him and not let him see there son. He wanted so desperately to be with Dean and there son that he knew if Dean turned away from him it would break him.
As they walked though the doors of the clinic Bobby led him towards the NICU, still in the fir belief that he had visiting rights for Alexander. Before either of them was able to walk though those doors that led to the NICU, they were stopped by Doctors Arbogast and Heese.
"Bobby, Sam you are not on the list of approved people allowed to see Alexander. Could you please step away from the door and go back to your vehicle," Doctor Heese asked. The last thing Dean needed on the day Alexander was due to be discharged from the clinic was to be confronted with Bobby and Sam.
"I know I'm on that list Dean put me on it," Bobby said
"He also took you of that list as is his right. Now could you both follow me?" Doctor Heese asked
"But…
Holding up his hand to interrupt whatever Sam had been about to say Doctor Heese replied; "If we could continue this conversation in Doctor Arbogast and mines office it would be the best for all concerned."
