Chapter 29

The gentle repeated motion of fingers gliding through her hair gradually began to rouse her from her deep slumber. She hurt from head to toe, not completely aware of the exact cause but definitely convinced that she hadn't faired too well.

Slowly opening her eyes, Cara found herself looking into the steel gray eyes of her lover, his face brightening the longer she stared at him. She closed her eyes again, a whisper of a smile on her lips as she sighed deeply.

"You again?" she groggily murmured. "Didn't I get rid of you a long time ago?"

"It must have been some other man deeply in love with you that you're thinking of," he lightly teased back, his fingers never pausing as he stroked her hair.

"No…I don't think so," she quipped. "I'm pretty certain it was you. Tall, dark, and handsome…stubborn as a mule…infuriating beyond words."

Garren smiled, his eyes looking skyward as if considering her description. "Hmm, does sound like me, doesn't it?" he replied, his heart suddenly lighter than it had been in days now that his Cara was finally awake. "Especially that part about being extremely handsome."

Cara chuckled softly which quickly turned into a cough that stole her breath away. She felt as weak and helpless as a baby bird and she hated it. She loathed not being in control, not able to defend the people that she cared about. Right now, she was the one needing taken care of and she did not like it one bit.

Garren quickly sat on the bed beside her, propping her up with his arm as he brought a cup of water to her lips. She drank it down, thankful for his presence, but suddenly feeling so horrible for some of the things that she had said to him as bits and pieces of the last few days began to filter through her mind.

Her thoughts were still jumbled, her memories muddled and hazy, but some things stuck out in her mind so visibly, knotting her emotions into a tangled mess that settled in the pit of her stomach.

Settling her back into the bed, Garren adjusted the blank over her before shifting back into his chair at her bedside. He had never been so relieved to see someone in his entire life like he had been when Sister Nicci had entered the storage barn. She had looked as if she had gone to the Underworld and back just to bring the cure they had so desperately needed.

Her blond hair had been wet and matted, her clothes drenched and muddy. She had looked exhausted and yet she had been completely steadfast in her determination to save Cara's life.

After giving her the antidote, Garren had waited with bated breath, praying that it would work. Minutes seemed to tick by like an eternity as they waited, Nicci staying by her side as well, anxious for some sort of sign that the cure was working.

The purplish red marks on her forearms had abruptly begun to disappear, her fever breaking. He couldn't have stopped the flow of tears if he had wanted to at that moment as the realization that Cara was going to live finally sunk in. He had been on the verge of losing her forever, but now she was safe with him once more.

Opening her eyes again now, Cara's gaze settled on Garren once more, taking in the exhaustion that masked his face, the lingering fear that veiled his eyes. She could still hear the sound of his voice so strong and yet so tender as he had talked to her even though she hadn't been able to respond to him.

It had felt as though her body and mind had been locked away from reality, hearing some of what had been going around her but lacking the ability to respond at times. Other times, it had been like being trapped in a black hole with no sign of daylight coming, no hope and no help, far beyond anyone's reach.

She internally shuddered remembering the inexplicable loneliness that had seeped into her soul at those darkest moments. It was at those times when the painful thought of not seeing Garren again had struck the deepest.

The only constant through it all had been the pain, the agonizing pain that never let up, not even for a moment. It had only intensified as time dragged on, causing her to want to give up and die.

But it had been the man sitting at her side the entire time that had made her want to fight, that had kept her alive. If it hadn't been for him, she wouldn't be here right now staring into his beautiful gray eyes that caused a flutter of emotions to erupt in her stomach.

Rolling onto her side, Cara reached a hand out to touch his cheek. Tears pooled in her eyes as he melted into her touch, his eyes falling closed with the feel of her hand against his face.

Cara knew that she had to have hurt him with the cutting words that she had used in her desperate attempt to save his life, to keep him from being condemned to teutorigos along with her, but he had still refused to leave her side.

She had been taken aback by his stubbornness despite how cruel she had been to him, even going so far as to tell him that she hated him. Those words had been so bitter on her tongue as she had uttered them, the pain in his eyes forever imprinted in her mind.

How could she ever possibly make it up to him after how she had treated him, after he had faithfully stayed by her side through it all?

She was pulled from her tortured thoughts as she felt something wet touch her hand that still rested on his cheek. She watched as another tear escaped his closed eyes and slid down his cheek. He quickly grasped her hand in both of his, removing it from his face and pressing it his lips.

Brushing kisses along her knuckles, Garren chuckled softly. "Look what you've reduced the Commander of the Palace Guards to," he murmured, somewhat embarrassed by his lack of control. He had cried more in the last few days then he ever had in his entire life.

"After what I've put you through, you have more than earned the right to shed a few tears," she replied, guilt for what he'd endured intensifying.

"I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat, Cara. You have no idea how relieved I am that you're safe now."

"You never left me, not even after I said those terrible things to you," she sadly said, pulling her hand free from his gasp. "Not even after I condemned you to the same fate as me."

"Cara, I would die for you. Being condemned to spend eternity with you in teutorigos was a much better future than having to live life without you," he adamantly said, crawling into bed beside her.

Lying on their sides facing each other, Cara could scarcely believe that someone loved her as much as this man before her did. She had secretly dreamed of a love like Lord Rahl and Kahlan had, but had never thought that it could happen to someone like her.

Garren gently wiped away the tears that began to fall from her eyes, the corners of his lips turning up slightly. He had never seen her cry until this last couple of days, her walls crumbling. Despite how terrifying this situation had been, how close he had come to losing her forever, he was grateful for how much closer it had brought them.

"I never meant those things that I said to you," she softly cried, swallowing hard before continuing. "I only said that I hated you to make you leave so I wouldn't infect you. I couldn't bear the thought of you dying because of me."

"The Keeper himself could not have dragged me away, Cara. I know why you said those things, that you didn't mean it," he replied, gazing into her green eyes, his fingers stroking her pale cheek. "And I love you even more for it."

"I love you, Garren…so much. I can't bear the thought of losing you."

"You won't have to because I don't plan on going anywhere except with you."

Leaning in, Garren pressed his lips to hers, kissing her softly. Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her close, her head settling onto his chest. She slipped her arms around him, her body completely melting into his.

"Just sleep. I'll be here when you wake up," he whispered, bending down and kissing the top of her head.

Cara could only nod as she quickly drifted back to sleep, thankful to be back in their suite with the man that she loved above all else. She knew that when she woke up that he would there. If there had ever been any lingering doubts about his love and commitment to her, Garren had completely abolished all of them.

XXX

Standing in the soft light of the moon filtering through the window, Kahlan's mind was anywhere but here in their suite. The last few days' events filled her mind, forbidding sleep from taking hold of her. She folded her arms across her chest in a futile attempt to hold herself together.

She had no more tears to shed. She had cried them all in the Mord'Sith temple after Richard had rescued her. She didn't want to cry anymore. She just wanted to forget, to move past this.

They had so much to look forward to now that Rahl was dead and his army defeated. They were on the brink of a whole new world, a future filled with hope and promise. Now, she just had to find a way to lock up the horrors that she had lived through. Then, everything would be just like it had been before Darken Rahl had invaded their home.

Nicci had healed her broken ribs and jaw, the cut and scratches, had even erased the bruises from her body, but no amount of magic right now could remove the wounds on her heart. She just wished they would disappear, that she wouldn't see Darken Rahl's vile face every time she closed her eyes.

If it hadn't been for Richard, Rahl would have taken her, hurt her beyond anything that she could possibly imagine. She tried to shove those thoughts aside, taking comfort in the fact that Zedd was now safe, Cara and Garren had been rescued from teutorigos and her daughters and her husband were here with her again.

She had made Nicci promise to protect Richard above all else, to take him away from here if they were unable to find the cure. But they had found the cure, had saved Cara's life. And Nicci had kept her promise, bringing Richard safely back to her.

Now, Kahlan had to learn how to come to terms with her resentment and anger about the Sister's presence in their lives as well as the dreadful things that she had done to them. Nicci had proven her loyalty in bringing Richard back when she could have easily taken him away and now she was going to have to learn to forgive her.

Casting a glance at the man sleeping in her bed, Kahlan felt her heart constrict with the love that had captured her so very long ago. She knew that he was suffering just as deeply as she, probably more so. It hurt her knowing that every bruise she bore, every gasp of pain that had escaped her lips just dug the dagger of guilt that much deeper into Richard's soul.

She was anxious for the pain that permeated her husband's eyes every time he looked at her to disappear, for him to touch her the way that she so desperately wanted to be touched, to get her powers back so that she could be the Mother Confessor again.

Richard looked at her as if she would break into a thousand pieces if he even breathed too hard. The hurt that consumed him was so visible in his face, almost palpable in the air. She could see it in his wounded expression, the worry-filled lines around his eyes, the slumping defeat that had settled into his shoulders.

This was far from his fault. Richard had been her savior, sweeping in and rescuing her just as Darken Rahl had been about to rape her. He had kept her from having to endure the unimaginable horror that Rahl had intended for her.

After returning to their suite, they had immediately gone to the nursery to see their daughters, holding them and talking to them, reassuring them of their love. It had been such a sweet reunion as they had taken turns holding one daughter and then the other, spending time together as a family once more.

Tucking them in, she had stood by their bassinets watching them sleep for several moments before Richard had finally pulled her away, insisting she needed some sleep of her own.

It had felt so good to get those clothes off of her, to finally be able to wash Rahl's filthy touch off of her. She felt as though she had rubbed her skin raw with the fierceness that she had scrubbed her skin, feeling as though she would never be able to remove his fingerprints from her body.

Crawling into bed together, he hadn't said a word to her, allowing her the chance to talk if she wanted to but not forcing her to relive what she had been through. She knew the question that had been weighing so heavily on him, but he hadn't asked and she loved him even more because of it.

Lying in his arms in the quietness of their bedchambers, Kahlan had wanted so desperately to tell him all of it, every last sordid detail. She had wanted to reassure him that Rahl had not raped her, but that Richard had prevented it just moments before he'd had the chance.

But she hadn't been able to bring herself to tell him anything.

She knew that it was eating away at him on the inside, but she feared that telling him any of what Rahl had done to her would only feed his self-loathing and guilt that she could see mirrored in his eyes. It was too soon for both of them.

He had soon fallen into a restless sleep, mumbling her name and fighting Rahl all over again in his dreams. Despite the exhaustion that had seeped into every fiber of her being, despite the comfort that Richard's presence had brought her, she still couldn't sleep. Instead, she had held him, stroking the contoured muscles of his chest, her head resting over his heart, listening to its steady beating.

Once he had finally settled into a more fitful sleep, she had extracted herself from his embrace, going to check on her babies. Sitting in the nursery, Kahlan had watched her girls sleep for hours, still horrified by the fact that Rahl had actually used them, holding these precious little lives captive and using them as bate to get to her.

Finding herself standing at the window now, Kahlan was so thankful that the nightmare was finally over. Now if she could only resolve this twisted mass of emotions that stormed inside of her.

She was the Mother Confessor, trained to allow logic to rule over her emotions. She needed to do that now more than ever, to rely on her training to help her get through this. But she was no longer a Confessor, let alone the Mother Confessor. Rahl had stripped her of her magic leaving nothing but a dead hollowness in its place.

She bit her bottom lip as she attempted to focus in on that magic that she used to be able to call upon without thought, knowing that this time it wasn't there to respond. But it didn't stop her from trying again for the hundredth time.

Releasing a ragged breath in an attempt to stifle the tears that were beginning to form, Kahlan suddenly shivered, swearing that she could still feel the cold brush of Darken Rahl's hands on her body, groping her and violating her, hurting her and killing something inside of her. He had made her feel so dirty, so worthless.

How would she ever find herself again?

"Kahlan?"

The huskiness of sleep that filled his voice sent a tingle of arousal to shoot through her. He was the only one who could ever make her feel such wonderful things, to cause her body to respond to him with just a glance or with his voice alone.

She bit her lip harder, fighting back the rising tears and guilt. If she had not provoked Rahl like she had, he wouldn't have attacked her as soon as he did. He would have waited until he had captured Richard before assaulting her.

If she had waited a little longer, then Richard would have come without having to witness the things that Rahl had done to her and there wouldn't be this painful rift between her and her husband.

"Hey, are you alright?"

The concern in his voice, the softness of his breath against her ear as he wrapped his arms around her from behind, nesting his face into her hair set her heart to pounding. It was rapture to feel something other than the empty ache in her core or the painful wounds that afflicted her soul.

Kahlan immediately melted back into this embrace, her arms covering his around her waist. There were a thousand things battling on her tongue to say to him, confessions she wanted to make, forgiveness that she wanted to seek, but all she could do was nod her head.

"You haven't slept at all."

It was more of a statement than a question needing to be answered. He knew. He always knew. He sighed in frustration, pressing his forehead to the back of her head, not knowing what to say or what to do at that moment to make it all better for her. He felt utterly helpless to take away her anguish. Spirits, he couldn't even rid himself of his own pain and guilt.

Sensing his hurt, Kahlan suddenly turned in his arms, pressing her lips to his and taking him by surprise. It didn't take long for him to respond to her, though. He found himself responding to her kisses, opening his mouth and bidding her entrance as his hands roamed over her back, pulling her even closer until she was flush against his body.

Kahlan moaned at the feel of his arms around her, the love behind his kisses and his touch. This was what she needed. This was what she wanted. She needed him to help her forget.

Her hands began to wander down over the hardened muscles of his abdomen, reaching for the drawstring of his sleeping pants. She could already feel the growing heat of his arousal, quickening her pulse and intensifying her need for him.

Richard's body was being to pound with fierce desire, a want so overwhelming that he could barely contain himself. He needed her like his lungs needed air. After everything they had just gone through, he needed her more than ever, needed her to be here with him forever. He needed her to need him as well.

But he knew in his heart that it was too soon for her. He knew she wanted him as desperately as he wanted her, but this was not what she needed right now.

Pulling back, Richard panted hard, pressing his forehead against hers as he fought back the passion that blazed through his veins. Seeing the confusion in her eyes, he softly caressed her cheek.

"I want to more than you can possibly know, but it's too soon, Kahlan," he reluctantly said.

"No…no, it's not," she protested, shaking her head. "He didn't rape me, Richard. I swear it!"

Richard's eyes fell closed with overwhelming relief, but it didn't erase the fact that Rahl had still attacked her, had touched her. It was not something that could be so easily forgotten.

"I'm so relieved, Kahlan. You have no idea how terrified I was for you. Seeing Rahl on top of you, touching you like that…the bruises on your face and body…" he softly explained, burying his hands in her hair. "But you're not ready."

"Yes I am!" she angrily cried, trying to kiss him again only to be held back.

"Kahlan you're crying…you're trembling in my arms. Spirits, Kahlan you haven't slept in days," he replied, the hurt of his rejection permeating her eyes and piercing his heart. He would never refuse her anything, but this was not going to heal their hurts right now.

Kahlan stared at him for several long moments in the darkness of their room, tears streaming down her cheeks. Surrendering, she fell into his arms, breaking down into heartrending sobs…