I do not own Twilight
I shook out my damp hair, falling in loose wet waves around my shoulders, the scent of my apple shampoo washed over my senses and I soaked up the smell, giving my senses a nice break from the sweaty smells that had been overpowering me all morning. It was now past 4pm, Paul had dropped me home at 12 and had swiftly left again after telling me he had a pack meeting.
My legs shivered in chilly goose bumps as I walked from the hot steamed bathroom into my bedroom, the window was wide open and the wind was blowing down on me. I walked quickly toward it, leaning out into the darkening evening sky to shut it. I clenched my towel tighter around me but the wind still got to me, hitting me harshly. I hated the feeling of getting out of a hot shower and walking into a cold room. It was horrible, and it reminded me of early mornings before school or work which was never a good feeling. As I leaned out of the window I saw a car pull up, I didn't recognise it but as I looked closer I saw a female get out of the driver's side and look up at the window, her hand lifted and waved to me and as the light from my window shone down I realised it to be Leah. I didn't do anything back; I hadn't talked to her at all recently. So I just shut my window and slowly padded my way to my big closet.
I dug through my clothes, not being able to find anything remotely wearable. Most of it was from when I was 18, my clothes had burned in the fire and so I had been stuck with whatever I had left here when I moved or the random shorts and tops that Leah had brought over for me, all of which were far too big. She wasn't fat, quite the opposite she was toned and slim, but she was taller than me and her toned muscles added structure that I didn't have and so her clothes although only a size bigger than me were all out of shape and hung feebly around my untoned areas. The shorts made me looked like I had crapped myself or something. And hardly any of my teenage stuff fit me anymore either so I was stuck with pyjamas, a single pair of decent shorts and a couple obnoxiously large t-shirts that I realised to be Pauls from when we were dating and he would stay over. So basically, I had nothing to wear.
I grabbed the only option of blue denim shorts and a plain white top that Leah had given me. I chucked them on over my underwear and ringed the excess water from my hair just in time as my bedroom door burst open.
"Hey" Leah said simply as she bounded in as if she owned the place and launched herself onto my old white wooden bed, my dad had carved it with Billy when I was like 13. The headboard was painted white and had carvings of leaves around the edge and my name in swirled writing in the centre. It was a little over the top but my dad always went overboard on us.
"Do you ever knock?" I tried sounded annoyed yet it was a grumble if anything. Leah just snorted and shrugged before narrowing her eyes at me in slight shock.
"You spoke to me" Her voice was a little off, quiet and slow like she was in shock that she had actually heard my voice and it wasn't like I could blame her. I hadn't spoken for over a week to anyone other than Paul and Brady a couple of times. Copying her previous movement I just shrugged like it was no big deal but she didn't give up in her strange staring.
She stayed silent as I proceeded with the only beauty regime I carried out, I made sure I moisturised each day, it was sort of an obsession I had since I was 15. I felt a little awkward with him here, I had only spent time around Paul recently and even that didn't involve real talking, just punching and as of this morning it involved arguments. And so I wasn't sure what to do with Brady sat in here staring at me like she was. My arms ached as I put my moisturiser bottle back in its place and I winced against the horrible tired feeling running through my back. I wasn't used to working out and today I had gone total beast mode against the punching bag after Paul stirred my anger.
It took five more minutes before she finally said something. She sat bolt upright on my bed and kicked her legs out kicking a empty water bottle around on my floor. "So I was just talking to Paul" She spoke in completely conversational mode, like she hadn't been as awkward as she had been minutes earlier.
I glanced across at her at the mention of Paul, unsure of why my interest perked in the way it did. "Good for you, would you like a medal?" I replied sarcastically trying to push her away as my usual defence mode came up telling me that if she just left then I couldn't hurt anyone else and they couldn't hurt me. Being alone was better than letting myself care for people and be hurt, at least that's what the stubborn part of my brain was telling me. The part Paul had stirred this morning was telling me to shut up and accept my friend back into my life.
"I'm going to ignore that. Anyway, he's gone back to his to check on Rachel and the baby and then I think he said he was coming here" She stood up, walking to my window and staring out into the yard as my stomach flared in jealousy at the mention of Rachel, I wasn't sure why because what could happen between them when she had just had a baby but part of me still felt on edge with them being close.
I tried to shake it off and smile but I knew I was probably being a total green eyed monster because Leah snorted at me. "I bet he spoils that little girl" I said as calmly as I could and she shrugged.
"I wouldn't bet too much" She grumbled and I snapped my head to look directly at her, a frown falling over my face. What did that mean? "It would be easier for him to spoil her if he had actually seen her before tonight" She spoke slower and louder this time, letting me hear each word and it just confused me more.
"What do you mean? It's been nearly two weeks since she was born of course he's seen her" He had to have seen her. How could he have not when they lived in his house?
"You are a total idiot Alianna Fuller. He's spent every night for the last two weeks outside this house making sure you're ok. Just like he's spent every morning with you trying to make you feel better about yourself. He's put a lot of time into being there for you and from the sounds of what happened today you still don't seem to be cutting him any slack" She turned on me, her voice stern and her eyes set harshly on me. I felt like I had just been slapped in the face. He had spent every night here? He was the wolf I saw outside? I mean I thought he was, I had said to him but he hadn't actually said yes to it being him so I thought maybe it wasn't, but it was.
Then the annoyance hit me, she knew about this morning, he had told her about it. He told her about what he had said to annoy me, what if they knew everything, what if they knew how I felt so weak. The asshole. "How am I going to cut him slack if he goes around telling you lot each of my secrets damn it Leah. You know what I am not interested. Tell Paul not to bother coming here tonight he can stay and play happy families with Rachel" I yelled like a jealous insane bitch and slammed a drawer of my dressing table shut before storming to my bathroom and brushing my teeth far to harder than they should be brushed. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Leah follow me and her hand came slamming down on the cabinet beside the sink.
"Ok miss jealousy. First off stop being such a dickhead to everyone who's actually trying to be there for you. and secondly he didn't tell anyone, if you took a minute to actually listen to the stuff about us wolves then you would know that when phased we can see each other's minds. He didn't tell us, we saw it all and believe me he put up a fight to keep it to himself. So don't yell at me, I'm here to try helping you out a bit. No amount of practicing how to punch with Paul will help you. You need to get off your ass and actually do something, try not blocking out the people who care about you and try actually trying to move on with your life Alianna. Not everything revolves around you and what happened, there is other stuff going on and it would be nice if you tried not being so caught up in your own wallows of self pity" She spoke with such determination it made me wince, when Leah delivered a telling off it was severe, always had been and always would be.
I spat out the toothpaste in my mouth and looked at my friend, her face wasn't as mean as her voice had been, she wasn't saying it to hurt me she was trying to make me do something other than spend another night in and alone. I went to fight back but I couldn't. I knew she was right. I was blocking everyone out and I was being selfish, I knew Paul was trying hard with me, he missed a few days but there was a reason and he offered to tell me but I said no because it was about the wolves.
"I'm scared about the wolf stuff Leah. I don't want to believe that stuff" I whispered as I washed my hands off and Leah stepped forward, placing her hands on my shoulders.
"I know, but you don't need to be scared. We aren't monsters and its part of your life and who you are, its your history, your family. I think the least you could do was talk to Paul" She smiled at me, trying to show she was being nice and I nodded, I knew they weren't necessarily monsters but that didn't mean it didn't scare and worry me, men turning into animals just shouldn't happen but she was right. It was something I needed to know and face up to.
"I'll drive you?" She offered again taking my hand in hers and I let her pull me into the hallway and down the stairs, I slipped on a pair of old converse that lay by the front door and followed her to her car. My body was a fuzz of feelings. I was scared, angry, excited, curious, jealous. Everything. I had the strangest feeling that I owed it to Paul to hear about his life and issues, afterall he had sat through my sobs about mine. But then I felt like I still owed him nothing, I still felt angry about what happened all those years ago.
"He never cheated on you" Leah spoke suddenly from nowhere as if I had spoke the last thought out loud. I turned my head to look at her, her hands clenched the steering wheel as she held her stare on the road ahead.
"Excuse me?" I shook my head worried I hadn't heard her correctly and she glanced at me quickly before concentrating again.
"You left because you saw him and Rachel together, Rachel told me and Emily that you guys talked at the beach and you mentioned it. I know your still angry at Paul for it, he doesn't realise that you think he cheated back then. He thought he cleared it up when he told you the baby wasn't his and that she was with Joshua. But I know you and I know you still think you saw them together. I questioned Paul about them two and then I questioned Rachel" She stopped, letting me soak it all up and I stayed silent as I waited in bated breath unsure whether to listen to what she had to say.
"You saw him naked, hugging her. But she was fully clothed" She commented and I frowned.
"Sure but why would he be naked?" I asked as I fiddled with my fingers. There was no explanation for it, he was naked and was holding my best friend too tightly after weeks of ignoring me.
Leah sighed and rolled her head to the side. "He had been ignoring you, I know that, I remember it well. But he had been ignoring you because when he phased he was really unreliable for months after, he had this anger bottled up and he would explode for no reason and caused a lot of trouble in the pack, Sam kept him from you for your safety. Rachel was seeing Joshua secretly at this stage, she knew about the wolves because of Billy and Jacob had phased a few days earlier and she had seen him do so. Josh knew too because Sam thought he was going to phase as well, turns out he just had a stomach bug. Anyway, she was at their house and Paul came storming in, apparently he had gotten into a fight with Bella Swan, then into a fight with Jacob and then Sam told him off for it all and he was angry and came storming home. Rachel found him and he was upset, he was crying because he knew he was hurting you and he hated seeing all the other couples being together when he couldn't be with you. She was comforting him with her boyfriend in the other room Ally. He has never been with anyone else but you" She finally stopped as the car came to a halt outside a little house, the lights were shining into the darkness and I could see shadows moving inside.
My stomach was in twisting knots, my mind playing over what I had seen and what had happened back then, trying to piece it all together. He had never been with anyone but me. He had said the same thing to me the day I took my car to the garage to be fixed after knocking his wolf over. Could it be true? I wanted it to be true, I had loved him so much and it literally tore me apart when that happened. I said nothing back to Leah just leaned over to peck her cheek before tearing myself from the car and down the path toward the one level house. Even in the dark I could see although small it was cute, it was white with a little porch and a tiny garden. I heard the car pull away and I knew I had no option but to knock now, I couldn't chicken out.
I lifted my hand to knock the front door but before I could the door was ripped open. "I'll see you later Rach. Bye Emily" His head was turned back into the house and he kept walking out until he had full on stormed into me sending me stumbling backwards. "What the" He started but stopped as he turned to see me holding myself up against the porch fencing. "Ally" He whispered out in a long sigh and as I steadied myself more I saw two heads pop around a door inside the hallway, the two women he had called goodbye to were both staring out at us.
Paul followed my gaze and sighed as if irritated before leaning back and shutting the door on them. "Women" He grumbled and turned back to me, his eyebrows shooting up and his eyes going wide. "Not you, I meant them they are nosey" He was quick to say and I giggled slightly at how nervous he seemed to be that I was here. He had seen me most days recently but he seemed nervous that I was here and he wasn't at my place. I had caught him off guard.
I looked at him for a few seconds, trying to search for confirmation that Leah had been right and I felt that she was, I felt that this nervous guy stood in front of me looking at me with such care in his eyes could never have done what I had accused him off. But I didn't want to fully believe it until I heard it from him.
"Alianna" He spoke again his confusion as to why I was here was evident and I let myself remember the wolf I saw outside my house, then the wolf I ran over and then I looked over the guy in front of me, as weird as it sounded I saw it. His eyes, the grey swirl they held, just everything about him screamed the silver wolf.
"So it was you" I said softly and he cocked his head to the side. "You've been outside my house for nearly two weeks" I offered again and his expression fell to horror and he snapped his head up in surprise, like he was embarrassed. "I guess I knew it was you all along" I offered again, trying to sooth the reaction he was having but he looked utterly taken aback by my revelation of knowledge of where he had been recently.
"I can explain" He whined a little and his body swayed to the side. I nodded and he took my hand in his, walking me to the side of the house and I realised the porch ran around the sides as well as the front. We walked to a little bench and sat down; Paul shuffled awkwardly in his seat before turning to me biting down on his lip as he looked into my eyes. A swirling feeling washed through me and my breath caught for a slight moment before coming out in a long sigh that sent my heart hammering. He still made me crazy. "I don't know where to begin" He mumbled as he leant back against the wall behind us and I followed him.
"How about the start" I offered and he frowned at me like he didn't understand. "I want to know everything. Tell me about the wolves, about phasing, about everything"
It took us a good hour and a half of him explaining things, answering questions and re-explaining it. I finally wrapped my head around it, they weren't werewolves but shape shifters. They took on the shape of wolves because of our legends that we were related to wolves. He told me everything; the first time he phased was shortly after he got into a fight with a guy in our class who tried hitting on me at a party. I remembered it well. The guy was called Mason, he tried touching me up and Paul saw, he went mad. He had been feeling unwell before that but when he saw him he went completely crazy got into a fight then left. He stopped speaking to me after that, I thought I had done something wrong at the time but now I realised it was because as Leah said he was unsafe.
Then he told me about when I left, that he felt like he had lost part of himself that he could never move on because he had never stopped loving me. He hadn't meant to make me feel like he did. He didn't mention Rachel and neither did I. He went on to tell me about the battles they were in, how the pack was divided because of Renesmee, the young girl I had seen with Jacob a few weeks back. Then he talked about imprinting, it sounded beautiful, that soul mates existed. Part of me was jealous, I wanted that love that he described, he described it so well I almost felt like I could feel it but I knew I couldn't. He told me the imprinted couples, he wasn't in there so it was obvious he hadn't imprinted meaning we were never meant to last, if we were then he would have imprinted on me but I guess he didn't so it was a good thing it ended all those years ago I would have only gotten hurt if we had stayed together and he one day imprinted.
I think I understood everything, I understood the fact the wolves were protectors not monsters, that they made sure cold ones didn't hurt the tribe, in other words vampires. It was weird, he didn't go into detail about vampires, and he brushed over it and ignored my questions on what a vampire was like. He seemed somewhat nervous to speak about it. But I didn't linger on it, it was obviously a soft subject.
We had been sat out here nearly two hours now, the lights inside the house had slowly dimmed and Paul said Rachel had gone to sleep, that Emily was waiting up for Sam to come back from patrol. He apologised for letting Leah see the stuff she had when I told him what she said, but I wasn't even that bothered anymore. Leah had helped a lot more than I first thought she had, knowing what I now did made me feel less isolated I guess. I felt like I could be more open with Paul about it all, there was no more secrets and he didn't need to hide that part of his and Brady's lives.
As we sat in silence I began yawning, tired from the long talk that had taken it out of me completely. I was shivering in my lack of clothes and Paul was slowly edging closer as I became even more sleepy than I had been seconds ago, there was a comforting warmth radiating from him that was making me drowsy.
"I should go" I tried saying but it came out in jumbled whispers that Paul chuckled at, his arm came down around my shoulder and I was pulled to his side.
"You can stay here if you want to" He offered and I thought about it, I didn't have a car to get home, nor would I last the journey so I guess I could. I nodded when no words fell from my moving lips and within a second I was in Paul's arms and he was walking with me toward the front door, holding me tighter than should be acceptable. My eyes were fighting to stay open and I managed to do so until we went through the front door, then a new wave of homely warmth rushed over me and I couldn't help but slip them shut.
"Em you can go home if you like. I'm gonna stay here with Ally" Pauls gruff voice spoke and even that sent waves of comfort over me, I felt safe in his arms, despite my efforts to keep those feelings at bay each second I spent with him just made them worse and my stomach was in constant turns around him not to mention my heart that for the last two hours had threatened to burst through my chest.
I managed to peak through my closed eyes just as a slyly smirking Emily walked past where I was being held and her eyes settled on mine for that split second, but it was long enough to get the feeling that she knew something and she was proud of knowing it. She seemed far too happy to be seeing me in this position.
"You need a ride or to wait for Sam?" Paul asked again and he started moving as doors began opening.
"No I already text him to say I was coming home earlier. I had a feeling I wouldn't be needed tonight" Emily's knowing voice came now and I craned my head to look at her but Paul turned blocking my view before letting out what sounded like a disapproving tut. Ok so Emily definitely knew something or was trying to insinuate something. I listened as the two said goodbye and the door shut again, Paul's movements started again and I felt myself behind pushed through another door.
Then I was being lowered, Paul's warmth vanished from my bare skin replaced with a heavy blanket that offered nothing like what I just experienced, the safety and comfort had gone replaced with a cold loneliness that I didn't want.
"I'll be right down the hall" Paul said and the creak of the floor signalled he was leaving. I stirred, forcing my eyes open and through the dark room I saw him walking to the door.
"No" I grumbled and he stopped, turning to me as desperation flared within me. "Stay" I said again and he stayed frozen in place.
"I umm, Ally" He started, he didn't sound like he didn't want to he just sounded conflicted.
"Please Paul" I whined this time and as soon as the words left my mouth me was walking back to me, kicking his shoes off he lifted the duvet from beside me and slid in, keeping too far to his side of the bed like he was afraid to come closer.
I didn't want to push it any further; I wasn't sure how he felt and whether this was over stepping the line and so I just rolled over so I was facing him. He mirrored my movement so we were face to face and even against the dark room I could see his eyes so clearly.
"Can I ask you something" He whispered as he moved slightly closer to me and I nodded my sleepiness still there but my interest in his words keeping me conscious. "Why did you leave?" He asked, his voice cracked slightly and my own breath got trapped in my throat. We arrived at the conversation I had tried to avoid.
Do I tell him? Should I just ask? I gulped, trying desperately to find the courage to answer him and I rolled back onto my back so I was looking at the ceiling. "I kind of thought you had cheated on me with Rachel"
"What?" He barked before I could fully finish and I turned my head to look at him. "I mean I kind of knew you thought I did something shitty because I was such a douche but cheating with Rachel? Really? I couldn't stand Rachel back then...I mean I'm still not a fan but she's my sister in law so I'm kind of stuck with her but still" He seemed taken aback, caught off guard completely and utterly horrified. Maybe Leah was telling the truth.
"I saw you with her and you were kind of naked, I figured that's why you stopped talking to me. But Leah told me earlier that it wasn't what it looked like. Was it?" I explained then asked, suddenly aware that I needed to hear it from him. By this point he had rolled on his back and one hand was led on his forehead as his breathing got heavy.
"Alianna I have never and would never cheat on you. I loved you so much, I still do, I have no idea what you saw but I can assure you I have never done anything like that to you" His voice lowered as he spoke each word, my heart thudded to a halt as he said he still did and my stomach became a ball of mush as it melted. I could hear the truth in his words; I could feel my heart telling me he hadn't done it.
"Now I understand everything you said about her and leaving. Damn it I am such a prick. This is my entire fault I should have told you, I should have respected you more and talked to you. I am so sorry I caused all of this because I kept everything from you. I get that you probably hate me" He rambled on, but I didn't need his words because my heart had become determined that he was telling the truth, something in me was telling me for sure that he hadn't cheated, that what Leah said was the truth. The more I thought back over the memory the more it became obvious. How I had ran in to the house and seen Joshua led on his bed, he had called out to me as I ran past and I remember seeing Rachel's shoes by his door but I paid little attention back then. I could see now how I had gone into Paul's room to see Rachel hugging him but awkwardly, her body arched away from his private areas and I could hear now her soft words of comfort that I ignored back then. She had just tried being his friend.
"I don't hate you Paul" I whispered and he looked across at me, I meant it, I really didn't hate him anymore. I felt like I just let everything go, I felt like I had spent so long hating him when all it had been was miscommunication and him keeping a secret far bigger than me and him being teenagers in love. I understood as best as I could.
I found myself drifting off again, and without registering what I was doing my body lifted so my head came to rest on Paul's chest, his hand immediately found my hair twiddling it soothingly in his fingers as my body relaxed into a state of sleep. I wasn't sure but as I fell into my dreams I could have sworn I head Paul say that he was still in love with me.
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