Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation. Maki Murakami does.

Prompt: Mental aftermath. Shuichi tries to write it down.

Rating: M for non-con/rape aftermath, victim self-blame


Tied: Shuichi

Do you know what it's like to realize you've done something horrible? To be held down on the ground while someone touches you, grabs you, forces you and rips you apart? To be used? It hurt.

It was my fault.

I'm not supposed to say that. I'm not even supposed to think it. There're rules to this. Did you know? There are rules to how you're supposed to deal with this.

I remember feeling their hands on me. I remember how they held me down, how they laughed, how they hurt me. I remember choking, I remember burning. I remember a lot of pain.

Everyone tries to comfort me. They touch me like I'm broken and whisper to me like I'm a child. "You did nothing wrong", "this wasn't your fault", "you didn't ask for this to happen to you". When I'm quiet, they hug me, and cry because I "can't" and I hate them for it.

I remember that I went down there in the first place, and that I asked for it.

The most important rule: You can't blame yourself.

I don't blame myself. I'm stating a fact.

It was my fault.


end


Note: The formatting here is incorrect, as FF is not equipped for strikethrough. If you would like to read the original format (which I suggest), the link is on my profile.

One of three parts.